All the Things it Was Supposed to Be, But Wasn't
by LostWolfGirl
Summary: Solace Avery and Maddox Ateara imprint story
1. Chapter 1

Title: All the Things it Was Supposed to Be, But Wasn't

Published: 11-19-09, Updated: 07-27-10

Chapters: 38, Words: 170,223

A/N: This is the last of my full length stories in this series. I wrote more short 10 chapter mini stories and there were several spin offs written in this universe but this is the 4th of my full length stories. Technically I planned it out that readers could read just the 4 full length stories in order and get the full story, the other shorter fics are more supplementary. At minimum you should have read Enough with the Gravity Moving Already and Once the Earth Settled to understand what's going on in this story.

I wrote this during a particularly turbulent uncertain time in my life and it was definitely a form of escape. As such I am having such a strange experience reading it. I can sense my voice in the writing but don't remember writing it, like a fever dream. I will be editing this fic which I didn't do much of for the others so it might take longer to post. Please leave comments, would love to hear feedback on this story.

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Chapter 1: Prologue

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October 9th 2053

The room was cold, bitingly so, forcing harsh goose bumps to erupt along my bare arms. It had been my stupid idea to get married during the fall in my notoriously temperate town of La Push, but it was either that or wait until the following spring and when you knowingly rush into things, you usually don't give yourself time to back out.

I wasn't pregnant, that was a common suspicion when a girl announces her rushed wedding. I was not dying of some fatal disease, not that I knew of and I wasn't a virgin rushing to the altar to get some much needed loving. Nope, I was just me, Maddox Ateara synonymous with Miss Rash Decision. Character Flaw number one for the infamous Maddox Ateara, if you were planning on writing a book, song, play or script about my life (which would warrant one I assure you), would be that I don't think things through. I'm a "take-the-plunge" type of girl.

The back door opened, allowing another gust of cold air to enter the kitchen. My mother bustling in on a pair of silver heels that clicked against the tiles as she came towards me.

"You look beautiful already," she said but the sadness in her eyes read something, disappointment possibly.

"Thanks," I said uncomfortably.

I pulled my terrycloth bathrobe off the back of the chair and tried to pull it on without disturbing the beautification process. My family friend Chloe, a model who dealt with makeup and primping much more often than I, twirled and bustled around me, simultaneously removing my curlers and applying makeup.

"Purple, you need purple," she said more to herself than me. I looked at the mirror Aunt Rachel had brought, setting it against the wall so I could watch it as they worked. My hair was curled but lying unstyled, long and dark chocolate brown. Chloe came around me, grabbing her huge black makeup bag and looking through it frantically. She was stunning, already dressed in the grey 1950s inspired cocktail dress my sister had chosen for herself and the other two bridesmaids. It was probably unwise of me to have a professional model and her equally beautiful sister Ava as my bridesmaids, but we had been close since we were very little and there was no one else I'd rather have.

Chloe was an exotic beauty whose light skin had a noteworthy amber cast, lighter than my reddish tan, but a stunning marker of her African-American heritage. She was a remarkable mix of black, Chinese and Greek which had done her well in the beginning of her modeling career where she strolled down the runways and graced the pages of the magazines she worshiped when we were growing up.

He younger sister Ava sat in the corner of the room quietly, already dressed, her hair being pulled and tugged by her mother out of the customary "all-natural" mini-fro she liked to sport. In all honesty it wasn't all natural, she worked rather hard to make the perfectly round puff that stuck up behind her thick headbands. I liked the style, it was unique and daring, but her mother who hated her tendency for what she called the "nappy," was not having it on my wedding day. Ava had her head in a book, it was the beginning of her final year at nursing school and she took her studying seriously. She would be getting married too next year and a small diamond engagement ring given to her by her long time boyfriend Eli glistened in the light of the dining room as she flipped a page.

I met Chloe and Ava when I was six, in ballet class where their mother Tara taught. It's hard to believe, even for me, that I had once taken and been good at ballet. I gave up dance right after puberty and with that went my stick thin body and grace. I was chubby, clumsy, and big busted within the year. About two years after I first starting taking classes with Tara, she met my father's wolf pack brother Phil, their eyes locked and bam, imprint magic. When Tara married Phil and he adopted her daughters, Chloe and Ava, moved to my tiny reservation of La Push and we became family. We were part of a huge family, most by blood, some by marriage, others by adoption like Chloe, Ava, Hazel and Eli, but all with some connection to the La Push wolf pack.

La Push, my home, is also the home of the few but proud Quileute natives. The stories of our people, and there are many, have been passed from generation to generation. Recorded, retold and reproduced for the masses but only a select few in our community actually know most of them are indeed true. Notably the fact that the many descendants of our once fearless chief Taha Aki have the ability to morph into giant wolves, with the sole purpose of eradicating vampires, which are very real and very dangerous.

My father l was once a proud member of this pack, he was retired but it was through this magic that he met my mother, because like a gift for putting their lives in danger, the wolf men of La Push were able to identify their soulmate without a doubt, from the second they laid eyes on them. It was called "imprinting," a word I researched, defined and re-defined trying to make sense of it all. My dad, Quil Ateara, the most noble, loving, considerate, compassionate man I knew, imprinted on my mother Claire the second he saw her as a toddler, and I was the result… or one of three results I suppose would be more accurate.

My little sister Harley rounded out the bridal party, my lucky number three. Although we are sisters, only two years apart, we looked nothing alike and as I watched Harley pace the small kitchen repeatedly, her toned legs showing attractively in her dress, I tightened the robe over my body self-consciously. While Harley was slim, petite and strikingly beautiful with her pitch black hair and lightly tanned skin, I was none of those things. I was rounded, and sort of plain, which was why Chloe was having such a difficult time sprucing me up, something she didn't say, I could just tell.

"No, this is money, Michael, we don't play nice when money is concerned," Harley spat into her tiny cell phone.

She was at twenty-four, one of the most talked about directors on the Indie scene and one of the most creative people I ever met. She was a powerhouse when it came to the wedding, she had a lot of opinions on my theme and color scheme, not that I really needed it. I'm an artist, a professional photographer with a pretty good eye for design, but Harley must have sensed my hesitance because she coordinated almost everything.

Harley and my mother were much more excited about the planning than I was, though when I gave them free range I didn't quite expect everything to turn out so muted. I thought for sure I would have eye catching colors or something outrageous to fight but I didn't mind what they had envisioned. Everything was white, black or gray, like they were directing a black and white film, and in a way it was appropriate, matching the neutrality I was feeling towards this union.

A bride wasn't supposed to feel this way. A bride was supposed to be gushing with love, thinking of scenarios that involved white picket fences, babies, and Labrador retrievers; but then most brides married men they knew they were meant to be with, men they had dreamed about marrying for a long time. I knew who I belonged to, I knew my perfect match, magic and my heart told me so, but things just hadn't worked out that way.

I felt Solace near, my other half, the draw to him was so strong I knew when he was within the mile, the feeling behind my navel tugged me towards him. I could feel his presence near; it was part of the imprint I could not deny. Try as I might to break it, the feelings remain, and they were strong. This was not the case with my fiancé, the man I was set to marry in just two hours. Javier was better though in so many ways. He was stable, and secure, and honest, and he loved me. There was not a doubt in my mind that Javi was completely in love with me, he showed it to me many times a night, but it did not negate the fact that one single heated glance from Solace was all I needed to feel weak. He owned me.

I closed my eyes at Chloe's request, listening to my little sister's very professional sounding conversation as her applicator brush tickled the inner corner of my eye. Harley and Chloe had moved to Los Angeles together about five years ago, when Chloe gave up the dream of a professional dancing career and concentrated all of her energy to modeling. Chloe's modeling thing blew up quick but it took some time for Harley to get where she is now, working on her third movie, her first big budget. It was still in the planning stages, meaning she had not gotten off the phone for more than a few hours since she'd arrived, but she was big and only getting bigger.

"Open up," Chloe commanded and the vision of her shot me painfully when she came into view. She was not supposed to be so beautiful on my wedding day but there were a lot of supposed to be's that just weren't. I was supposed to be breathtaking, but I sure didn't feel it. I was supposed to be about twenty pounds lighter, but I couldn't gather the energy to care, and I was supposed to be ecstatic, it was my wedding day for Christ's sake, but I couldn't for the life of me muster the enthusiasm warranted for this special day.

"Are you going to start crying and ruin my makeup before you even get your dress on?" Chloe asked with a hint of annoyance, I shook my head no and stood, checking the clock above the stove. Our kitchen had been made into dressing room, and from the back window, I could see as the planner Annabelle and my mother ran around making sure the final touches went down without a hitch. My mother was still beautiful, almost fifty-years old and she glowed, in a black lace mini-dress that showed off the legs Harley had inherited.

I slipped the terry cloth robe off, underneath I donned only a very form fitting white strapless slip, which was intended to be slimming under my gown. My dress hung on the door, it was thin and casual and probably not as warm as the weather required. It was off-the-shoulder, white, though I found the tradition antiquated, and loose enough to hide some of my more than adequate curves.

"Still have an hour or so, you should probably wait to put the dress on, but if you can't wait," Chloe trailed off passing me the simple white shoes I chose to wear under my long gown.

"Okay, finally, I got this hair into something presentable," Tara announced waving her hands like a game show presenter around Ava's hair which was in a high shiny knot, Ava didn't look up, highlighting something in her book as her mom added a silver clip to her hair with flourish. Ava didn't move until Eli came in, the only man allowed past the barrier that wasn't my dad, who waited anxiously in the living room for the ceremony to begin.

Ava's fiancé Eli is deaf, the adopted son of a gay couple that once were members of the pack, though they had both retired and moved to Portland about two years ago. He signed something to her, fast and fluidly, and from my angle, I couldn't understand it, but since she was in full view I could not miss her response.

'I don't think she wants to see him on her wedding day.'

Solace. There could be no one else they were referring to.

"Where are you going?" Chloe called after me, waving the large black garment bag that held my dress. It made my stomach churn. I hated the dress, I really did. As a curvy girl when it came to wedding dresses, I was basically screwed. All nice dresses fit in bags much smaller than the one she swung from her pointer finger.

I'm not fat, this was something I'd had to tell myself repeatedly for the last two months since the quickie wedding had been put together, but for some reason, the sadistic bastards in the wedding business believed anyone over a size 10 didn't deserve a nice wedding dress and even if I was willing to work my size 14 self down to a 8 for this occasion, I wouldn't have had the time. This whole shebang had been thrown together within two months, exactly two months from the day my fiancé and I decided to get married.

"I'm going to talk to Solace," I screamed back. Tara and Chloe gave each other concerned looks but I was out and past my dad before anyone knew it. It was warmer in the front room, so I didn't even notice I was still only wearing the tight slip until I was out the front door and on my porch in the cold air.

"What are you doing here?" I spat as soon as I saw him.

"I wanted to give you something, maybe you have one… but I thought—"

"A garter belt?" I asked gently grabbing the small piece of white lacy, elastic from his hand. When I shivered, he came closer, placing his big warm hands on each of my naked arms, rubbing them slowly from my fingertips up to my shoulder, his touch was electric.

"Yeah, could be your something old," he said jokingly.

"Was it Amber's?" I asked stiffly and his eyes flashed the frightening black they did when he was angry, before he inhaled deep and spoke again.

"So was my invitation lost in the mail?" He asked with his stupid Solace fake smile that hid his sadness.

"I didn't send one, I didn't think you'd want to be here," I said honestly.

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I'd like to witness that," he said the sincerely, searching my eyes for an answer before I spoke.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be a lot of things," I sighed, heading back inside to retrieve an extra invitation from the coffee table, passing it to him before I slammed the door.

In another world, seeing him me now would be bad luck, because he would be the groom and I would be his bride, yet another meaningless supposed to be.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Forced Goodbye

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16 Years Previous: March 9th 2037

I didn't fight against his strong warm hands; I didn't have anything left in me to struggle. I was a shell, a pitiful shell of a man, now being carted away by force, the only way I would willingly leave the warm glow of the only happy home I'd ever known. I was an abandoned man, lying half dead on the stained carpet floor of a motel, which was scattered with food litter and alcohol bottles.

"Solace, you're going to have to use your legs," Anna coaxed soothingly. I hadn't moved for anything but the bathroom and infrequent binges of junk food and alcohol in two months, since my divorce from Amber was finalized.

"It hurts," I said, the croak that came from my throat didn't sound like my own. The stiffness in my right leg felt alien too, as if I were dragging a wooden prosthetic as Michael tried to stand me upright.

"That's because you haven't been walking on it, Solace! Carlisle said you need to be working it constantly before the muscle just petrifies," Anna spat hitting my leg as it burned for the pressure of standing upright.

My leg was crushed in battle half a year ago but the damages were irreparable and it made the process of dragging me forcefully from my spot on the floor more difficult. It had been destroyed in the cold palm of a vampire, my bone splintering, large shards expelling from my body. Werewolf magical healing had limitations, I healed quickly but I didn't regenerate bones and the pieces that left my body weren't coming back.

"I don't care anymore," I said honestly, Anna hissed.

Amber stayed with me through six months of recovery, supporting me like no one in my entire life ever had. My mother was not the most attentive of women, this was common knowledge in La Push among the pack who had shared my mind, so it wasn't easy needing her like I did. I depended on her in ways I had never allowed myself to rely on any woman, they never stayed around long enough, but Amber had. She was never supposed to leave me, this hadn't been the plan.

She bathed me for the first month, when my leg was stiff and unmoving and while I had countless useless surgeries. She cooked for me, though she didn't really know how; food tastes better when someone you loved made it for you. At nights she held me, she never broke down, I had no idea the extent of her pain; I'd failed her as a husband.

Amber held strong, stronger than me as I healed and fought feelings of inadequacies. I had been injured in battle, the one thing I was sure I was prepared for. She took care of me while making sure I still felt like a man.

She was the strong one though; she was the rock as I mourned the loss of my fellow pack mate Devlin and our baby. One month after the end of the battle, three months along and just getting round in the belly, she lost him. It was a him, our sweet little baby boy.

There was no medical reasoning or proof behind it but I felt it as surely as I felt the hollowing emptiness of our loss. I felt the energy of our baby boy and when he was gone, the dreams I had for him disappeared, leaving a crack in our relationship I had been too stupid ad self-centered to see.

"I don't want to leave," I said robotically.

"Amber's going to leave if you don't, this is hard for her too, Solace. She… she loves you so much… it's—Anna help me out here," Michael said quickly turning to look for support as he lifted me up higher.

"It was the right thing for her to do, for both of you," Anna said repeated Amber's words exactly, making my blood boil.

The day I was given the okay from Carlisle to leave Alaska and go back to our home in Seattle, she passed me the large manila envelope that changed everything, our divorce papers. She saw her miscarriage and my injury as a sign from the gods that we were not meant to be, she was being punished for taking me from my imprint and living happily with someone who didn't belong to her.

There was no long drawn out agreements or division of property, I begged her with every ounce of my being to stay with me, that's all that mattered, all I really wanted. I didn't care about how weak I appeared, I threw myself at her feet and asked her to give our marriage a second chance but she held strong, she was giving up and I had no say in it.

I signed over the three bedroom condo I bought when I found out she was pregnant and gathered all my strength to pack my small bag. It was the second time I had shared a home with a woman and the last, my heart couldn't handle the strain of taking my life and packing it away. I took clothes, about enough for a month and one of the many pictures she had taken in the five years since we had gotten married.

It was snapped in Greece, the sun shining down on us, on the last day of our honeymoon in Santorini. Her hair was grown out, lying beautifully on her bare back, her tanned arm draped around my chest possessively. The picture hadn't left my hand for days, the clothes were almost untouched, but the picture was already fading, the oils and heat from my hand warping the image.

I winced as I attempted to put weight on my right leg to walk; Anna came in on the other side of me, offering her support as we made our way down the stairs. I was going back to La Push, as Amber requested, to start the life I was supposed to be living with my imprint, the life that had been pre-assigned to me.

I would like to say I had nobly signed our divorce papers because I wanted to respect Amber's wishes, but part of me, the magic part I couldn't suppress, begged for me to go back home.

I wouldn't be able to see her, my imprint Maddox. I hadn't been allowed the last time I was there, during the three weeks I stayed guard in La Push while the active wolves tracked and battle a vicious coven, but I longed to, a biological yearning I couldn't eliminate made me want it.

I laid across the back seat, my head resting in Levi Varn's lap. Devlin, my fallen wolf brother was Anna and Michael's also son, the middle of a set of three triplets. Levi was the oldest, entirely deaf and for the devastating howl that ripped from his throat when he stood over his brother' limp body, I would thought he was a mute. He looked down at me in shock as I threw myself across his lap but didn't move. He examined my face thoughtfully fingering the small patch of grey hair that had erupted around my temple at the time of Amber's miscarriage.

He snapped his fingers three times, catching his mother's attention. Anna sat in the passenger seat and instead of turning around she looked at him through the rearview mirror as he signed to her.

"He says you smell and you're going to have to shower before you are allowed to move in his room," Anna translated with a smirk that I could see in the reflection of the window.

"I guess that could be arranged," I sighed and he nodded twice after she informed him, taking my hand for a quick shake. That was it, I was on my way home, roommate to a teen werewolf.

~X~

Levi was quiet, not just because he didn't speak but in general. Even with my werewolf hearing, he found a way to creep in and out without being heard, and it was a welcome talent. I was left to my own devices, which meant instead of wallowing in self-pity in the motel around the corner from my old home, I now did it in a room much too small for two wolves, sleeping on the bottom bunk because the top had belonged to Devlin and Levi didn't want me ruining his scent.

Levi was like a bloodhound, this might have been because he was the son of Anna, the best tracker in pack history or because he was deaf and his other senses were amplified, but he was determined for me not to mar the remaining essence of his brother.

Melody, the third triplet lived across the hall and she was equally subdued, she came out of her room only for her imprint Taylor Cameron, Amber's older brother, and not always then even. When her parents weren't home, the fifteen-year old girl would pull him into her room and not emerge for several hours. From what I could tell, it was mostly kissing. I tried not to listen but with ultrasensitive hearing, I couldn't help it, so I knew other than a few gasps that might have signified fondling, Melody was not mourning through sex, a method I had employed many times before.

"It's dinner time, Solace," Anna announced gliding into the room where Levi and I sat across from each other in complete silence.

"I just ate," I groaned stretching out my leg. Levi watched the transaction carefully from his desk. Since he had joined the pack he had been trying to learn read lips, something you couldn't do unless you could identify the different sounds made with each curl and curve of the lip. HSo I made sure to speak slowly and clearly whenever I was near him, I liked his determination. I liked him a lot, actually. He was deep, I could tell that by the pools of his eyes but he didn't say a word, not about his pain.

He turned to me, slowly using his hands to try and communicate with me, I didn't understand.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, looking to Anna for answers. Anna watched him as he did it again, faster this time.

"He said," she giggled, signing something back before she continued. "He said generally people eat three meals a day." Anna interpreted fluidly, complete with his sarcastic tone.

It had been eight weeks since I was dragged here, a jumble of days that meshed together seamlessly, a simple schedule of eating and sleeping. Freddie Call, our Alpha-in-training, tried to talk me into starting a light patrol schedule or to help with the new training regiment, but we all knew that was a senseless request. I walked and felt like an old man, old men had no place in the pack.

The dinner table which normally sat five, was set for eight and colorful plastic children's cutlery sat one of them. Eli.

Jordan and Mark, holding their adopted child between them stood nervously in the living room. Eli was clingy, he grew up in child protective services where love and affection were not exactly showered on him. By the time he was taken into the care of a private orphanage with more specialized care and attention, he saw it as a gift and he reveled in it, soaking as much of it from a room as possible.

He was my opposite in ways, growing up without a mother's affection I became shut off, holding my emotions in and hiding them tight until the burst out of me at frightening intervals during sex or battle. Eli was just a constant burst of love, he needed to share it and feel it ten times over.

Eli ran to me and Levi as soon as we walked into the dining room. They were the only two deaf members of our community but that was enough to make everyone but me, who had not lived in La Push for the last half a decade, at least semi-fluent. They used their hands so quickly my eyes couldn't keep up.

Dinner was a solemn affair until Amber was brought up. "Amber."

The sound of her name brought me out of my head as Mark knew it would. He paused before he continued, "she's asked me to tell you… to call her when you're ready." Mark sighed when my fork hit the plate loudly and I whipped out of my chair.

I had my cell phone in my hand, her number speed dialed before I could even take another breath.

"Solace," she whimpered into the phone, her voice making my stomach drop.

"Princess."

"Solace, you need to start phasing again," she said stiffly.

"No." One words answers were all I would trust myself with now.

"Stop being a baby, Solace, don't—don't waste the sacrifice I made for you," she said with a flair of Amber fire, her signature passion, and it melted the parameter of my heart.

"I can't… I don't have a reason to live anymore," I said simply.

"Stop saying those kinds of things, Solace. You have reason, you have a purpose and that little girl needs you alive."

Maddox Ateara, my child imprint. We didn't say her name, we hadn't since the wedding when we made a pact, which was intended to keep our marriage alive and together forever.

"Maddox," I let her name escape my lips for the first since we had been married, it was over anyways I had nothing to lose.

"Yes Solace… Maddox," Amber said, sadly.

"She won't… she's better off without me, Amber." I would be alone like I deserved for the rest of my life, which hopefully wouldn't be long. I was already aging, I had been for the entire five years of our marriage, and after the war, I hadn't phased again. I had tried in Alaska at Carlisle's request, to no avail. I hadn't tried again.

"She needs you! Goddamnit!"

"She's fine, she's doing just fine," I assured her. She was crying, I couldn't stand it, my fist were balled so tight it hurt.

"How do you know, you stubborn bastard?!" Amber cried.

"I have my sources." I had kept track of her since the day I imprinted. She didn't lose a tooth without my knowing. No days at home sick without my suffering with her from afar.

"Solace, this depression… as much as I'd like to think it's all for me, babe, it's not. It's your prolonged separation from her," her voice cracked a bit, but her breathing stayed even. "You need her as much as she needs you and… I need you to be happy, Solace. I can't—I can't move on till I know you're okay, please—"

"I can't love anyone else," I pleaded. "You have my soul."

"That's not possible l because I'm not your soulmate… Solace, I'll never ever love anyone else, it's not even a question… but I did this all for you… and her," she ended in a whisper.

"I don't have anything left to give her, Princess, I'm just… a shell." She breathed deeply. I counted each breath, 12 rattling exhalations before she spoke again.

"Just give her your shell, she'll fill it." And with that she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Wanna Cookie?

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November 2037

There's only so much separation an imprint can handle, only so much distance you can put between yourself and the sun you rotate around. I'd lasted a long time, even against the advice and urging of my friends and ex-wife, I stayed away. I had reason, tons of reasons, but I was not going to hold up much longer. When I had Amber, it was easier, every morning I woke up with solid, beautiful, loving reasons why I should stay away from her, but now I was alone.

I didn't deserve to be part of her life anyways, something Claire liked to point out whenever I was forced to be in the same area as her, so I shouldn't try. Claire had accepted my marriage to Amber, and even accepted Amber back as part of her life, but I was in the shit house with her.

Of all the people I thought I'd piss off, little Claire Ateara was not the one I would peg for hating me, but having kids changed her. She went from the wild, carefree artist to a momma-bear, ready to kill me if I ever so much as looked in Maddox's general direction because according to her and anyone with sense, she would have a better life if I wasn't in it.

I was the worst imprint in the history of imprinting, according to most, including myself. We had had a meeting right after I was dragged back in town, me and Phil against the Atearas. It wasn't much of a fight, I was accused of being incapable of doing good by Maddox, so I was expected to stay away from her. I was a disappointment, but then again, I had been bad at every role I ever taken up with women, so I didn't see why they thought it would be any different now. I agreed without a fight, especially when Quil promised to keep me updated on her. How could I have known I would be too weak to keep my end of the deal? I'd done so good so far, right?

Quil, who was infinitely understanding and optimistic, still held out hope that things would work out in the end, and that I would prove myself worthy. The fact that he thought I could ever be close to worthy was too much for me to bear, so he called me once a week with an update and I lived for those…but then it's not like I had much else to live for.

It took pneumonia to push me, to break my reserve. I was so strong but not against a fucking pneumonia.

The word is small, insignificant to this point, but when I got the call from Quil telling me that Maddox had it, pneumonia was the only word in my head. It resonated. Pneumonia…pneumonia. I researched it, repeated it as I paced, and then, I finally caved, I had to see her.

Pneumonias kill people, especially the young and elderly so I wasn't just being paranoid, it was reasonable for me to feel the need to see her, to make sure she was okay.

Her tiny body was fighting the illness at the child's wing of the Forks Hospital which I had been patrolling since the hour she checked in. I tried to visit, I wouldn't have let her see me, I wasn't trying to interrupt her life but I wanted see her. I just needed to know without a doubt she would be okay.

When I found it was more difficult to sneak into the children's ward of a hospital then it was to get a nun in bed, I had to settle for being within listening range. Without a thought and ignoring the searing pain in my leg, I phased for the first time since I'd returned.

It was harder than I remembered, it took longer and it hurt, but it was better for long nights on the ground, where I stayed until she was released.

I listened to her wheezing breath as she slept. I listened to her muffled cry as her fever grew higher and I couldn't help but cry with her. I listened as she recovered and giggled, talking to her siblings and eating solid foods for the first time.

She was discharged the day before her birthday, two days before Thanksgiving, nuzzled into her father's chest safe from the cold rain under a red umbrella.

She'd grown, more than I could understand through word of mouth. Phil, his wife Tara, Mark and Randy kept me updated on her as well, and unlike Quil, they were a bit more specific, but I could never picture what she looked like now, five years older than the last time I saw her.

Maddox was days away from being ten-years old and descriptions of her did her no justice; she was the most beautiful child I'd ever seen. Her hair fell in a curtain against her back, a deep chocolate brown against her caramel tan, she was precious, perfect—more of a reason for me to stay away, though it would be near impossible now that I'd seen her.

So my long lived schedule of mourning Amber was transformed almost instantly to a "stalking Maddox regiment." It was subconscious at first, I would find myself gravitating to that side of town without even trying, but after awhile, it was a full on obsession.

I hid it pretty well. I bought a house, so that Levi, who was more than a bit observant, couldn't point out the new bizarre hours I'd been keeping. I took a job at Collin's garage so it looked like I was moving on, though it was an on-call deal and I never left my phone on unless she was at school, which were the only times I didn't stalk her too closely.

I didn't put much work in my new house, it was a fixer-upper that I didn't bother fixing. I had the cash, I had more than enough cash for this lifetime but I didn't bother because I rarely slept there. It was a two-story family home with huge French doors that led out to a garden overrun with weeds, and vines that were climbing up the sides.

I bought only a bed, though I hadn't slept a whole night there yet, and I picked it because it was near Phil's new house where he lived with his imprint Tara and their family of three. I only had a handful of friends left in town so I kept them close. Living this close though made it necessary for me to make excuses for my daily disappearances.

I knew Phil could tell there was something I was hiding from him, Phil had been my best friend for almost 40 years, he knew me better than anyone. It was impossible to lie to him but he also didn't ask. He knew when the time came, I'd tell him, and I also knew that he would say "I told you so." I wasn't looking forward to it.

Phil had been the only one who supported me completely when I imprinted but decided to honor my promise to Amber and marry her. When he imprinted though, his support wavered, it didn't stop, he was still my best friend but now he also made sure to tell me how stupid I was being. So while I knew I'd have to tell him eventually I kept it to myself for now, and I wasn't cracking till I absolutely had to.

I had a very strict schedule. I woke up when she did, I showered and ate when she did. I listened in on every lesson at school and watched her from her bedroom window as she finished her homework.

I learned about her too, things Phil and Randy never passed on. I found out she hated the crust on her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches but it was okay if it was grilled cheese. She didn't like apples or banana but loved oranges. She loved cats because dogs scared her and her favorite color was red, the brightest kind. I took mental note of everything. She liked modern dance more than tap and Jazz. She preferred her father to her mother, showers to baths, hotdogs to hamburgers, Phil to any other wolf, Kim to all other wolf-girls, nights to mornings, and strawberry to chocolate ice cream.

Her room was on the ground floor near the back, which allowed for a great view into her bedroom, which was themed like a garden and she hated. Her facial expressions always told me everything, maybe it was a wolf imprint-thing but her eyes were like windows and I knew with one glance everything she was feeling.

Tonight, for example, before she caught me watching her, I knew she was restless and bored.

She opened up her bedroom window in the cold winter air and I blanched, she could get sick like that and part of me even debated telling her so. "Who are you?" She whispered, looking out into the night so that I knew she didn't actually see me just sensed me near. I stayed still, not daring to move till she gave up and went back inside.

"I know you're there! Do you want me to call my mom?" She called, her sweet little voice was threatening.

If Claire caught me here the jig was up, I wouldn't be able to see her, which had become my only remaining reason to live, it was small but it was enough to keep me from testing my remaining healing powers.

"Okay, okay! I'm… Solace," I said, stumbling forward on my gimp leg which felt frozen in the night air.

"Solace?" She asked, the way she said my name was… it's difficult to describe the way it felt, but it was something I'd never felt before.

"Yeah, I'm going to go now. I'm sorry," I apologized, walking backwards away from her window as she watched me.

"No, wait! Come here," she ordered and like an Alpha, I couldn't deny a direct order. I came closer, till I was just below her window, if she leaned down her little arms would be able to reach me, and what's more if I wanted, I could touch her. I'd never felt her skin before, but it looked soft and smooth.

"I'm sorry, I won't come back, please don't—"

"Are you a wolf?" She asked cutting off my apology.

"Yes." Apparently I couldn't lie to her either, though it would have been smarter if I did.

"You smell good," she said leaning her head out the window farther.

"It's cold, go back in," I warned pushing the top of her head gently, her hair felt like threads of silk.

"Why were you watching me?" She asked turning her head so that her cheek touched my palm before I pulled back. It was painfully right, the feeling of our skin touching.

"Um… I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You're protecting me?" She said skeptically, but she smiled nonetheless.

"Yes, because you're dad isn't a wolf anymore, I patrol your house," I said sounding very official.

"It's cold out there, why aren't you changed so you can have your wolf fur on?" She asked concerned, her little arm reaching down to touch me again, I came closer so she didn't have to come out so far. She touched my arm, rubbing it up and down as if trying to warm me, though physically I was still over a hundred degrees, it warmed my heart.

"Because I don't need it. I'm warm, you see?" I asked her eyes sparkling as she touched my uncovered arms.

"You're warmer than my daddy," Maddox smiled, pinching my skin between her little fingers.

"Yeah," I sighed, she pulled my arm towards her so that I had to stand on my toes to reach inside.

"But you should still come in, it's cold," she said shivering.

"No, you should go inside and close the window," I advised pulling my hand away from her and reaching to close the thick glass between us.

"No!" She howled loudly.

"Shhh! Okay, okay! I'm here, what do you want?" I hissed, coming back to the window, leaning my head in.

"Stay with me," she whined.

"Maddox I can't, I um… I have stuff to do. I haven't eaten dinner yet," I couldn't lie to her so I just sorta ended up putting random facts together till they made up a plausible excuse.

"I'll bring you food. Do you like cheese?" She asked leaning forward, I urged her back and away from the window as the breeze picked up.

"It's okay, I'll stay… you don't have to feed me," I said lifting myself inside so I could shut the window. My leg burned with my entrance and I limped painfully on it.

"What's wrong with your leg?" She asked her little head turned to the side so she could look at it more closely.

"I broke it."

"But you're a wolf, it should be better now," she said placing her hand against it, the pain ceased almost immediately.

"I broke it very bad," I said sadly as she pulled her hand away.

"I'm sorry." She said it with such sincerity, I hurt. She was so pure and good… she shouldn't be around me. I shouldn't be in here, I told myself repeatedly, I shouldn't be talking to her and I shouldn't be seeing her or letting her see me, but I couldn't stop myself. That was the fucked up evil magic of the imprint, I couldn't control myself around her.

"I should go," I said without any real intention of leaving.

"But you're hungry. Here," she ran to the other side of her room and shuffled through her bag before handing me a Little Debbie cookie with her chunky little fingers. "They're my favorite," she smiled brightly.

She was missing a tooth, the third to the right on the top row and her little tongue stuck out from it playfully when she smiled, I smiled back. It was an unfamiliar feeling, the warm stretch of my cheeks as I took a seat on her floor, which had a green shag carpet that resembled grass.

"If it's your favorite, you should eat it," I said opening the cookie for her. She took a seat next to me, so close I could feel the warmth of her little body. I wanted to hug her, I wanted to pull her in my lap and tell her I would always protect her but I resisted the urge.

"But you're hungry and I ate dinner," she insisted pushing the cookie away. I tore it in half giving her the bigger piece which made her smile more.

Something occurred to me then, something frightening, I couldn't hurt her because she was my imprint, but she didn't know that.

"Maddox, you have to promise me something," I said seriously, turning to her as she stuffed the cookie greedily into her mouth.

"What? I already said I won't tell mom," she said through a mouth full of cookie. I passed her my half and she looked at me for a long time before she took it broke it in half and urged the bigger part into my hand.

"No—I mean that too…. But you can't… you can't let other people you don't know come into your house okay? It's not safe," I said as she ate the cookie, her little wheels turning.

"Okay… but Solace?" She looked up at me with eyes that I couldn't look away from, it was scary the absolute lack of power I had with her.

"Yes?"

"How do you know my name? And why haven't I seen you before?" She was too smart for me, this discussion was one I was really not equipped to answer, but I would try.

"You don't remember me, but I met you a long time ago, when I married your Aunt Amber." Saying her name in the presence of Maddox felt wrong.

"Aunt Amber's not married anymore," she said matter-of-factly.

"No, no she's not…and that's why I'm here."

"Solace?"

"Yes, Maddox," I said smiling even wider as he little fingers traced my hand.

"Can you come back tomorrow?"

"Yeah…" When she asked like that I really had no choice.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Brother Lover Friend

* * *

October 9th 2053

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I'd like to witness that," Solace said sincerely, searching my eyes for an answer before I spoke.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be a lot of things," I sighed, heading back inside to retrieve an extra invitation and passing it to him before I slammed the door. My father stiffened when I passed him again but he said nothing, he was the strong silent type and I loved him for it; the last thing I needed right now was to argue about or discuss Solace.

"What was that about?" Ava whispered as I reentered. She stopped me before I was all the way inside. Her fiancé Eli stood behind her, his arm around her waist and eyes averted to signify he wasn't reading my lips or eavesdropping; he just couldn't stand being away from Ava for such a long time. I love them, I love them both so much, but at moments like this, seeing them so perfect together, made me nauseous.

"He… .um, wanted to give me this," I said flinging the garter belt into her hands. Eli turned as the flash of white passed his eyes. He examined it before his eyes widened, taking in the lace personals for a full second before he kissed Ava's cheek and slipped out the room acknowledging our need for girl-time. She moved to pass it back to me but I waved it off. I didn't want to touch it; Lord knows whose it was and where it had been, you could never be sure with Solace.

"It's beautiful," Harley gasped coming forward and pulling it out of Ava's hand. I hadn't actually looked at it to be honest; my eyes were always on Solace's whenever he was near.

"It's probably Amber's," I hissed. Ava and Harley shared a look, the kind of look parents would give each other if they had a child throwing a fit. And maybe I was being irrational, but knowing that Amber and Solace would be here today, even if it wasn't together, was hard for me. I know now what she had done for me, but I also know what she did to me. The two did not balance and that was hard to forget.

How different would things have been if she had left him earlier? Or if she had never married him in the first place? If she had told him everything before she left? Maybe it wouldn't have been any different, maybe Solace and I were just destined not to work, but it didn't help me feel any less nervous. Would they rekindle their romance after I got married? Maybe they should. I had no right to stop him. She had never remarried from what I could see, they had the right to be happy… it just made me sick to think of him with anyone but me.

"Well, unless Amber got married in the mid-nineteen hundreds, I doubt it. This is probably about a hundred-years old, handmade lace and embroidering," Harley listed off as she rubbed it between her fingers.

"Well, what the fuck was he doing here? That's my question?" Chloe asked, one hand on her hip the other still holding my stupid dress. Whenever Amber was mentioned I undoubtedly feel fatter, because even frozen at 35, Amber's still hotter than me… life is just unfair like that.

"He knows he's not supposed to be here, he has to realize that it's not a bright idea," Harley agreed.

"He wants to see me happy," I sighed. Just not bad enough to fight for me, I finished to myself.

July 4th 2038

I knew our friendship was supposed to be kept secret, I knew it deep down from the second he climbed into my window limping, so it made it harder for me to find out about him. He didn't tell me much and I wasn't supposed to know him. I've known Solace for almost a year and all I know about him is that he's a wolf, he's divorced and that he hurt himself in the battle that Devlin died in.

When I was being sneaky, I could get little things about him out of Phil or Tara. Like the fact that he liked meatloaf and Tara's meatloaf was his favorite because it was spicy. He was old, very old like my dad, but he still looked young, so I didn't have to worry about him dying.

Since Devlin died I worry about everyone dying. Anyone could die at almost any time, ya know? Then they're gone forever. Solace's mother was dead, and he never had a daddy, it was so sad. My dad was the coolest guy I knew. I couldn't imagine life without him, and Solace didn't even have a mom left or a sister and brother like me. He was all alone like those people in the old-folks' homes my mother volunteered at sometimes.

"Can I hold her? Can I hold her?" I cried as I hopped around Tara who sat holding her youngest daughter to her chest. She caved after a few minutes, pointing me over to a chair before she place baby Hope into my waiting arms.

Hope was almost year-old now, still super tiny and so beautiful. I want babies just like this, so, so perfect. Hope Solace Lynch was Tara and Phil's first baby together but Tara had two other daughters, Chloe and Ava, that I loved the most in the world.

It was so hot, even in my bathing suit I was still uncomfortable, and Hope was like a little heater in my arms. Babies are hot, it's a mammal thing, I read about it.

"It's boiling," Tara whined, but she smiled brightly anyway when Phil came from behind and pulled her to him. This was the only Fourth of July in La Push that I could remember being sunny and hot, but that's not exciting for me, I hate summer and I don't like heat unless it comes from Solace.

He wouldn't be here today, I knew that. I stopped hoping to see him at pack meals or parties a long time ago. He said it was because they didn't like him, but how could they not? Solace was my most favorite person on the planet and not just because he was the handsomest person I ever seen, but because he was also the goodest.

It makes him sad that people don't like him. He says he doesn't care but I know he does, I just know. I like having him all to myself though, every night that I don't have dance class, I can spend with him. I already quit tap class so I could have an extra night of the week with him; I didn't miss it. Sometimes I miss nights with my family, painting with Harley and Mama or watching movies with daddy and Addison, but whenever the sun goes down I can't stop myself from running upstairs and locking my door. We don't do much, not really, he climbs into my window and helps me with homework or just talks to me, but it's my favorite time of day. I look forward to it more than I look forward to my birthday or even Christmas.

Only my sister Harley and my best friend Chloe know about it, and they both had to double pinkie swear they wouldn't tell. Harley was pissed, but she gets pissed a lot so I wasn't taking it too seriously, and she wouldn't tell on me anyways because I had way too much dirt on her. I mean, it was also sorta sweet 'cuz she was looking out for me, but Solace wouldn't hurt me.

I'm not stupid, I've seen all those shows where kids get snatched and end up in cabins or in someone's basement with a guy that wears trucker hats and has a big beer belly—Solace wouldn't hurt me though, I don't know how I know, I just know.

Chloe backed me up about Solace, her step-dad Phil brought him over all the time. It was so unfair they got to see him whenever they wanted. He babysat them sometimes and if Tara and Phil trusted him, it was good enough for me.

"She likes you," Ava announced turning her body so that Eli could read her lips as she spoke. Eli and Ava were best friends and she always made sure he didn't miss anything because he was deaf. Whenever she spoke around him, it was slow and loud so he could read her lips. In town, the kids made fun of her for talking like that or for signing but she didn't care and neither did I.

"I like her too," I cooed. My mom swooped in and scooped her up as I stood, too hot to sit still anymore. There was a feeling, I don't know what it means but there was a feeling when he was around, so I didn't need Ava to scream his name before I knew he was there.

"Solace!" Ava howled, hopping up and down and he made his way across the sand.

"Solace," I breathed too quiet for anyone to hear, but he did. His head whipped up and his eyes met mine for less than a second before he looked away, it made my stomach drop. He never looked away from me when we were alone together.

"Come on, Maddox," my mom grabbed me, passing baby Hope to Melody. Melody was the only girl wolf in the pack, and her imprint Taylor was my first crush ever. He's still really cute… but no one can compete with Solace.

"Mom," I pulled my arm trying to free myself but she just held me tighter. Ava ran to Solace, opening and closing her hands until he picked her up. He never picked me up, the only time we touched was when I did it.

"Come on, Maddie, let's help with the fireworks," my mom's voice was high pitched and weird. My dad came to the rescue pulling me into his arms and holding me so that my head was over his shoulder and I could watch Solace.

"Your mom can't know you know him, Precious," he whispered in my ear giving me a huge kiss on the cheek before taking me over to Jared and Kim, who were busy setting up the fireworks down the beach.

"Daddy, you know?" I whispered holding his face between each of my hands. When we did this, he knew it had to be a secret, it was a Me-and-Daddy thing.

"We'll talk about it tonight, okay?" I nodded and for the rest of the night, he held me, letting me watch Solace from afar. Ava, Chloe, Eli, they were lucky. They all hung on him and I was forced to watch, sweaty and jealous, why couldn't he hold me?

Before he left, Solace did a little bow towards me and disappeared. I wasn't sure if he would come by my room tonight and it made me sad, but if he did, I would be with Daddy; we made an appointment and I wanted to keep it.

Solace doesn't come too late and he doesn't spend the night. I want him to, I want to wake up with him and make him breakfast. It wasn't because he's cute, but he is, it's just, sometimes, I don't think he eats, but every time I ask him to stay, he says he can't. He doesn't like to be too close to me because it's not "correct." I like to touch him, he's warm and he feels nice, but I know it makes him uncomfortable so I don't, not often. But why could Ava and Chloe hug him? What was wrong with me?

He lets me hug him but he never starts it and he doesn't hug me back, he just stays stiff and waits for me to let go.

"It's not appropriate for an old man to sleep in your bed, remember that for when you're an adult." I'd heard that many times in the last year.

When we got home my mom put my little sister, Harley, and six-year old brother, Addison, to bed while Daddy sat with me on the porch swing. I don't have a bedtime anymore, which made is easier for Solace to spend time with me. Me and mommy fought about it for so long that my favorite auntie Kim had to come to my rescue. All of Kim's children had no bedtime after they were ten, it's supposed to teach me responsibility but it was just a way for me to stay up with Solace until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

"Dad, why?" I started. He was the first adult I could talk to about it and I wasn't waiting for him to start.

"Why, what?" He asked, placing my hand in his.

"Why can't he be my friend? Why doesn't he hug me? Why does mommy hate him?" I was whining, I don't know why, I wanted to talk like a big girl but I felt like crying.

"He is your friend… it's just complicated right now with your mother. This is something you're going to have to learn early. We as a pack are family, but sometimes that family has battles and tense relationships, do you understand?" He asked bringing my hand to his mouth to kiss it repeatedly.

"Like Uncle Mark and Trisha?"I asked, tears welling over and pouring down my face. He glanced down at me in shock then nodded his head yes. Listening in on adult conversation has given me a lot of information about the pack and wolf-girls but Solace was like a bad word or something, they never even said his name, and I know because I've listened harder since I met him.

"Yes, like Mark and Trisha, and it's better for us to not get in the middle of it," he said waiting for me to respond. That was so fucking stupid!

"That's so damn stupid dad, Solace didn't do anything!"

"Maddox," he scolded with a big secret smile. Daddy doesn't care if I swear during our secret meetings, not usually.

"He didn't!"

"Your mother and he had… a bit of a misunderstanding, she doesn't trust him," he elaborated.

"Do you?" If Daddy said he didn't, that might change things. He was the smartest man I knew and he would have to know what was right.

"If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't let him stay with you. He's not bad, Maddie, he's just a mess. Sometimes people, adults, they don't know how to take care of themselves, and it's hard to trust them with our most special little ones when they can't take care of themselves can you understand that?" He asked rocking the swing.

"But I'm not a little girl. I can take care of him," I insisted. He was my brother, my very best friend; if they let me see him I could make sure he ate everyday and always got eight hours of sleep.

"Baby, that's not your job. He's an adult, he needs to do it on his own," Daddy moved to dry my tears but I shook my head angrily. Why was she making him do this? He needed help, everyone needs help sometimes.

"What does he need to do? I'll make him do it. He'll do it if I ask him to, Daddy." My dad chuckled, I like his laugh, it comes thick from his belly and his eyes always get smaller, but this was the least funny thing in the world.

"Hmmm what would your mom approve of? Well he needs to go to work, he buy furniture for his house and take care of his body. Your mom… she's good friends with the other moms, she needs to see him being a grown-up… and he should start patrolling with the pack again," my dad listed but I had to stop him.

"He does patrol, he watches all the houses with retired wolf-daddies." As soon as the words passed my lips, I realized they were wrong. I never thought about it before because I was too interested in Solace, but that didn't make sense. "Why does he do that Daddy?"

"He didn't tell you why?" Daddy sounded shocked, and nothing ever shocked Daddy.

"No. Why would he patrol just our houses and not the rest La Push? And why is it a secret?" Everything seemed like a secret in the pack, I hated it.

"Maddox, everyone has their secrets, when Solace wants to tell you about it he will."

What if he never did? I don't know why, I can't explain it other than saying I love him, but not knowing everything about him hurt. I wanted to be with him all day, every day, and hear about every part of his life from when he was a baby until he climbed into my window, especially the Amber part. Why weren't they married, why did she hurt him and would he ever be better? This must be love, right? These feelings must be love.

"Daddy, I love him," I pouted, my chest hurt from trying to keep myself from crying.

"You should tell him that, I'm sure he'd like to hear it. Come on, he's waiting for you," Daddy announced, picking me up. The night got colder and Daddy's warm chest felt good, but Solace would feel better.

"Why is she crying?" My mom asked stopping us on the way to my room. I was so close, so close to Solace that it started to hurt.

"She's just tired," Daddy said taking my down the hallway closer to my Solace.

"How much of that did you hear?" Daddy whispered as soon as the door to my room was closed behind us. Solace came out of the corner, where it was dark, I hadn't seen him there but I felt him.

"The last part," Solace said stiffly, watching me cry.

My father said something in Quileute, he was from the old generation when they still learned at school, we didn't anymore so I didn't understand and that made me cry harder. Solace nodded twice before he spoke, his eyes on me.

"It's not like that." He talked to daddy but looked only at me.

"It will be." Daddy gave me a kiss on the cheek and with a sigh he put me in Solace's arms, which I had been straining to reach from the second he put them out for me.

"It's late, Maddie, I can't stay long so you have to stop, okay? Everything will be alright," he murmured in my ear as he sat on my bed. My bed is the biggest thing in my room, a big circle flower in the middle, big enough for Solace to lie on and bring me down with him, my whole body curled on top of his chest.

"I-I love you, so you can't h-hold Ava," I cried hiccupping painfully.

"Breathe, Maddie, please," he sounded scared and it scared me so I took his advice. I unfurled, lying across his chest like he was a mattress and wrapping my arms around my chest, breathing hard until I stopped hiccuping.

"A-all better," I whispered and he giggled flipping us over so we were lying on our sides, facing each other.

"I've gotta go now, Madd," he whispered turning to go but I attached myself to his arm so he couldn't.

"No, I didn't tell you yet! You have to be an adult Solace, Daddy said so," I pleaded as he moved to remove my grip.

"What?" Solace stopped fighting with me, rolling back on the bed and pulling me closer this time.

"If you want to be my friend, Mommy wants you to clean your house and be a good wolf," I said seriously, this was usually how I got him to stay longer.

"Okay."

"Okay?" I squealed wrapping my arms as far around him as I could.

"Yes, if that would make you happy," he whispered pressing his lips, which he had never placed anywhere near me, against my cheek. It was perfect, better than I could have imagined.

"I love you, Solace." I yawned putting my face into his neck which was the best smelling part on his body.

"Let's sleep, okay, Beautiful?" The bright red blush that always crossed my face when he called me 'Beautiful' made my cheeks hot, but he didn't notice. He didn't move to leave, he just settled in, taking off his shoes and covering me with a sheet before he clicked the lights off. The first night of hundreds we'd spend together.

* * *

Endnote: Before you ask, Quil told Solace that he didn't like lying to Claire and he was doing this for Maddie so never break her heart... something along these lines.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Growing Up

* * *

March 2039

One of the best parts of being married to Amber, besides the physical and emotional intimacy, was being able to see her go from the world's most beautiful young lady into a powerhouse of a woman. After graduating from high school, getting married and spending six blissful months traveling the world on our extended honeymoon, Amber enrolled at the International Academy of Design and Technology. With only my financial support, she excelled in the Interior Design department, something even she didn't know she was interested in until she started, but she was a natural; Amber had an eye for detail.

When she graduated, her dwindling family celebrated with us, congratulating her on her accomplishments and her new position at Northbrook Design Inc., in Seattle, one of the largest commercial and residential interior design companies on the West Coast. She was just an intern, but I burst with pride whenever I talked about my wife, the successful designer. She was still just an intern when she got pregnant with my boy, so her first big project was the condo I bought for our growing family, but it was beautiful. I didn't think about bedrooms and sofas, but when it was done it felt right. I missed that room more than most anything in my previous life because it represented so much more than a place to sleep.

So when Maddox told me I had to be a good wolf and adult, I was put on the rope. Amber was the only person I knew who could do the whole decorating thing, but was it too soon? And was she the only person I could think of because I still longed to see her? I didn't think there would be any point in my life when I didn't want her in some way, she was a magnet and though I rotated around Maddox, Amber still pulled me towards her, a constant struggle between two polarized forces: one natural and one mystical.

I didn't call Amber straight out, I called the company and gave them my info. As a principal designer, I knew she would hear about the large project, and if she wanted to come here, she would; she did.

She came in a perfectly tailored designer suit with a shiny briefcase, looking more adult and professional than I'd ever seen before. Her long black hair was pulled back into a tight bun, her white button-up left a little low so that I had to keep myself from looking down into her tempting and familiar cleavage. Her metal tipped skyscraper heels clicked loudly across the wood floor, the only thing new in this extravagantly large, but unkempt house I'd purchased for its proximity to Phil.

She didn't speak; she took out a silver Mont Blanc pen and notepad and made notes on every room, her robust and friendly looking assistant taking measurements whenever necessary.

"This is a rather large residence, Mr. Avery," Amber said stiffly, taking a seat in one of the four chairs that came with the house, they were dining room chairs but I placed them in a square in the living room.

"Your name is Avery too, is that common in La Push?" Her enthusiastic intern practically hopped as she spoke.

"Dora, this is my ex-husband," Amber strained, struggling with the word 'ex-husband' which made her momentarily look like the warm wife I once knew.

"Oh, wow, awkward," the shapely latina stammered, standing and almost running out of the room.

"Why did you buy the largest house in La Push?" Amber asked with a bit of a smile. She knew me best so she was smart enough to know it was likely I'd bought the house, without second guessing the price, for a stupid reason.

"It was close to Phil's," I answered, laughing at myself. It was nice to see her smile even if it was only for a second.

"So's ole Miss Grey's house and it's still on the market," Amber exclaimed, tossing her hands in the air.

"I didn't like the agent for the Grey house," I explained and her smiled returned, before she pulled out reading glasses. I knew she didn't really need them, but I loved the look just the same.

"Only you would buy the only mansion near La Push because you didn't like the real estate agent for a normal-sized house… well, that's better for me, more square feet equals bigger commission," she joked.

"How's business?" I was desperate to ask how she was, knowing that she at least had enough money would have to do, I guess.

"I'm fine, Solace," she answered my silent questions and flew past them. "Okay, well we've got a two floor… four bedrooms, three bathrooms, with a living room and dining room combo and a kitchen that should be condemned. That means money." She was tough, she talked to me like a client and that was—God help me—a major turn on.

She might have been ready to work with me but I wasn't, I was still too weak, I thought I could handle it but I couldn't. Her sensual scent and the way she crossed her legs made me want to force them apart, claiming her again till she took me back. I was not good at many things but sex was something I had plenty of practice at.

"Princess," I sighed grabbing her hand as she whizzed through books. I wanted her closer, in my lap or flushed against my body, though I would settle for any position or connection she preferred.

"Solace—this is business and only business," she breathed, her rapid heartbeat giving her away until she pulled her hand away. "One day, maybe not any day soon, I want to be able to come back here. I want to walk around my hometown and visit my family without this—this thing with us. We need to try to find a way to be around each other like adults."

"Is that why you took this job, so we can become friends?" I asked, sitting back in my chair so I could stretch out my leg which was now burning.

"Does it still hurt?" She avoided my question, whenever I asked anything too personal she always pulled away. I didn't know where she lived now, if she was dating anyone and I couldn't tell for the life of me if she was happy, I prayed she was.

"It comes and goes," I said honestly and she sighed.

"I do want to be your friend, you don't know how desperately I need you in my life Solace. But we're not ready. If we can work together then maybe we can do other things together… hat's why I took this project," she said simply. Then she flicked her briefcase open and it was business.

"I don't care what it looks like, it just needs to be inhabitable," I admitted.

"How many bedrooms would you like to be bedrooms, there are four rather large rooms?" She asked not looking me in the eye.

"Just me," I insisted and she scoffed.

"Okay, a four bedroom house and you want me to make three other, what? Libraries? Gyms? Storage rooms? You don't have gym equipment, books or things in general to store. So obviously you're going to need a guest room, I suggest two, one for… _her_ and one for adults," Amber said pulling out a form that had multiple questions on it.

"What's that?" I asked. It looked like the quizzes in the back of Cosmo magazine.

"Survey. Okay, I do bedrooms first, so when you think of… _her_ , what color do you see?" She asked very seriously.

"Yellow," the word was out of my mouth before I had time to think of it but once it was out, I knew it was right.

"Great, yellow, and yourself?" She answered taking note of the color yellow under the guest room column.

"Gray," I answered honestly. She sighed, looking up at me for a moment before she wrote gray in three different sections of her survey.

"Are you… seeing her yet?" Amber asked looking up seriously.

"Not officially." I wanted to tell her more, I would have loved to go into detail because of anyone in my life, I knew she would be able to come up with a solution, but it just wasn't right.

"So then you're stalking her," she joked, standing and evaluating the big open space.

"I've progressed a little past that… I'm at the sneaking around stage," I chuckled.

"Why are you sneaking?" she asked uncertainly.

"Claire."

She raised her perfectly arched eyebrows then bobbed her shoulders, kneeling and rubbing her hand across the wood of the floors.

"Well, Claire can be a problem," she agreed before praising my floor. "The floors are beautiful, real hardwood," she said merrily, measuring from my open kitchen to the edge of the living room.

"Solace this is… what, three thousand square feet?" She asked in awe, running her hand along the east wall.

"I'm not sure," I said uncertainly.

"It's a great family home," she commented trying to sound nonchalant, but I knew she thought what part of me did—this should have been our family's home. Nodding slowly she frowned, before she spun around sat down and started sketching on a tablet. I watched her as she expertly made shapes and angles that represented the room.

I leaned in, trying to see her expert hands at work and the scent was overpowering, representing a perfect time of happiness in my life. She turned back to watch me watching her and our faces were inches apart, she put more distance by leaning down and becoming engrossed in her drawing though I could almost feel the hard beating of her heart.

"How long is it going to take?" That was my only concern. I wanted to show Maddox that I was trustworthy, that I had taken her demand seriously.

"Depends on what you're willing to spend… so what I'm seeing is dark meets light," she said throwing her hand up as if she could see it directly before her. "Blacks and grays matched with bright whites, yellows, greens. With the dark colors you like we're going to need more natural light, windows, yeah windows," she was talking mostly to herself now so I let her go. "You're facing the beach so that's a great source of light and a great view, I'm thinking we could knock out the whole side wall, it'll cost a fortune but it will be beautiful and raise the value to almost double. Since you're not technically on the rez you don't have to present it to the council for approval… what do you think?"

I smiled watching her as she made a sketch of what would be my living room which was a large open space, currently very empty.

"Whatever you like," I sighed and she squealed; I'd missed that sound so much. I lived in this limbo between Maddox and Amber, such a vocal part of me missed Amber so thoroughly it hurt. Any night that I was forced to lie alone, I was tormented with images of Amber, they spread to the very corner of my mind. The other part, this unnatural draw, pulled me towards Maddox, altering my emotions as completely as Jasper.

"Maddox grew up surrounded by art, I think um, commissioning Claire for some pieces might help with the… tension," Amber said, tip-toeing around the issue of her own strained relationship with Claire. Claire had supported Amber and our decision to marry, it was our right as adults, but they had not spoken much since, when before they had been connected like sisters.

"Okay," I sighed, putting my hand up in defeat. Amber knew I was not one for arts and hoopla but I would do whatever it took to get in Claire's good graces because it was what Maddox so deeply desired and her desires were mine.

"So let's talk money," Amber said sitting back down.

"No, just do it. I'll give you my bank card, it still has your name on it," I said running down the hall to the room I'd claimed and retrieving my card for her.

"Well, then, we're done," she sighed, packing up her things and heading out. On the way out, her arm brushed mine and we froze, keeping the connection for as long as possible before she broke off, I was panting.

Construction started the morning after next, and David was the first person at my door followed by Randy who was working with him for the summer so he could save some cash for a wedding dress. I had just gotten home from Maddie's but David didn't comment, though I knew he could smell her, showing me the price and asking me to sign the contract before the rest of the crew came in.

It was an express deal, Amber had that kind of power, most people including David, were scared enough of her wrath to move a few things around when she demanded. With my whole wall being knocked down, anything valuable had to be moved, and technically so should I. I didn't have much to worry about, I had not been shopping since I came back to La Push. I had only what Mark and Maddox thrust upon me, but I put it in Phil's house and pretended to stay with him while sneaking into Maddie's room nightly.

I hated it, I tried to stop myself, tried to keep it as a one-time thing but snuggled in with Maddox was the only real night's sleep I'd had since Amber had left me. Hearing her steady heartbeat, feeling her constant breath against my neck or the rise and fall of her chest when she sprawled on top of me made me feel safe, if she was okay then I was too.

I loved waking up to her little shaking hands, feeling the little kisses she left on my cheek before she got ready for school. I tried really hard to draw a line but it was getting harder and harder. One day it was going to have to happen and it was better to do it now, but I was weak. She was eleven now, this could only happen for another year or so, because when she became a teenager, when she was old enough to date, I was going to have to fade into the background. This was imperative for both of our happiness; she couldn't be pulled into whatever physical thing it was about me that drew women to my side, because it never lasted long. Physical attraction only got me so far and knowing how thoroughly she could affect me, I knew when she pushed me away I wouldn't be able to stand again. I had been broken too many times, there would not enough glue in the world to put me together after that.

Amber was at my house every night, during the day my house was a construction zone and at night, it was polished. Amber started on the second floor. After every room was painted, wallpapered and all the floors were polished to her liking, she started to order furniture.

She made my bedroom an almost exact replica of the bedroom we shared in Seattle, so exact I wondered if the furniture was not the same; I didn't ask. The only thing she changed was the accent color. Instead of being black and white with wine red, she used a vibrant green that was warm and happy.

I don't know what she did during the day but nights, she spent with me, until after dinner when she drove back to Seattle and I slipped into Maddox's room feeling guilty though I knew nothing inappropriate had happened… yet.

Amber had started to come in her normal Amber clothes and it proved harder for me to resist. Part of me knew that if I pushed it, if I smashed her against the wall and took her she wouldn't want to stop me, but when I over thought it Maddox came to mind. She didn't like me even hugging another girl and though we weren't at that dating stage, and God willing we never would be, I knew it would upset her.

Claire showed up days before Amber said it would be completely done, it was a ten month process that was ending now in the beginning of another summer. It was the second time she looked over my place, but the last time she came with Amber to get a feel for the place and the design. I made a big show of leaving early for patrol; Maddie was insistent.

I did one patrol shift a week for the first two months after Maddox first made the demand and I progressed to training the new generation in my specialty: hand to hand combat. Fighting in human form and as a wolf is completely different though equally useful. The two styles required different skills entirely and Levi in particular excelled in it, while, as wolves, Freddie and Randy were naturally agile and strong. I was surprised that no matter how uncomfortable it could be to work my leg, I had missed being a wolf; as time went on whether it was because I was phasing again or because I had Maddie in my life, I started to look young again…or younger.

"Are you planning to resell?" Claire asked, taking in the house for the first time since it had been completely remodeled. I understood her question, it was just me and this house was built for a family, a large family. My master bedroom with its private connected bathroom stood next to a room that would serve as my library once I got books to fill it.

There was a huge living room and dining room near the first floor guest bathroom, all of which you could overlook from the kitchen. On the second floor, there was a small sitting area, two guestrooms and another bathroom, all on an acre of land just outside the La Push reservation limits which Phil's house straddled.

"No, I'll be living here." She hadn't talked to me since I was forbidden to see Maddie, it made me feel deceitful pretending as if that was not happening and lying was never my style, but with your imprint all morals seemed to go out the window.

"It's beautiful," she said stiffly, turning back to me before she motioned for Quil to come inside.

"It'll be more beautiful once you're work is up," I tried to be flattering but I had lost my flare with women long ago, when Leah ripped my heart out and did the rumba on it. The truth was I had no idea what the pieces would look like, Amber had given me an overview and I knew Maddox helped with one, but I couldn't be bothered with it.

Quil carried the art one by one, 14 pieces, for a grand total of seven-thousand four hundred dollars, but if that put me in Claire's good graces, it was worth it.

She used pretty much every medium: acrylic, watercolors, oils, inks, prints, and even two sculptures, one metal and one made of recycled glass, which was how I knew Maddox helped; she cut her cute little fingers twice before she had to stop. She and Quil hung and placed each piece in the house in silence and I didn't get in their way, terrified I would somehow offend her.

"Um… did Amber settle the payment?" I asked awkwardly as she stood in the hallway, frozen on the way out.

"Do you—do you think about her?" Claire asked, her hand poised on the knob.

"Everyday. Every hour," I answered honestly. I didn't ask which one he was talking about, it was true for both Amber and Maddox.

"You're looking thin, come over for dinner tomorrow," Claire called over her shoulder as she walked out the door, my heart stopped.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Letting Go

* * *

March 2039

That night after Claire left, I slept alone, feeling guilty about sneaking around behind her back when in actuality Claire only wanted the best for her child. I was not the best for Maddie, and if Amber and I had had the children we were supposed to, as a dad, I probably wouldn't have let any daughter of mine near a guy like me.

Okay, honestly, I only tried to sleep alone, and around 3 a.m., I caved, slipping into her room where she tossed and turned.

"Solace?' She groaned rolling over and rubbing her warm brown eyes with her tiny fist.

"Sorry, Muffin," I whispered, kissing her pudgy cheek shamelessly. I shouldn't touch her or kiss her in anyway but she was irresistible, this magnet dictated my life.

"Where were you?" She asked drowsily, hitting me on the arm in anger. It hurt only because I knew she was mad at me.

"Being stupid," I admitted sheepishly. I felt as though I was giving an excuse for being late to my boss and, in a way, I was.

"Well, stop doing that, okay?" I nodded a serious yes.

"So you're coming for dinner?"

She was now wide awake, her eyes sparkling in the dark room. I nodded and she squealed, hopping on her knees before launching herself at me. She was heavier, not fat, but her weight felt more significant on top of me. She was growing, a few months from twelve-years old and developing. Girls got older quicker nowadays and it was scary with Maddox.

She was quickly becoming a different kind of beautiful. I'm not a creep or some dirty old man, but I could see it, the shadow of her impending beauty, and it was terrifying.

Mark called me in the morning before Maddox had a chance to wake me up with her customary peck on the cheek, and I was happy to find I wasn't going to the Ateara house alone; he and his family had been invited.

I left as soon as Maddox woke for the day, letting her hug and snuggle me before she dressed and walked to school.

Around five in the evening before I started to dress, Mark, Eli and Jordan came to my house bearing gifts, well, not gifts exactly, seeing as Amber paid for them with my bank card—but Jordan brought five very large boxes of books for the library. In my four bedroom home, which Amber called Avery Manor (because every "mansion" needs a name), Amber had transformed the third guest room into a library. I hadn't actually needed a library seeing as my collection included Jordan's four books, two sign language dictionaries and a journal I stopped writing in the day I imprinted, but Amber thought I might need a place to relax. Jordan bought all the essentials which ended up being two thousand dollars worth of books I might never read.

Mark also came with advice; he was filled with different tips on how to deal with Claire. He dealt with a lot of people in his job as a legal advisor. It was a newly acquired profession, he had finished studying years ago but now that he was finished as Alpha and Eli was settled, he had a chance to start his life. His first job was for the tribe and he was enjoying it, it was much easier than running with a pack of wolves.

"Don't argue with Claire, you should know that...don't lie to her, the truth always has a way of coming out and it'll be worse in the end, but don't volunteer the information either," Mark listed as Eli strapped himself to my arm. They dressed me in a black button up and jeans that made me look young, younger than I felt but I was given the 'Eli Seal of Approval' so I didn't argue.

May flowers were blooming, the gentle breeze sending the scent of gardenias, a scent I have been told I possess, to guide our path to her home. Her scent, which had been burned on my mind since the moment our eyes met, greeted me at the doorway and I inhaled deeply before I came inside. Their youngest child Addison answered. He was tall for his age and looked very much like his father, though not as tanned. He held his hand out for a shake, much like an adult, then ran off to meet his sister, Harley.

"Harley the Hellion" was infamous in the pack, similar to her idol Soli, who incidentally stood attached to her imprint, Randy, on the opposite side of the room, just a month away from their wedding. He would be graduating from Quileute Tribal School in three weeks and the build-up to the day made Soli uncommonly reserved. Randy however, seemed unfazed, he was beaming as if everything in the world was perfect, but then that was his natural state of being. His sunny demeanor was rubbing off on her, so much so that it even affected her clothes. Before they were together, Soli liked to dress like a rocked-out, sex kitten, but now she wore a coral colored sundress with a fresh tropical flower in her hair that Randy kept leaning in to smell. Every time he did, she reached up for a kiss; it was sickeningly sweet and it made me miss Amber just that much more.

When I was originally invited, I took it as a leap forward, and in a way, it was but with so many people present, it turned out much less of a leap and more of a baby step. Randy and Soli were present, Trisha, David and their daughters, Sarah and Samantha, and to my surprise, Amber; this was a business dinner, the kind Claire held for all her big paying clients. Both David and Randy had worked on my house construction-wise, Jordan had been paid by Amber to stock the library, Claire had done the artwork and Amber had designed it. Only this time there was the added awkwardness of us all being members of an extended family.

It was an awkward mix all around. Amber and Trisha, who were not fond of each other, stayed on opposite corners of the room and Mark happily took the anti-Trisha side, leaving Jordan to stand silently by David whom he liked but had an impossible time talking to. Soli, who had just been accepted into the pack mix, did not want to choose corners so she stood wisely with her fiancé kissing every part of him she could reach when no one was looking. Even the children were not well matched.

Eli, who did not know his cousins (the Uley girls as they had come to be known) very well was uncommonly shy and stuck at Maddox's side. Maddox liked him but as her eyes had not left me since I walked in the house, he was having a hell of a time trying to sign to her. Sarah and Harley were similar in age and in the same grade at school, but since Harley was more likely to set fire to your house then play with dolls like the other little girls her age, they didn't exactly mesh.

Harley tried to attached herself to Soli, but at the moment Soli was preoccupied, progressively more enthralled with Randy. Both Amber and I watched the couple from afar and in unison we looked up at each other and dropped our eyes to the floor in pain.

By the time dinner rolled around only Addison and Sammy had found any form of entertainment, fluidly playing round after round of rock-paper-scissors. They got along well, Sammy's rough exterior and Addison's gentle calm made for a good mix.

Claire had the foresight to arrange the seating, placing small name cards on our seats, so that Trisha and David were on one end near me and Amber and Mark were on the other. To my great delight, Maddox sat across from me, and I was immensely pleased when her brother pulled her chair out for her like a little man because I couldn't.

With sixteen people Claire and Quil had set up two long tables like a Better Homes and Garden spread in their large backyard. Maddox, who was desperate to catch my attention, kicked my feet under the table and I shot up, meeting her eyes for a second to show her I was paying attention. She had dressed up, more than I was actually comfortable with, her thick wavy hair held in a cascade high on her head, stray locks falling across her face. I detected makeup, enhancing her features though I didn't allow myself a glance up to look. Why would they let an twelve year old wear makeup? What was wrong with this world?

"Solace?" She whispered, not moving her lips much for fear of catching the attention of her mother. I nodded to tell I was listening.

"Why is Amber here?" She asked gazing down the aisle to glare at her. Amber sat next to Randy, perfectly still and unimposing but Maddox was not please, her nostrils flared and it made my stomach clench, instantly defensive of my wife... ex-wife.

"Maddox," I warned through clenched teeth and she huffed, so loudly Claire caught wind.

"What's wrong?" she asked looking between us. Trisha, who I had not talked to since her feud with Amber a decade ago, came to my rescue.

"Maddox was just asking about the artwork in the house. I'm interested in seeing it too, Solace. You should have a housewarming party when everything is situated," she said smoothly.

"Party?" Trisha had gotten me out of a potentially ugly situation put me in another.

"Annabelle and dad can cater," Amber chipped in. Annabelle had left school before graduation still traumatized by her kidnapping and desperate to start her life. Her new life included being one of the only party planners/caterers in the La Push area, and she was pretty good at it from what I could see at Maddox's birthday party.

"Annie does all of my new houses now," Amber rang out, still pimping out her youngest sibling, who had recently moved in with her imprint and thrown a housewarming party of her own, though I didn't attend.

"Sure, sure. Sounds good, we'll invite the town," I tried to say enthusiastically.

Claire gaped but piped in just the same, "I'll bring another painting… i think your bathroom is a bit bare and I've got the perfect one, Maddox and Harley painted it," she said nodding. And it was official; I was inviting the whole of La Push into my home.

When dinner was finished, Amber left first and we soon filed out. I followed her scent all the way back to my house, my heart beating faster as I heard hers pounding against her chest at a steady rhythm.

"I've got something for you," Amber breathed before I made it to my doorstep where she stood.

"Yeah? Is it a bill?" I joked, she giggled her hand slapping my arm then staying there, pulsating.

"No smart ass, but I've got that too," she smiled, holding her hand out for the key. When I followed her inside, I was thrown back by the force of what I saw. My things, my life set out before me. The lamps, knick-knacks and all of the personal effects I had accumulated in the last 47 years of my life were placed around the house, making my mansion which looked a lot like a design catalogue before, feel like a home.

There were pictures, not of her and me together, but of my family that had all died years ago, Phil and the pack before the divide, Mark and I, landscapes from our travels abroad. The solid gold lamp I took from my room in Volterra for the shear ridiculousness of it, stood in the corner; the scrolls we bought on vacation Thailand. The silver Buddha from Nepal, the beaded cushions from India, all there. I rushed through the house leaving her in the living room as I ran to our bedroom—or my bedroom rather.

My clothes and shoes were all in place and on my nightstand stood one picture of us, sweet and meaningful in a silver frame. She was young in it, before I left for Italy, which was the biggest mistake of my life. Maybe if I hadn't left, if I had been man enough to deal with my pain, I wouldn't have needed an imprint.

In the picture, she was sitting on the hood of my old sports car, the blue one I gave to Michael before I left for Italy, which now belonged to Levi. I stood next to her, my head inclined smiling at the camera; she looked only at me.

"You were the cutest girl in the world," I sighed, listening to her heartbeat at the doorway.

"Ye-yeah," she gasped, releasing the breath she had been holding in. She hadn't cried, not with me. Once the divorce papers were served, she was a stone.

"Princess," I breathed, turning and yanking her to me. She felt right, her body molded to mine with real desire and undiluted love, it was intoxicating. She gasped when I lifted her up by the back of her thighs the way I did every night before I carried her to bed.

"Solace," she whimpered, pounding weakly against my shoulder, I didn't stop. There was a life, there was a world completely different from the one I had fallen into, where we loved each other, where we lived for each other and we were happy. We had never had a chance to say goodbye, tragedy struck, and she gave up on me, the last chapter of my real life was chopped off, and I needed to read it before I could move on. Though Maddox was like an eclipse so often blocking her, the fiery Amber sun still existed behind it. I kissed her, locking my fingers in the soft hairs at the back of her neck so she could not stop me.

"Amber, I love you," I breathed as she struggled with me.

"Solace," she panted against my lips, leaving her mouth open for me to explore. I had missed the sweet undertones of her lips, the salty warmth of her sex.

"God, I want you," I groaned as she wrapped her legs around my hips grinding her warm core against my erection.

"We can't," she whined but her body was not complying, I could smell the perfection of her arousal. I kissed, bit, licked, and sucked everything I could reach and when the cloth of her dress became a hindrance I placed her firmly on the ground and ripped it off, ignoring her words; she shivered. I couldn't hear 'we can't' or 'we shouldn't' because, strike me down, I just didn't want to.

"We have to," I commanded, laying her back against the bed and ripping her panties off. I spread her legs at the knee kissing down her flexed thighs until I reached her center desperately tasting her.

"Oh God, now please," she screamed when the gentle ministrations of my tongue against her clit had made her clench and burst twice in rapid succession. I crawled up her body and she pulled my shirt off, kissing the dark scars along my shoulder which I received during my years of combat in Volterra, scraping her nails along my back and urging me forward.

I slammed into her, trying to bury every inch of myself in the tight warmth of her core. We screamed in unison, both elated and tortured.

She did not need to instruct or coax, I knew her body like I knew my own, I had studied it, I had worshipped it for close to six years. Our nights were never lacking some sort of connection, hours spent pleasing each other. And though I was old, broken and a slave to a pre-teen, I would not let this night be tarnished, I needed it before I could move on.

The bed, the bed I now knew from laying on it was the bed we had shared for years, hid familiar grooves, spots where I had pushed myself with so much force the springs beneath her had reshaped themselves, while I searched for oblivion. Along the mattress there were snags from the clawing desperation of her orgasms, she made new ones, but most of all lingered a scent, the scent of us as a unit remained and it made me drunk with nostalgia.

"Oh God, Amber please, Princess, stay with me," I moaned turning us on our sides so she would not be surrounded by my heat. It had been a few hours and her eyes were glazing, the first signs she was overcome by the heat of my body. I stopped, determined to douse her with cool water before continuing but the wetness on her face was not sweat but tears. She was crying, and it broke my heart.

I carried her to the shower, gently combing her hair the way I watched her do each night before our shower, she cried harder. I tested the water, something I perfected during our marriage where shower time was close to heaven and pulled her in.

"This is wrong," she sobbed against my shoulder, "we-we can't do this again." I pulled her head back, wetting her hair but covering her long lashed eyes which were still streaming with tears.

I kissed her, soft gentle kisses that were loving and warm and real.

"I know," I breathed against her lips, slowly running my hands up her warm wet thighs which were smoother than I remembered.

"Please, let's just—pretend we're still happy," I begged, she choked on a sob, nodding as I lifted her off her feet, placing her against the cold tile causing goose bumps to erupt down her small frame.

I pressed into her, starting with the tip then gliding forward until I was entirely covered in her. It felt final, as if I pulled out, I could not come back in. I did not move, I stayed still, feeling her body adjust to my size as she grabbed onto my neck with one arm, using the other to brace herself against the wall before she started to move against me. It was slow, it was loving, it was our last time together and we both cried.

When her second orgasm under the cool water rocked me, forcing me to explode inside of her, I dropped to my knees, ashamed I could not hold out any longer because I knew it would never happen again.

I kissed her hip bones, the top of her mound, and her navel in silent pleas but I would not vocalize them. I could not subject her to verbal begging, to the weak cries that built in my chest. I had loved before but there was no unaltered, organic love like the one I felt for Amber. I loved Maddox, but then I had no choice in the matter, she was a force of magic and Amber was a force of nature, neither better or more real because they both filled me so completely.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," I wept against her chest. She had turned the water off, pulled us out and gently patted us dry in the cold bathroom, that though it was blindingly white, now felt like a mausoleum for our love.

"It wasn't your fault, Solace," she whispered, pulling me to the bedroom. She slipped on one of my shirts, an ancient brown t-shirt that fell down to her knees. It had once been my uniform in the hardware store I owned two lifetimes ago and it looked beautiful on her. She tossed me my soft black boxers, they were the only thing I was willing to wear to bed when we were together.

"It wasn't your fault either," I assured her though I could see she didn't entirely agree. Amber blamed herself for the loss of our child. "We could have adopted." It was a feeble attempt to make her see reason, and I knew it would not work on her.

"We could have done a lot of things, but you'd still be hers," she said, turning and placing her back to my chest the way we slept every night as a couple. I pulled her in and we drifted.

When I woke she and my shirt were gone, but her scent lingered. I couldn't keep this mattress, it smelled so strongly of her it made me ache. I couldn't keep these boxers or any of the things that reminded me of her, though I wanted with every ounce of my being to lose myself in them.

She left a note. It was short and direct and it was her final goodbye.

 _I can't come back yet, we're not ready. Annabelle will be by for the party planning. Be an adult and win over Claire because you have already captured Maddie's heart. She is the luckiest girl in the world._

 _-Amber_

Next to the note was a final rundown of the billing. I looked it over trying to get a rough estimate of what I had left in my account now that this huge project was over. There was no designer fee, she had worked here every night for the last ten months for free. It was the last present from the woman who had given me everything, and my last gift to her would be finally letting her go.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: My Personal Vitamin D

* * *

October 9th 2053

"Maddie, I know you're a little sensitive on the subject, but… are you sure you're not rushing into this," Chloe whispered in my ear as she removed the last heated curler. Just an hour till the ceremony and the kitchen had become a revolving door. Javier's beautiful mother had just left, welcoming me warmly into the Morales family; it made my stomach burn with discomfort.

"I've been with Javier for years, I'm not rushing into anything," I argued.

"You and Solace were just together like—"

"Don't… just don't, please," I begged and a single introductory cough sounded from behind me. I twirled, pulling my robe tighter to cover myself so I could face whoever was at the door this time.

She wore black, it seemed to be a theme with everyone at this event, my bridesmaids, my mother, my future mother in-law and the love of my life's ex-wife. It was an old fashioned dress, lacey black dress with a soft pink slip under it, and as she walked into the kitchen where the last touches were being put in my hair. She smiled, the sweet loving smile that for a second made her my Amber, the Godmother who taught me how to swear, and not his Amber, the Amber he loved enough to break an ancient bond for, the Amber who disrespected me in every way a woman can disrespect another. The sun streamed in from the window illuminating her skin so that she shined like a diamond and I huffed loudly in response.

"Maddie," my mom said nervously, holding Amber's hand lightly as she urged her forward.

"Mom," I said a little angrily. This couldn't be what I think it is, they just couldn't have the nerve to bring her here for this.

"Amber has something to say. Please, please listen to her," my mom said taking a few steps back so she was at the door. Chloe, who was doing my hair hissed, she would always have my back in the anti-Amber front, that's just what best friends do.

"Maddox, I don't—I don't know how to start so I'm just going to come out and say it. You can't marry that poor man," she said adjusting the bow on her dress.

"Pa!" I was so flabbergasted even my huffs were coming out wrong. I thought she was here to apologize, which she still has never even bothered trying, or worse ask for permission to take Solace back with her to Europe. How dare she of all people talk to me about marriage?

"That's, that's…rich! You giving me marriage advice."

"Yeah me, I'm the perfect person to tell you about marrying the wrong person," she said a little forcefully now.

"At least you admit you were wrong."

"I admitted it over 15 years ago when I filed for divorce, so it's time you stop punishing Solace for it already," she breathed through gritted teeth, always protective of her precious Solace.

"I'm not punishing anyone. I'm just trying to live my life and so should you. Go back to Europe and your stupid family, this is my business," I shouted stomping my foot childishly on the cold tile of the kitchen floor. Her face contorted, I might have gone a bit far by insulting her family to her face.

"Your business? You're about to ruin some poor man for your own selfishness. Is that business to you?" she screamed. Soli came in then, wearing a dress very similar to Amber's as if they had coordinated their vintage lace dresses together. She stood behind Amber looking both stunning and menacing; when it came to Amber, Soli was a fierce protector, I learned this many years ago. I felt both Chloe and Harley take my side, it was very West Side Story but I felt better with backup. Ava, Tara and my mother stood to the corner, looking on in worry. There was a cat-fight brewing, one that had been years in the making, Amber didn't even flinch, she stood still as a statue sparkling in the sun.

"Yeah, you'd know something about selfishness," I egged her on. Amber lived across the universe, miles and miles away from my world, this might be the only chance I had at settling this and I didn't feel particularly adult right now.

"Okay, I was selfish, so don't follow in my footsteps, Maddox," Amber reasoned but Soli scoffed, crossing her arms and rolling her beautiful eyes before she spoke.

"She gave him up for you and now you're just spitting all over her sacrifice. You're the selfish one, so back the fuck off!" Soli sprang to life, the very pinnacle of colorful language and the second the words were out of her mouth, my posse erupted. Harley, who had traditionally been close to Soli, had chosen her side and she ran forward pushing Soli back towards the door.

"Get the fuck out of here!" Chloe screamed.

"You're uninvited!" I joined in, I hadn't invited them anyways, my mother convinced me it was the mature thing to do, but I couldn't care less if I ever saw either of them again.

"Great! We don't wanna see you ruin some stupid dude's life anyways!" Soli screamed pushing Harley off of her, Harley flew from the force of it and slammed into Ava, who caught her with poise.

"Come on Amber," Soli huffed trying to pull Amber out the door, she was frozen, she hadn't moved during the entire ordeal.

"Maddox, I know you hate me but this isn't the way to get back at me… or him," she said, almost pleadingly.

"I'm not trying to punish him, not everything is about you. It's just not meant to be with us, not anymore… and I don't want to be alone," I sighed and she left, bowing out gracefully, her long beautiful hair shimmering in the light from the window as it cascaded down her back.

As much as I wanted to blame her for everything, for every wrong move and every bad decision, I knew I couldn't, I was to blame too. There was so much I could have done, so many things I could have said and things I wish I could unsay…

March 2039

He didn't come. Two nights in a row… he didn't come on time and this time he didn't come at all. I waited, I tried to be patient for patrol, or any adult things he needed to do but he never came and without him, sleep was so much harder to find. My stomach literally hurt without him. I tossed and turned and counted sheep and experimented with my body but nothing worked.

My friend, Jenna, the closest friend I had at school, told me in secret about masturbation. It was embarrassing. I knew about it. I mean, I knew about guys, how they could do it, and I guessed girls could do it too, but Jenna, who was a lot more open about things like that, including talking about her period, which she already gotten, told me the specifics. How to do it, when, ,. When he didn't come, I felt… wrong. I don't know how to explain it. It didn't hurt exactly, but my time without him was like the feeling of missing out. It felt like… like when someone skipped you in line or like if they are passing out juice to everyone in class but they never even gave you a cup, but you were really thirsty. Not like being picked last for dodgeball, more like never being picked at all.

Touching myself like that didn't make it better, it made me think about him more, made me want him with me more. It felt…nice, different from anything I'd ever felt, except for maybe him holding me, but pressed against Solace's warmth was better.

"Wake up, Sunshine," my dad called from the door knocking lightly twice before he entered. This was his way of telling Solace to leave, but he wasn't here and I was already up, worried. Was he hurt? Did something bad happen to him? Was he with Amber? Would they be getting married again? "Where's Solace?" he asked looking around the room, I shot out of bed and into his arms.

"I don't know!" I howled, crying, though part of me knew it was silly, if he were hurt I would know it, I would feel it. Solace was part of me.

"He probably—" my dad stopped, pulling back so he could get a better look at me. "Maddox, you're bleeding," he said examining me, then stopping with a sort of sad smile.

"Where?" I screamed looking around until he called for mom.

"I think your mom should talk to you about that." Then I understood. I stepped back a little embarrassed. It all made sense, the tummy ache, and the crying, but not why Solace wasn't here.

My mom took me into the bathroom and explained how all the women things worked, though I had read the boxes in my bathroom enough times to get the point. I showered feeling tired, embarrassed and uneasy. Something about his absence wasn't right and I couldn't just wait until tonight to ask, what if he didn't come then either?

I dressed quickly, maybe a little nicer then I would have normally done for school and ran out the door without breakfast, before anyone could ask questions. I needed to see him, it was urgent. His house, like Phil's, was just down the road from the school, but in the opposite direction, and I passed classmates and even a teacher as I ran as fast as my legs could take me towards his door. I could almost smell him as I approached… girly, like flowers and oranges but with a hint of something different and powerful, a little like my father but more potent.

"Solace!" I screamed before I reached the door, I knew he would hear me if I whispered, but I screamed anyway, getting closer to him, knowing he was here made me feel better. I grabbed the door knob and shook it, I didn't expect it to be open but it was.

I hadn't seen his house but I knew it was huge just by looking at the outside. I had heard everything about it, from my mom and Amber but it was much bigger than I expected when I got inside and it made me sad, thinking of him living here, all alone. It was even larger than my house and we had five people stuffed in there.

"Madd," he sighed coming down the hall through the kitchen and standing in front of me, he was naked. Not naked, but almost, more than I had ever seen before. My father and the rest of the pack walked around without shirts all the time but never Solace and maybe it was because, unlike the other wolves, Solace was marked. He had scars, lots of them, just seeing them made me hurt. They were scary, dark ones that stood out against the lightly tanned skin on his right shoulder and down to his chest.

"What happened to you?" I choked, tracing my fingers along the lowest scars, which were the only ones I could reach even on my toes; I am not a tall girl and he is well over six feet tall.

"Wars, too many to count," he said covering my hand with his and lacing his fingers through mine, pulling my hand away from the raised skin on his chest. The magical hypnotic power of his scars broke and I was angry again.

"Where were you?!" I screamed jumping so I was against him, feeling the warmth of his skin through the thin material of my dress, I had missed it badly. He lifted me up, my arms wrapped around his neck tightly, my cheek pressed against his, this was right, this was how I needed to sleep every night forever. He couldn't marry her again. Besides being my best friend and the most beautiful man in the world, he had healing powers, just hugging him instantly made the nagging cramps in my stomach dissolve.

"I was here," he said placing me down on the floor in his living room, the light was bright, one whole side of his room made of windows.

"Is she here?" My voice was high-pitched and it burned to hear, so very unlike me.

"No, she left already," he said simply sitting on the grey couch, stretching his long legs. He was in boxers, they were red and looked soft though I hadn't touched them. I tried not to keep staring at him but he was really nice to look at, more than I already knew, even his scars were beautiful. Actually they were especially beautiful because he wore them proudly, underneath this sadness, there was a warrior.

"You slept with her?" It was a two sided question; were they in the same bed all night like me and him…or was it more like my parents, either way made it my hands sweat.

"Yes," he didn't lie and he didn't elaborate and that made me angrier. Why didn't he see he should have lied? Why wasn't he embarrassed? Didn't he feel it, didn't he know he was mine?

"You're mine!" I screamed. I hadn't said it before, I thought he just knew but I couldn't lose him now, when I was too young to be with him yet, the way he needed or wanted Amber.

"Maddox," he sighed, standing and walking back towards his room, I followed him. He closed the door behind him, emerging fully clothed, before he spoke again.

"Maddox, we're friends, best friends, you're my favorite person in the world… but I'm a man, an old man, almost twice your mother's age. Do you understand?"

I hated when he talked to me like this, like a baby, I was not an idiot, I knew things, a lot of things. I knew he and Amber had had sex, even if I didn't want to think about it. I knew men liked sex and wanted it. I knew he didn't think about me like that, but I wasn't going to be a little girl forever and I knew if he just waited, I could be with him in that way. I knew I would want it, want him, forever.

"I'm not a baby, Solace, I'm going—"

"You're bleeding," he interrupted, grabbing my hands and inspecting them.

"See. I got my period, I'm not a baby," I said, crossing my arms as if to prove my point. His eyes scrunched thoughtfully until they were almost too small to see and he covered his face with his hand throwing his head back against the door before he looked back down at me.

"I'm 46-years old, Maddie," he sighed.

"You're not getting any older, so don't marry her or anyone else again, just wait for me, okay?" I screamed.

"I'm not getting married again, ever… trust me, it was the biggest mistake of my life and one day maybe you will understand that completely," he said zipping my coat back up and leading me back towards the living room.

"No, Solace. No! We…we would be perfect married, it wouldn't be a mistake. I wouldn't ever leave you," I promised and he froze, breathing deeply before he started to pace.

"Maddie—"

"Don't call me that little girl name!" I shouted, he was making me so angry! Did he see me at all? Didn't he know how much I loved him? How many times would I need to say it before he believed me?

"Maddox, you're right. You're not a little girl anymore," he started and even though he was saying what I wanted him to, it didn't feel like the rest would be what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that he loved me too, that he would wait for me and we'd get married one day and he would forget all about Amber and being sad, because I would make him happy every day.

"So things… we can't have the same kind of relationship," he continued.

"Are we going to have the kissing kind of relationship?" I asked leaning in, I was just about the only girl in my circle of friends who hadn't kissed anyone at all.

"No Maddox, no kissing and I can't keep sleeping in your bed. It's not right, and I think it's been giving you the wrong idea. You and me… we aren't going to do that. I'm too old and too pathetic for you. You are young and sweet and happy and you deserve a lot more than me. I—"

I didn't want to hear him say those things anymore, I wanted to show him, show him how we could be together. It wasn't wrong, it couldn't be because it just felt right. I threw myself at him, placing my lips forcefully on his, grabbing his hair tight so he couldn't push me off.

"Maddie," he spoke into my mouth leaving an opening so that I could dart my tongue out and taste his. Everything in my body tingled, perfectly content, he tasted like sunshine. Like that feeling of laying on the beach when your skin absorbs the Vitamin D from the rays, it was more than I ever expected. I pushed my tongue farther in, trying to take in as much of him as possible. He shuddered in violent disgust underneath me, grabbing my hands painfully hard and pulling them away, scrambling to put distance between us.

The rejection and the absence of his flavor burned, more than I ever thought, but then I didn't think he could or would reject me. I thought… I was certain he felt what I did, the draw that pulled us together. I started crying, I tried not to, it was embarrassing letting him see how much it had meant to me, but I couldn't stop.

"This is why we have to stop this, Maddie. I don't want to hurt you, but I can't be anything but your best friend. I promise it's not you, you are perfect, it's me," he said grabbing my hand that pulsed uncomfortably from his earlier firm grip and kissing it.

"Solace, I love you," I cried and just as he pulled me in for a hug, I saw her, my mother standing silently in the doorway watching us.

"Let's go home, Maddie. We need to talk," she said, startling Solace who held me rigid against his body.

"Let her go, Solace." He kissed my hair once before placing me on my feet, I was in trouble.

"Bye," I breathed turning back as she pulled me away.

"Bye Maddox," Solace breathed and it felt final.

"I'll be back to talk to you," my mom called back loudly pulling me away from him, it was like a rubber band, this stretch that made me want to bounce right back to him, it was uncomfortable.

"Mommy, please," I begged, trying to run back to him. I loved him more now, was it possible that the taste of him could make me love him more?

"I can't believe he kissed you!" she seethed.

"I kissed him," I corrected.

"Same thing," she said as we turned the corner onto my block.

"No because he didn't kiss me back."

"You don't want your lips on his, you have no idea where they've been," she said as she wrenched open the door. My father and little brother Addison were on the other side. Addison went to a special school for the gifted in Port Angeles not far from the college my father taught at. They started the day later than at Quileute Tribal School and my father drove him as he headed in for class, they loved their guy time though it made Harley (and me) a little jealous.

"Is she okay?" Addison asked my dad, pulling on his pant leg as my parents silently communicated.

"I'm fine," I snapped at him and he hid behind my father. I instantly felt bad, Addison was the best little brother in the world and it was just wrong to make a lovable little first grader upset.

"I'm sorry," I whispered peering around my father's leg, he smiled sheepishly and kissed my cheek, he was honestly the sweetest kid on the planet.

"Okay kid, it's time for school," My dad said turning around and lifting Addison to his chest.

"Sit," my mom commanded, pointing to the couch, I slumped down, the need for Solace flaring again. I had spent less than an hour alone with him in over 24 hours, it was much less than I was used to.

"How long have you known him?" She asked, she didn't look angry just curious.

"Since I came home from the hospital with pneumonia," I said pulling my legs up to my chest.

"Maddox, there are reasons he's not… he wasn't allowed here," she said. "I know you probably love him Maddie but he's not… responsible. You can't rely on him to always be there when you need him, honey," she said pouting a little, it made her look younger, more like my older sister than my mother.

"I always need him," I whined as the discomfort in my stomach grew worse.

"Which means if you depend on him, you'll always be disappointed… Maddox, you can't wait for him to do the right thing, he might never."

"I have faith in him," I said it with confidence though I felt little. I was his match, i felt it deep inside. I was made to fix him, but would he ever give me a chance to prove it?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Fair Warning

* * *

March 2039

The bed was a pocket of Amber's scent, of our combined essence and before I got rid of it I wanted to wallow here. I would continue getting close to Maddox, it was what Amber requested and even deeper in my heart, it was what I desired. Maddox was special, there was no way to phrase it other than she was perfect and though I felt so much more unworthy, dirty even, around her, part of me felt healed when we were near. She was my little moon, the light in the night, though it sounded cheesy, our months together as secret companions were all I had left. Right this second, though, I would cling to that last bit of Amber togetherness for just a little longer.

Amber. I had been so stupid to marry her, I will admit it now, I was wrong, but I would do it all again just to have that bit of normalcy to go back and reminisce on. Having a normal life sounded so dull to some, they would prefer my time as the head of a vampire guard or as a member in a pack of wolves. Some might even envy the drama of being entwined with my half-brother Embry and his half-vampire imprint in a supernatural love triangle, but I would not relive those times. My time with Amber was the only truly happy family I ever had. My mother, Yvonne, and I know it's stereotypical to have mommy issues, but my mother never built a home. We had a house, it had belonged to my grandparents, both dead before I was born (something my mother thanked God for) but we didn't have a home.

Solace: Someone or something that alleviates grief, the source of comfort. I've looked up the definition of my name countless times since I was a little boy, the words never change but I still keep looking, hoping, I guess, that they would and I won't be the world's biggest disappointment.

I was named Solace with the last remnants of my mother's love for Joshua. I was all she had left of my father, a consolation prize for her only lover whom she adored, and when that love grew cold and bitter, the name lost all meaning. She was a beautiful woman, striking even and young, having had me at merely nineteen, but she didn't seek another man, she turned to God, and he would be her solace, her only love til the day she died from complications of diabetes.

Growing up I was referred to as 'It' or 'The Mistake,' and when she was particularly far gone in her religious fuelled delusions 'The Immaculately Born' or worse 'the Product of Rape'. It made her feel better, I'm sure, for her sins of premarital relations. I was none of these things, well possibly a mistake depending on who you asked.

I was a healthy normal boy, I had a name, I had a father and he was not a rapist, just the irresponsible sire of three, possibly more, illegitimate children: Joshua Uley. As years went by and her image of Joshua was warped heinously, she hated the mere sight of me. On her death bed she couldn't even bring herself to say my name, though she asked for forgiveness, which I granted her as a final goodbye.

I don't blame her for who I became; the lack of love in a household did not make everyone such a terrible fuck up, just me. My fellow pack mate Krys grew up in an abusive home without a mother at all and Kim went through hell with her addict of a mother and they both turned out fine, better than fine, I blame my genes. While my half-brothers Sam and Embry, both oblivious to our blood connection, took after their mothers, I was all Joshua, incapable of belonging to a family, though I had tried, first in my own home, then in the pack and finally with Amber.

"Solace!" Maddox screamed. God, how I hate that name, it was an impossible name to live up to and I did not. For so many women, for most even, I was an aggravation.

Maddox, the center of my world, screamed my name with such discontented force I felt the irony like a brick wall crashing down on me. I had not smelled her, too wrapped in the scent of my former life. I dragged myself away with a promise to order another mattress as soon as I had a chance.

"Madd," I liked calling her that, Madd. It rolled off my tongue, one syllable, one feeling, intense and passionate.

She watched me, no she stared at me, her eyes traveling down my body in a way it shouldn't. I don't walk around without a shirt anymore, the scars that cover the right side of my body are dark and vicious and they scare anyone who looks too close.

The only thing that can scar a wolf is another wolf and the bite of a vampire, though the latter will also kill you the second the venom hits your bloodstream. The grotesque scars that start from the tip of my shoulder and sprawl down to my lower pecs are the product of werewolves, the "real" kind seen in literature. Children of the Moon are a dying breed found mostly in Europe, though as a member of the Volterra Vampire Council guard I might have been responsible for eliminating the last of their species. This was not a bad thing, part of me wanted to feel bad, to hate myself for turning traitor on my own kind but they were nothing like my own species. They were vile, feral, brutish, and a danger not only to the vampire council but to society and as a Quileute shapeshifter (I must distinguish this because the world carries many kinds of shapeshifters), I took my responsibility to human kind seriously. I accepted the position as a guard only after the exit of Vladimir and Stefan, the council's only blood drinkers.

"What happened to you?" She reached out as she spoke, her face scrunched in revulsion.

"Wars, too many to count," I said grabbing her hand and taking it away from my chest. It hurt to have her look at me like that, I tried to prepare myself for that kind of rejection but when it came to your imprint no amount of preparation would be enough.

She stomped her foot, screaming angrily, "Where were you?"

It was as if we skipped a stage in our relationship. One day I was her best friend who she adored, and the next she was a scorned lover demanding to know my whereabouts the night before.

"I was here," I answered honestly dropping down on the couch, heavy with the new uncharted emotions in the room.

"Is she here?"

"No, she left already," this situation got more uncomfortable by the second, she was jealous because she was feeling things for me she shouldn't. Even as I thought that, her eyes raked over my body again and I felt on display.

The only thing I inherited from my mother was my looks, luckily so or I'd look like Sam who was almost a splitting image of our father whom I had only ever seen in pictures. I had her eyes, deep brown with a substantial black outline. I had her thick and chestnut hued hair, her tan, which was faint but russett, and her smile which captivated people with ease. In my youth when I equated sex with the affection I sorely lacked, it was my smirk that caught the most women, though many like Maddox it seemed, were easily impressed, concentrating their attention solely on my body. Being a wolf, my body was well sculpted and it had not changed over the years other than the addition of my ghastly scars.

"You slept with her?" She was on the verge of tears, I could hear it in her voice, and yet I still couldn't bring myself to lie.

"Yes." I wanted to say more but what could I add without giving out information a twelve soon-to-be thirteen-year old did not need.

"You're mine!" She screamed, so high pitched I thought she might have hurt herself.

"Maddox," I started, and when her eyes dropped again taking in my body, I stood, going to my room and covering myself completely before I reemerged.

"Maddox, we're friends, best friends, you're my favorite person in the world… but I'm a man, an old man, almost twice your mother's age. Do you understand?" I hope she did. She was smart, amazingly smart, she had to see that the idea of us together was crazy because without our imprinting (which she knew nothing about), we were just two people, two of the most mismatched people on earth.

"I'm not a baby!" Sign number one she had moved into the teen years. I sighed, willing her to go back just two months previous where we discussed which Disney princess she wanted as a friend most and she let me brush her hair. "Solace, I'm going—"

I inhaled preparing myself to interrupt when the metallic smell of her blood filled my nose. "You're bleeding."

"See. I got my period, I'm not a baby," she said, crossing her arms in front her chest which I now realized uncomfortably, were developing. This couldn't be happening to me. My heart sank quickly to the soles of my shoes. With periods came ovulation, with ovulation came the smell that called each wolf to their imprint telling them it was time to mate. I was screwed.

"I'm 46-years old, Maddie," I sighed, throwing my head back against the door, willing her to understand the problem.

"You're not getting any older, so don't marry her or anyone else again, just wait for me, okay?" she screamed. She had come to a conclusion I was hoping to avoid for a lot longer; I was not getting physically older and one day, she would catch up to me.

"I'm not getting married again, ever… trust me, it was the biggest mistake of my life and one day maybe you will understand that completely," I whispered, apologizing however indirectly before I zipped up her coat to cover her maturing body and leading her back towards the living room. I sat down calmly, though my heart pounded. This had progressed too quickly, I hadn't had time to steer her away from the idea of an "us" or even gradually put distance between us before she started demanding things I couldn't give her.

"No, Solace. No! We… we would be perfect married, it wouldn't be a mistake. I wouldn't ever leave you." Women must be able to see it, they must have this uncanny ability to look in my eyes and see what I was missing, because they all magically seemed to know what I wished they would say, though none had kept their promise.

"Maddie—"

"Don't call me that little girl name!" She was turning red in the face now and though the situation was serious I couldn't help but think she looked adorable angry.

"Maddox, you're right. You're not a little girl anymore. So things… we can't have the same kind of relationship." I had finally drawn the line, but by the hopeful change in her face, it wasn't sinking in.

"Are we going to have the kissing kind of relationship?" She asked happily.

What was it that I did to women? People asked me all the time how I did it, how I attracted so many, I was nothing special. In the pack even, there were better looking guys, both Ethan and Levi for example looked like models compared to me, but women and apparently girls, all seemed to think I was meant for them. It didn't help my cause though that I was in fact meant for Maddox, or at least that was what my wolf genes were telling me.

"No, Maddox, no kissing and I can't keep sleeping in your bed. It's not right, and I think it's been giving you the wrong idea. You and me…we aren't going to do that. I'm too old and too pathetic for you. You are young and sweet and happy and you deserve a lot more than me. I—"

She charged at me. I didn't have even a second to consider it, one second to decide what to do. She was sitting her heart pounding across from me, and then she was lodging herself between my spread legs kissing me with too much passion for a little girl.

"Maddie," I whispered against her lips, readying myself to push her away when she slipped her tongue, which tasted wonderfully of spearmint and peach, into my mouth. I hated myself exponentially more for it, but she tasted good. I wasn't turned on, she was a very little girl, but that taste was, on a very basic wolf level, attractive to me.

I grabbed her hands frantically trying to get away from her, she whimpered when I tightened my grip and I could have cried. I hadn't thought about the pressure I was exerting and I had hurt her.

"This is why we have to stop this, Maddie. I don't want to hurt you, but I can't be anything but your best friend. I promise it's not you, you are perfect, it's me," I assured her, kissing her slightly reddened hand, and though I had said that to women before, never had I meant it as wholly as I did with Maddox.

"Solace, I love you," she cried looking at her hand sadly, it broke my heart and I couldn't help but bring her closer, cradling her to my chest. I had hurt her too many ways today, and if I weren't careful, I would cave, I would allow her to kiss me or make promises I shouldn't. I needed to be hugging her, comforting her in a platonic way before things got even farther out of line.

When I'm with Maddox it's like being placed into a bubble where all I could see, hear, smell, or feel is Maddox, it's an amazing experience. It didn't exactly work in my favor today though, when I completely missed Claire standing and watching the scene unfold. I was screwed, she would know yesterday wasn't our first meeting and Lord knew how she would react, I held Maddox tighter.

"Let's go home, Maddie. We need to talk," Claire said looking me over in complete abhorrence. "Let her go, Solace," she demanded and I kissed her coconut scented hair before I let her down.

"Bye," she whispered sadly, though I knew she had no clue how final this might be.

"Bye, Maddox," I breathed my heart constricting as she turned the corner.

"I'll be back to talk to you," Claire scowled and I nodded silently.

I would take Mark's advice, I wouldn't lied, I would apologize and beg, because at this point there was no way around it, I needed her in my life. I could not live happily, if that's what I was when I was with her, if she was taken from me. I had no one left, and though she shouldn't be, though I knew how dangerous it was, she was the only thing I had tying me to this earth.

Claire returned alone two hours later, still smelling of Maddox, which was a unique mixture of coconut and sugar cookies. I stayed silent, this method had worked for me in breakups before, women usually broke the silence first, but Claire was tough. She sat dressed impeccably well for a mother of three small children, her legs and arms crossed formidably staring me down till I cracked.

"I couldn't stay away from her I tried, I really tried," I said placing my hands up as if to shield myself from her non-existent blows.

"Why do you think I kept you away from her? Hmm? Do you think I hate you Solace? Or maybe that I've misunderstood you?" She asked calmly, sitting on the arm chair across from me, highlighted by the sun from the window behind her so that it looked as though she had a halo.

"Because I'm not good enough for her… because I chose someone else over her… because she shouldn't be around someone as fucked up and doomed as me," I listed slowly. I felt as if I were talking to the principal, it was belittling, and as I was already at the lowest of lows, I didn't know how much smaller I could feel before I just disappeared into nothingness.

"Well two out of three isn't bad," she said uncrossing her legs and leaning forward towards me. "An imprint, Solace, and I don't care who says what, an imprint is not about making babies or sex or any of that… An imprint is a perfect match, believe me, I know better than anyone. I have spent my entire life with Quil, I was made perfectly for him. We… fit. I can't say you aren't good enough because saying that would be saying she isn't and I hope at least by now you know how special she is."

"She's perfect, I didn't leave because she wasn't," I whispered.

"I know… Solace, I know you better than you think, or I did… I don't know who moved back here to La Push. I can't understand and hopefully I'll never know the kind of heartbreak you've been through, but it's changed you and as a mom that scares me because I don't know what's left of the Solace I knew and grew up with."

"I wouldn't hurt her," I said but even as I said it, I doubted it. I had hurt every woman I loved in some way and in return they always hurt me back tenfold.

"If this imprint, if it happened the day she was born before you and Amber… happened, I would have cried from joy, Solace. You were one of the best parts of my childhood. I don't know who you are now. I know who you were and you were a good man; a good, caring, reliable man."

"I can still be reliable," I said honestly, I didn't know if I had the rest left in me.

"That's good, but that's not enough. Solace when you chose to marry Amber I supported your decision as a man. You don't have to be with Maddox if you don't want to be, but as a mother, I can't… I can't let my daughter be your backup or something you settle for. I've been waiting for you to make a change in your life and to show some interest in her because it kills me, it does, it kills me seeing this. This is not what an imprint should be," she said with a deep dramatic sigh.

"I have an interest… I want to be in her life," I said looking her in the eye for the first time.

"How?"

"However you'll allow me," I said automatically.

"No, Solace, what's the eventual goal?" She asked looking around the house. "You have this huge beautiful home, do you want to share this with her?"

"It's hers if she wants it," I said purposefully. Though it was true, anything I owned was hers if she even expressed the slightest bit of interest, I wasn't exactly answering her question which I had no answer for.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," she said her attitude flaring.

"I don't… I'm not at a point in my life where I can see myself being able to have another… romantic relationship again," I answered carefully.

"She's already in love with you Solace, that's not puppy love. Do you have any idea what it feels like for her, for an imprintee?" She asked but she gave me no time to answer before she plowed on. "Love doesn't—love can't describe how strongly you feel for them. It's a lock, its permanent, she will love you forever. It will never end or change. You will be… it."

"You can't be sure," I argued.

"I can be," she said looking at me as if I were being dumb. "And you are the one person in the world that can break her. She's strong but in your hands she's like the most fragile glass."

"I don't want to hurt her."

"Supervised visits. She can't live without you now but I can't trust you with my baby yet, Solace. You don't understand what this imprint means, for her especially, and until you do and you get your shit together, you shouldn't be alone with her. If you want to see her, you'll do it on family nights." She looked at me as if waiting for me to protest but for the first time in many years, I wanted to hug her. She could have and maybe should have banned me from her daughter entirely and instead she was giving me visits with her family, who because of Maddox's constant chatter, I felt like I knew so well.

"When?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"For now once a week and all pack functions or events," she said stiffly and I didn't argue, it was much more than I deserved.

"I'm sorry, Claire," I said when she stood, adjusting her clothes and walking towards the door.

"Don't apologize, just make yourself better so you two can be happy together," she said adjusting one of her paintings. "And as her mother, I'm going to warn you, don't bring another woman in your bed again or I'll cut your dick off myself." I nodded once, you can't say she didn't give me fair warning.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: It Just Sorta Happened

* * *

June 2039- Feb 2042

I called Claire on the Monday after the kiss, giving Maddox a few days to cool down but apparently it did the opposite. Claire didn't sugarcoat it, or make excuses she sighed deeply and said, "She doesn't want to see you, Solace."

In five days she went from being "in love" with me to hating my guts. I deserved that, I had hurt her when I was made to protect her. And I expected her to be angry but a very cocky part of me thought that, though I didn't deserve it, she would forgive me. Her rejection burned, especially since her fragrance still lingered on everything she touched in my home, and her flavor still clung to my taste buds.

I didn't call back; I respected her wishes though it killed me and only patrolled her house when I knew she would be asleep. I couldn't sleep without her, not well, but it helped hearing her steady breaths through her windows, which were now nailed shut.

Our first time being together in the same general area, was Soli and Randy's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony, in the forest between La Push and the outlying areas. It was the beginning of summer, the wildflowers and trees were all lush and green.

Maddox came with her small family and she passed me without a word, without a smile, without even a glance. Levi, who sat next to me, patted my back in support, he didn't have an imprint so he couldn't know how much the rejection hurt but he was intuitive enough to know I could use a good pat. It was a huge event, massive. Everyone but Ethan and Elena came, the feud between him and David still unsolved, though Trisha and David now had children and Elena was currently pregnant with their first. Leticia and Embry returned, and brought with them most of my old colleagues from Volterra. There were Cullens and Blacks and to my surprise even the Denalis.

They all greeted me, hugging me against their stone cold bodies. Kate and Garrett, my two favorite vampire co-workers were first. Garrett, though he smelled like hell, hugged me and I smiled, the first smile of the day.

"Missing you with the guard," Kate said from behind us. She was one of the most exciting fighters I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting and, if it were the apocalypse, she would be one of the first people I'd want by my side.

"How's your leg?" Edward asked his hand intertwined with Bella's. She wore a tight-fitted dress that just screamed "Alice!" and again I was smiling. I didn't realize how much I missed my life in Europe, how much more at home they had made me feel.

"Better, thank you," I nodded as he took his seat on the bride's side.

Nessie and Jake, holding their son William close, stopped in front of me before they took their seats next to Renesmee's parents. Nessie examined me sadly then pulled me into a silent hug.

"I miss you," she said simply, then directed me to her son. I had heard more than an earful about the three-year old but this was our first meeting.

"Will, this is Solace, say hello," she instructed and he turned his head away from Jake's chest and looked up at me. Like his sister Elena he had big clear green eyes, black hair and a pale golden tan. He was adorable.

"Hello Solace," he said shyly. He was three but with that fourth of vampire in his blood he aged at a rate that he looked to be about 5.

"Hey little guy," I said holding my hand out to shake. He took it trying to squeeze before he let go.

"Hey Jake," I smiled as a flash of something small and sparkling crashed into me.

"Not lookin' good, Solace," Jasper whispered as Alice attached herself to my chest. We had gotten close during my long visit to France. For a vampire she was pretty cuddly and cool and I cared deeply for her in an entirely platonic way, which put me high in Jasper's regard.

"Thanks, Jazz," I shot back sarcastically and he smiled, shimmering unnaturally in the morning sun. Their scents were locked into my mind, each one of them, but there were two unfamiliar vampire scents that put me on high alert. I stayed close to Maddox, sitting two seats behind, sniffing the air frantically. Who could have come and why?

Levi, who sat next to me in a gray button down and dark jeans poked me twice, forcing me to look at him. I had been studying sign language in my free time but when he brought up his fingers to start communicating, I panicked. He smiled, and very slowly spelled.

'C-L-A-I-R-E (pause) S-I-S-T-E-R,' I froze. Lana and I had had a very short lived romance when she was just about eighteen, I thought she was the one, turns out she was a lesbian. You can't win them all, and in my case really I can't win any at all it seemed. She had been turned by her mate, Soli's aunt, Giselle, a few years back and she was a blood drinker now.

I leaned forward, directing my whisper over Trisha's shoulder at Quil who sat in front of her. The music started, people shuffled and though I could smell Amber, Soli's maid of honor from behind me, there was something much more dire to attend to.

"Quil! There's a blood sucker here," I hissed.

"I know," he whispered back, turning to me as the music changed. Everyone stood, Soli was coming but my eyes scanned for Lana. "It's okay, Solace." Quil assured. It was far from okay.

The pack kills vampires, but they have never once spent the time getting to know them, not the real vampires. I had, I had worked alongside Maria and the other mosquitoes that traded services or information for cash in Volterra. I can honestly say I trust Alice, Edward and Carlisle and even Jasper, but they were a different breed.

I caught sight of Lana, sitting with a pair of large sunglasses covered almost completely by the shade of a tree.

They were getting married in the dead of the forest, all the trees surrounding decorated in varying shades of pink. All in attendance were members of the supernatural community, but Lana was the only cold one whose eyes were covered. I honed in on her, I didn't move once as I waited for the ceremony to be over.

There was a howl, a joyous scream and I didn't have to tear my eyes away to know that the ceremony was over. Soli and Randy passed obstructing my view for a second, but the second was long enough for Lana and Giselle to disappear. With my heart pounding in my chest, I pushed past Levi, through Soli's bridesmaids, Amber and Maribel, and scooped her up from her seat pulling her to me.

"Solace?" Maddox whispered in my ear obviously confused.

"Madd, are you okay?" I asked searching for Lana through the crowd.

"Put me down," she screamed.

"One second, one second, and I promise I'll leave you alone," I vowed. I caught sight of her. She was feet away and I walked backwards holding Maddox tighter still.

"I'm mad at you," she screamed pounding her tiny fists against my shoulder.

"I know, and I promise I won't bother you anymore, just let me get you out of here and you won't have to see me again," I said. I wanted to do as she wanted but even saying the words made my heart clench painfully. She didn't want me. I knew she wouldn't, I had nightmares about it even, but it still made my heart heavy.

Lana and Claire turned towards Maddox's scream and I twisted pulling her away from them. Levi came to my side, sizing up Lana and Giselle silently. It was good to know if there was a fight Levi had my back. Lana pulled down her sunglasses, turning her eyes on me and I instantly loosened my grip. Gold. Her eyes were a soft shade of gold. She had gone vegetarian and I had no reason to be holding Maddox anymore.

With a sigh, I placed Maddox down next to Mark who I knew would protect her should anything get fishy and I walked away as I had promised her I would. I was not the only one to leave that day, though while I only made myself scarce so Maddox didn't even have to hear about me, Amber left the country entirely. The day after the ceremony she flew back with the Cullens to start her new life in Europe and I was entirely, utterly, irrevocably alone.

I should have gone with her, not to be with her, that part of my life was over, but I should have gone and taken back some sort of normalcy. Maddox didn't want me around, I had ruined everything and I was alone, but I couldn't bring myself to follow. Even if I couldn't see her anymore, I was trapped here, locked by my imprint which had turned sour.

For Maddox's birthday I bought her a beautiful custom made dance bag with pointe ballet shoes in a perfect shade of lavender. She was thrilled to begin pointe last I spoke to her but unfortunately for me the present had become obsolete without my knowing it. I knew little about her life anymore. Quil no longer gave me updates and I didn't ask for them from anyone else, too ashamed to admit what I had done to make my imprint hate me.

It wasn't just me she hated, Maddox had gone on a Cameron family hating rampage. The rage and jealousy she felt for Amber had spread to every Cameron, including Kim who she had previously adored. Kim who was growing too old to fight pack battles let it go, but when Tara, her dance teacher and mentor, defended them, she was put on her shit-list too. Subsequently Maddox ended her career in dance with a tantrum-like bang. So even while I stood back trying not to ruin her life any further, it seems I was directly to blame for the end of her dance training which I knew she had loved more than anything in the world.

I sent her three letters of apology, still keeping my distance as she desired, but she sent them all back unopened, the last one with a big 'Fuck you!' written across the front in curvy block letters. This one was delivered back to me by Chloe who kicked my shin for good measure.

For Christmas I sent cash. I couldn't not send her something and I didn't feel like I knew her anymore. She didn't send it back and that was my best present of the year.

I spent the day with the Varns and the Camerons who now had a joint celebration since Taylor's imprint. It was held this year at Jordan and Mark's cabin, which had a crackling fire and smelled like pine all year round.

I sat in the corner while they decorated a huge fake tree, Taylor adamant they not get a real one, and giving an hour long lecture about deforestation. The bobbles and ornaments were bright, a rainbow splash of colors that reminded me of the Caribbean and my Christmas with Amber in Barbados.

The eggnog was nonalcoholic for Eli, who kept dipping his crystal mug into the huge punch bowl of it, running back and forth merrily. When he was happy, he made this noise like a high pitched squeal and it burned, his happiness burned me, reminding me more of my own loneliness, of my mistakes and inadequacies.

Jared and Kim, still madly in love, were like a unit and Eli attached himself to Levi. Taylor had his Melody and Annabelle had her Brady. Anna supported Michael who was still not right since the death of his son and Jordan had Mark, who after all this time still had a hard time tearing his eyes away from him. I was the only one alone.

Only Mark's eyes betrayed any sort of sadness. He looked out the window every hour or so until Jordan commented.

"He'll by come tomorrow," he whispered in his ear kissing his cheeks lovingly. David, who Mark had been close to all his life was not in attendance, he was spending Christmas with his own family, his two little girls, his parents and his in-laws and Mark was missing him.

"Bitch," Mark hissed under his breath and Jordan chuckled, pulling him in and kissing him very tenderly on the cheek.

"You should just go over there, they're your family too, it doesn't matter if she doesn't like you," I suggested. He turned and glared at me, his hand on his hip, Jordan shaking his head behind him as if to say 'why did you have to bring that up?'

"You can just as easily go over and see Maddox," Mark countered and I shut my mouth. I wouldn't try to interfere again. I never hated the holidays as much as I did that Christmas and the next which I spent again without her, this time opting not to leave my home at all.

It was more than two years after the wedding, after the birth of Elena's son Emmett, the announcement of Phil's second child, after Freddie and his imprint Maribel finally became a real couple, and Jordan and Mark put in their second application to adopt, that she finally contacted me.

It was February, blisteringly cold and just before 8pm. She called crying and before she even got the story out I was tracking her. I found her about two miles away standing on a street corner alone, clutching her phone like a safety net and wearing not enough clothes for my liking.

When she turned her head to look at me I froze. Like cables wrapped around my heart, squeezing it, pulling me towards her. She had always been in my heart and in my life, but now she was the Sun and I had just discovered the Copernican system.

"Are you—" Before I could get the sentence out she sprung into my arms. She was taller now her head reaching to my chest, though she scaled my body so that her face was smashed against mine. Her body was soft in the most tantalizing way though I cursed myself for noticing.

I had not actually seen her at all in over eight months and some drastic changes had occurred in that time. Her hips had swelled, her waist indented, her smell became more… appealing, and her face had defined in the most painfully beautiful way. She was still fifteen, still much too young to think of as anything but my friend, but she was striking.

"It-it's cold," she whined and I removed my shirt, though I knew my scars scared her. I didn't look at her face, I felt self-conscious standing in front of her so bare, but I didn't care as long as she was warm.

"What happened to your coat?" I asked, rubbing her back and her arms in quick strides, trying not to linger on her curvaceous form.

"In there," she pointed to a house about half way down the road. It was small, red and shaped a bit like a dome.

"Why aren't you in there with it?" I asked carefully.

"Just hold me, okay? I don't want to get it," she said nuzzling her head in the crook of my neck. Her lips brushed my collar bone and goosebumps sprang to life all over my skin. She shivered and I held her tighter.

"Did someone hurt you?" I tried to keep my voice level but I was shaking already.

"Are you cold?" She asked, pulling back to examine my face, I shook my head no, my mouth going dry so fast at the sight of her I wasn't sure I could speak.

"Are you hurt, Maddox?" I asked again, she shook her head no, her eyes still glued on mine and in my relief I didn't bother pulling away when she leaned in to kiss me. There was no passion, no fire, just soft lips pressed lovingly against mine and I relished in it. She had rejected me for so long now I would take whatever she would give me.

"Will you always care this much about me?" She asked moving her lips only a centimeter away.

"Yes," I breathed, clutching her waist.

"I missed you," she sniffled.

"I miss you," I whispered and now it was me kissing her. I didn't make the decision to, it just sorta happened. She opened her mouth inviting me in and though I still dreamed of her taste I kept my tongue firmly in place. When I pulled away she groaned, digging her nails in my neck to keep me close, my toes curled from the sensation.

"You kissed me," she marveled sliding down my body, and bringing her fingers up to trace her pouty lips.

"Um-hmm," I wanted to apologize, I should because it was completely inappropriate, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Again," she demanded, pulling at my waist so we were close again. Her fingers were icy against my skin and I was pulled out of this bubble of magnetic energy that was pushing me towards a path of terribly bad decisions. I could have kissed her again, if she were fully clothed and not in danger of catching a cold or something worse, I would have. I wanted to and that scared me.

"Let's get out of the cold," I diverted her, pulling her up into my arms and running half speed towards my house so I could enjoy holding her just a bit longer.

When I got her into my home, I blasted the heat which I had not yet used and placed her inside, running back towards that house without another word. I don't know what happened, she did not and would not later tell me, but I knew I smelled and tasted another man on her lips.

I knocked on the door still shirtless which made the teen who answered the door, approximately 16 and pimply, nervous.

"Where's her stuff?" I asked calmly, though smelling her on him was devastating.

"Whoa! Whoa Crackhead, I don't—"

"Maddox Ateara," I said threateningly and a woman, a scent I recognized, glided into the room, I honed in on her.

"Solace Avery," she sighed, crossing her hands in front of her chest with a smile.

"Hayley." Hayley was the younger sister of legendary good-time girl Mindy George. In my prime I had greatly enjoyed both of them, though not together.

"Looking… amazing," she breathed, pushing her chest out with a raise of her eyebrows. I bowed my head, looked over her shoulder to where I could see Maddox's jacket and nodded to it. The boy, now fully aware of how thoroughly I could kick his ass ran for it and put it in my hands carefully.

"Nice seeing you too, Hayley," I said swiftly and I was out the door before I could rip the pizza-faced teen into shreds.

I wasn't even through the door before Maddoz hopped on me, wrapping her legs around my hips and planting kisses on my cheeks and my lips.

"Solace," she moaned, a moan that with my eyes closed did things to me it shouldn't.

"I need to take you home," I attempted to be firm, but the only thing firm was my southern appendage.

"Stop denying me, Solace," she pouted, grabbing the wispy hairs at the back of the neck and forcing me forward.

"I'm not Madd, I'm… you're too young," I mumbled, as she sucked on my bottom lip.

"Taylor… and Melody," she panted between the fevered kisses she planted along my neck.

"Different story," I moaned.

"Brady and Annabelle," she said more insistently.

"Not the same," I argued, though my hands which defied me went down to her behind, kneading the flesh there.

"You're my imprint, dammit! You're supposed to love me!" I dropped her.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Vampires, Werewolves and Sex

* * *

October 9th 2053

"An hour and twenty minutes to showtime," Tara said crossing her legs at the thigh. She had apparently gotten the memo about the black color scheme and Tara varied it only slightly with a heather grey dress matched paired with chunky black and white accessories.

Her heels were extremely tall, black with white accents and a peep toe that revealed red polish. Her hair was still held in big soup can curlers and she smiled warmly. She was the only person left in the kitchen, my mother working with the planners to get the rows perfectly aligned, and my bridesmaids Ava, Harley and Chloe were going to speak with the florist. Flowers of any kind were not blooming freely during this time of year so it was difficult to find a florist willing to fill such a large order on this short of notice. The only florist we could find to agree to it was in Tacoma, they were set to deliver the four large bouquets before noon and now they were late because the shit was just piling up like that.

I didn't want to use Annabelle as my wedding planner/caterer, so I went with a smaller company based in Ozette. My mother, who cared much, much more about the outcome was not pleased with their work.

"How did you feel…before your wedding?" I asked, looking out the window. My stomach was in a knot, a huge knot and it burned so hot I felt like it would burn right through.

"Thrilled but peaceful…like, um, like I knew for sure it was my destiny," Tara watched me as she spoke, so still she was like a glorious statute.

"Hmm," I made a noncommittal sound and nodded, fussing with the lace garter belt in my hand. It was beautiful, very, and I debated wearing it for the whole half an hour they had been gone. Would it be wrong to carry a bit of Solace with me down the aisle?

I had other undergarments. Samantha Uley bought me a beautiful set of lingerie for my birthday, a bridal white teddy with matching tiny white undies. They were the right size but they still looked tiny, lacking the amount of material needed to cover my hefty behind adequately.

I had put the set in my bag unsure of whether or not I should wear them. I thought about wearing it on the way out, under my reception outfit. I had a different dress for my reception, my sister Harley insisted. It was heavier, silver and much less traditional for when we drove off into the sunset. We didn't actually have a honeymoon planned, just a bed and breakfast reservation near the mountains and a few days off of work. It was the best we could do on such short notice. Javier and I live in Northern Washington where I work as I photographer and Javier works as a park ranger, and we didn't exactly give ample notice.

"He's a great guy," Tara said flatly.

"Yeah he is," my throat constricted as I said it but I tried to keep my voice level.

"I meant Javier," she prodded watching me as I clung to the garter Solace had given me.

"I know who you were talking about Tara," I rolled my eyes. He was a great guy, an amazing guy, but he's just not Solace.

He doesn't laugh like Solace does, this deep throaty chuckle that makes my entire body tingle. He doesn't smell like Solace, who was a combination of rich gardenias and fresh zested oranges, which I could identify anywhere, even if I had been away from him for a long period of time, and made me shiver in anticipation.

Javi's kiss could not reach me like Solace's which ripped through my chest and filled the open space with an electric hum.

When we were together, joined in a way only a man and a woman could, no one could make me feel as Solace did. I could lie with a thousand men and only Solace could make me experience that level of pleasure and euphoria. Only he could fill me and raise me to such a state of nirvana.

"But he's no Solace," she said standing gracefully and gliding out the room.

"I know," I whispered to the cold empty room.

February 2042

Harley and I became obsessed sex after our parents sent us away to a two week arts and crafts camp with Chloe and we watched our camp counselors do it in the dining hall after they thought everyone was asleep.

We knew what it was before, we weren't idiots but we'd never seen it, not in real life. Chloe had, she had walked in on her mom and Phil doing it one time before, so it wasn't a big deal for her, but for us it was an experience, a disturbing but fascinating experience.

How was it done, why was it done and who did it? After much, and I mean a shit ton of research, we found the answer was everyone, everywhere in every way at almost anytime. It was eye opening, scary and thrilling.

It made me think of Solace more and more. Who did he do it with and why? I knew he had done it with Amber but who else and did he think about them like I thought of him?

Without him sleeping with me every night, I had to find other ways to get to bed, and that became the best part of my day now that Solace was gone. I got a laptop for my fourteenth birthday and I used it to read stories about sex, all kinds of sex.

Some stories were gross, like brothers and sisters or in the bathroom, others were scary like being locked in a room or tied down, but a lot of them made me squirm. Harley lost the interest in sex long before I did, it was my only distraction from missing Solace so much.

When other girls in my class started experiencing it, really doing things and not just reading about it, my obsession multiplied. Jenna, my best friend at school, had a kind-of sort-of boyfriend the grade above us and she told me everything they did, in detail. How and when it happened, what it felt like, and if we were alone sometimes, she would show me.

Chloe said it made me a lesbian so I didn't tell anyone else about it, but Jenna showed me what it was like to be touched by someone other than yourself, to be kissed back with tongue, to have a finger inside of you (something I liked and repeated alone) and to be licked, which tickled in a very nice way.

We became inseparable, we shared a secret no one could know, and eventually we shared a boy.

Jeff wasn't cute, but he was older, experienced and he didn't think I was too fat to kiss. I had gained weight when I quit dance and hit puberty, and try as I might it wasn't going away. After school we would go to his house together, hand in hand once we were far enough away from the school that no one would see us. I didn't like her that way, but I liked being close to her. She was warm, almost as warm as Solace and she liked me more than he ever did.

Jeff's mom worked in the hospital cafeteria and his little brother went to the reservation after-school reading program, so the house was always empty before six.

At first I just watched them. They always started the same, kissing with Jeff lying on top. He would always take her shirt off in the first five minutes, I had calculated it. She had small breast, too small for a bra unlike me who couldn't go without one. He watched me watching them, sucking on her nipples like a baby with his head turned so he could see me. They never finished until each of them had come, and I would walk back home alone, my heart racing, knowing I had done something really wrong but exciting.

Then later I started sitting closer, touching things that were going untouched, or kissing whichever one was free. When his head was between her legs, I would kiss Jenna and she would moan loudly into my mouth. I liked kissing, it was the best part. If I closed my eyes the right way, both of them could become Solace.

Jeff started taking my shirt off the week before summer started again. I wouldn't let him take the bra off but he would lick me through the material leaving cold wet spots against my nipples. It felt good, really good, so good that it was me who removed my bra the first time. It was the middle of the summer then, really hot, and we had the whole day alone in his house while his mother worked and his little brother did Quileute Adventure Camp (or QAC as we called it) with Ava and Harley.

I barely spent time with Chloe anymore, though sometimes I made her pretend I did. They both played with my breasts the first time I showed them, and Jeff took his dick out, playing with it as they sucked. I wanted to touch it but I didn't, everything was slower with me. Even though Jenna had done them all to me before, when it was the three of us, it was like starting from scratch and it was different, it was more real somehow.

Before school started again, things got more serious. Jeff started touching me under my shorts, and later I started wearing skirts to make it easier. I wouldn't let him touch under my panties but he rubbed me through them. Then I was the center of attention, this was new and all new things excited us. Jenna kissed me, and rubbed my nipples playfully as he touched me. She took my underwear off first, guiding his hand to my wetness.

It was nice until Jenna and Jeff started having sex. The first time they did it, I wasn't there, she told me about it the next day and it burned, I had been excluded, but then they started doing it every time we were together. I was on the outside again, and I started leaving unsatisfied.

The first week of school I stripped down to my underwear before either of them could start. Jenna smiled and unclasped my bra, which was now a much bigger size, and Jeff got on his knees in front of me kissing me through my panties. I didn't string it along, I let him push them aside and held on to the wall as his licked me. Jenna took his place, laying me on the bed and licking me as he stripped her from the waist down. They fucked as I watched and she licked me, we did this and other variations of this until Jenna got mad at him a month or so later. He was meeting with other girl and she stopped taking me.

Just as quickly as it began it stopped. Jenna went on as if nothing had happened, but now I was restless again. I went back to hanging with Chloe, but watching movies and talking about dance didn't have the same effect, and after Halloween, Jenna found Owen.

Owen was one of Jeff's friends, he was two years older, a Junior at QTS and he knew all about us. That should have scared me, how many people knew, would it get back to my parents? But I was too thrilled by the prospect of someone wanting me again, of someone needing me.

Owen was not as nice as Jeff. Jeff kissed me softly and never pushed anything, but Owen was older and faster and he preferred Jenna.

"His dick is way bigger than Jeff's, and he's just better. If you're gonna lose your virginity, you should do it with Owen," Jenna advised.

"He doesn't like me," I whined. It was because I was fat and I knew it but I was too ashamed to say it out loud. Owen never touched me like Jeff did, and though he was better looking, I didn't like my time there, feeling ugly and unwanted.

"Jeff likes you," she said offhandedly and that was all the permission I needed. I called Jeff in the middle of November just before my fifteenth birthday. He told me he missed me and that was enough for me to take the familiar path to his house after school.

It was like starting over again, we would watch TV in his room at first with his arm around me. Later it was kissing, and then kissing with touching, then my shirt would come off, then later my bra, then we were doing everything we did before, then more.

By the first week of December, I started taking him in my mouth, something I was previously disgusted with. It made me think of Solace, of how he might taste, and what he would think of me if he knew about this.

Around Christmas, Jeff told me about his girlfriend. She was a sophomore with him and she was a virgin like me. He had bought her chocolates and it made my stomach turn, I was the girl that gave him head, she was the girl he liked.

"Is this okay?" He asked. "I won't put it in," he promised, sliding the tip of his penis along my slit. I was wet, he had just licked me for over an hour and I was swollen but still unsatisfied.

"Um-hmm," I moaned. He rubbed it over my swollen bud and I spread out wider, lying back and closing my eyes. He slid it up and down again, up and down and just as I was about to explode, he pressed himself in and I panicked, clamping down on him.

"Don't worry, I won't put it all the way in, just the head, I won't pop your cherry," he promised and the feel of him inside of me was enough to make me nod in agreement. He pulled back and pressed back in placing in only the tip. Did that mean I wasn't a virgin anymore? Did that mean I was still a virgin? Did that even matter? He brought his hand down to where we were joined, pinching then rubbing my clit with his thumb.

"Uhh."

"Can I please?" He begged pressing himself the slightest bit farther inside, I nodded pulling him down to kiss me as he tore through me, sending a hot jolt of pain starting from my stomach that reached down to my toes.

"Fuck!" I screamed pounding my fist against the bed. He stopped kissing me, holding himself up on his arms as he rocked himself faster and faster inside of me. He wasn't wearing a condom and I instantly panicked, he'd always used them with Jenna.

"Maddie, don't move," he said as I squirmed trying to get out from under him.

"A condom," I choked and he didn't disconnect, leaning forward taking one out of his nightstand and breaking it open. He pulled out of me for a second and it hurt, but when he reentered me it hurt more and very soon after it was over. He went soft inside of me. The condom had blood on it when he pulled out and I washed up in the bathroom before I left, too dazed to think straight.

I stumbled down the stairs feeling broken but tingly.

Solace.

Every second of every day, he was in the back of my mind, but this moment he was in the front, he consumed my every thought.

Solace.

Would I feel like this if it were Solace, if were Solace inside of me? Would he? If he knew I would let him, would he?

That night Embry's daughter Soli came for dinner with her husband Randy, they were back for Christmas break from their school in Canada and Brady brought his girlfriend Annabelle. I excused myself from the table before they served coffee and dessert, it was a first for me, refusing dessert.

I know my mom thought it was because of Annabelle, because I was mad at Amber, but I couldn't sit anymore, things hurt, especially my head which was spinning.

Annabelle followed me into the room, I heard her tell my family she wanted to see if I was okay, and that for some reason that made me cry.

"Oh, Maddie," she cooed, sitting and placing my head in her lap.

"What's wrong?" she whispered directly in my ear, she was making sure no one overheard us, and it made me cry more. There were so many secrets here, a town full of secrets, werewolves and vampires and sex. Sex. I had had sex. This fact rang through my head on repeat.

"I had sex," I breathed so low I was unsure even she could hear it.

'Solace?' she signed, forcing me to look at her. I was not the best at signing but I knew the alphabet, though I was slow and clumsy.

'No. Why Solace?' I signed, spelling his name slowly.

"Maddie, that's… you shouldn't have. You are really too young," she whispered in my ear.

"And if it was Solace, it would be okay?" I whined. She put her finger to her mouth urging me to be quieter. She looked nervous, she played with her hands, biting her thick bottom lip. She knew something, she knew something I didn't.

"I'm tired of secrets," I hissed and she watched me, tilting her beautiful head so that her hair fell to the side.

"I know how you feel," she agreed.

"Tell me what you know."

"I can't tell you everything, Maddox, some secrets are not yours to know or mine to tell," she said looking over her shoulder.

"Then tell me the ones that are," I insisted.

"Do you know what an imprint is?" She asked slowly. Imprint.

"No." The word felt so familiar, but it held no meaning to me.

"I have an imprint. Your mother has an imprint. Soli has an imprint," Annabelle listed.

"Do I? What is it?'

"It's a person, like your soulmate," she said carefully.

"Everyone has a soul mate," I argued.

"It's a wolf's soulmate. I have Brady, Soli has Randy and your Mom has your Dad… when a Quileute wolf sees their soulmate for the first time, they imprint… they fall in love, and the person they imprint feels it too… do you understand?"

"Amber and Solace?" The words were out of my mouth before I could take them back though I didn't want to know.

"No… Maddox, an imprint is permanent, forever. It's a draw, an attraction. I will always want Brady, crave him, need him. I miss him when he's not near me."

"Solace," I breathed and she nodded her head once, kissing my forehead and standing to exit the room leaving me to think, to add to the million questions floating in my head.

The next weeks I spent watching every couple in La Push, every wolf and the women they interacted with, it became a source of paranoia, because all of them were in love, but could all of them be imprinted? Could there be a conspiracy this large hiding from me something so vital, that I was glued to Solace, that I could never love anyone else?

The second week of February, I went back to Jeff's. He greeted me at the door with a kiss, a kiss that felt emptier than before. Could a kiss change? Could everything change now that I knew in my heart that Solace was my soulmate?

I dragged him up the stairs, pulling my clothing off as soon as I was behind the door. He smiled circling my nipple with his tongue as he ripped off my underwear with his free hand. He leaned me against his desk, placing my foot on the chair and fingering me as he fumbled to place the condom on.

It hurt just as much as it did last time, though I wanted it more. I needed it, I needed to know if I could feel what I did before. I didn't, I felt pain and confusion and shame and nothing else. I ran to the bathroom before he was finished, cleaning myself and running out the door without a backward glance. The road from his house to mine was empty but when I reached the intersection that would lead me to Solace's home I stopped.

Solace.

He'd rejected me, he didn't want me, not even for sex like Jeff, yet I still would do anything for him. I loved him and trying to push that to the back of everything didn't work because it didn't change the fact that I needed him.

It turned dark before I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and dialed. I had saved his number under Asshole, and pressing send made me cry. Would he come? Would he care?

He was there before I ended the call.

"Are you o—" I hadn't seen him at all in over two years and I couldn't hold back I threw myself at him before he could stop me. Even in his warm arms I realized something that I had been too distracted for before, it was freezing.

"It-it's cold," I shivered and he removed my shirt, revealing his perfectly toned body.

"What happened to your coat?" He asked, rubbing my arms and making me pant from the contact. Just like that, one touch and I was turned on again.

"In there," I said pointing back to Jeff's house.

"Why aren't you in there with it?"

"Just hold me, okay? I don't want to get it," I sighed nuzzling my head in the crook of his neck which smelled amazing. I let my lips run across the highest point of his scarred shoulder and he held me tighter making me shiver though he felt warm and comforting.

"Did someone hurt you?" He asked quickly, he was shaking.

"Are you cold?" I asked, pulling back to examine his face, he was so beautiful. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life.

"Are you hurt, Maddox?" He asked again, I shook her head no ashis eyes examined me so carefully. I kissed him, grateful for the warm caring I heard in his voice, I had forgotten so easily how much he cared about me.

"Will you always care this much about me?" I asked, the most pouty part of my lips still touching his.

"Yes," he sighed grasping onto my waist.

"I missed you," I said through tears I could stop.

"I miss you," he whispered before he kissed me and I exploded. We had kissed but he had never kissed me back and he had never ever kissed me first. I never felt so alive. When he pulled away I scrambling trying to keep him close.

"You kissed me," I said stupidly sliding down his body, and bringing my fingers up to touch my lips, they were still on fire.

"Um-hm," he agreed and I smiled.

"Again," I pleaded, pulling him close again.

"Let's get out of the cold," he said pulling me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing. He ran so fast the world around me passed in a flash, so I shut my eyes tight and I kissed every part of him I could reach.

He dropped me in his hallway and ran back out the door leaving me waiting for him, my heart beating loudly in my chest until he returned.

"Solace," I moaned, so happy he was here, with me again. I launched myself in his arms.

"I need to take you home," he sighed but I could feel him growing hard against my pelvis. He was huge, and I tried to grind myself against it but he moved back.

"Stop denying me, Solace," I pouted, grabbing his hair and forcing him towards me.

"I'm not Madd, I'm… you're too young."

"Taylor… and Melody," I panted between the fevered kisses I planted along his burning hot neck.

"Different story," he moaned, his pulse quickening under my tongue.

"Brady and Annabelle," I argued.

"Not the same," he said but as I wrapped my legs around him his hands went to my ass grabbing me roughly.

"You're my imprint, dammit! You're supposed to love me!" I screamed and his mouth opened in a huge "O" shape before he dropped me.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: The One Where Solace is Weak

* * *

February 2042

"I need to take you home." I attempted to be firm, but the only thing firm was my southern appendage.

"Stop denying me, Solace," she pouted, grabbing the wispy hairs at the back of my neck and forcing me forward.

"I'm not, Madd, I'm… you're too young," I mumbled as she sucked on my bottom lip.

"Taylor… and Melody," she panted between the fevered kisses she planted along my neck.

"Different story," I moaned.

"Brady and Annabelle," she said more insistently.

"Not the same," I argued, though my hands which defied me went down to her behind, kneading the flesh there.

"You're my imprint, dammit! You're supposed to love me!" I dropped her. She landed in a pile on the floor but didn't miss a beat, looking up at me with those big irresistible eyes.

"Annabelle and Melody were both my age when they started dating their imprints!" she argued.

"We should get you back to your house, I'm not supposed to be alone with you," I mumbled. I couldn't think of anything else to say as I pulled her up from the floor. She wore a green shirt which offset the olive tone in her beautiful tanned skin, and jeans, dark and tight, clinging to her wide hips and round ass which had felt like pure heaven in my hands.

She had filled out in a way I liked, in a primal way and I couldn't stop myself. The logical part of my brain was saying even when I was 15 I wasn't sleeping with 15 year old girls, but the wolf part of me said, she's yours she wants you, take her. Take her and make her see no one can please her like you can. Take her and make her see you have some value, even if it is small.

The chandelier in the hallway was not on and the gaudy Volterra lamp from the living room provided the only source of light, casting soft tawny shadows across her cheek as she stared at me in disbelief.

She had expected to catch me off guard or had been waiting for a wild reaction of some kind but I was too shocked to provide one. She knew about the imprint. Someone had told her and she knew. She would know everything now. She was smart enough to do the math, to know that I had denied, defied, fought our imprint.

"You imprinted on me!" She screamed, stomping her feet and forcing me to look at her.

I stood still, my chest still bare, my stomach flipping nauseatingly. When her eyes fell again to my scars I cringed, grabbing a flannel shirt from my coat rack and throwing it on in silence. It was stupid. She was about to scream, to damn me, but I couldn't bear being deformed in her eyes. It was Jordan's shirt. He had left it here a week ago when he and Mark came over with Eli to cook dinner. They did that a lot now, correctly reading the colossal loneliness that now shadowed my life. The fuzzy feeling flannel had a sharp ginger smell and my fingers trembled nervously as I tried to grasp the tiny black buttons.

"What do you want me to say, Maddox?" I asked calmly, though every wall in the fortress of my sanity was crumbling around me. Every plan I had for the rest of my life hung on the fact that she didn't know and never would. I was going to wait until she was in college to stop phasing again and pray I died before she became a grandmother… or at least the best plan went like this. I had thought of hundreds of ways it could go down, but this was not one of them.

"I want you to tell me the truth!" She screamed punching me then shaking her hand out in pain. I took it instinctively, rubbing it between my hands which I knew would feel warm and soothing to her. I had a lot of practice at this, many women had hit me in my life, but only Maddox's attacks hurt…. and Leah's, but that was a different story.

"I didn't lie to you, I can't." And right now I really wished I could, but then what story could I make up for her to explain running off with another woman?

"Why, why can't you lie to me?" she goaded, her eyes wide. They were pretty light brown as far as eyes on the rez go, but they were outstandingly expressive with big dark spots that blended with her irises when her pupils dilated, making them look much darker like they did now.

"Because you're my imprint… I imprinted on you, Maddox." I had not said the words for years, not outright at least and it was terrifying. It was like opening a floodgate and allowing the tidal wave of emotions I had bottled up rush to the surface and drown me.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!" She howled and I stared at her as she did a slightly joyous jig.

"Let's go," I said, grabbing her jacket which I had dropped on the floor and attempting to hand it to her.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked waving away the coat I urged at her.

"You don't want to know, Maddox, and honestly, I can't tell you. I can't stand you hating me anymore than you already do, so please, if you have any pity for me, just pretend this didn't happen," I begged.

"I can't hate you Solace… You make me mad and so so sad, but I can't hate you. I just need to know. I'm so confused, an imprint is like instant love right?" She asked, but I could tell by the dread in her eyes she had already come to a conclusion on that question.

"Maddox, please, this has nothing to do with love," I exhaled, holding my heart which felt as if it would fall out of my chest.

"You don't?"

"I can't love you the way you want me to," I choked, my throat constricting painfully. "You're so young… and I can't go through that pain again, I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry."

She stood very still, her head tilted as she watched me.

"Why did you still marry her, Solace?"

"Because we were in love, Maddox," I sighed, stepping farther into the house and heading to the couch. She wasn't letting this go and I owed her answers though I knew when I was done, we would be finished and she would not want me anymore, not even as a friend.

"Then she stopped loving you because of the imprint?" She asked pulling her knees to her chest.

"That's a more complicated story, Maddox."

"And I deserve to know it," she said calmly, though tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"We were happy and in love and everything was perfect… We lived together in Seattle, near Aunt Leah and then she got pregnant, and things were better than perfect, we were going to have a family like we both always wanted. Then the war happened and I got hurt and I didn't heal, it was my fault… I didn't heal like I should have and she had to nurse me. She lost him, she lost our little boy and everything was different and it was my fault," I said leaning forward to take my face in my hands and hide the tears that were pricking my eyes.

"Lost?" She asked her voice small and childlike.

"Miscarriage," I could barely choke out the word.

"She blamed me, and she should have, I'm cursed, I can't have happiness or fate will find a way to ruin it. You have to stay away from me." She waved her hand as if erasing my last words.

"She blamed you so then she stopped loving you?"

"She never said she blamed me, but I knew she did," I said looking up at her.

"When did she stop loving you?"

"She didn't, it's more complicated than that… she thought it was karma or something, because she took me from you. She couldn't live knowing she was doing wrong by you. So when I was as healed as I would ever be, she filed for divorce. I begged her not to, she still loved me… but she had made up her mind and I had no say in it. I was homeless and divorced and Michael and Anna dragged me back here," I finished, wiping the tears from my cheek.

"So you didn't come back for me... you're supposed to love me, that's not how it's supposed to be." Supposed to be… I hated these assumed futures, they never worked out in my world.

Destiny had fucked me over too many times. I disagree with Amber, it could not have been karma that ruined every bit of goodness in my world, because I hadn't done anything that bad to deserve the shower of shit that rained down on my life. It was destiny. I was destined to be a sad fuck.

There was no God; I knew this years ago, decades actually, when Embry imprinted on Leticia. She was the only true happiness in my life at that point and she was ripped from me in the course of three days. But this fact was never as clear as when Maddox sat across from me crying, for how could any just God cause me so much pain after a life of such despair?

Seeing her cry, knowing I caused it by my very existence was like swallowing glass, the jagged shards destroying my intestines as they worked their way through.

"I'm sorry," I moaned feeling helpless. My happiness, those five wonderful years of wedded bliss caused her pain and now the only thing I had to look back on to find comfort was gone. I couldn't look back fondly on my happy life knowing how badly it hurt her, which left my life a black barren canvas of desolation.

"If you love her more than me then you can't have imprinted! This isn't how any of the other imprinted couples are, they're all madly love," she insisted.

"It isn't about loving her, Maddox—it was, but it's not anymore."

"Then is it me?" She asked in a small voice and I couldn't stand the distance anymore. I dropped to my knees, resting my head on her plump thighs.

"No, Maddox, you're perfect. It's me. I'm not right. I'm not good for you or for anyone. You are beautiful and amazing and…" I couldn't think of more, she reached down pulling my face up to look at her and her eyes left me speechless.

"I'd rather have sadness later than not have you at all." She leaned forward her shirt falling in a way that I couldn't avoid seeing her soft mounds now exposed. She paused, her lips less than a centimeter from mine, waiting for me to close the distance and I would not stop it, wanting so bad to taste her again.

I had been so blind, so stupid to believe I could ever avoid this energy between us, but that didn't mean I could just take her. She was still a girl. So where was the line between what her and other boys her age would do and what was allowable for she and I to do? Logic told me none of this was allowable but everything else told me to just kiss her, because that was the only moment of joy I had experienced in a long time.

Her lips met mine and every scrap of good sense I owned went on vacation to Antigua. Her lips were soft and sweet and eager. She wanted me and even though it was just for this, just for physical contact, she wanted something from me.

My ears roared, blood flowing fast and almost painfully. I pressed my tongue gently against her lips and she parted them quickly. She slipped her tiny hand under my shirt, her fingers travelling up my torso from the indent near my hip to the bottom of my peck carefully avoiding my mangled flesh.

"You're so gorgeous," she whispered with such sincere lust, I shivered. Her smell, I hadn't been this close to her, this engulfed in her scent for so long and I was weak to deny her. She pushed me back against the couch and swung her legs over me. Her arousal was evident, pressed warm against my thigh.

She raised herself and hung her head over me. Her skin was flawless and her hair made a private chamber that held only our faces.

I groaned, disappointed by the sudden disconnection, craning my neck upwards. Her eyes grew wide and she smiled devilishly before she grabbed me again.

We were kissing, deeply and slowly. She placed my hand, the one that was mindlessly travelling from the back of her knee to just below her ass, firmly on one butt cheek before grabbing the other one and stuffing it under her shirt.

I wanted to touch her, I did, so badly. There was so little propriety left in me, but enough to know that though the thought of her nipples hardening under my touch was devastatingly pleasing, I could not go that far. Instead I traced soft circles along her lower back as we kissed, making her arch her back seductively and bow her body against me.

"I want to feel you inside," she moaned as she squirmed slowly against me, sending wafts of her smell to my nostrils. I had never heard anything so sexy, so inviting in my life.

We broke for air and a much belated warning bell began ringing in my head. She was in heat. Of course… she was ovulating, ready for procreation and she sensed me as a likely candidate. It was the only reason she reached out to me after months of cold shoulder and that fact dropped in my stomach like an anchor.

I had been so sure I would be able to handle this heightened scent, so confident I'd be able to identify and maturely go about my business, and here I was, kissing a fifteen-year old girl while she rocked herself against my raging erection.

"Okay, please don't take this as a rejection, but we have to stop," I said carefully, sitting up and lifting her off of me. I wanted her. This filthy wolf in me wanted to spread her across the floor and claim her as my own, and maybe two hundred years ago that would have been acceptable, but not now.

"Then what is it?" she cried scrambling to her feet.

"I'm still more than three times your age, and this… if you want this, if it's possible that you still could want me, even if it's just for sex—"

"I do, Solace, so bad," she said pinning me against the couch.

"Then we have to take it slow," I pleaded.

"How slow?" She asked with a playful tug at my shirt.

"Much, much slower than this," I said forcefully and she stopped smiling. I missed her smile immediately and to get it back I only needed to kiss her, I knew that and it killed me.

The only thing she wanted from me was the only thing I couldn't give her without breaking the law. The only thing she wanted from me was something boys in her class would easily give her without any trouble.

"No kissing?" She asked her bottom lip sticking out in disappointment.

"Not like this," I said feeling the fear grow in my chest.

"Like how," she asked leaning up for an example. I bent down and place a soft but lingering kiss there.

"Like that," I said not having the strength to move far.

"How about this?" She said pulling me back the few inches and licking along my lips, I kept them closed and pulled away scowling.

"Okay, okay, how about dates?" She suggested hopefully and I smiled.

"Can we start with family night?"

"Can we end them with a kiss?" She bargained and I nodded once in defeat as she got up and reached for her coat. I helped her put it on, my fingers brushing against her breasts as I did the last button.

"You can touch those whenever you want, you know. You don't have to come up with excuses," she joked.

"Ha, ha… you can't, you can't tell your mom, or Harley or anyone about this if you want to go out. They won't let us if they think I'm going to whisk you off to some sleazy hotel."

"I know Solace, I know," she said taking my hand as I led her out the door. The walk to her house was short, much too short and before long we were on her porch and I had to let her go.

"Bye, Madd."

"You can't—I don't want to talk about her again, okay?" She said grabbing my hand again.

"Okay," I agreed.

"If it's me and you, it's just me and you," she said pulling me to her.

"Okay," I whispered unsure of what I was agreeing to.

"Promise me, Solace, please," she begged.

"Madd, I haven't talked to her since she left."

"It's not just her, Solace. No other women, if we are going slow then you have to wait too!" She hissed.

"Okay, Maddox." I wanted to make her promise the same but knew I couldn't, that's not how imprints worked. I would follow Maddie to the ends of the earth but she was free to do as she wanted, even though odds were twenty to one she would dance on the decimated remains of my heart.

"Kiss me," she breathed, pulling at my collar so that I finished the last few stairs. I stood on the step below her, my face still a bit higher. She leaned her head up and I swooped down placing one chaste kiss there.

"Again," she sighed and I came down pressing my lips a little more firmly against hers. She took a step back, not breaking the kiss but rather pulling me with her.

"Mmmm," she moaned breathing her honeysuckle breath across my lips. She was not yet breaking the rules, her tongue had not come into play, though she was tempting me so thoroughly.

"I- _kiss_ -love- _kiss_ -you- _kiss_ -so- _kiss_ -fucking much- _kiss_ ," she whispered.

"You have to- _kiss_ -go inside- _kiss_ -Maddie- _kiss_ -before I- _kiss_ -get arrested," I said taking her to the door and taking a huge step back.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" She asked hopefully.

"If your mom says it's okay," I said just as hopefully.

"I'll ask her now," she said taking out her key from a small pocket in her jacket and fumbling to get it in. "Meet me at the attic window, there's a tree on the side," she instructed pointing towards it. I didn't want to go, didn't want to separate so I stood waiting for her to walk away, she didn't.

She threw herself at me again, and this time the kissing was passionate, frantic and needy. I broke away.

"Maddox," I warned and she smiled mischievously.

"Sorry."

"You're so perfect," I marveled as my hands landed in the soft indent of her waist.

"I'm fat," she said quickly, as she pushed my hands up to her breast. I pulled them away with some effort.

"You're perfect and beautiful," I insisted and she moaned kissing me again. There was no tongue as I had told her but it was a step above the pecks from before.

"Is this slow?" She asked and I was brought back to earth.

"I'll be in the window," I whispered back, running to the side and scaling the tree as if I did not possess a lame leg.

"Mom!" I heard her call out frantically.

"Where were you?" Claire called sternly.

"At Jeff's house. He's a douche mom, but look it made me realize something—"

"Language Maddox, language!" Claire screamed exasperatedly.

"Sorry, but it's good news. I don't want Jeff or anyone else because he's not Solace," she rambled as Claire's steady footsteps indicated her circular pacing.

"So you don't hate him anymore?" Claire asked calmly.

"No, Mom, keep up with me, I loved him!" Maddox squealed.

"Okay," Claire said simply. "That's… great, I guess."

"So can he come over tomorrow? And can we go on dates please?" Maddox begged.

"Dates? Maddox do you have any idea how—"

"Okay, okay, fine, but he can come over for dinner?" She asked hopping.

"Yes." There was a shuffling and Maddox screaming her thanks as her scent approached. My heart pounded, begging me to kiss her again. As soon as the window was open I jumped to it, holding myself to the side of the house by the sill.

"I'll be here at five," I whispered, looking up at her, she kneeled on the floor so we were at eye level.

"Four, you can take me to the organic market," she said and I sighed. It was close to 9 p.m., meaning I had another nineteen hours before I could see her.

"I'll be here at three," I one upped her. It was Saturday after all.

"Great," she squealed, leaning in for a kiss I was all too eager to reciprocate.

"Goodnight," I whispered, but she just kept on kissing me. She was being smart about it. If it got too heated she knew I would leave so her kisses were short but filled with lust.

"It can't be a good night without you," she whined, pulling my bottom lip between hers.

"I'll be just outside if you need me," I promised.

"I always need you," she moaned pulling away and looking me dead in the eye.

"Go to bed and morning will come sooner," I advised letting go of the window sill and leaping back to the tree.

"Goodnight," she breathed closing the window. She stood there for a long moment watching me in the tree before she blew me a kiss and descended into the house.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: There's Only You

* * *

"Hey Solace," Quil smiled as he came out of the house in a thick grey sweater with a thermos in hand. I was camped under the tree that lead up to the attic. It was near dawn, the sun lighting up the horizon. I had slept but Maddie's tossing and turning inside woke me so many times the sleep wasn't very good.

"I-um, I'm sorry," I said it like a question not sure what I should say. He chuckled taking a seat next to me on the cold ground.

"You cold?" He asked handing me the thermos cap filled with coffee, I shook my head no but took the coffee gratefully. He nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm happy you're here, Solace. I really like you," he said honestly leaning against the tree.

"I like you too, man," I said a little confused. I did, I love Quil. I love all my brothers new and old, it's a bond that is hard to match. I just didn't expect he felt the same.

"I trust you. I don't trust your judgment all the time, but I trust you." He was making statements, simple statements that carried a lot of weight coming from him.

I admired Quil for a lot of reasons. He was smart, one of the smartest guys I knew. He was caring, honest, just, hard-working… it made it harder for me, comparing myself to him. How could I ever live up to a guy like him, the pioneer in child imprinting? I couldn't, I wish I could but I couldn't.

"I love her," I said simply. I wanted someone to know, I needed someone to know that even if I am a bad imprint, the worst by far of all imprints, I do love her more than my own life.

"I know. How could you not? She's something else… Teenage girls are crazy though, huh?" He laughed darkly.

"Yeah…"

"They think they know what they want but they don't know what's good for them, not most of them… definitely not Maddox," he said looking at me intently, trying to pass some sort of message with his eyes. I didn't quite get it.

"That's why I'm trying to keep my distance. She wants to be with me but I'm not good for her, Quil." I was ashamed to admit it, to tell him out loud what everyone in the pack already knew.

"You're good for her, Solace. If I could have chosen a wolf to imprint on her I would have chosen you… or maybe Ethan but-you know," he joked elbowing me.

"I kissed her," I admitted embarrassed.

"I'd rather it was you than some stupid boy, because you know if you hurt my daughter I'll kill you," he said quietly. I nodded quickly, and he smiled again.

"I know."

"She needs to see you around here more. The last two years I feel like we've lost her. She's been… different since you haven't been around," he said carefully.

"Different how?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know how I'd ruined her.

Since she had stopped talking to me, I had spent hours at night thinking how this could have been different, what I could have done better. It all seems to come back to mistake number one, I should have stayed. I should have broken Amber's heart and stayed. I hated to think like that, to think that those five beautiful and happy years, the longest time I'd ever been happy, could have been wrong but they were, wrong for us at least… if there was ever going to be an us; Maddox and I.

"Detached… sorta lost," he said standing and offering me a hand. Everything in my body was stiff and cold. I hobbled, rubbing my leg carefully.

"I want her. I mean, not like that- I mean, she's absolutely beautiful but- shit! I didn't say that right. I want to spend more time with her, if you'll let me," I finished.

"Get a shower and come over for brunch, me and the little guy are cooking," Quil instructed pointing me towards my house. I dragged myself home, it was just past seven.

I showered quickly and dried my hair, then stood awkwardly in front of my closet. I didn't want to look like I wasn't put together well, but I didn't want to look like I was trying hard. I felt like a teenager again. But then as a teenager, I didn't really have to try for girls, now I had to make myself worthy for the sun, it made me feel… hopeless.

The doorbell rang twice and I walked to the front, a towel wrapped securely around my hips. It was just past 8 so it was a bit surprising to see Annabelle, looking radiant as always.

"Hey, what's- Is Amber okay?"

"Amber's fine, it's about Maddie… I um, I told her about the imprint," she finished in a mumbled rush.

"It's okay," I assured her. I like Annabelle, as my sister in-law she had always been amazingly supportive.

"That's not all," she sighed. "Um… she told me something, and I can't tell you because that's something she needs to tell you, but the point is you need to get over it. You need to get over whatever bullshit you've got and support her cuz she needs you and Amber would never be okay with this. No matter what the gossips in this town say Amber loves that girl and you can't just let her push you away, you've gotta try because she's your soulmate," she said nervously, wringing her hands. She was wise like her mother but not as brazen, it made me wonder why Kim hadn't stepped in yet, and also grateful that she hadn't.

"Is she okay? Was she hurt?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"She's just needs guidance," Annabelle said her chin pressed down. She wanted to tell me, I could see she did and if I pushed she might, but I would rather hear it from Maddox.

"How's Amber?" I asked quietly. Her eyes flew up to me, landing up on my eyes then quickly turning away. Again I could see she wanted to talk to me, she wanted to tell me something but she didn't.

"Annabelle," I prodded.

"She's good," she threw back over her shoulder as she walked out. I stood frozen, watching her for awhile before I went back inside. I wanted to call her, I wanted to ask if she was okay in Europe, but I knew she was trying to move on. Was that the secret? Was that the news, that she had found someone else? I was surprised when that didn't hurt as much as it should, and all I wanted was to hurry and get back to Maddie as fast as I could.

I dressed quickly, rushing to the Atearas' with a buoyant feeling. Going to see Maddie, knowing she wanted me was more than I could handle. She had grown in the 2 years since she banished me and I wanted to know about her, everything I didn't already. I wanted a friendship like Amber and I had, I wanted her to love me for reasons other than my looks.

Addison, clasped onto his father's side, answered the door with a shy smile. It was just past 9 and the house was still silent, only the two men of the house working in the kitchen. Addison, who now stood up to my hip, dipped the French toast as his father worked on the sizzling bacon and I scrambled eggs adding the family favorite of cheddar, onions and tomatoes, though I hated onions.

I used Quil's bacon skillet, dumping the bowl of egg mix in carefully. I heard her move, I could hear her get out of bed and pad her way to the bathroom. Could she feel me here, could she feel that magnetic draw like I did?

I finished the eggs, placing them into a big serving bowl and helped Addison put the toast in the toaster. He smiled so warmly it made me smile wider and I held onto him as he pulled out the crisp toast slice by slice.

"Solace!" Maddie's scream filled the hallway as she ran and threw herself into my arms. I dropped the stick of butter that I was holding and brought her in, sniffing her hair loudly. I held her carefully, keeping my hands on the midsection of her back but she tried hard to kiss me, which was not possible with her father in the room.

"You're allowed for breakfast?" she squealed grabbing my hands and doing a little jig, it was fucking adorable. She was so perfect, clad in fuzzy pajamas and dancing with wild hair and morning breath.

"Yeah, your dad was very nice and invited me," I said nudging her towards him.

"Thanks Dad, you're the best!" She screamed gazing up at me with such admiration I had to look away in embarrassment.

"I missed you," she breathed.

"Me too," I said softly, very aware of Addison watching us closely.

"Good morning, Solace," Claire said pleasantly, gliding through the kitchen with Harley at her feet.

"Morning."

"Good morning, Sunshine," Claire squealed, grabbing Addison's cheeks and kissing him sweetly on the nose. I had a twinge of jealousy, I'd never had that kind of greeting from my mom or any type of greeting at all after I phased. I didn't tell her I was a wolf but she knew something was different, "unnatural" about me; it was the last straw in our relationship. She died seeing me frozen in time, some satanic reminder of her sins.

Addison grasped up for his mom and she kneeled down snuggling him tight before she turned her attention to her husband.

"Morning Claire-bear," Quil cooed in her ear.

"You're so amazing, I can't believe you cooked all of this," she gushed, kissing him passionately, I had to look away and as I did I caught sight of Maddox. She stood leaning against the counter, her arms crossed lazily over her chest, her head tilted as she watched them with a hint of jealousy or pain painting her face.

"You okay, Baby," I asked getting very close so I didn't arouse suspicion, though being this close aroused me in a completely different way.

"Better," she smiled, tracing my hand with her finger.

Harley and I set the table, Maddox taking a particularly long time to arrange the flowers she picked from the backyard in a perfect arrangement of reds, oranges and yellows. I sat next to her as she finally settled and pulled her chair closer to me.

I'd never eaten a full meal with her, never sat with her without the fear of being caught; she beamed and my heart practically double in size.

"It's arts and crafts night, are you staying?" Maddox asked placing her hand on my thigh as she chomped on buttered Texas toast.

"Course he is, can't miss arts and crafts night," Quil said a bit sarcastically though he winked at her with a big fatherly grin.

"Momma, what are we making?" Harley cut in.

"Do you want to paint?" Claire asked her children.

"Acrylic or water?" Harley asked with an obvious preference though I couldn't tell for which.

"Can we take pictures at the beach after dinner, Mom?" Maddox asked smiling so wide her bright teeth were almost blinding.

"I've only got two cameras, Maddie," Claire said looking at Quil.

"I ordered the instamatic it just hasn't gotten here yet," he said with his hands up defensively.

"How about we go to the beach? Harley can paint and Maddox and Addison can take pictures," I suggested, filing away Maddox's interest in photography for later.

"Sounds perfect," Claire said smiling a real smile when she looked over at us.

"I'm cooking with Addison tonight," Maddox beamed, it was addicting this smile on her face.

"Okay," I mumbled unsure if my hand on the back of her chair was a step too far but her hair shimmering in the light from the window was too tempting. I lightly fingered her silky hair which was chestnut brown like her mother's.

"What are we cooking?" Addison asked smiling at his sister from his father's lap. The thing that struck me most about Addison was how simple and innocent he seemed. He was about 9 but he smiled and embraced me almost instantly like a friend. He was rather agreeable, and understated very surprising with bold sisters like his.

"What do you want to eat?" I asked him and he smiled wider.

"Cheesy broccoli and chicken or lasagna and garlic bread," he answered automatically.

"Let's do all of it, cheesy chicken lasagna with garlic bread," I said, he practically hopped and so did I when Maddox's hand travelled higher up my leg. I grabbed her hand, moving it to safer territory and trying not to call attention to how comfortable I felt with her, physically.

When the table was cleared, we were left alone, and as if we both had the same thought, we turned to each other, kissing sweetly before she pulled me to the living room to watch weekend cartoons with Addison and Harley. The intensity of her smell had waned, making it easier for me to sit so close to her without grabbing her and touching her in some way. She sat very close but there was nothing inappropriate about it, we were silently figuring out our boundaries but we still had a lot to work on.

"You like photography?" I asked casually and she nodded, placing her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sometimes I take beauty shots of Chloe on mom's old camera… Chloe wants to be a model, she's so beautiful," she whispered so her siblings who sat close to the TV were undisturbed. She said it sort of sadly, and it made me feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't be the one to tell her how amazing she was, it sent mixed signals but then I couldn't help it. She _was_ beautiful, beautiful in a way that was not humanly possible, like a vampire, perfected by magic.

"Not as beautiful as you," I breathed and she giggled, giving me a soft kiss on the cheek as a reward.

When cartoon time was up I was entrusted with Addison and Maddox for the afternoon so I took them grocery shopping in Quil's car while Harley went to see Phil's adopted daughters Ava and Chloe. The drive was short because the organic grocery store Local Naturals was just in Forks. I had been here before many times, it was tiny but sufficient and it was Claire's favorite so Maddox knew it well. I let them plan the menu giggling when they picked out three kinds of desserts, and not fussing when several types of ice cream where thrown on the counter. I paid with a smile, watching her watch me.

In the chilly air walking back up the driveway carrying the majority of the bags, though Addison insisted on carrying a few, Maddox settled on my side, warming herself on my arm.

"I love you," she said just before Addison opened the screen door, my stomach clenched but I couldn't return the words. It was like a curse, every time I did it ended in disaster and I just wanted to be with her as long as possible.

Claire and Quil allowed the three of us to work in the kitchen in peace and I found myself kissing her hand or her cheek whenever I could as a way to make up for those three missing words.

"Solace, help me please," Addison said sweetly as he tried to wash the vegetables in the sink.

"I'll do it, little guy," I said moving to take his place, he was too short to reach it properly.

"No, just pick me up so I can do it," he said looking over his shoulder at me. He liked to do things for himself, it was admirable so I didn't argue. I picked him up by his waist so he could reach. I smiled but being with him gave me a tinge of sadness, making me think of my own lost child. Would I be lucky enough to have a child again? Did I even deserve to be that lucky after all the mistakes I had made?

"You're warm, Solace," Addison commented as I held him to my chest. I held him tighter and he hummed as he worked making him vibrate in my arms.

"He likes you," Maddox commented as she started chopping the broccoli into smaller pieces stalk by stalk.

"Dad says you're going to marry Maddie," he said conversationally and I watched as Maddox's eyes grew to the size of saucers. I wanted to agree with him but I worried about putting pressure on her, about claiming her so early.

The rest of the preparations went smoothly and dinner was casual with stories of old pack days thrown around so that Maddox could not stop looking at me.

"Okay, Claire you won't remember this either because you were like 12, but Solace had this girlfriend, she was veterinarian, remember her, Sol?" Quil asked grabbing a beer and passing it to me, I nodded in response.

"Greta. Her name was Greta."

"Okay, so he's a wolf with a veterinarian for a girlfriend, that's funny enough as it is, but we have this party and it's only the young unmarried wolves so she brings her all friends from town. Everything's going fine until Phil and Embry get into an argument over some girl and Phil starts shaking about to phase. So Jordan's pulling him away into the woods, there's at least 6 girls from Forks here. Jordan gets him to the tree line and Phil phases in his arms. He ends up with a huge gash in his arm and it healing really so. He's bleeding everywhere and won't stop, so he comes out of the clearing so he can go home and the vet actually examines him!" Quil finished. Harley and Claire sat across from me chuckling but Maddox.

"How long did you date _Greta_?" Maddox asked as she cleared the table, I glared at Quil and he shrugged his shoulders as if to say meh, what can you do?

"So we should head to the beach before it's too dark," Claire came in for the save and we headed to the beach on foot, Maddox gripping my hand possessively.

"How many girlfriends have you had?" She asked seriously as she adjusted her camera when we were along the sandy shore.

"A lot," I answered honestly.

"How many women have you been with, it's a simple question," she said taking her first shot of the bleached driftwood near the water's edge. The answer was simple, I knew exactly, I could remember each and every one of the hundred and forty-six, but I didn't think that would help the situation much.

"I'm 49 Madd that's not a fair question. And it doesn't really matter, because for the rest of my life there's only you," I said.

She froze, facing the horizon, her hair blowing lazily in the wind. She turned her face to the side smiling at me before she nodded and started taking pictures again. I watched her for a while from my spot near Harley and she took about a dozen of me before we called it a night. I walked with the Ateara's back to their house, Claire and Quil giving Maddox time with me at the door.

My hands grew clammy as they closed it behind her. We had not had this much privacy the entire day and I really, really wanted to kiss her. It was as if I'd opened a floodgate and now I couldn't close it. She kissed my hand first putting it on her waist as she strained her face up for me. I inhaled, counting to ten and rolling her scent over my tongue before I leaned down to meet her. Soft and slow, her bottom lip between mine was how we ended every night I spent with her for the rest of the month.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: The Vibrations in His Car

* * *

October 9th 2053

"Can I come in?" Aunt Lana's perfect honey-like voice danced from the doorway to my ear, coating it with the soothing vibration of her presence. Giselle stayed at the doorway as my aunt pranced into the room.

"Lana!" I doubled towards the door to meet her, Tara who had just returned to the room sat calmly across from me though the presence of an unfamiliar vampire made her jaw clench ever-so-slightly.

"How's my busty beauty?" Lana said with an eyebrow waggle.

"Three and a half vamps in one day, aren't I a lucky girl!" I howled sarcastically.

"Oh you hate all vamps now do you?" She said, rolling her beautiful honey gold eyes in exasperation, and placing her hand on her hip. There truly must have been a memo, a note inside the invitation that told people to wear black or maybe it was the invitation itself which was grey and black.

Lana stood across from me in a short black wrap dress, which was low cut with a thick black belt and funky ruffled sleeves. She matched the dress with red shoes and accessories while Giselle, her glorious Amazonian wife, stood in the backdrop in a simple black dress with gold shoes.

"Not you, just the company you keep," I said rolling my eyes and giving her a squeeze though it was pointless, she was like frozen marble and I doubted she felt anything my puny arms could inflict.

"Amber's one of my nearest and dearest friends, Breather and you'd do well to remember that," she said a bit coolly. I stumbled trying to get past the Amber-sized block between us.

"Yeah—uh, did you three have a nice trip?" I asked, inclining my head towards Giselle trying to include her in the conversation. As Leticia's sister and my Aunt's life partner I tried to be as polite as possible but she scared me.

"Ze trip was wonderful, private jet from Italy, very quick," Giselle said with a slight nod. My stomach churned, I know it was not reasonable to want him to stay after my vows were exchanged but the thought that Solace could board that plane back with them made my heart feel like a ton of gold plummeting to the soles of my feet.

"So how long have you been here?" I asked casually but my whole body was burning with the strain of staying upright. Had Amber and Solace spoken?

"Two days, we didn't want to bother you with all your last minute planning," Lana said sweetly.

"Oh. Has… have they been… together?" I asked not bothering to hide the anger rising at the thought.

"Amber's married honey, her husband and children are here," Lana said dismissively.

"And it is not possible for them to reunite, a full blooded vampire and a wolf cannot be together, not that it would be jour concern. Ju are getting married, no?" Giselle said before popping her hip in my direction and walking out, past my father who looked in with an expression that read 'the giant woman with the accent's got a point'.

March 2042

"Morning Madd," Solace breathed in my ear, wrapping his hand around my middle and pulling me to him. I cuddled up, nuzzling my nose against his chest which smelled citrusy and still somehow manly, which was maddeningly good.

He had started waking me for school about two weeks ago and there was no better way to wake up than to a big, warm and sexy wolf.

"Is it really time to wake up?" I asked clawing at his back and throwing my thigh over his hip so that he was as close as he could possibly be. He ran his hand absentmindedly from my knee to just below my butt and I shivered each time he made the journey back up.

"Well... not really, but I got you something and wanted you to try it out,," he said with an impish grin. I turned my head to the window, it was still dark outside but I would rather be awake and with Solace than asleep and dreaming of him, like I did nightly.

"What time is it?" I asked kissing his cheek and nose before devouring his lips. I got two kisses a day, once in the morning and once before he left me at night and the morning one was always the best for me, lying together in bed like we should be. He moaned into my mouth as I nipped at his bottom lip and rolled myself against him.

He rolled us over so that I was below him, my thighs pinned to his hips, my pelvis straining upward for optimal contact. He smiled, "It's a Saint Patrick's day gift time."

"Saint Patrick's day gift time?" I asked hitching up my shirt inconspicuously so our stomachs were touching. "I didn't know that was a gift giving holiday," I joked, using my leg to pull him closer. He leaned down allowing his full weight on top of me and I moaned from the sensation of it. He mistook that for hurting me and quickly jumped off the bed making me sag in defeat.

"You jest, but I got you something nice… if you don't want it I'm sure Harley would like it," he said sitting against my stupid grass table. My room was a proper little girl's dream, it looked like I lived in a fucking fairytale wonderland fit for Tinkerbell but seeing as I was 15, sleeping in a giant flower it sort of lost it's appeal.

"No, no I want it. Does it include you having less clothes on than you do now?" I asked biting my bottom lip and trying to be sexy as I crawled across my circular sunflower bed towards him.

"Well, if you want to be that kind of photographer I guess it could, once you're much older," he said reaching down under the table and handing me a large box: A Nikon D850. These were not something you could just walk into any and buy, this was the kind of camera fashion photographers and people who work for National Geographic used.

"Solace! This is—oh wow you're the best!" I screamed running to him and throwing myself in his arms. He scooped me up effortlessly and I tried to make myself as close to his face as possible so that he could kiss me if he wanted to, he did. One quick kiss on the lips before he placed me back on the floor.

"See, don't knock Saint Patrick's day," he said with a crooked grin.

"So then is every fake holiday a gift giving holiday in Solace land?" I asked seriously. Solace was a strange but wonderful creature and I adored every second I had with him, trying to figure out how that pretty head of his worked.

"Not fake, Saint Patrick rid Ireland from the snakes, I think that warrants a gift for my beloved," he chuckled and my heart stalled lurching back to life at double pace. _Beloved_.

"I love you Solace," I whispered, kissing his hands before I ran to get dressed. I wore a short black dress over thick purple leggings and put on makeup quickly so that I could spend as much of my morning with Solace as possible. I ran down the hall, pulling my hair in a messy bun on top of my head as I went.

"I like your hair like that," he said as I came back in the room, he already had my book bag strapped to his chest and the camera in a black leather bag waiting for me.

"I know, that's why I wear it like this," I said gingerly grabbing the camera from his hands. I had never held anything so expensive and high-tech in my hands before. This camera made my mom's old Kodak look like a daguerreotype, I giggled at my own photo humor and he smile at me, leading me towards the front door.

"Gooood morning," my dad greeted from his place on the couch where he sat with a cup of coffee, hunched over papers he was grading. My dad was a community college Spanish teacher, it was a job he liked probably more than any community college Spanish teacher in the history of time. He loved the world of academia, he loved Port Angeles and he loved assigning weird little projects and essays.

"Morning Papi," I sighed, sitting in his lap and giving him two big kisses on the cheek before I downed the coffee in his hands. My father made the best coffee in the world, with a milk of evaporated and condensed milk. He chuckled, standing and motioning us to follow him into the kitchen.

My dad went to the middle of the kitchen rummaging in his leather satchel before handing me some cash. "Here's some money, take Solace here out on the town after school," my dad said filling his cup from the small pot on the stove.

Solace had money, a lot of it, so I knew almost immediately what he was going to say. "You don't need to—" I elbowed him in the gut.

"Have I told you that you're the best dad in the world?" I asked my dad in Spanish, kissing him on the cheek again with more gusto before I ran back to Solace's side.

"Be back before midnight," he said trying to sound stern, but I was walking on clouds.

We left hand in hand, the sun now rising as we drove to the beach. I squirmed; happy for my first date and also excited to try the new camera. Solace sensed my urgency and stepped on it, the cool wind blowing through my disheveled hair from Solace's convertible. The ride which could have taken ten minutes took less than five and I was running through the damp compacted sand leaving combat boot footprints in my wake.

It was still cool in La Push, though Spring was quickly heading our way and Solace stayed a step behind me keeping me warm as I took in the beautiful view. The sun's beams were a kaleidoscope of pinks, reds and oranges in all different shades, refracting off of the dormant shores.

The brilliant morning hues against the stark beach scenery were my first few shots, the white sun bleached driftwood turned orange by the dawn, the brilliant colored rocks shining next to my damp leather boot.

The real attraction though, my real interest, was Solace whose beautiful tan shimmered in the sunlight. I was not a landscape photographer, not when he was around. His bright white smile far outshined everything nature could produce and he was my muse for the hour we had before we had to drive to school.

"So where are you taking me tonight?" He asked placing his hand on my thigh, the warmth radiated through my soft purple leggings.

"Your place," I suggested moving down so that his hand which was placed just below the hem of my dress was now under.

"Madd, I want you, okay? You're beautiful and really too sexy for your own good, just not now," he sighed squeezing my thigh quickly before pulling away.

"If you want me, and I want you then why wait?" I asked kneeling on my seat to lean towards him.

"Because you're 15 and there's a reason it's illegal. You should not be having sex with an old dude," he said rubbing his temples.

"You're only as old as you feel, Solace and you don't feel old," I murmured against his neck trailing my hand down his chest to settle just above his belt buckle. He placed his hand on his waist, pulling me to him so that I had to move my hand to his knee for support.

"Eighteen years old, that's all I ask," he moaned into my mouth, dragging his tongue along my bottom lip.

"Sixteen," I countered slipping my hand under his shirt.

I scraped my nails along his torso up to his pecks. "Seventeen and three quarters," he moaned while I traced his nipple.

"Now," I pleaded.

"Go to class," he said pushing me away gently.

"Wait where we going tonight?" I asked as he leaned over me to open the door and let me out.

"Wherever you want—any public place," he amended when I raised my eyebrow suggestively.

I shuffled through a list of places before settling on a pizza joint in Port Angeles. "Port Angeles?"

"If you want to waste an hour of our precious time in the car," he said kissing my cheek. I smirked, an hour in the car wouldn't be so much of a waste if we were in the backseat.

"Okay, be here at exactly 3:15, we'll figure it out then, but we are ending the night with snuggling on the beach and real kisses, this is a date and if we aren't having sex till I'm 16—"

"Seventeen and a half," he interjected and I ignored him, plowing on.

"Then we need something in between cuz you're driving me crazy, Solace," I said stepping out the door and leaning in.

"See you tonight, have a great day," he said cheerily, waving as he started up the engine, my smile didn't fade the entire day.

It didn't waiver when Traci Longhorn called me a big purple walrus, it didn't fall when we had a pop quiz in math, it didn't diminish when lunch was a pile of stupid fish sticks or when some boy I didn't know suggested I give him head in the bathroom, and it only doubled when I pushed past the crowd and directly towards the T-bird where Solace was waiting for me after class as promised.

"I could get used to seeing you this much," I said hopping in the car and throwing my bag in the back. I saw him every morning for about twenty minutes and every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday night, but that was not enough for either of us.

"Me too," he whispered sadly.

"Do you miss me when I'm not around?" I pried.

"Immensely."

"Do you think of me when you're alone… at night?" I said suggestively, giggling when his hands on the steering wheel tightened and the beautiful muscles in his strong arms flexed.

"Yes," he admitted through gritted teeth, I placed my hand over his heart, something I did when we kissed so I could feel his reaction to me. His fast strong heartbeat was the only tangible proof I had that he really wanted me, that he could feel what I did for him; it was impossible to believe otherwise.

"Me too, you're the only thing I think about when I'm… ya know," I whispered in his ear.

"Madd, can we save this for when I'm not driving," he pleaded. I nodded, settling closer to the middle so I could nuzzle my head in his neck. Before dinner he dropped me off at home giving me time to change and apply more makeup now that I was out of the range of our hawk-eyed principal.

Harley bombarded me with questions but I was too busy to answer them, tonight was me and Solace time and nothing she could say would get in the way of that.

"Why is dad letting you go out with some old guy we barely know Maddie, this whole things is fishy," she said hopping on one foot.

"Because I'm a big girl and you're not," I said condescendingly, little sisters can be such pains in the ass. I ran down and gave my mom a big kiss before I left. Solace was waiting for me, leaning against the hood of his car as he watched me.

"So where are you taking me on our date?" He asked, pushing himself off the hood and coming towards me. He was a giant, taller even than my dad so that I always felt dwarfed but safe with him. He smiled down at me, his thick bottom lip spreading into a beautiful little half moon.

Whenever Solace smiled his eyes crinkled but the little wrinkles around his eyes didn't make him look older like you'd expect, but when in conjunction with his beautiful twinkling eyes he looked younger.

"Where did you go on dates when you were my age?" I asked lacing my finger with his and swinging them from side to side.

"I didn't go on dates, I wasn't always so strikingly handsome you know," he joked bending down and placing a quick kiss on my forehead. "When Phil got cash he would take me to the arcade though, if that counts as a date," he added, tracing my cheek with his thumb. Every molecule in my body stood at attention, like having a blender thrown in my bathtub but in the nicest of ways.

"To the arcade then," I said covering his hand with mine.

The arcade was loud, bells and grunts, tings and whistles, kids laughing and people screaming, but the second he grabbed my hand it was as if all sound was dimmed. We changed my money into tokens after quite a bit of nagging back and forth and I filled his pocket with them so I had the excuse of digging in there whenever a new game started.

He beat me at everything, I had no hand-eye coordination and he was so distractingly gorgeous. When we had finished all of the tokens in his pocket I dragged him to Little Danny's Pizzeria which was just down the road. We got a booth and he ordered five small pizzas, one of each of the house specials all with extra garlic and no onions, which was good and bad; good because I hate onions and bad because he was trying to make his breath bad so I wouldn't kiss him, I was certain of it.

Solace thinks he's so mysterious but I know him and his game, he's like a book written in a language I'm the foremost authority on. Imprinting the concept was still not entirely clear to me but it was real and I felt it with every fiber of my being. I was so in tune with him I knew when he was tired, hungry, upset… horny.

I took a slice from every pizza grinning as he devoured the rest, leaving most of the spinach mushroom for me, but I was more content just watching him. When something was particularly good like the Pie O' Meat, he would hum adorably as he chewed.

On the way out the door I took my last couple of quarters and bought giant gumballs shaped like fruit, I stuffed the lemon in his mouth and kept the strawberry for myself solving the garlic issue with a smirk and pulling him towards the car. The drive to the beach was short and cozy, and when he parked I unbuckled my seat turning instantly towards him.

"When are you going to teach me how to drive? Dad said you taught all the other kids," I asked him casually. From our position in the car we could see the now empty beach, it was just past nine, we had about three more hours until I had to be home.

"Sometime next week," he suggested and I squealed.

"You are the best!"

"It's cold out here," he said carefully. "We could go to a café instead."

"Or you could put the roof back up and we can go in the back seat," I suggested and my stomach flipped when he gulped, pressing a button which forced the convertible to come to life. He clicked it shut and turned to me; I froze, my eyes open wide with shock.

"We can go watch TV at your place," he suggested giving me a chance to back out, I shook my head no.

"Let's get in the back," I whispered, spitting my gum out the window and rolling it up slowly. The car had become like a cocoon, encircling us in our own private world.

"We can't just… we need lines first, Maddox." He was serious, his hands balled in his lap, his head hung low. I hated when he did that, when he sagged, it made me feel so many… feelings, indescribable feelings.

"Okay, lines… I could be okay with lines," I smiled, using my pointer finger to turn his face to me.

"I can't have sex with you… not until you know everything about me and you can make an educated adult decision," he said slowly.

"And in the meantime? Solace being with you and not being able to touch you or really kiss you is like torture." My voice was whiny, he did this to me, my want for him was unimaginable. The night was not completely black but there was very little light in the car making it easier to talk. Seeing Solace's devastatingly beautiful face always made me forget things.

"We could… kiss but kissing you, tasting you is hard for me." He spoke slowly, taking my hands in one of his.

"Hard in a bad way?" I croaked, tilting my head to try and see as much of him as possible.

"Hard in the way where I want to touch you and be with you every second of the day, even though I know I shouldn't and that I don't deserve it," he said wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to him. I straddled him pressing my chest to his as we kissed, my butt pressed against the steering wheel. I opened my mouth, trembling as I waited for him to take the next step and deepen the kiss.

"I want you too, I want you everyday forever," I groaned into his mouth, pressing my lips against his with more urgency.

"I've slept with one-hundred and forty-six women," he panted. I didn't listen, I heard the number and I didn't really care, all that mattered was the grip of his fingers on my hips, the rock hard warmth of his erection that was throbbing against my core and the fact that he wanted me, he really wanted me. I could feel it, not just in his pants, and not just with his heart beating against my fingertip, but with the force of his words which still vibrated in the car. Like a light switch going off, everything changed- no, everything became much clearer.

"I don't care," I said honestly, those girls were nothing.

"I left you here, I left and I knew that I shouldn't. I left you knowing it might hurt you," he said and I rocked myself more insistently against him climbing the mountain of ecstasy dangerously close to the summit.

"Would you do it again, would you still leave?" I asked but the vibrating power of his words still warmed me to my core. I had tapped into a heat that was far beyond what Solace provided, it was the true essence of our bond and it was beautiful.

"No, I'd do anything to take it back," he choked on the words moving his body with me, against me. I grabbed on to the back of his wispy hair and pulled him back to me forcing my tongue in his mouth which he sucked on greedily. I rocked hard and fast only his pants and my underwear between us, I could feel his heat.

When I exploded finally reaching the brink of pleasure I collapsed on top of him

"Once a week," he groaned gripping my hips and scooting me a bit farther down and removing the pressure between our bodies.

"Huh?"

"We can do this, we can try to do this once a week, but I don't think I can handle this every night," he said throwing his head back against the seat, I grinned as wide as the Cheshire cat, I had worn him down and soon he'd be mine.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Solace Locks and The Love Bird

* * *

July 14th 2042

 _ **Phil and the Girls: Fifty…What a Stupid Fucking Number**_

It was 7:19 but I couldn't convince my brain to shut off so I could drift back to sleep. I was exhausted, having spent the night and the majority of the early morning hours thinking about nothing but Maddox, and once my mind was awake again, I couldn't shut it down. I rolled over, slamming my fist against my new mattress, it stung slightly from the impact. This was the third replacement mattress since getting rid of the one Amber and I shared; they had all been disastrously off beam.

I was beginning to feel like a beat-up Goldie Locks. The first mattress was a new-age thing, made with some species of ultra foam that Tara lived by now that she was pregnant again, but waking up and seeing an imprint of my body was not for me. Tara was about a month away from her due date, huge as a house with a little boy they planned to name Harrison and it made my heart hurt with bitter jealousy at the very thought of it. I love Phil, I love Phil more than I could ever even love myself and Tara was one of the most amazingly sweet and beautiful women I have ever met, but seeing him start the life I always dreamed of while my future was still so uncertain, hit me like a collapsing building.

The second attempt at a bed, now that I was assured time with Maddox and I took Quil's advice to sleep at home, was way too springy. Having a springy bed might've been great if I was having marathon sex every night but otherwise it was just annoying. It didn't help my occasional jerk sessions and it sure as hell didn't make me feel better while I longed for Maddox's company, her quirky sense of humor, and her wide beautiful eyes which saw me in ways I didn't know possible. Women over time and around the world had met me, seen me, felt and fucked me, but none had looked into my soul the way she did.

This bed, the most recent of my purchases from Smithson's Home Furnishing in Forks was way too rigid and had me waking up every morning in last two weeks feeling stiff and disjointed, though that could have been a side-effect of my advanced age.

Fifty years old. I was fifty today, and the very idea of turning fifty made me feel sick. Fifty… what a stupid fucking number. I was old, stinking, irritable and saturated in sweat by the time the sun rose, heating my room like a furnace.

The summer was uncharacteristically hot and clear, the days starting out with a blazing red sun, evaporating the dew from the nightly drizzle that was typical in this dismal part of North America. Yet even the customary nighttime rain was off, it was more like a spritzing, leaving the plants and flowers to brown in the blistering sun.

The distress of my landmark birthday made me lethargic, and I padded through the house like a zombie on downers. It had been about a month since Levi had found his match, imprinting on a pretty blonde who was prone to blush at devastatingly frequent and adorable intervals, so my plan to bask in his comforting silence on this black day was squashed.

Levi now spent every waking moment stalking Krista and since it was a Sunday, I was not permitted to see Maddox tonight nor did she need my weekday wake up service. Claire worried about Maddox's studies, rightfully so, and she made sure to keep Maddox on a schedule during the school year, so I got to see her Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday nights only. No exceptions, not even for the summer. I didn't argue it, just accepting whatever I was allowed.

I showered, the lukewarm water creating steam almost as soon as it met with my scorching hot skin. I didn't bother dressing, pulling on a pair of old boxer briefs and collapsing back on the bed. I hadn't gotten around to having the central air and heat repaired and I was now regretting it. I considered calling someone about it but being with Maddox had a way of erasing all important things from my mind. My fridge and cupboards remains shockingly bare though I had spent months reminding myself to go to the market.

Phil was the first to arrive, no one listened when I asked them not to make a big deal out of my birthday. He came with Chloe, Ava and Hope, his darling little five-year old. They joined me on my bed, dropping their homemade gifts onto my tomb with dazzling smiles. Hope gave me a picture drawn in blue and green crayons, which she handed to me balled up with a huge smile.

"I love it, baby girl," I thanked her taking her from Phil's arms and kissing her in between her beautiful green eyes. She kissed my nose repeatedly, holding my face between her tiny little hands before she playfully nipped at my cheek.

"Aww, Daddy's getting jealous, where are all my kisses?" Phil asked Hope, she giggled.

"Here," she answered holding out her arms for him to grab her.

Ava had crafted me a colorful, glittery picture frame out of red stained popsicle sticks and placed it on my bed next to her sister's present.

"Oh, look at this," I swooned theatrically. My name was placed in vibrant yellow puff paint along the bottom, under a picture of Ava and I cuddled warm on the beach during a winter bonfire, the Christmas after I first returned to La Push. I looked terrible: old, sad and sunken like an old catcher's mitt but Ava's utterly peaceful expression made the picture priceless. I sat up pressing my back against the headboard and pulling her into my lap. She was older now, her face losing its roundness, though she was still tiny.

"Thank you, I love it, it's perfect," I thanked her with a peppering of kisses across her face which Maddox would kill me for if she was here. In this world, there were really only a few people who considered me family, Ethan and Phil were among them, so Phil's girls were family in my eyes.

"You look much better now," she said patting my shoulder and examining me thoughtfully.

"Thanks, Sweetie," I said with a chuckle.

"Here," Chloe urged her package which was wrapped in newspaper into my hand. "It's a wallet," she said quickly before I even got it opened. That was helpful, because when I finally did get the half a roll of tape she used on it, it wasn't instantaneously recognizable.

"I love it," I said holding it to my chest before taking her little hand in mine and placing a sweet kiss on top. She blushed and I instantly regretted it, thinking hard about the possibility of her telling Maddox and the backfire it could cause. Maddox was ridiculously jealous, not just of Amber but of all women who were near me.

I wanted to say I hated it, that it bothered me but deep downI loved it. No one, no woman had ever been so possessive of me. No one had ever wanted or loved me so much they couldn't stand the thought of me even talking to another woman. I didn't try to make her jealous, in fact I did all I could to assure her I wasn't even thinking about other women, but when she grabbed my hand pulling me towards her and away from any girl I happened to see or talk to, my heart sputtered, skipped and soared.

"What are you doing tonight?" Phil asked sitting down on the bed next to me, Hope wrapped around his neck. Ava, who was still curled in my lap leaned in and kissed her baby sister's cheek lovingly.

"Moping," I answered flatly, he smacked me making Hope burst into excited laughter.

"Stop being such a drama queen. At least you still look young," he said pointing at his eyes in a way that was meant to suggest he was wrinkling, though it had only been a few years since he stopped phasing and he looked barely any older.

"I feel old."

"Come over to Mark and Jordan's place, I don't want you to be alone. And you can meet their new baby," Ava begged looking up with those big clear eyes of hers and I was done for.

"Okay," I whispered in defeat and she shared a look with her father that made it terribly clear I had been had.

 _ **Levi: Yeah, You're One to Talk About Imprints!**_

The Lynch family left around lunch when I promised to meet them for dinner with the Mark's family, and soon after my eyes started to droop, the sleep that my mind had run from finally caught me. I rolled in a ball, my bare back and legs catching the humidity that encompassed the room so that the much needed breeze from the window made my damp skin tingle.

I smelled him before I was even conscious, his lithe lean form appearing in my dream, juxtaposing the loud party scene my subconscious had produced. He watched me from across the room, dressed in a deep royal blue shirt and jeans, his hair slicked back. His eyes burnt me, harsh and uncharacteristically angry as I made my way towards him, my heart beat doubled, worried that he was angry with me.

We had bonded, there was a camaraderie in our understated nature and I had never seen him look at me the way he was in this dream world. I was on the other side of the looking glass and I didn't like it anymore. Maddox who had previously been the core of this world vanished and his deep onyx eyes became the center.

I was shaken awake quickly, held by big warm hands that applied pressure at each tip.

'Sorry,' Levi signed, kneeling on the bed, his knee brushing against the bare skin of my waist, I sprung to life gasping for air at the suddenness of being pulled back into the waking world.

'I'm ok," I signed, still not very adept at moving my fingers into such unfamiliar shapes.

He smiled his big expressive smile that calmed my hammering heart. He passed me a beautifully bound leather notebook with a short message inside. We hugged, a quick pat on the back and a little squeeze before he moved to slip out. He stopped, looking at me nervously for a while before he signed, much too fast and complex for me to understand, his dexterous fingers contorting wildly. I stared at him, crossing my arms over my chest and tilting my head with an obvious look of confusion.

He glided back to me moving smoothly to my desk and scribbling a note he placed in my hand.

 _You should go see her, it's your birthday. Quil won't send you away._

I stared at it, still cranky and disoriented from my plunge back into my blazing hot room. I did want to see her, I wanted to see her every minute of every day, honestly. I woke up counting the minutes till I could see her again and went to sleep dreaming of the day I would be able to have her with me, her soft, curvy body in my arms. I didn't however desire celebrating this day with her. It may have sounded stupid to anyone if I voiced the reason, I'm not much older or different than I was yesterday but being fifty somehow changed things; making me and our situation worse.

She was just a girl, she looked very much like a woman but she wasn't and just looking at her and imagining her the way I did was so, so very wrong. We circled this dangerous sexual energy between us when I should have been putting a halt to it. I let her rub against me for the pure pleasure of feeling her perfect body. I pressed against her to hear her heart react, and I drowned constantly in the smell of her arousal, when I should have been putting at least 3 feet of space between us at all times.

 _Yeah, you're one to talk about imprints! I'll ask for her hand in marriage if you go and ask Krista anything._ I scribbled quickly. It was a low blow, but again, I was old, hot and mourning the crushing weight of my age.

The endearing dance between Levi and his imprint was obviously the beginning of a bright future. She was falling in love without even a word passing his lips, but then that was Levi. There were few women in the world who would be able to resist him. He had all the qualities that drew women in: the looks, the mystery, the vulnerability.

Maddox and I however were still a wildcard. I loved her, I adored her, she was my world, but then that was the definition of an imprint and of what I was supposed to feel, she however was erratic and unreadable. I loved this about her, having had my fair share of women I knew how to read them and over time they became predictable, Maddox was like a blank canvas: exciting but sort of scary.

I had spent the entire night scolding myself, damning my lack of decorum and self control when it came to her. She was just so gorgeous, and that was not really enough of an excuse I know, but every millimeter of my six foot three frame craved her. Not just her body which was rounded, feminine and beautifully fragrant, but her strong personality, her gentle caring and the ease at which we communicated. There were rough moments but when it was just us talking about anything from movies and food, to politics and religion, we were so in tune, it was like we were of one mind... one mind that really wanted to fuck.

I was a dirty old man. A dirty fifty-year old man.

 _ **The Uley-Varns: The Happy Family I'll Never Have**_

Up again and not able to force myself to sleep, I showered for a second time, the heat of the morning finally dissipating, and I dressed to make the trek to the Uley-Varn cabin where Phil and his family were already waiting. There was a new face in the Uley-Varn home and it was adorable. Mark and Jordan's adoption papers had finally gone through, and as of last week, they now had a second little angel. Her name was Hazel, she was three years old, tiny as could be and so adorable it was difficult to withstand.

She was a chubby-cheeked redhead with big hazel eyes and a charming spattering of freckles across her pale face. She ran back and forth with Hope, her adorable chubby legs carrying her from each corner of the cabin. Eli now eleven and lanky couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Usually with Ava in the room, Eli was engrossed, staring at her in a way that suggested he was already noticing just how pretty she was. Right now, however, his head darted back and forth, his heart pounding, his face scrunched and nervous but also beaming from pride and happiness with his little sister; a look that was mimicked on both of his parents' faces.

"She's beautiful," I said just as Hazel jumped over my foot with a squeaky giggle, running to Tara who sat on the loveseat with Phil and grabbing her protruding belly happily. Hope, who was running after her, followed suit, rubbing her mother's belly gleefully.

"Isn't she?" Jordan whispered. He watched her as if there was nothing else in the world. When she grew tired of Tara's belly, she ran back to his outstretched arms. She was immediately contented, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.

"She's perfect," Mark agreed kissing Jordan, then the top of her little head.

After dinner Phil and Tara hurried home, Tara's sore body craving the comfort of her crazy foam bed, and they took Eli with them, giving Ava her own sleepover since she hadn't gotten to see him much in the week since Hazel joined the family. I would have gone home right away but Jordan gave me the look, the look that clearly read he had something to say.

"How's your girl?" Jordan asked as Mark took little Hazel from his arms, making her dance on his lap. She laughed, kicking her little legs as Mark sang a little ditty about Hazel and her beautiful eyes.

"Sex crazed," I said quickly. They both turned to me, their eyes wide with shock.

"You're having sex with her?" Jordan coughed, choking and losing his cool composure.

"No, but… she's pushing it."

"Little Maddie Ateara?" Mark gasped settling Hazel on his lap.

"She's 15," I said quickly though the second it was out of my mouth I felt stupid. Fifteen was not an age I could defend myself with.

"I guess, I mean Taylor was fourteen when we… but damn, what do you do to these girls?" Mark asked inspecting his Hazel with care.

"You are not allowed to fall in love with Solace, okay, Hazel, okay?" He said holding her up to his face and pursing his lip as he baby talked to her. She gurgled then broke out in a high pitched giggle when he stuck his tongue out at her.

"You're not… going to, right?" Jordan turned, not looking me directly in the eyes when he asked. I could tell he was thinking, his eyes zoned off to the side as if he was watching a movie on an invisible screen. Then without warning he dashed out of the room and returned with a blue flip notebook that he scribbled in for a few seconds before I spoke.

"No… not for awhile, I guess," I sighed, but even I could hear the uncertainty in my voice. I didn't want to, the logical part of me knew it would be wrong, but the desperate, needy part of me wanted to.

I wanted so bad to be loved by her, I never wanted anything so badly in my life. I needed to please her, make her happy with me and as time passed it was as if sex was the only thing she really wanted from me, the only thing I could offer that she wasn't getting from anyone else.

"Solace, the problem with—never mind, you'll do the right thing," Mark said quickly when Jordan coughed, shaking his head from left to right. Mark had spent over a decade as Alpha and he was having a hard time letting go of that part of his life.

Mark, Jordan and Hazel were a pile of arms and smiling faces by the time I left and it was beautiful to watch. They were an amazingly happy family, but it hurt. I was a fifty-year old man, but I had nothing to show for it. I had disappointed the people that loved me most, ruined every chance I ever had at love and lost my entire family without building one of my own. There was one thing about my birthdays that was always certain, it never failed to remind me of just how alone I was.

 _ **Maddox: Love Bird**_

It was just past midnight, one day older but only hours away from seeing Maddox. I lived to see her now in ways I never had before. I had loved women, I had cared for and about many ladies before, but I'd never lost myself in anyone. Everywhere I went I felt her, every sight reminded me of her, every breath I took contained a hint of her scent which clung to the inside of my nose making every part of my day better.

The whiff I got now was undiluted, it was all her and it was approaching quickly. I pushed myself off the rock hard mattress and to the door just as she jiggled the doorknob. It was locked and I could hear her cute little frustrated huff before I pulled it open, standing in front of her with much less clothing than I would like.

"Are you always this naked in your house? Because if you are I'll sneak over here more often," she blushed, taking a step inside and closing the door behind her. It was ironic considering the outfit she arrived in, I tried not to stare, but it was hard, she stood less than a foot away from me, wearing a simple cotton dress that was entirely too short, baring her soft round thighs that had a small sexy gap just large enough for my hand in between them.

"You shouldn't be out alone this late," I scolded running to my room to pull on a shirt and shorts. The night had brought with it only minimal relief of the mornings stifling heat. There was a light misting, which made the light grey cotton of her dress look darker, clinging more dangerously to her body.

She took a seat on my couch and kicked off her flip flops so she could bring her knees up to her chest. My position across from her gave me a straight view of her underwear something she did without even noticing and it was terribly hard for me not to look. Her underwear were simple white and they clashed against her soft caramel tan and the sight put pressure against the dark shorts I had pulled on.

"Why are you always covering up?" She asked curiously, eyeing my body greedily. I was rock hard taking fast shallow breaths to control myself.

When she was trying to get me to touch her, grinding against me or talking dirty to me, I squirmed from the obvious desire she had for me, but she was sexiest to me when she was just being Maddox. Her laugh, which rocked her whole frame made me weak. Her smile, which made her eyes squint, gave me pangs, my heart expanding too fast for me to handle. Her back which arched, pushing her round bottom made me burn, and this view of her barely veiled sex gave me rolling waves of heat, begging me to let the wolf loose and take her.

I pulled up the sleeve of my simple black t-shirt, revealing the farthest reaching scar, a red claw mark that kissed the tip of my right shoulder.

"I don't like you seeing me like this." Admitting my faults and insecurities to the most important person in my world was nerve wracking, as if pointing it out to her would make it somehow more pronounced.

She tilted her head, looking at me as if I had just told her my life's desire was to marry a male kangaroo: a mixture of shock, insult and disgust. "Solace, you're absolutely fucking gorgeous," she scoffed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked tearing my eyes forcefully away from the soft exposed flesh of her thighs.

"Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday?" She asked standing up and going back to a bag she had gently placed on the floor by the door.

"Because it's not something to be celebrated," I said slowly, watching her as she moved carefully, picking up the black garbage bag covered object in the corner by the door.

"Well, I was waiting for you to come, I was sure you would. I, um, got you something," she pouted, pulling the black bag back to reveal a small wooden birdcage and hopping inside silently was a bright yellow bird, fluffy and small.

"A bird?" I asked confused, she blushed again, this bright pink color that began from the apple of her cheek and spread outward so marvelously it made me feel faint.

"Yeah, when I thought of something I wanted to give you, it just…came to mind," she said shyly. "Addison and my dad made the cage," she added, tugging at her hair. The bird was a handsome butter-cream yellow, with long white and grey tail feathers and a fluffy looking chest. I fumbled with the lock popping the little wooden cage open as delicately as possible.

"Hey little guy," I urged placing my hand out for him.

"If you don't like him, I think Addison will take him, I just thought you'd need some company in the house when you're alone," she said biting her bottom lips so hard I could see them plump before my eyes. He hopped into my hand, his pointy little feet making a scratchy path across my palm.

"I love him," I said honestly as he chirped merrily, playfully nipping at my thumb.

"Yeah? I—I, um, I really didn't know what you get you," she said sitting at my side and covering my hand with hers, petting the top of the bird's head with her pointer.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I said using my free hand to trace her beautiful cheek.

I placed him back in the cage, closing the door back up and placing it on my coffee table. "Yes, I did, I wanted to, you're amazing and I… I got the bird because he sorta reminds me of you."

"Thank you, I love it."

"Yeah?" She asked still chewing on her lip, which screamed to me like a boy fallen in a well.

"He's adorable," I said moving closer, she scooted towards me, meeting me halfway.

"What are you going to name him?" She asked placing her soft hand on my knee as she leaned into me.

"Ezra."

"Ezra? I like that," she whispered kissing my cheek before moving her lips to my neck.

"It was my grandfather's name, he was, um, really cool or he seemed really cool, he died before I was born but he left behind this really remarkable sports car. He was a baker." I hadn't told her about my family, I didn't like to dwell.

"It's a beautiful name… I've never heard it."

"It's an old fashioned name, he was born a long time ago," I sighed pulling her in my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck exhaling loudly.

"And what about your grandma?"

"Delilah... she built furniture, wooden furniture, like chairs and desk and beds. My house growing up was filled with wooden furniture, all unvarnished and every room had like a different smell, cherry wood, oak, cedar, pine, anytime I smell fresh chopped wood I think of that house," I babbled as she drew lazy circles on my chest.

"Do you like that then, that smell, does it make you happy cuz you know you could buy some for your fireplace?" I tensed, there was a lot about my upbringing and my life I didn't like to tell women. It was a step past vulnerable and into the column of pathetic talking about my mom.

"Um… it's sort of… that wasn't a happy house for me." sensing my discomfort she nodded thoughtfully.

"Is that your mom?" She asked pointing to a silver framed picture near the television, it was one of the many Amber had placed around my home.

"Yeah," I sighed leaning over and stretching my arm out to grab the warm metal frame, our fingers brushed when I passed it to her and I listened as her heartbeat stalled.

"She was beautiful… you look just like her," she said turning to me. I could feel the heat on my cheeks, hearing the cashier at a grocery store say you're attractive and hearing the center of the world say it was very different.

"I should probably take you back," I said seriously though my hands gripped on her desperately.

"No, I… couldn't I stay here?"

I sighed, throwing my head back against the headrest of the couch, "Baby, I don't have the energy for this argument tonight."

"I don't want to argue Solace, I just want to be close to you," she said very softly kissing my lips.

"Just sleep?" I asked.

"Yes."

"We have to leave before your dad wakes up," I said looking at the clock, it was one a.m. and that gave us just about 6 hours. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay."

"In your bedroom," I added.

"But dad will smell you!" She pouted, grabbing on to my collar.

"I meant your room here… I, um, made one for you." Maddox had only been in this house three times before and none of those times had she been upstairs to the room made just for her.

"I have a room?" She asked her eyes popping open adorably. I picked her up jumping out of the couch so quickly she grabbed onto me in fear. I bounded up the stairs, her cheek pressed against mine stretched into a huge smile.

I put her down in front of the door twisting the doorknob and pushing it open with a flick of my wrist. I hadn't gone in this room since I first helped decorate it, a light layer of dust had settled on the hardwood floors leaving a slightly stale smell though it still looked beautiful, more vibrant than I remembered it being.

She gasped, holding her hand up to her mouth and inspected every single aspect from the shelves and lamp to the intricate butterflies and wall art.

"Oh my god, Solace… it's like every time I turn around you're doing something amazing for me and all I can do is buy a stupid bird, I feel so dense."

"Hey, don't call Ezra names," I pouted pulling her to me.

"You're too much," she sighed, leading us to the bed, I gulped. We hadn't laid in a bed alone since kissing had been introduced in our relationship.

"I love you," she sighed her eyes filled with such a sincere passion my stomach hurt.

"I love you," I breathed in her ear, causing goosebumps to erupt down her arms as I pulled her in, spooning her sweetly as we drifted to sleep. As the last wisps of consciousness floated from my body I smiled. This bed was just right.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: The Old Solace Needs to

* * *

March 29th 2043

"Wake up… come on Solace Baby, wake up," she whispered pleadingly, so low it was almost drowned out by the continual hum of the heater. It was spring but the winter chill had not yet died, making this the coldest Easter Sunday I had ever experienced.

"Mmm, Madd, we've still got time," I grumbled, rolling over to lie flat on my back, she moved closer resting her head on my gut, her hair splashed across my chest. The heater was on high but I still remained clothed, making my thin shirt cling to my body.

"Okay," she sighed sadly and I chuckled, reaching down and pulling up till her head was against my chest. I breathed in deeply, basking in her scent as Ezra chirped merrily in the other room. We had forgotten to cover his cage, the only way my over active bird ever caught any sleep was if it was forced on him.

"I'm up, I'm up," I yawned taking my morning kiss a bit early. Her lips on mine were slightly dry and warm, but still deliciously sweet. She tried to deepen it, digging her fingers into my back and opening her mouth for me to take. I swiped my tongue across hers, my whole body rejoicing at the union before pulling back and placing a soft, gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I have to clean and decorate the house all day so I probably won't get to see you until the party," she whined. Claire was throwing dinner for the pack followed by an Easter egg hunt for all of the kids. Easter had never been a big holiday for us before but as more and more kids were added to our ranks, the girls began looking for ways to entertain them.

"I can help you clean if you want," I suggested, I'd rather be cleaning with her than doing practically anything else the day had to offer. All that mattered was that I was with her, near her, even so much as just breathing the same air as her would do.

"Addison wants you to go on their man's thing… I mean, you don't have to but he's making a big deal out of it," she said nibbling on my earlobe. I shivered, burning hot in the room but overwhelmed by her gentle touch. I had forgotten about the mens morning hike Addison had come up with as a way to assert his manliness and makeup for his excitement over painting and searching for pastel colored eggs… it was easy to forget about a trip to the mountains when Maddox was hovering above me.

"You're so eager to clean that you want to go home at…5 am?" I asked with a chuckle but the insecure part of me, buried deep in my chest, cried. We only got these nights together once or twice a month and she was cutting it hours short.

"No! I just… I wanted to talk to you before I had to go," she said, holding herself up on one arm so that her hair cascaded down and tickled my face.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. The topics of our conversations could vary, anything from history and economics to our families and the pack, but I could tell by the look in her eyes, she had something specific in mind.

"The imprint," she breathed, I tensed. She said the word so simply, so casually… it was anything but. We had not discussed it since the first time the word was introduced into our relationship.

"Okay," I said the word stretched and arched as if it were jumping over the giant elephant in the room.

"I… I talked to someone about it," she started inspecting my face thoughtfully. I let my eyes travel the path of her beautiful face, from her feminine shaped eyebrows placed just above her expressive eyes, down her slightly turned up nose and past her perfect heart shaped lips to her chin, staying perfectly silent though my pulse was racing. "I, um, talked to Soli about it," she clarified.

"Alright."

"Solace, are you always going to want me?" She asked, this rush of words coming out as a conglomerate.

"Yes," I answered honestly, I couldn't imagine not wanting her, it was now such a solid fact it seemed self-explanatory.

"Even if I… I don't know—do something really bad or pick my nose or scream at you or gain like a hundred pounds?" She asked taking her bottom lip in between her perfect white teeth.

"Well, I'd rather you didn't… picking your nose, I mean, it's gross, my heart hurts when you are mad at me and gaining that much weight is bad for your health and I need you to live forever or I wouldn't know what to do with myself, but yeah even in all those cases " I smiled and she sighed, exhaling a gush of air against my cheek, which she kissed twice.

"I don't get mad at you… not really. I try but then I remember how cute you are," she said bringing her head down so she could place a chaste kiss on my lips.

"I love you," I spoke into her mouth, and she smiled pressing down a little more firmly before pulling away. I tried to tell her I loved her at least once a week now, it felt nice, but sometimes it caused a reaction that made me have to rush away from her, keeping her and her intoxicating scent from me. Maddox liked hearing it as much as I liked saying it and it didn't help the sexual tension between us. She was sixteen now, which she seemed to think was solid proof that she was ready to start a physical relationship while I begged to differ.

She was breathtaking, everything from her wavy brown hair and delicate shoulders to her ample curves and tiny feet, but I was dead set on respecting Quil, who I knew expected more from me. We weren't exactly innocent, we slept in the same bed whenever conditions for sneaking out were ripe and sometimes sleep only came after ample kissing and roaming hands.

"I love you, I love you so much," she sighed grabbing my face and forcing a few more kisses on my lips before I flipped her over, landing between her legs.

"Take your shirt off," she demanded, slipping her fingers under the rim.

I stared at her, my eyes locking with hers nervously contemplating her reaction. She didn't see my scars often, I hated the way she reacted when she saw them, her eyes scrunching in distaste, but I also hated defying a direct order from my imprint. I let her remove it, her hands traveling up the small cuts below my ribs.

"I don't like you seeing me like this… I didn't have these before you were born," I said stupidly, I wasn't sure why I felt it necessary to point that out, as if explaining to her I had once been undamaged, she had just missed the boat by a few years. She kissed my ear, then my neck above my throbbing pulse, running her tongue down the tendon to the highest reaching scar.

"Is that why you never go shirtless?" She asked placing wet open-mouthed kisses down my shoulder and to my chest over the dark raised scars.

"Ye-yes."

"I like them… a lot. They're very sexy," she said, coyly lifting her shirt so our stomachs touched, the contact of our skin was dizzying.

"They're ugly."

"Nothing about you is ugly, Solace," she giggled tracing the farthest reaching scars with her finger as she kissed the rest.

"How did you get them?" she asked pulling back and pushing me away slightly so that she could see my face. I placed my elbow on her left shifting my weight away but still allowing her to examine them.

"This one," I said, taking her pointer finger and tracing the lowest scar, the one closest to my nipple. "Was a werewolf, the real kind not the La Push ones. They're huge, bigger than us, and they're ruthless, very dangerous, blood-hungry," I explained her eyes shot open in surprise.

"You killed them… but they're humans," she said softly, rolling to the side and throwing her leg over me to maximize closeness.

"They're dangerous, they kill or infect humans for three days of the month, Madd."

"Were they in La Push?" She asked pushing out her sexy bottom lip thoughtfully.

"No, I fought them when I worked in Volterra."

"You worked in Volterra!" She screamed wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer so that my face was pressed against her chest, I liked it more than I should.

"Yeah, before I met you. I _am_ fifty you know, there are a lot of things about me you don't know," I said slyly, pushing her shirt up ever so slightly so that more of our skin kissed.

"Well, I want to know everything," Maddox said honestly, sitting up a little and removing her shirt completely, I didn't look down. I had touched them, massaging the perfect globes through her shirt but I hadn't seen them or even felt them without material between us. She wasn't wearing a bra, it had been removed last night when it became a hindrance, too much material between the heat of my hand and the soft flesh. I covered them with my body, removing the temptation to stare and the contact was miraculous, as if every ailment, every hidden sadness had been erased, I gasped and her nipples turned to stone against me.

"Wh-what do you want to know?" I asked trying to sound cool and collected but my entire body was reacting and I had to move my bottom a good distance away, my loose shorts not helping as my member grew at an accelerated speed. "I wouldn't know where to start, I know everything about you and there are just years of stuff to tell you."

"You don't know everything about me," she countered.

"I don't?" I asked cockily, running my hand down her spine because I knew it made her toes curl.

"No… I wish you did, it would be so much easier than telling you… I don't—I don't want you to get mad at me," she finished tracing my jaw.

"Twenty questions," I suggested, kissing her neck which smelled like butter cookies and coconut. "You can ask me 20 questions and then you have to answer them yourself… if the question doesn't apply to you or I already know the answer, I get to ask a different one," I clarified.

"Okay, what's your favorite food?" She asked tracing my jaw with her middle finger.

"Thai, I love Thai food."

"I've never had it… my favorite food is rocky road ice cream," she said with a whimsical smile.

"That's not actually food, you know?" I joked with a smirk and she flipped me off.

"Okay, where were you born?"

"I was born in Sequim, my mom's lover, Joshua, had gone back to his ex in Makah, she had a son… named Embry," I said slowly, her eyes widened and then narrowed.

"Our Embry," she asked, I nodded.

"Your half-brothers."

"Yeah, it's sorta a taboo subject. My mom went to this house for women run through the church and they took care of her before I was born. That's where she found God… see I know where you were born and to who, this game isn't really fair," I said letting my hands settle on her lower back which was bare and soft and perfect.

"But you can ask me whatever you like," she countered, pushing herself forward so that her pelvis was pressing softly against my erection.

"What did you and Soli talk about exactly?"

"That's not a fair question but… we talked about sex," she said tugging at her hair nervously.

"Okay, well, you know Soli is not the best person to go to for sexual guidance," I chuckled.

"She was helpful… very informative," she whispered then when she looked down at the pressure against my shorts, she blushed.

"If you just stopped rushing things, you would be able to find out everything on your own, over time," I said softly, taking the sheet from the bed and wrapping her in it, catching a glorious glimpse of her perky breasts just before I covered them.

"When did you lose your virginity and to whom?" She asked with a smirk.

"That counts as two questions… and I was fifteen I think, with Leah at Emily and Sam's wedding, I was drunk and it didn't mean anything to her, it shouldn't be like that for you," I said seriously.

"I know," she sighed her eyes clouded with something unfamiliar.

"It's… when we do… when the time for… it will be really nice for you," I said stumbling over how to put it without sounding presumptuous.

"It wasn't…. his name was Jeff and it didn't mean anything to either of us," she said quickly, two giant tears escaping her eyes before my mind had a chance to catch up. I sat up, my heart jumping out of my chest through my mouth, painfully straining till I hurt.

"What?"

"You heard me, Solace, don't make me repeat," she begged. She didn't wait, I had led her on for so long that she found someone else to do it for her. I feared she would, I sort of expected it but I had hoped that she would at least care for him, that I could lose her to someone worthy.

It was every fear I ever had coming true, I had become obsolete to her. She loved me but not enough, it was the story of my life. She sobbed, crying in earnest now and though I felt sick, I comforted her pulling her, still cocooned in my blanket, onto my lap and smoothing out her beautiful hair as she cried.

"Shhh…" I breathed against her cheek soothingly, though my entire mind was on alert . There was a huge cycle of thoughts circling at a terrifying speed, chopped off thoughts latching onto the ends of other fragments making a huge jumbled mess.

Then through her tears, she suddenly exploded. "Say something," she screamed, pounding against my chest.

"What do you want me to say, Maddie? I'm sorry it wasn't a good experience for you… there are so many nice guys in the world, I promise you'll find a good one next time." My voice was flat and empty, I felt as if my heart was collapsing on itself.

"You're not mad at me?" She asked swiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"No, I'm not—I don't own you, Madd, you can have boyfriends and do whatever you like," I said honestly. I hadn't explained the imprint the way I should have, that was something she needed to know. I grabbed my shirt from the pile on the edge of the bed, pulling it on clumsily and passing hers back to her, turning my back so she could put it on without me watching her.

"I'm yours, Solace, please don't do that, don't turn your back to me damnit, just look at me!" I turned, my shirt rolling down as I moved. She was still topless, the blanket wrapped around most of her bottom half leaving just her breast exposed, two small light brown nipples staring me in the face. I tried not to look but it had been years since I had seen or been with a woman, when I had grown used to having Amber at least twice a day.

"Please c-cover up," I pleaded looking up at her eyes for the first time. She smirked, cocking her head to the side for a second before she unwrapped herself from the jumble of blankets around her, standing on the bed so that her five foot six frame towered above me.

"Well, at least I know how to get your attention," she chuckled, bending down and picking up her shirt before she spoke again.

"I love you. It was stupid and before all of this, and if I could take it back I would because I can't stand hurting you and I wouldn't have told you but Soli said you would be able to tell because you've probably had sex with a hundred virgins like a Muslim martyr going to the Holy Land and I don't even know what that means but I love you, okay?" She was speed talking something she did when she was nervous but every passing word was like a crank unwinding every bit of my tense form. I lunged at her, overcome by her words, the clarity and honesty in her eyes, and the smell of her arousal which still lingered in the room.

There were other men, she knew she had a choice and she still chose me. I pulled her down on top of me pulling her shirt off and she moaned, scrambling to remove mine, which she did in one fluid movement.

"You're so beautiful," I gushed, she straddled me, naked from the waist up. She was plump in the nicest possible way, her tummy slightly rounded, her arms soft and feminine, and her breasts, which I now allowed myself to examine, were glorious. She blushed, wrapping her arms around her mid-section which pushed her breast up, showcasing them in a tempting way.

"You're everything, I've never… there's no one like you in the world," she whispered releasing her breath on the last word so that it was elongated. "I need you, Solace, I was made for you, you have to know that by now."

My mouth went dry, no one had ever spoken to me like this before, it was electrifying and terrifying at the same time because luck had never been on my side and I couldn't imagine surviving the loss of Maddox. I pulled her hands away from her stomach sitting up on my elbows and pulling her forward to kiss her perfect lips.

"I want to touch you but not if you think it'll be too much of a tease," I said carefully, I was dying to feel her, but was also scared it would start something much too serious.

"Then don't tease and don't be so fucking proper, just touch me wherever you want. I need it so bad, Solace, I dream about it," she goaded. I gulped staring at her as I slid my hands over the supple flesh of her stomach up to her breast which I held softly in my palm, before squeezing. She rocked her body against me, hissing when my thumbs slowly circled her erect nubs.

"Just don't push okay, take it slow," I begged her, she smiled, her big white teeth glistening in the dim room. Maddox cried out a loud beautiful sound when my wet mouth closed around her nipple sucking gently, my free hand journeying down so I could grip onto her ass.

"Oh God," she moaned throwing her head back and her pelvis thrusting against me again, I was so hard, like marble and it hurt, every hum and moan making me harder. I switched sides taking her warm nipple in my mouth and she smashed herself against me, gasping and thrashing against my erection; I throbbed painfully, all the blood in my body flowing to my member.

"Baby, stop, I don't think I can take anymore right now," I said ashamed at my painfully low tolerance.

"Let me take care of you," she begged, wedging her hand between us and grabbing onto me. It twitched hard against her hand in approval and I groaned from the contact.

"I don't—I don't think that's a good idea," I said weakly, but I didn't resist when she pulled the elastic waist of my shorts down bringing me out in the open. I was frozen watching her as she inspected me, grabbing from the base with one hand then placing her other hand on top so that only the tip remained uncovered.

"Bigger than she said," Maddox whispered, then as if in slow motion, she kissed my head swirling her tongue around it, removing her top hand and taking me into her warm mouth still holding tight onto the base.

"Ahhhh, shit!" I jerked, my hips involuntarily bucking farther into her welcoming warmth. In my mind I begged myself to stop, to grab her, to apologize to her, but my body wouldn't let me. My hands laced through her beautiful hair and she sucked harder, grabbing onto my hip and bringing me farther forward. She bobbed, slowly at first, sucking at the tip then travelling to the middle, sucking hard and plunging forward till my head was hitting the back of her throat. She sped up when my sounds became louder and more constant, swirling her tongue along the underside and she moved up and down my shaft. I wasn't going to last long, I was ashamed and relieved by this fact as I felt my release building behind my navel.

"Ummm," she moaned, the sound creating a vibration as her hand travel down brushing against my sack which tightened. I screamed nonsense as I drained into her mouth, she didn't let go, sucking even harder as I softened.

"Fuck," she sighed, pounding her fist against the bed.

"I know," I agreed, running my tongue across her neck.

"No, not that—I mean that too, but it's 7, we've gotta go now," she said pushing me off of her, I rolled over, dragged forcefully out of my post-oral bliss. I grabbed the first clothes in my closet, trying to look presentable on Easter as I had every Easter as a child.

I carried her on my back running at full speed so we were there within the minute, but it didn't mean much when we snuck into the back door, Maddox latched on to my back kissing my cheek which turned red the second I caught sight of him. Addison, sat on the kitchen counter chomping on buttered toast with big globs of strawberry jam.

"Good morning," Maddox whispered slipping off my back, Addison smiled at her stiffly then turned to me with an icy glare. He had never looked at me like that before, he was always nice and polite.

"Go," I urged her and she kissed me hard before dashing up the stairs.

"Hey little man," I said carefully taking a seat on the counter next to him. Their kitchen was large and well equipped but it felt very organic, much like Jared's mother, whom we all spent a substantial amount of time with while she was still in La Push.

"I don't want you to come hiking with us," he said seriously, taking a violent bite out of his toast. My stomach panged, I liked him a lot and I never wanted or expected him to be mad at me. In a misguided way I always thought he looked up to me, combing his hair back the way I did, sitting next to me whenever I came over and even walking like me, with a bit of practice.

"Addison, it's not what you think," I said quickly. Actually he was almost 11, I couldn't really be sure what he was thinking, but I didn't want to disappoint him. "I love your sister very much and you know I wouldn't hurt her, right?"

He huffed, chugging his orange juice before he hopped off the counter running toward Sammy Uley who had entered through the living room, her father trailing behind. They were very close friends, inseparable at pack functions. Today's "real men" hike organized by Addison automatically included Sammy, the Uley tomboy, who came clad in a grey fleece hoodie, black cargo pants two sizes too big for her, with too many pockets and hiking boots that were identical to her father's.

"Hey there, Red," David cooed holding his hands out for his niece as his brother Mark entered with his family. Hazel dipped her head shyly in Mark's neck before turning back to David again and giggling. Mark passed her over and his twin brother pulled her away greedily, placing two big kisses on her cheeks before holding her above his head and playing airplane. Mark, the ever observant and protective dad, tracked them with his eyes, his hands outstretched just in case.

'Is she coming?' Eli signed pointing at Sammy, who looked offended by the social faux-pas.

"What is he saying?" Sammy asked defensively crossing her arms over her chest.

"He just wants to know if you're coming," Mark sighed turning to Eli with a pout.

'Why is she mad at me?' Eli asked turning to me then Mark for answers.

'She's not mad at you, she just doesn't understand sign language,' Mark answered him with a slight nod towards his niece.

"And it wouldn't hurt her to learn you know, being bilingual wouldn't fry her brain," Mark hissed under his breath pulling Hazel out of his brother's arms.

"I got them a book," David said with an innocent shrug, Mark rolled his eyes dramatically. "We're going to Kim's," he announced wrapping Hazel coat snugly around her.

"I have my phone if you have any problems, call me. I love you!" Mark said loudly, kissing Eli and Jordan before he waved goodbye. Quil came in a few seconds later weighed down by a huge cooler and piles of blankets.

"Lunch for us big hearty men," he announced, Jordan translating for Eli who was hopping again like the Easter bunny on a sugar high. "And the beauteous Miss Uley, of course," Quil added.

"When are we leaving?" Sammy whispered to her father.

"We're leaving in a minute, sweetie," Quil said sniffing the air twice then turning to look at me. "Where's Maddie?"

"Here!" She screamed barreling through the room and into my arms as if she hadn't spent the night there. She smelled fresh, soap and toothpaste mixed in with her islandy coconut smell, it was delicious.

'Kiss,' she signed when her father's back was to us, I shook my head furiously.

"No," I breathed, when she slipped her arms around my neck.

"I want to stop hiding it already, Chloe's got a boyfriend, come on," she urged and just as her father turned to us, she kissed me. I pressed my lips against hers for a millisecond pulling back when I heard Addison's heart accelerate behind me.

"So it's just us five manly men and the petite Miss Samantha Uley, right?" Quil asked looking at us, still attached because Maddox would not let go of my neck.

"Yup. I'll see you when we get back for dinner," I whispered the last part in her ear giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before slipping her hands from around my neck.

"I love you," she whispered when I finally made it to the door.

"I love you more," I sighed and David elbowed me pushing me outside with a sneer.

"Don't make me puke," he groaned and I gave him my two best fingers in response, making Eli laugh maniacally. I was never a fan of David and he had not been particularly fond of me since I gave his imprint Trisha the cash she needed to flee this place with her boyfriend. David gave me a black eye and a broken nose for it and I deserved it, but I was a sucker for love and I'd do it again. I would hope that if Maddox ever needed it, Phil would do the same. Maddox was not my property, and if the day came that she wanted another man, I wouldn't stand in her way, I'd have to support her.

I used to see that path, the one where she left me all alone forever, as the most likely but Maddox had made me believe in love again. She'd shown me forgiveness and love for myself, which had previously seemed like a lost cause, and everything seemed brighter.

"You're looking good," Jordan said cheerily, as we loaded up the cars. We would be driving to the Olympic National Park for a morning hike followed by a mountain side picnic before the pack met for dinner and a night time flashlight driven Easter egg hunt, a tradition started a year back so as to appeal to all of the varied age groups of the wolf-kids.

"Thanks," I smiled. I was hearing that more and more lately though I couldn't actually see the change myself. I know that I was not limping anymore, and that the pain in my leg was all but gone, I just couldn't see what it was physically that had everyone raving. Tara and Kim made a huge fuss over my skin, Melody and Taylor both commented on my eyes, which had somehow changed though again, I had no clue how, and even Harley (who was not fond of me) made a simple frosty comment about how young I looked.

"It's like you're getting younger, you lucky bastard," David sighed running his hands through his hair which was graying on the sides.

"I'm sure Maddox will like that," Jordan commented softly, eyeing me curiously. I chuckled when I realized why. In the rush to dress I had up on an old green sweater, that fit me so snugly you could almost see the rips in my chest and a pair of jeans that I wore during my marriage to Amber, when I ate more heartily; they now hung low making me look a bit more sexy than I needed to be for a hike with the boys.

The park was beautiful, more beautiful than I remembered it being but then again, it might have been the love thing, which served as goggles making everything better. We walked in pairs, except for me who trailed in the back imagining what it would be like to hold the hand of my hyper child as we made our way through such beautiful sights. A world of possibilities seemed to be opening to me, baby showers and wedding showers and another honeymoon… children and day trips and family vacations. I wanted to be a good father, a great father, better even than Quil and Jared. I had never known my own father, he was like a phantom in my eyes and I wanted my children to know, love and respect me for who I was.

The hike wasn't strenuous so lunch was a ruckus affair, the kids circling the blankets and half eating the sandwiches clutched in their free hands. David and Jordan joined in the festivities, leaving Quil and I alone on a blanket, the sun blazing directly above us.

"Solace, I'd appreciate it, if now you and my daughter are together, you kept her in the house and saw her only during approved hours," he said slowly, before unscrewing his bottle and taking a swill.

"I-I've been fucking up, I know… I'm sorry," I said my head instantly dropping.

"I'm going to tell you exactly what Sam said to me and leave it at that. Your body might be stuck at twenty-something, but your mind has been working and maturing for much longer... Even if she seems like she's ready for more, you have to be the adult," he groaned uncomfortably. I wouldn't have pushed it any further but when else would I have an opportunity to really talk to someone who had gone through exactly what I had. Only Quil really knew what this stage felt like.

"How do you know Quil? She's… God, she's perfect and amazing, in ways I can't even describe because Quil there aren't words—"

"I get it," he said dryly.

"Sorry, I just—I don't ever want to screw things up because I'm terrified of losing her, Quil. Everyone I've ever loved has left me and if Maddox does, I couldn't survive that?"

"She's not going anywhere, Solace, you got back your annoying charm. If you haven't noticed by my wife and daughters prancing around you," he said with a deep hearty laugh.

"Prancing, huh? I guess the old Solace is back." I grabbed a sandwich, my appetite renewed.

"Yeah and he needs to keep it in his pants," Quil joked.

"Point taken."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Fireflies, Flashlights and Secrets

* * *

October 9th 2053

The flowers had yet to arrive and the heat in the kitchen was still not working. As a solution Tara had turned on the oven and I moved a television tray next to it, bundled up for heat as I set about the daunting task of writing my vows.

Javier didn't want to go with the traditional "in sickness and in health" bit and now I was stuck thinking of a way to tell him that I had screwed up my life and he made it almost bearable again, without saying just that.

The chore did not get any easier with my mother and Tara whispering just five feet away, a conversation I wish I could have blocked out.

"I can't believe she's not coming!" My mom hissed in Tara's ear though I could still hear her from my spot in the corner where I sat frantically trying to write.

Kim wasn't coming, she was the only wolf girl that wouldn't be here and I tried to act like it didn't hurt, but my heart was still stiff as if it had been stuffed into a box two sizes too small, incapable of beating without pushing against its constraint.

"I can. She's not related to me, and she doesn't even like me, so why would she come," I said coolly.

"It's not like that, you know Kim loves you… but Kai's her grandson, he lives across the world, and she only gets to see him like once every five years. So you brought this on yourself, Maddox, when you uninvited his mother. If Amber's not invited, do you honestly expect the rest of her family to cut their time together short so they can watch you make a mockery out of the sanctity of marriage?" Tara's chest puffed out. She was defensive of Kim, I knew this, but sometimes I can't stop myself from saying stupid things. It was like a disease or an animal instinct, when I'm hurt, I attack and no one is safe.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter." My left hand shook, clutching hard on the pen, making a hole in the paper I had been writing on. I had gotten one sentence out in the twenty minutes since I started: _Javier, when I first met you I never imagined we would one day be getting married._

"Why won't you ever admit that something is hurting you, Maddox? Kim's not here, you love her and she isn't here. No one is going to judge you for hurting," Tara said standing suddenly and making her way to the door.

"You have no idea what I'm feeling right now. You wanna know what hurts? What hurts, what really hurts, is that I'm sitting here wondering how long it is before Solace goes over there. How long it takes him to pack up his bags and leaves with his son. He's probably there now and I wish that didn't hurt me, Tara! I wish I was a big enough person that I could sit here and be happy for his little family reunion, but I can't! That should have been me, _I_ should have had his child and I should be marrying _him_!"

"Maddox, if you still love him then do something about it! Don't torture yourself or anyone else here because you're mad. It happened, okay, Maddox, it happened and now you have to deal with it!" My mom screamed. The room became smaller, two of the women I loved most in the world cornering me, but they didn't understand. Neither of them could understand what it felt like.

My father never loved another woman in his life and Phil didn't take his eyes away from Tara for long enough to even see other women, but Solace was never mine, because how could I compete with his child? And what's more, how can I compete with a woman who bore him a child before we even had sex? I tried and I failed. It was like starting a race when your competition was already at the finish line; I had lost Solace before I ever had a real chance.

"I am dealing with it. I'm moving on and he should be too. There's no fixing this," I said calmly, releasing the first translucent tear of the day. The sparkling liquid plowed a path through my makeup as it streaked down my face, exposing my bare skin as effectively as this conversation did my heart.

April 5th 2043

Soli was back. It was her spring break from the school in Canada where she and Randy were in their third year of university. Harley was abuzz and I was pretty thrilled, Soli was a bit of an idol for me even if she was friends with Amber, who I had formally renounced as my Godmother.

"Can you take me to see her, please?!" Harley screamed from the other side of my door. I stood in my closet examining the pathetic collection of limply hanging clothes staring back at me. My mother had promised a birthday wardrobe, but till then I was screwed in the garments department. I needed something nice but warm to wear for tonight when I finally saw Solace.

It wasn't actually his day, we were sneaking out, rightfully so. I hated these assigned days and schedules. Being without him for two or three days at a time made my stomach feel like lead and miraculously Solace felt the same, instead of scolding me like an adult should he found ways to make sure we spent time alone as often as possible.

Tonight he would pick me up at Jenna's house and I would spend the night in his glorious arms, snuggling into his perfect chest, kissing his delicate lips. Solace, being with him, loving him and being loved by him made everything in my charmed life, perfect.

"Come in, Harley!" I shouted over the energizing music blasting from my laptop like an 80's workout video.

"What are all of these sheets?" She asked fingering the thin material I had shrouded over every corner of my stupid flower room. Like a boarded up mansion when the residents moved on, I was closing the door on any reminders of my unwanted youth.

I ignored her, turning down the music and groping at a soft green hoodie my mother had bought me three years back. Most of my clothes were small and outdated so it took a little creative effort on my part to make any outfit worthy of a night with Solace. "Why can't you go by yourself?" I asked her, stuffing my arms in the sleeves. There was a bit of a stretch so when I zippered, although it was short and the sleeves didn't reach all the way to my wrists, it still closed.

"Mom says I can't go by myself. That looks cute like that, roll up the sleeves," she advised quickly. Harley had an eye for colors and contours which worked not only in painting but also fashion, this was one of the few things we had in common, though we got along well.

I smiled, nodding in agreement when I examined myself in the mirror. "Fine, but I need an outfit for tonight."

"Where are you going?" She asked leaning against my desk. I gave her the look, the look that said 'you know where I'm going, don't play dumb' and she rolled her eyes in response.

"I wanna look nice."

"You always look nice, you're pretty, but I don't get why you want some old guy ogling you—I mean, he's hot and all, I'll give him that, but he's old as sin and he left you for some chick cuz he couldn't wait like 10 years for sex. I don't trust him," she said seriously. Though she was totally off the mark with Solace—most people were because they were fools and knew nothing about him—I smiled widely, enjoying the way she called Amber "some chick" with such distaste. That was another thing about Harley that I loved so much, she was more loyal than anyone I've ever met.

"You don't understand him or us because you don't have an imprint. It doesn't matter how old he is, we're meant to be," I sang, prancing back to the closet.

"The white tunic t-shirt, the dark skinny jeans and that little green hoodie," she instructed throwing the jeans from my bed to me with an exasperated sigh.

"Fine, we leave in five," I said stripping down to the only articles of clothing I had settled on today, my underwear, which I wasn't sure he was going to see, but I was still hopeful.

We walked over together, fighting the cool air. Soli answered the door in a snake print mini dress, seemingly unaffected by the day's frosty bite and it made her just that much cooler. She was wild, unpredictable, admirably beautiful, and smarter than any woman I knew; in all, she was a general badass.

"Hey Atearas," she smiled, waving her hands, which were weighed down by heavy black jewelry, to welcome us in. Harley ran at her, launching herself into her arms so that Soli stumbled on her ridiculous pair of leather heels, which were strappy and studded and made her as tall as me, though without them she was only just over five feet.

"Soli, Soli, Soli!" Harley chanted bouncing up the stairs wildly.

"Where's Randy and Freddie?" I asked, looking around the apartment. It was a small place, above the shop my dad used to own before I was born, and while Randy and Soli were away at school, it was shared by Freddie and his imprint Maribel.

Freddie was the new Alpha, he took over about a year after the war and I rarely ever saw him anymore. He and Maribel sort of kept to themselves, but they were both really nice, especially Maribel, who didn't speak the best English, but was really friendly.

"Randy's with his parents. Freddie and Maribel are on a date; they have date night twice a week," Soledad said motioning us to the couch. It was new, the only new thing in this place, which had housed like every wolf in the history of the pack and that's only half exaggerating.

"Me and Solace have date night," I piped in.

"Do they end with hot steamy car sex, cuz I've heard he's great," Soli said with a moxie wink.

"I'm sure you have," I said dryly and Harley sniggered, holding her gut tightly.

"Oh don't get your panties in a bunch, you're obviously not doing it yet or you wouldn't be so moody," Soli commented nudging Harley playfully.

"What's it like being married?" Harley asked, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Not sure what it's like to be married to anyone else, but Randy's fucking amazing," she glowed, her eyes twinkling with every passing word like a flaring candle flame.

"I don't think I wanna get married, it seems so old fashioned… what's school like?" Harley asked playing with Soli's long chestnut hair.

"Boring! Soli, what's it like having sex with your imprint?" I cut Harley off, and she gave me the finger, sticking her tongue out and leaning into Soli, who held her arm out and snuggled her close.

"School is great, thank you my beautiful Lee, and sex with Solace… I'm sure is an adventure. One you're just going to have to wait for," Soli said coyly.

"Soli, I mean is it different? They're like a hundred and twenty degrees and like two hundred fifty pounds!" I exclaimed loudly.

"You'll be fine. I mean if all those petite little ladies could take it, you'll live through it. It's gunna hurt though, your first time always hurts," Soli said sagely.

"It's not my first time," I said examining both of their faces.

"Well, well, little Miss Maddie is dipping her toes in the pond. Well good for you—Solace didn't exactly wait for you, but it's never gunna be as good with anyone else as it's going to be with Solace."

"So then it's better with your imprint?" I asked stupidly. I knew the answer, deep down, but I needed to hear it, the assurance that being with Solace would be what I imagined sex could be… all beautiful and expressive and stuff, not like it had been the two times I'd done it.

"If you haven't figured that out from just kissing him, then you aren't doing it right," Soli said with a warm smile. Harley rolled her eyes again.

"I can't believe you had sex already, with who? No wonder everyone calls you a slut! You know how many times I've gotten into fights because of you?" Harley scowled.

"Slut? Naw, Harley you need to take that word out of your vocab, they created to stop us from having fun," Soli wagged her finger and Harley giggled.

"So everyone knows? How did Solace take it? Oh man I miss this, there's like nothing to do in Canada, seriously, nothing but screwing and nature," Soli practically sang, crossing her legs at the knees, her killer pointy heels glistening in the light from the window.

"He doesn't know," I said automatically taking my thick lip between my teeth.

"Well he will when have sex. Solace ain't a rookie, he's had sex with more virgins than years he's been alive and that's a lot," she nodded seriously.

"What?"

"He's as old as my father and has had sex more times than my mom who is five times his age, Maddie. I would roughly estimate that he's been with at least a hundred virgins, like a Muslim martyr going to the Holy Land." She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow and I felt sick. I didn't want to tell him, it was like the last thing in the whole world I wanted to do.

He was so… fragile. I know it sounds stupid, he's huge and strong and brave, but sometimes it was as if I said one word wrong, he would collapse, and I hated the very idea of him being upset. I wanted him to be happy, happy everyday, forever, with me.

"I can't like… fake it?" I asked nervously.

"No and besides there's no point in lying to him, he's your imprint, you can tell him anything…"

So I did, that night as we kissed, I tried to get the words out, but they were stuck in my throat like the horse-sized daily vitamins my mother made us take. I couldn't sleep; I couldn't breathe right until I told him.

The next morning, Easter morning, on the day of my mother's big shindig, I was exploding to confess, so I took the dive… and she was right, Soli the rock star was right. I told him, I professed my undying love and he was fine. We kissed, we touched, we went farther than ever before and he believed me, he knew I loved him. Everything was better than I ever could have imagined. We were in love, there was lust, he wanted me in a way I didn't even understand and I had no secrets, nothing to hide from him anymore.

It burned now being away from him for even a second when there was so much perfection to bask in, so when he got home from his manly man hike, I assaulted him with kisses.

"Cough, cough!" My dad shouted over the ruckus of the arriving families, I ignored him.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I whispered into his yummy, intoxicating mouth as he pushed me away.

"Not now, baby," he spoke low into my ear.

"Can I sleep over tonight?" I asked once my father was back in the house.

"Hey beautiful," Seth greeted me, kissing my forehead before Jessy, his imprint, led him into the house.

"Hi Seth," I said quickly, turning back to Solace, but he was gone, already making his way inside the house. I chased after him removing my jacket to reveal the only sexy shirt I had, a draped grey halter top.

"Like my shirt?" I asked biting my bottom lip the way that I knew made him blush.

"Love it, but baby, can we just try to keep it PG tonight?" he pleaded, kissing my cheek stiffly.

"Did my Dad give you shit about the kiss?" I twirled, looking around for my father.

"Babe, no, but it's not the right time yet, just trust me okay?"

"Time to paint the eggs!" Kim announced from the kitchen, Jared wrapped around her waist lovingly kissing the top of her graying head.

"Come on, it's egg time," Solace urged grabbing both of my hands and smiling as he walked backwards into the kitchen. His smile was contagious, his eyes crinkled adorably, his lips curved in such a sexy way I felt dizzy.

"Painting eggs is for toddlers," I whined, pulling him back to me as everyone made their way towards the kitchen.

"Come on, it can be fun, me and you, pretty eggs, a flashlight and secret kisses in the dark forest…" He trailed off and I followed him running my hand down his chiseled ribs until we were in the company of the pack and I had to behave myself.

Solace grabbed a carton of boiled eggs and a paint pen kit, my mom's solution for the mess that came with Easter egg painting.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked, continuing our morning game of twenty questions. I wanted to know everything about him, he told me more than once that when it came to him I was clueless, but I wanted so badly to be an expert. In some ways I could read him, how he felt was clear to me behind those beautiful brown eyes, but the facts, the little things that made him _Solace_ were still a mystery.

"Right now, its grey," he said looking down the front of my shirt with a smirk.

"I thought we were being PG," I joked, leaning in so he could get a better look down my cleavage, which he was still staring at.

"Sorry, it's green," he sighed, searching through the box of little paint pens before picking out the light green I had been eyeing.

"Me too," I said honestly, grabbing a pastel pink from the box and drawing intricate circle patterns along the bottom half.

"Okay, we are having a competition this year," Annabelle shouted at the threshold of the room. She was leaning against Brady, who held her around her narrow waist which made me want to give up eating altogether. "We're going to play in teams, does everyone have a partner?" She called out.

Soli, who sat on Randy's lap next to me giggled. "Everyone is partnered, it's like Noah's fucking Ark in here," she joked turning to the room, which was filled with imprints, best friends and siblings already sitting in pairs.

"Thanks for the colorful analogy, Soli," Kim interrupted, with a sarcastic flare. "Okay, so that makes Randy and his truck driver wife team one," Kim smiled with a little wave.

"I got Solace," I called out.

"I've noticed," Kim said scribbling on a notepad. "You're team 2."

"Jessy and Seth 3, Krys and Sarah 4, Sammy and Addison 5, Eli and Ava 6, Annie, are you playing?" Kim asked still surveying the room.

"Yeah, we're lucky number 7," Annabelle gushed, pulling Brady into a nauseating kiss.

"Right… Harley and Chloe 8, let's see who else, Mark, Jordan and Hazel 9, Taylor?" Kim continued.

"Naw, we're gunna sit this one out," Taylor said kissing Melody's cheek lovingly as she tuned a guitar with her mother at her side.

"We wanna play, right Michael?" Anna called out, her agile hands twisting the little knobs on the guitar head. Michael nodded and Levi, who sat to his left with his imprint Krista, signed something to him quickly.

"Levi and Krista too," Michael answered.

"Okay, that makes Anna and Michael 10, Levi and Krista 11… So everyone paint one dozen eggs. Make sure you put your number on each egg and the first team to retrieve all of their eggs wins," Kim finished leaving us to our work.

"Your egg is cute," Solace commented examining my hand where I was lazily drawing patterns around a newly added 2.

"We need to win, you do know that right?" I asked him, he nodded grinning wider at my competitive nature; he knew it well.

"Oh, trust me, we will," he assured me, placing his now completed egg back in its yellow egg crate and picking up a new one.

When our eggs were finished, we handed them to Jared, Kim and Rachel, then the rest of us bundled up to enjoy the dinner buffet that had been set up outside, the only place where thirty people could eat comfortably.

Solace helped me into my jacket, a cool asymmetrical number that Solace had bought me in January. He had a talent for spoiling me with things I didn't even know I wanted till they were in my hands. Clothes though, when he bought me clothes, it still made me blush knowing that I was about 3 sizes bigger than the second biggest woman in the pack, which was Kim and she had like a million kids so she had an excuse.

I ate less with that thought lodged in my mind, picking at the food on my plate with my appetite totally ruined.

"What's wrong? You don't like it," he asked as I mindlessly pushed my macaroni and cheese from one side of the plate to the other leaving a gooey golden cheese trail, reminiscent of the slime marking a snail's progress.

"Its fine, I'm just… I should be dieting," I said with a blush I hoped he couldn't see in the night, which grew darker by the second.

"No you shouldn't, you're fine the way you are… better than fine, much, much better," he said dropping his paper plate on the picnic table and brushing my hair out of my face.

"You have to say that because you're my imprint," I argued.

"No, not at all, you are the most fucking beautiful girl I've ever known. And sexy, really sexy," he said it almost like a pant, as if he was having a hard time getting the words out. His chest heaved, and my stomach, like there was a hook through my navel, drew me closer. I dropped my plate on top of his and followed the metal cables pulling me forward.

Our bodies molded together perfectly, each of my curves fitting in the rips and valleys of his body.

"More beautiful than Amber?" I exhaled in his ear, as he wrapped his arms around my middle.

"Exponentially more." His breaths became shallow and we stood inhaling, as an orb-like solid energy pulsated from my gut outward, vibrating down to the very tips of my toes. He ran his fingers gingerly down my face from my hairline to my jaw.

"That's why you can't sleep over anymore… because I can't control myself with you," he said slowly.

"You don't need to control yourself, Solace. I'm not exactly… the poster girl for innocence and we're ready, don't you think?" I whispered, so low none of the wolves, even those closest to us could hear.

Melody and Taylor sat a few feet behind us as he stared down at me. Melody strummed her guitar lazily, her infrequent tempo progressed into a complicated twang that morphed into a soft song.

"I don't want to rush or ruin anything with you, I want everything to be perfect, I want you to be my girlfriend before you're my lover, my fiancé before you're my wife, my wife before—" I cut him off with a kiss, lacing my fingers through the wispy hair on the back of his neck.

"So I'm your girlfriend then?"

"Most definitely," he said with a cocky grin. I grabbed a cupcake from the pile and dug in, leaning into him as he held me from behind.

"So I can eat cupcakes," I said cheerfully, swiping the bright pink, cream cheese frosting off the top greedily with the tip of my tongue.

"Eat as many as you want," he said simply, turning my head so he could kiss me, his tongue lapping slowly across mine. Pink cream cheese icing and Solace; the combination of tastes was euphoric.

The light of day was consumed by the velvety darkness of the night. It was still chilly, though it did little to deter the plants that had hibernated through the harsh winter and were desperate to appear again. There was a small barrel fire near the bench where Melody and Taylor sat huddled together as she continued to play, filling the night with a familiar tune I couldn't quite place.

There was laughter, the smallest of children running on the vast expanse of empty land behind our house. Maribel and Freddie stood parallel to us, highlighted by the white Christmas lights my mother had hung from the nearest tree. They didn't move; his hands on either side of her waist staring into each other's eyes as it became dark enough for the spattering of flashing fireflies to finally become visible.

"Your wife, huh?" I prodded, turning in his arms so my face was flush against his pecks.

"If, I mean, you chose me when the time comes," he said shyly. I cocked my head up, releasing the cupcake on the table so I could touch his perfect face.

"I already have," I promised him. Jared and Kim appeared in the clearing, holding empty cartons and each others' hands.

"Alright guys, your time starts now, the perimeters are from here to First Beach to the North, Phil's house to the East and Brady's place to the West. The flashlights are in the living room, one per team," Jared called out. Solace was back with a flashlight in his hands before Jared was even finished talking.

"Ready?" He asked, but before I could answer he had me on his back, running like a flash towards the beach. "Okay, so we work our way back," he said, placing me back on my feet at the cusp of the sandy beach. I nodded, and he handed me the flashlight which he didn't need with his wolf eyes.

Solace walked close behind me, his warm breath on the back of my neck as he leaned forward, his eyes concentrated on the floor below us. We found the first colorfully splashed egg along the sand, but it wasn't ours and with a wicked grin I pocketed it.

"You're evil," he chuckled.

"I'll put it down when we find one of ours," I said smiling, and I did when I found our first egg to the East. We passed almost every group on our mission, some playfully giggling, others seriously concentrating on the ground below us, some so consumed with each other they forgot all about eggs (notably Jessy and Seth).

Eli and Ava held hands, cheerily skipping with one colored egg in each of their free hands, and a few more filling their pockets visibly.

"They're beating us!" I hissed loudly and Solace laughed, kneeling down to inspect a bare bush near the back of Phil's home.

"Not for long," he said pulling out a poorly decorated green egg that Solace had made. I stuffed it in my jacket pocket where six others already resided.

"I'm running out of places to put these," I commented looking down at my full pockets, his eyes roamed over my body landing on the exposed cleavage of my bust with a smirk.

"You could stuff them in there," he said brushing the back side of his hand over the soft top of my mounds. When he looked up at my face every pore on my skin tingled, my face flushing hot. There was a lust in his eyes I had never seen before.

My breath caught in my throat, just as he closed the distance between us, swinging me till I was flat against a tree.

"Slow, baby," he breathed. "Just kissing, okay?"

I nodded, grabbing his face and crashing our lips together. His lips were perfectly moist, soft and plump. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip slowly, I moaned, arching into him as he ran his hand lightly over my breasts.

"Ahh…" My core throbbed, wetness pooling against the thin cotton of my panties, which rubbed roughly against me when he shifted. I could feel the throbbing hardness of his cock and I shivered knowing that I had caused it, remembering the feel of his warmth in my mouth.

"Are you cold?" He asked nervously, pressing harder against me and enveloping me in his warmth and scent, like walking into a greenhouse filled with gardenias and lemon trees.

"No, I'm never cold when I'm with you," I murmured against the perfectly glowing softness of his cheek.

"Hem, hem." A loud fake cough sounded beside us and Solace pulled back, angling his erection away from Mark and Jordan, who carried Hazel on his shoulders.

"Game's over, Eli and Ava schooled us," Mark said smiling nervously. Hazel, who was bigger now, giggled holding onto Jordan's collar as if he were a pony.

"We'll be there in a few… let me just… calm down," Solace whispered shyly. Mark giggled, pulling his husband and daughter back towards my house where Melody's guitar still sounded expertly.

"This PG thing is going to be hard," I voiced with a frown.

"Yeah… maybe PG-13?"

×o×o×o

A/N: So after reading this through I realize that I was so desperate to finish this universe 8 years ago that the last 3 chapters feel really rushed and incomplete. I'm not happy with them.

I actually haven't written anything creatively in over 5 years but as this is the very last piece in my universe (which combined was the length of 3 full length books) I dont like the idea of ending it so weakly so im coming out of retirement to finish this universe properly.

This series was written inspired by 100 Years of Solitude and I had had an original ending to the series in mind which included a death of a beloved character but ended up never getting there because mentally it was too much for me. I think after rereading them all I am ready to jump back in for one chapter and an epilogue. So please be patient with me. I am very rusty so it will take me a while to write.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: A Roll in the Paint

* * *

November 25th 2043

Her breathing was steady, she was still asleep, but I couldn't wait anymore. I searched the ground picking up a flat stone and inspecting it before I lodged it at her window. Nights away from Maddox got increasingly difficult as I fell more irrevocably in love with her. It wasn't just that she was my imprint anymore, I felt the draw, I did my duty protecting her and I would die for her yes, but what I felt now more than anything else was uncontaminated and almost uncontrollable love.

"Morning, Solace!" Claire screamed, from the front of the house, I couldn't see her, but I could clearly envision her with her arms crossed in front of her chest smirking at me. I ran around front with an impish grin and she motioned me inside.

"Its 6:30, you know? Bit early for wake up service." Claire never woke up before 8 o'clock, so her presence startled me. But I was happy all the same because I didn't exactly have a key to the Ateara residence.

"What are you doing up so early?" I asked avoiding her observation.

"I'm wrapping her present and Jared's coming over to make his famous Nutella French toast," she said as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"What did you get her?" I asked nervously, I had made these huge plans without even asking what her parents were doing, maybe they had the same idea.

"Clothes and a gift certificate for more clothes," she sighed. "She's not the most complicated of girls... she reminds me of my sister." I choked on my coffee remembering her sister Lana, our ill-fated week long love affair and her post-college switch to the all-girls team.

"Well, let's hope she's not just like your sister," I joked opening the back door for Jared, who patted my back roughly.

"Hearty-har-har, a lesbian joke, how fresh." Claire whipped around her hair slapping my face in the process, but when she turned to hug Jared, she smiled back at me just the same. We had a complex relationship, this tango between the little girl who blushed whenever I used to talk to her and the mother of my girlfriend.

"What did you get her?" Claire asked pouring a cup of coffee for Jared and leaning into him as he pulled out thick pieces of toast from his bag.

"I, um, sort of got really excited about it and forgot to ask you if it was okay... but I was going to remodel her room for her, you know, paint, pick out a new bed," I said quickly grabbing a bowl and helping Jared crack the carton of eggs.

"What's wrong with her room?" She asked defensively and Jared chuckled, laughing to himself so that his shoulder shook silently.

"She's draped sheets over everything and covered her walls with pictures." Jared stopped and looked up at us, examining us for a minute before he continued his work.

"It's a beautiful room, she's going to love it again when she gets over this stage where—"

"She's 17, Claire. She doesn't like sleeping on a giant freaking sunflower anymore," I exhaled, annoyed.

"She's not a woman either, no matter how much you wish that to be true, pervert!" Jared and I cringed in unison.

"I think that's a nice idea, Solace," Quil said entering the room from the back staircase.

"He's trying to push her into adulthood," Claire huffed.

"Come on, Babe. It's just a bedroom, give him a break," he said pulling her in for a kiss before turning to us. He was dressed for a day at work, black corduroys and a gray button up.

"Solace, I'm just going to say it—just because she's 17, doesn't mean it's time to start... consummating," she said with a visible shudder. Jared stayed silent, the scrapping of his metal whisk against the large glass bowl filling the room as I stood dumbfounded, holding an envelope with a handmade coupon for a new bedroom, made with the help of Hazel, various colors of construction paper and a considerable amount of Elmer's glue. Since when did a coat of paint equate sex?

"I didn't—we didn't—I really don't even know what to say to you right now, Claire. To be honest I just noticed that she didn't like it and I wanted to fix it for her... but I can get her something else if this is too _suggestive_." I held my hands up as if she were poised to attack and she folded, taking a seat at the counter and holding her coffee in both hands, inhaling deeply as if to expel my presence.

"No, fine, I'm giving her the day off from school anyways. Why don't you take her to buy the paint and stuff after breakfast and I'll clear out her room?" Claire sighed in defeat.

"I'll help," Jared piped in.

"Can I... wake her up now?" I could feel her, our heart beats in perfect synchronization and every molecule of my body screaming to be closer to her, to hold her so I could feel that beating heart against mine.

"Yeah, fine," Claire said with a scowl. I ran towards her room, down the hall and to the right, not stopping until I was behind her door, which I locked behind me. I crawled under her sheets, molding my body to hers. When she sensed me, she moaned, turning in my arms and instinctively pulling my face down for a kiss.

I didn't bother with propriety, I held her tight to me, my hand firm on her lower back as I explored her mouth with my tongue. Even in the morning she tasted sweet and I turned my head begging for more access, she granted it, rolling so I was on top of her. She spread her legs wide to allow me room, placing her feet flat on the bed and arching her back as my hand trailed down her side.

'Stay quiet, your dad,' I signed to her and she nodded, biting her bottom lip as I lifted her shirt, working my way down her body so I could leave hot open mouth kisses on her soft fleshy middle.

"Good morning, my love," she spoke calmly, our way of kissing and touching while her parents were just a few feet away.

"Happy birthday, Madd," I said between kisses that I placed around her perfect belly button.

"I don't have to g-go to school today," she sputtered as my hand roamed gently over her clothed sex.

"Nope, you're going to come out with me," I said trying to keep my voice steady and my heartbeat stable for Jared and Quil, who I knew could hear us in the kitchen. I had never let my hand go this far south, I had wanted to, badly, but it had been off limits.

"Gr-great!" She squealed as I applied pressure to her most sensitive spot. She grabbed the pillow stuffing it in her mouth and rocking greedily against my hand. I took my hand away, crawling down the bed till my face was level with her thinly clothed mound. She wore a soft red nightgown and underneath black underwear which were growing wet with desire, I inhaled the scent before placing a soft kiss against the soft material there.

"We're going to the hardware store," I said before kissing her again, applying more pressure, my lips molding to hers.

"Why?" She asked sweetly, trying desperately to push aside her underwear, but I slapped her hands away, not sure I could handle tasting her without moaning in delight.

"We're redecorating your room." I sat up on my knees passing her the handmade envelope, which she ripped open.

"Solace really?! You're the best! Oh, I love you! I love you so much!'' She screamed hopping adorably off the bed and dancing. I watched her, completely enthralled. She was a walking contradiction, one second rubbing hard against my manhood, the next dancing like a little girl on Christmas morning.

"Take a shower and get dressed, Jared's making you breakfast and then we can go get you a brand new bed, paint, whatever you want," I said still watching her closely. She laughed this beautiful musical laugh before she threw herself at me again. I caught her, kissing her hard before letting her down again.

Kim came before Maddox was finished showering and she greeted me stiffly. We had not talked since my divorce from Amber had been finalized. I wasn't sure if she blamed me or not, but when we were in the same room, recently especially, she didn't look me in the eye.

"Happy birthday, Maddie," Kim said softly as she ran into the room, throwing herself into my arms.

"Morning Kim," Maddox said smiling shyly. Maddox had gotten over her hatred for the entire Cameron family, something about Annabelle comforting her, I hadn't gotten the whole story and it was not something I really wanted to examine. She didn't, however, take the time to apologize for her actions and it seemed there was still tension between the two of them.

"I got you a little something," Kim said digging in her bag to retrieve a small package. "When Annabelle was your age, she was obsessed with this thing. She never went out until she used it." Kim explained as Maddox worked on unwrapping it. It was a pink hair curler with twenty or so attachments for different kinds of curls, crimps and styles. Maddox's hair, which was thick, soft, and long in a beautiful chestnut color, fell just below her shoulder blades and was bone straight.

"Kim... I love it, thank you," Maddox said sincerely, moving slowly in for a hug, which Kim granted her warmly.

We ate breakfast through a torrent of small talk and chit chat, Maddox touching my leg and knee and whatever she could reach whenever she thought no one was looking.

"What do you want your room to look like, honey?" Jared asked passing her another Nutella and walnut filled French toast.

"I want robin's egg blue, with black and white, and pictures, the pictures I took with my camera in big black frames, and I want to paint all of the furniture and—"

"Paint?" Claire cut her off, but when Quil gave her the _'it's just furniture'_ face, she caved.

"And I don't want the flower bed, we're going to have to throw that away," Maddox continued unfazed.

"I spent like two thousand dollars getting those custom—"

"I think Hazel would love it," Quil said keeping the peace once again.

"I want black and white wallpaper on one of the walls, the small wall where my closet is, like the kind in Solace's bedroom, its so—"

"How do you know what Solace's bedroom looks like?" Claire interrupted again.

"Wallpaper, Jared, you think you could help us with that," I asked quickly, Claire fuming to my left, both Harley and Addison were close to hysterics, holding their stomachs as they held in laughter.

"Yeah, sure, I can help you with that, just paint the other walls and I should be able to come over this weekend." Jared worked in construction and general house repairs. His company, the same company David worked for, did not only the big work of knocking out walls and installing new windows, but the finishing touches of wallpaper and painting too.

As soon as we were in the car, she was on me again, sliding into the middle barrier between the seats and wedging her hands under my pants. She curled her fingers firmly around my shaft and jerked once.

"I wish it was my lips around you," she purred in my ear and I gasped at the combination of her attention and her words.

"Maddie," I warned and she pulled her hand free, resting it on my knee with an innocent smile.

"I'm seventeen today..." She trailed off gripping my knee a bit tighter. I sped up, trying to get to Port Angeles and out of this car as fast as possible.

"Only one more year," I said seriously, though my resolve on her age crumbled more and more each day as she grew, matured and became a more permanent part of my sexual fantasies.

She was, from a biological standpoint, fully matured and it was killing me. Her breast rounded, her hips widened, her face became more defined and her smell morphed, from the sweet and innocuous sugar cookies and coconut, to this irresistible mix of unidentifiable sweetness and tropical breeze.

Everything about her was fuckable, but I respected Quil and listened to his advice as best as possible. I didn't stop everything, we still kissed, we still engaged in some pretty desperate cases of frottage and on occasion, she would grab or touch my hardness, but we had not progressed, staying strictly at a teenage pace.

"You have got to be kidding me, Solace? Half of my friends are having sex with stupid guys they barely know," she whined.

"Then you should be finding yourself some new friends. You barely hang out with Chloe anymore. She's a nice girl… mostly."

"She's not in any of my classes at school because she's too young, Solace. Keep up with me," she said rolling her eyes. Sometimes she was adorably childlike, other times, dangerously adult and at times like this, rare moments when I said something totally foreign to her, it was painfully evident how much of a teenager she was.

"Okay, well none of your friends have the commitment that we have, so they can have as much sex as they want, but you've got me and that's a pretty good consolation prize," I said cockily though I nowhere near believed it. I was the lucky one, and if I believed in a God, I would thank him every day.

Our first stop was the furniture store, where the workers had come to know me as "the Mattress Guy" and they were at Maddox's beck-and-call as soon as we walked in. They circled her like vultures, listening to her every word as soon as I told them she could have absolutely anything she wanted. Any salesman worth a damn knows that a teenager with free range is a golden ticket for commission, but Maddox was surprisingly sensible. She had been thinking about her room for longer than I realized and already had plans for most of the furniture she already owned.

Maddox ended up getting a bed that made her scream in delight. It was a beautiful shade of blue, not the shade she had originally chosen, but once she saw it her eyes lit up in a way that made my heart swell. She also got a black and chrome, square coffee table with two big throw pillows to sit around it, pillows for her bed, a black and white polka dot ottoman, a new desk chair and 15 simple black picture frames; everything except the frames and pillows were to be delivered by morning.

We followed the furniture store with a hardware store and I had more fun at that hardware store than I ever thought possible. And having once owned a hardware store where I had _enjoyed_ women in such classy places as on top of the paint mixing machine and against carpet samples, that was saying something.

We spent almost an hour picking out wallpaper, going back and forth through samples that varied in shape and texture. We almost always agreed, not that it was my choice, but we were just that in sync. To be honest, I couldn't even begin to imagine what she wanted the room to look like when she first started talking about it, but after a rough sketch on a napkin, everything took shape.

She debated different shades of blue and green before she she gave the lanky paint man the color swatches she to match with the bed and the pillows she'd bought there.

We made out in the lumber aisle while the paint was being mixed, which earned us a few tuts and snide comments, but I didn't care nor did she. We were two cats in heat, and in her case, that was literal. It was something I'd grown accustomed to, learning to keep a bottle of lotion handy a few days each month so that I didn't burst open like a tea kettle on the stove and do anything we would regret.

I had hoped we could get started that night, but by the time everything was purchased, it was late and I had to bring her back home for dinner. Her mother, who had gotten very clear instructions about the furniture colors, had in the hours since we had been gone already finished sanding and painting with the help of Emily and Helen, so that her front lawn was covered with freshly painted nightstands and the drawers.

I ate dinner by her side and she unabashedly kissed me causing Helen to swoon (she'd always been my biggest wolf girl supporter), while Harley and Claire stiffly tried to ignore us.

We didn't start work on her room till the following night after school, where she instructed me to drive her to the nearest Kodak. After dropping off her memory card at the photo-center for one-hour pick up, we instinctively made it to the back seat of my car, where she straddled me, battling my tongue while I played with her nipples through the soft cashmere of her new sweater.

"Solace, I'm not going wait a year… I can't," she whined as my hand snaked under her shirt, alighting a path of goosebumps as it travelled upwards.

"I know," I said calmly. I had come to this conclusion about a month ago when I picked her up from school and saw more than one boy looking at her the way only I should.

"Six months?" I suggested softly, sucking on her tender earlobe, which was gloriously flavored like the rest of her soft untarnished skin. She tasted like she smelled, sweet and tropical.

"No, Solace, we don't need it," she begged. She was wrong… or maybe just half-wrong. Maybe she didn't need to wait, but I did, because I was scared, terrified even, of disappointing her. What were her expectations? And how would crossing that line change what we had?

We had grown to this point where we could talk honestly. Progressed to a stage where arguments and disagreements were scarce or quickly resolved. Our relationship had morphed into something I never thought imaginable with her or anyone: Adult yet entirely… sexless. There was no other word for it I guess, none that I knew of. I still wanted her, of course. She was so fucking sexy at times it worried me and if this was not an imprint, if she didn't mean everything in the world to me, I would have been much less cautious. I would have damned her age and taken her repeatedly in any way I could have had her till she grew tired of me and moved on. But she did mean everything to me, she was the world and without her I would be cast into space, free floating in the galaxy without the indispensable oxygen of her love to keep me going.

Every relationship I have ever been in, starting from my bizarre and unhealthy love affair with a married and much older woman at the age of sixteen, has revolved around sex. To different degrees and in every coupling, my worth has been calculated in orgasms and foreplay, even with Amber. I loved her and I know that she loved me, but with her, like every relationship before it, I solved any dispute with sex.

With Maddox though, we didn't have that to fall back on, leaving us with invaluable time to really connect. I knew her in the most intimate of ways and she knew me. She knew me so well I was surprised she still stuck around, better than any woman I had ever been with, and in some ways, better than Phil did.

Phil knew my history, if there was one person suitable to write a biography about me, it would be Phil. He had a textbook knowledge on every aspect of my life, but Maddox knew better than anyone how those things shaped who I was. She understood the gargantuan void that my mother had carved into my heart and the feelings of inadequacy my father's abandonment filled it with. There were facts she had yet to discover, but the very core of who I was had been opened to her and examined at length.

"I can make it worth your while," I bargained, desperately grasping for safety.

"Don't _you_ want to?" She asked sliding off of my lap and settling next to me, her head rested innocently against my shoulder.

The wolf, and even the desperate romantic in me, never wanted anything so badly in my life. I have always appreciated women. When I was first exposed to women outside of my cold and loveless home, they became an obsession of mine. Starting first with Anna, who if I was honest with myself I had never truly been attracted to physically, she just emanated this perfect energy. There was such beauty in the way women moved and carried themselves, the freedom and honesty they exuded when expressing feelings, the warmth and kindness they possessed. This was the beauty that called me to women. Physical attractiveness was impermanent, but Maddox… Maddox was like the corporeal embodiment of my most hidden sexual desires.

Her face alone, which was permanently etched into my mind, held a beauty beyond anything I could have rationally expected any of my previous partners to possess. Perfection painted every millimeter of her symmetrical face, from the faultless double arch of her lips to the soft sheen of her illustrious hair. When combined with the tall, supple femininity and sexy curves of her generously proportioned body, I was awash with a constant yearning for her. How then could I survive the loss of her comfort when just the want of her outstripped any passion I had ever felt?

"Yes, Maddox, I do," I said lamely. I could talk to her about anything, _anything_ but how badly I wanted her. How I desired nothing more than to lay her out and bury myself in her warmth, never letting up until I shriveled and died of hunger and dehydration.

"Are you worried you're going to hurt me?" She asked sweetly.

"No, I've had a considerable amount of practice with humans. I can promise you I won't hurt you," I said cupping her face in my hand, letting my thumb brush against the smooth line of her jaw.

"So how are you going to make it worth my while?" She asked with a dazzling smile that disarmed me for a full half minute before I could shake myself free.

"Come on, let's get those pictures."

When we arrived back at her home, it was empty, a first for us. Harley had gone with Claire to Tara's house where they would be preparing with Kim, Emily and Helen for tomorrow's Harvest Day feast and Quil took the opportunity to take Addison to the Uley house, where he could watch football with David.

The walls had been readied with a thin coat of primer by Claire during the day, so our first task in the now empty room was painting three of the four walls. One wall was marked for wallpapering, so with a steady hand, Maddox and I taped the edges so that the white trim stayed that way.

I had brought clothes to paint in and quietly made my way to the bathroom to change, expecting her to do the same, but when I came back she was still dressed, holding a folded up pink garment while still examining her closet. I watched her from the doorway with hungry eyes, simultaneously praying for and scared that she would strip in front of me. When she made her final selection of clothes safe to ruin, she made her way towards the door where I stood and I couldn't keep my face from dropping in disappointment which she promptly read.

"Did you think I'd do a little strip show for you?" She asked with a smirk.

"Maybe," I said honestly, she laughed.

"Do you want to see me naked?" She asked, her lips pursed and her face tilted in confusion.

"Yes," I answered without a second thought.

"Then stop holding out on me." She brushed against me on her way out the door and I convulsed. The combination of her scent, touch and teasing sexuality bursting a dormant capsule of lust that I tried very hard to keep in line. She giggled making her way to the bathroom without another look back.

She came back in a pair of low hanging pink pajama pants with cutesy dogs plastered on them and an incredibly tight grey tank top, which left a small section of her stomach exposed and little to the imagination when it came to her breast. She wore her hair up messily, stray tendrils framing her beautiful face, hair sticking up wildly from a bun placed on top of her head.

She bent down, adjusting her little speakers before turning to me completely oblivious to my lust. Maddox was most sexy when she wasn't even trying. Music began pouring into the room from her tiny, but powerful speakers and she slowly made her way to the paint can by the window picking one up to read the label on the side. She bit her lip as she read and I groaned turning to look out the window and compose myself.

She had never painted a room before and in my fifty-plus years, oddly, neither had I. I knew the general idea of it and I'd watched it happen, but this was going to be a new experience for both of us. We started with the south wall of her room, which held the door and a built in bookcase that had been covered in plastic bags for its safety. It was painted a beautiful light aqua to match her bed.

"This is where I'm going to put up my pictures," she said pointing to a blank corner of the room as we waited for the first coat to dry a little before coming back with a second. I hadn't seen the pictures and almost as if she read my mind she ran out the room and returned with her backpack, which I knew held the pictures we had had printed earlier.

She made a trip to the kitchen, washing her hands as well as filling a bag with more junk-food than I had ever noticed in their pantry. There were Starburst, gummy bears, and Fanta, so I was in heaven stuffing my face as she carefully removed the pictures and placed them in the frames she had placed in her closet for safe keeping.

Me, every picture was of me. One was of the both of us, taken agilely by the span of my long arms, a playground half hidden in the background. They had all been taken the same day, the day we took Addison, Ava and Eli to the park in early autumn. In some, I was the focal point, sitting on the bench looking off stoically in the abyss. Others I was in the distance, a picture highlighting the beautiful array of fallen leaves included my profile, or a portrait of the dried up fountain had me standing with my back towards the camera, a dark figure in this black and white print. I looked, different. It was hard to say what it was, but I didn't look how I felt I looked, I looked better somehow.

"You're so gorgeous," she said breaking through my thoughts and I blushed, coughing and quickly moving to start the second coat. We didn't say anything again for a long time, the music filling the room with sexually charged lyrics that made me, an old-fashioned kind of guy, squirm.

"Did he just say he was going to cum on a girl's face?" I asked finally too intrigued to ignore the not so thinly veiled sexual innuendo of a reggae-inspired hip-hop song.

"Yeah, I think he did… is that something that interests you?" She asked simply.

"What?!"

"I mean, you can if you want… did you do that kinda thing with Amber? Guys in pornos seem to like it." She watched me with interest as if I were about to impart vital information.

"No, it's—I've never even—that's entirely degrading," I said slightly offended.

"Okay… Amber just looks like the kind of girl who would do that kind of thing, all luscious and big-lipped—Lord knows what I have to compete with in the bedroom, she probably—"

I cut her off, "Amber is a she's a strong, intelligent woman, who I treated with the utmost respect in and out of the bedroom. And Maddox, this isn't a competition." She placed her rolling brush, which was attached to a long stick, into the paint pan and sat on the window sill watching me, waiting for me to finish though I wasn't sure how.

"It's not?" She asked skeptically.

"No, Maddox, it's not. I love you more than words can describe, I haven't even thought about another woman since she left, you're it for me… so if that's why you are so adamant about having sex then you don't need to be, I can wait forever," I said forcefully.

"Solace, I'm _adamant_ about having sex with you because it's you," she paused, taking her bottom lip between her teeth before continuing. "Because being with you… touching you, feeling and holding you, isn't enough. I have never, and will never, be more attracted to any man in the world. My hand and imagination is not enough anymore. I _need_ you, I need to feel every inch of you," she said, her chest puffing out as she spoke passionately across from me.

My resolve broke and I was a blur of color as I made my way to her, pressing her flush against the window while I kissed her.

"Nngghh," she moaned into my mouth, opening wide to allow me access to roam. I was hard before my hand even made it up her shirt, my palm rejoicing in the feeling of her nipples hardening instantly.

"Can I touch you?" I asked quietly. It may have sounded like a stupid question to someone looking in. Her breast was already in one hand while the other was placed firmly on her ass, but she knew this was a very different touch.

She nodded and I grabbed her, pulling her closer. She hooked her feet together behind my back before I lifted her, snaking my hands down the back of her pants to knead her soft flesh through the thin material of her underwear, letting my lips trail the fragrant skin on her collarbone.

"Touch me," she pleaded and I stuck my hand farther down, slipping my finger under her underwear and easily into her wet center. She shook, gripping onto my neck as my finger slid in and out of her. "Oh my God!" She gripped onto my neck holding on to me with everything she had, though the position was not optimal. There was no furniture left in the room, only the blue tarp taped down to protect the hardwood floor. With swift precision I pulled out of her, laying us out on the floor, jamming my hand down the front of her pants this time, my fingers gently stimulating her swollen clit.

I rubbed her most sensitive spot until she jerked spastically and I journeyed down, entering her again. She felt slick and warm and every pump into her sent a beautiful puff of her luscious scent.

"You smell so fucking good," I moaned slipping a second finger inside of her, meeting no resistance as I pumped faster feeling her tighten around me.

"Sol-Solace!" She screamed into my neck before she bit down, climaxing against my fingers, which I licked, tasting her for the first time. Her eyes grew dark watching me and she pulled me down for a kiss, her hands swiftly moving to my sweats, which she easily popped me out of, rubbing her thumb over my tip. She urged me on my back and I complied, feeling the cool drops of paint seep into the pores of my bare back.

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," she said firmly as she started to work my shaft, pumping the base with one hand as she licked the tip, taking it in her mouth every few seconds and sucking gently. She collapsed on top of me when I erupted in her mouth, wiping her cheek with the bottom of her shirt and smearing a bit of paint in the process. We lay completely silent, the room filled with the smell of fresh paint and the sounds of our irregular breathing.

"You hungry?" I asked after our hearts and breathing stabilized.

"Starved."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Promises From Afar

* * *

November 2043- February 2044

Wolves Don't Use Condoms

"You missed a bubble," Maddox called from her new bed which was now safe in its place near the window I used to climb through. Jared turned to her, using a huge squeegee-like apparatus to smooth out a tiny air-bubble in the row of wallpaper being rolled down, and giving her a frosty glare.

Just beginning the wallpapering process took the better part of four hours and Jared was on his way out, making his way to Phil's home where they were readying for tonight's pack festivities.

"Do you think you've got the hang of it?" Jared asked impatiently. It wasn't actually the world's most difficult process, there was a quick-drying glue that rolled on like paint but thinner, then the wallpaper, which had to be carefully placed on and rubbed thoroughly to remove all bumps and air pockets.

"Yeah, we can take it from here," I said smiling at him as he made his way out of the room, bowing out without another glance back.

"You are a terrible morning person," I joked lovingly, kissing her perfect cheek. We had started at 9 a.m. after a long night of painting, eating and foreplaying, pretty productive night all in all.

"Maybe… but I'm a great night time person," she cooed and I took two steps back, distancing myself from the innuendo.

"You know, if you want to get this done before dinner, you're going to have to help," I said turning to see her sprawled across the bed.

"We could you know… make out for a while," she suggested arching her back and presenting her breasts appetizingly. I growled from the pit of my stomach, drawn to her like a magnet, it was to be expected, the definition of an imprint even but it never failed to shock me just how much I wanted her.

As soon as I lay on the bed next to her she rolled me on top of her, grabbing my right ass cheek and squeezing it then pulling me forward so that I was rock hard as soon as we made contact.

"When are we gunna, you know?" She asked snaking her hands under my shirt. Her fingers painted a post-modern portrait from my abs up to my nipples which she pinched roughly before releasing and swiping her fingers over them soothingly.

"When it's the right time," I assured her breathing against the fragrant skin of her neck.

"Isn't it now?" She asked adorably, like a child bothering their parent on a road trip. Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

"We have to be safe," I said coming up with another reason for us not to do it now, though I wanted to so bad. There was something, something in me that said not to, that I shouldn't, that I didn't deserve it.

I wouldn't be the first wolf to make love with their underage imprint, in fact, I couldn't think of one that waited longer than 17. We definitely wouldn't even be the youngest but there was a different standard with me. People thought so little of me already it was hard to add to that knowingly, especially when I knew it wouldn't stay hidden for long. She would tell Chloe who would tell Harley, who would tell Soli and so on and so on, till everyone knew.

"Oh, yeah, like you don't carry condoms with you everywhere," she said pounding against my chest with her little hands.

"No, I'm not a human so condoms don't work with me and I'm not a teenager anymore, Madd, I haven't been cruising the bars for ladies for years, before Amber… before Leah, before Leticia even and—"

"Don't talk about them," she said quickly, turning a bit pink in the cheeks and rolling out from under me.

"Madd, what's wrong?" I asked dragging her back towards me, my big hand enclosing her soft hips perfectly. I rolled her over gently and as soon as she was around, she wrapped her hands around my neck.

"You didn't make any of them wait. I know about Letty, you knew her for less than an hour and you fucked her, what's wrong with me? And it's not my age because I know Helen was like 17 when you were with her, and my aunt! I know you screwed Lana and she was like 19! So stop being a douche and just tell me what the problem is so I can fix it… is it my weight?" She asked not pulling away so I couldn't see her face as she spoke into my cheek.

"No, no Madd, you know how much I want you, you have to," I insisted rubbing her against the throbbing stiffness between us.

"No, I don't, it's like… part of me thinks I know what you feel and think but the other part of me is so fucking confused, I need you to show me. I'm a visual learner, you know," she joked moving back to look at me.

"This is a big deal. If we decide to do this Maddox it—" she pinched me angrily, and I squealed like a girl in surprise.

"IF? Are you fucking with me?"

"When—when we decide to make that step it has to be about love. It has to be with a commitment, it has to have meaning, like a promise, Madd." I felt so corny saying it, I'd never said anything so hokey or romance novel worthy in my life but it was true. I didn't just want a commitment with her, I needed it. I needed to know that the love I had for her and the dreams that I had for us were not dreams but plans, I was done with dreaming.

"You want us to wait till we're married?" She asked incredulously, her eyes squinted in disgust.

"I guess not," I said quickly, standing to get started with the papering. "You need to get birth control," I shot back, examining the waiting wallpaper. The idea of marrying me was apparently terrifying so I got my answer right there.

She came to my side silently, helping me roll the patterned paper with thoughtful eyes. We finished in heavy silence concentrated deeply on the intricate pattern before us until she burst and finally spoke again. I rolled the remaining paper, placing it in her closet behind the rack of hanging clothes. She took the pan of leftover glue and exited the room, returning with a mop as I picked up the rest of the equipment and arranged it in a small bag from the hardware store.

"If you want to wait till we can get married, fine, if that's what you need to prove I love you then okay," she sighed as she finished dragging a lemon scented mop over the drips of excess glur on her dark hardwood floor.

"I don't want to pressure you into marriage for the purpose of sex." The words felt wrong, as if we had somehow switched places.

"We already said we were getting married, right? Am I missing something, because Solace we already made those plans, we're getting married, this is about sex which is a completely different matter," she said popping her hip as she held the mop a bit more aggressively than necessary.

"Get the birth control and it'll happen when it happens, Madd," I chuckled, kissing her on the head.

"Do you want to shower before we go?" She asked, her shoulder dropping out of their tensed position. Dinner probably had started an hour or so ago, we were already late as it was so I shook my head no reaching for the bag of clean clothes I had brought to change into.

"Nah, we're already late." She smiled, biting her lip as she reached into her closet pulling out a black off-the-shoulder shirt that she had worn early in the fall to the effect of an embarrassing instantaneous erection and a pair of black pants, she dropped them on the bed, her hand shaking slowly as she turned back to me.

"Don't leave," she whispered as I reached for the door, my eyes still locked on her. Her hands were poised at the rim of her shirt, her painted nails drumming for a second before she ripped it off. "You said you wanted to see me naked right?"

Her voice had lost its confidence but her beautiful body still kept its appeal. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt, and every part of me was on high alert as her hands went to her pajama pants pulling at the elastic and dropping them in one shift movement. She wore a dark green pair of simple cotton panties and a plain white bra with a bundle of pink satin flowers with green ribbon petals right between her supple breasts. Her thighs were a slightly lighter shade of brown, round and smooth looking.

"Maddox, no more naked than this please," I begged, and she giggled.

"I can't wear a white bra with a black off-the-shoulder shirt." She looked back at me as if I were making a major and obvious fashion mistake. She removed the bra, her large rounded breast staring at me, only one article of clothing remained, covering the one part of her that I had yet to see even a millimeter of.

"So no sex but we can still you know, play around… everything but," she said moving to remove her underwear. I heard myself gasp but I didn't feel the breath and I didn't make the conscious decision, I just ran, all the way to Phil's without looking back, my hands still clutching to my change of clothes.

"You okay?" Collin whispered detaching himself from Helen and coming to my side.

"Yeah, I just gotta change," I said lamely holding up my hand and cutting through the crowd. By the time I was breathing normally, had washed my face with cold water and changed, I smelled her.

"Solace!" She hissed from the other side of the door, her knuckles tapping a light rhythm on the wood. I opened the door a crack showing my eye only, she had put on makeup, which emphasized her striking features in a devastating way. "I'm sorry."

"You can't do that to me. I'm old, my heart can't take it," I joked. Her eyes grew wide before she bit her lip and blushed a brilliant shade of pink.

"Okay, I won't tease. I'm sorry, Solace, I love you." Her eyes were entirely sincere and I nodded, allowing her hand to sneak through the crack and tug me forward, out into the house where no one was even trying to pretend they weren't watching us.

I grabbed her, one of my hands in the small of her back the other weaved through her hair tilting her head back and hauling her to me for a kiss worthy of a few catcalls and whistles from the onlooking crowd.

Butterball the Incredible

"So, you two are really a couple?" Emily marveled tilting her head slightly so her scars glistened ever so slightly in the fluorescent light from Phil's kitchen. During dinner Maddox and I having finally made a statement of solidarity, sat as close as possible and a flash of Emily's simple wedding ring gave me an idea.

She was too young to marry, yes, and we could not wait that long, she wasn't the only one in need of the physical connection. Besides that, I didn't want her to marry me, or anyone else, until she was sure there was not another person in the entire world she wanted to be with. What I needed was assurance that for now at least, she felt that for me, that this was not only hormones.

"Yeah… is that a bad thing?" Maddox asked defensively, wrapping her arms around my waist and resting her cheek against my chest.

"No, it's great, I'm happy for you," Emily gushed patting my arm. I smiled, nodding once in appreciation.

Emily had not spoken to me since I decided to marry Amber post-Maddox imprint, and I could tell, though she hid it well, she was still not very fond of me. The reality was my sister-in-law never seemed to like me much and as a reflection neither did Sam. When I first joined the pack, I was obsessed with having him and Embry like me.

The weeks that I phased though were probably the worst in pack history for making brotherly bonds and to Sam I was just a face in the new sea of wolves that had phased seemingly overnight. Embry and I hit it off right away though, actually for about a year before I phased, I had been finding ways to get close to him, desperate for a family outside of my mother who was quickly losing her grip on reality. Sam and I however never clicked and because of that, I never made the announcement, I never put an end to questions of Embry's or my parentage, not even when Embry lost all the love he had for me and I could have used the blood relation card.

"You're cute together… when you don't think about the thirty plus age gap," Harley said snidely, and Chloe who was standing next to her sniggered, covering her mouth to try to stop but it was too late. Maddie released my waist grabbing my hand and carting me out the room, barreling through her sister and Chloe a bit violently, causing them both to take a few steps back to keep themselves from falling.

"Ooh, they all make me so mad, it's like they always have to be in each others' business and making stupid ass comments," Maddox fumed stomping her cute little combat-booted feet, dragging me through a line of trees and towards my home.

"Where are we going?" I asked uncertaintly though I was pretty sure.

"To make out. Come on, my parents won't be home for at least an hour meaning I don't have to be there for about two… no nakedness. Promise," she said coyly. From the corner of my eyes a streak of fur put me on high alert turning from her batting-eyed gaze to look for the source.

"Aww, it's a kitty!" Maddox gushed moving to touch it. The cat looked relatively clean and healthy but I still pulled her back unsure of what kind of reaction the feline would have to my presence. During my years of casual sex, where I came into contact with many pets, I had found two ways cats could react to me. Cats, male and female alike, sensed my power and were either terrified or aggressive.

"What's up with you guys and cats?" She asked seriously, tossing her head around so fast her hair hit my face.

I sputtered, swiping my face before I spoke. "They don't like us."

"He likes you, don't you, sweetie?" Maddox cooed as the cat circled my feet rubbing his rotund body against my legs.

"Don't—" I tried to stop her but she was adamant pulling him up by his fleshy middle and cradling him to her chest.

The cat craned its head towards me and when I went to grab it, removing it safely from her grasp, it leaned into my hand rubbing its cute little head into my palm.

"Aww, he—wait, no she likes you," Maddox said taking a very quick peak between her furry cat legs which were sticking straight in the air from her cradled position in Madd's arms.

"Wow, you really do have a way with girls."

Yeah… Seriously

I had been here once before, Siamonto Jewelers in Seattle, for essentially the same reason, but this time, I was much less certain. When I bought Amber's ring, I was sure she would accept, this though was up in the air.

I had talked to every imprinted wolf which was pretty much all of them, trying to feel out the territory. Seth and Jake had given their young imprints bracelets, Quil, Brady and Taylor hadn't and only Freddie had done what I was about to do; purchase a promise ring.

It was small, a barely there diamond surrounded with tiny diamond flecks, that looked like dust next to the whopping jewels I had purchased for Amber's engagement ring. I had to stop myself from getting the more elaborate and showy rings reserved for engagements. This was a promise, a starter ring.

I picked out an intricately carved wooden box with a light green wash, inside there was plush forest green satin pillow and though the ring looked swallowed inside I knew she would like it.

When my card was swiped, the invoice signed and the box wrapped elaborately inside a larger Christmas gift box, I drove back to La Push at top speed. I was set for family dinner night with the Atearas so I placed the box carefully in my closet, dressed in my best and ran over, actually more like skipped.

Our relationship had become more public since Harvest Day, and I loved how fluid it became. We kissed in greeting, we sat side by side, we held hands whenever we wanted and Claire had become slightly more approving, hell even Harley stopped glaring at me. Yeah, everything was perfect until dessert.

"Lana called today," Claire announced cutting into a warm baked pumpkin pie, it's warm heat tendrils creating beautiful designs into the cool air.

"What'd she say?" Harley was the only one to take Claire's bait, Addison busy text messaging on his new tiny cell phone. He was big for his age, but seriously inside his hands the phone was minuet.

"She and her wife have moved to the Cullen house in Forksfor a little while, we're going to visit for Christmas! EXCITING, huh?" Claire squealed nudging Addison who was still engrossed in his text-messaging.

"We?" Maddox asked tossing her head from left to right. Quil and Harley, who sat next to each other on the other side of the table, shared an amused look and then burst into a fit of stomach grabbing giggles.

"Sounds fun, Mom," Harley said after the laughter had died, Maddox's mouth still opened in a wide "O" shape.

"Well Solace is coming with us right?" Maddox said crossing her silky arms over her chest, which I noticed made her breast perk up. I kissed her cheek smiling, this of course meant we would be going together, right?

"Two weeks apart won't kill you, Maddox," Harley sneered. I guess I had jumped the gun on the whole her liking me bit.

"TWO WEEKS! Mom, two weeks in Forks? Can't I just stay here and drive over for Christmas dinner?" Maddox was in panic mode, and the look on Claire's face sent me spiraling. Two weeks, apart, over Christmas, when I was supposed to be making the biggest move in our relationship thus far.

"A week and a half, and yeah, just the family. Sorry, Solace, it's nothing personal, we just need some bonding time away from everything, without distractions," Claire said grabbing Addison's vibrating phone from out of his hand. Addison made to grab for it but sat back down when his father growled.

"Sammy's telling me about—" He was cut off with a tired look on both of his parents' faces.

"You can call her later."

"Seriously?" I spoke for the first time and everyone turned to me in shock.

"Yeah… seriously."

My Last Smile

"I can't go, they can't make me, right? Solace, do something," she begged, hopping a little in the crisp winter air. She was wrapped in a soft grey coat, her fuzzy black scarf covering her neck and the bottom of her chin.

"I can't, Madd, but you're going to have fun with your family," I whispered gently pushing down her scarf and placing a open-mouthed kiss just below her jaw.

"Uhh, Solace," she moaned. "I can't be without you."

"It'll be fine, we'll talk every night, it'll go by so fast," I lied with a straight face as fat tears fell out of her gorgeous almond shaped eyes.

"Come on, we need to get on the road, Princess," Quil called from the car. They were all packed up, Maddox refusing to pack anything more than a few outfits and her phone.

"Where's my present?" She demanded holding out her hand greedily.

"You're going to have to wait, Madd." I said nervously. That was not exactly something she would take lightly.

"You didn't get me anything?" She asked sadly, pulling away from me.

"I did, but I wanna be there when you open it." Her eyes scrunched up, making her look a lot like her mother.

"I want it!" She screamed, Quil getting back in the car quickly, sensing the scary change in climate. "Are you seriously going to make me go all the way over there without you and make me wait for my present too?"

She was never like this thankfully, she never stomped or threw tantrums so it was almost instinctive for me to cave. I talked Quil into waiting a few more minutes and ran back to my house, where I dove into my closet carefully removing the box from its tale-tell jewelers bag and skidding down the street towards her.

"Promise me you won't open it till Christmas, and call me before you do okay?" I whispered placing the box in her hands she nodded crying as she tilted her face up for me to kiss. I scooped her up, pressing her against me and diving into the warm sweetness of her mouth without regards for her parents who watched in the car next to us.

"I love you," she panted against my lips.

"I love you more. I'll see you so soon," I promised, smiling for the last time till she returned.

If the World Ends Tomorrow

Six boxes of Chinese take-out, fuzzy striped socks, my new cat Butterball the Incredible (as Maddox named her) and an old pair of flannel boxers was not exactly how I thought I would spend my Christmas Eve but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and join the nights festivities.

It had been a few years since Christmas was spent together as a pack, all families together; part of that was broken ties and tense relations and another part of that was logistics. The pack had grown so large so fast that it just wasn't possible to hold everyone in one house.

Tara had come up with a solution, with the idea of getting everyone together for one night. She rented a large wedding tent equipped with lighting, seating, chairs and even two large heating columns though with at least fifteen solid bodies of heat radiating throughout the enclosed space, I doubted they would need it. I didn't bother checking the theory, the days since Madd's departure had left me dazed. I had lost my center of gravity and I was free floating just waiting till she returned to me.

It turned out she did much better without me than I her. She was having fun, she missed me but she was still functioning and it made the gesture of a pre-engagement engagement ring all that much more terrifying.

"OPEN THE DOOR, SOL, I KNOW YOU CAN SMELL ME!" Mark screamed from the other side of the door. I couldn't actually smell him, the open containers of Chinese food filling the room with the smells of onion, garlic and the slightly acrid undertone of monosodium-glutamate.

My feet were like glue sticking to the floor, each step a struggle as I made my way to the door. Eli, now a pre-teen and shooting up like a very lanky weed, stood next to his dad, smiling so wide it looked as if it might hurt. It was later than I had noticed, the last rays of the sun eliminating the horizon below the dark purple sky.

"I wasn't ignoring you, it was the Chinese food," I explained as they walked in dragging along Solace, their fattest and laziest bulldog. He looked up at me, his flat face half covered by the Christmas hat adorning his massive head. Of my two namesakes, Phil's daughter Hope Solace Lynch and Mark's very old English bulldog Solace the Stud, I was still trying to figure out which was more like me. At the moment it was clearly Sols, staring at me pleadingly under his Santa costume.

"Why the hell would you order food when you've got your whole family waiting for you?" He asked letting go of the leash. Sols sauntered over to my low coffee table trying to stuff his flat nose into one of the square containers, dropping a set of chopsticks on the floor and causing Butterball to dash up the stairs before he even noticed her.

"Come over here, Brother Solace," I called kneeling on the floor and motioning him to me. "I don't feel like going." I said simply removing the fuzzy hat, held in place by elastic; Solace was grateful, rubbing his dry nose and drooly jowls over my hand.

'Come on Solace,' Eli signed to me, his face set in a determined glare. My nephews were of one mind, I was not going to be allowed to mope. Mark dragged me to the room, picked out an outfit and watched me change, the last part being totally for his benefit.

Everyone was there, every family filling up Phil's house and the giant tent that took up his entire back lot. In the center of the tent next to a large pole to keep it upright was a Christmas tree so large it looked as if it could hold up the tent by itself.

I sat with the Uley-Varn/Varn family, Levi hugging me full throttle the second I was in his sight. He was beaming, and though I would have loved to join him, my stomach was flipping anticipating a call from Maddox, and missing her so bad, I felt hollow.

It sucked, it fucking sucked to be without her, to crave her so badly I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I had gone past a point of love, I needed her, and that was it, that was when I decided I was ready to take the dive into physical relations. No matter how she reacted to the ring or what may happen in the future, because shit happened and being with her was not one of the things I wanted to miss if the world ended tomorrow.

Let's Make Love

Presents were passed and the hours dragged on without a word from Maddox, which scared me more than anything else. I dragged myself home around 10, when the wine started to hit the wolf-girls and dancing had been thrown into the mix.

Butterball and I curled into a ball on my bed but no sooner than my head hit the pillow, I smelled her rapid approach.

"Madd!" I howled, Ezra and Butterball now alert. Ezra hopped in his heated cage, chirping wildly and Butterball attached herself to my feet, making my descent down the hall a cautious one, not wanting to step on the bundle of fur that seemed to sense my excitement.

"Solace!" Her deep sultry voice rang through the night and before I reached the door she ripped it open, lunging at me at full force.

"Hmmm," I sighed contentedly, lifting her by the back of her thighs and pressing her roughly against the hallway wall next to a painting done by her mother.

"I drove back," she explained, her tongue roaming my mouth as my free hand snuck under her shirt. "Uhh, Solace." She moaned when my hands made contact with her soft breast, the nipple hardening instantly under my hand.

"You drove here without telling your parents, are you crazy?"I had taught her to drive about a year ago and she was great but still I knew how much trouble we would be in when her parents woke up.

"I couldn't wait another four days."

"I missed you," I breathed urging her shirt off of her, she hurried to help me.

"Me too. Solace… is that an engagement ring?" She asked as I expertly removed her bra with one hand and knelt in front of her so I could take her stiff nipples in my mouth one by one.

"No, not exactly," I moaned, smelling the new scent of her wetness rapidly filling the air. She wore a skirt, sage green with light yellow designs along the bottom and I lifted it up, removing her underwear and pushing her against the back of my couch. She let me lift her leg and I lightly dragged my teeth over her hard nub.

She bucked in a frenzy and I pulled her leg quickly over my shoulder, dipping my head deeper where she was spread for me. I inhaled twice giving her a chance to stop me but instead she grabbed the back of my head urging me forward. I didn't tease, I ran my tongue from her entrance to her clit holding on to her as she cried out.

"Let's make love," I whispered to her, looking up as my tongue drew small circles around her most sensitive nerves. Her head was thrown back, eyes rolled into her head but as soon as I suggested it her eyes shot back down to me. She nodded, still gripping on my hair and begging me to finish. I ran my pointer finger up the inside of her bare thigh sliding my finger quickly into her center which clenched momentarily against my rapid entrance.

I was encapsulated in her smell, in her warmth, in the salty delicacy of her flavor as her sounds filled my entire house.

"Solace, don't stop," she whined and I picked up the pace finding a rhythm as I entered her, flicking the tip of my tongue along her folds. "SHIT!"

A loud banging sound pulled me out of the world underneath Maddox's skirt, quickly emerging to be met with a swift punch to the side of my face. My head throbbed from the force, my eyes trying to focus on the undulating room around me. Quil. Through the fog of her delicious smell, I registered his scent before my eyes could focus on him.

"Put your clothes on!" He spat not looking back at her as he grabbed me by the neck guiding me roughly out of the hallway and into the kitchen. Before I could block it, he punched me again, my cheek throbbing as he pushed me against the counter. I wasn't going to fight back, but I knew I was in for the ass kicking of my life. He was shaking, looking down at me in disgust.

"Daddy, stop!" Maddox screamed from the hallway where she scurried to make herself presentable.

"Stay back, Madd," I instructed, sitting up and holding the now swollen half of my face.

"What the fuck, Solace?! Did you tell her to drive in the middle of the night so you could fuck?"

"No! I wouldn't, you know I wouldn't!" I said instinctively covering my face as he hit me again. He aimed lower his fist connecting with my gut.

"Daddy, he didn't know!"

"Get in the car and wait with your aunt," Quil said evenly, though his eyes had a fire I had never seen before.

"Dad, he's my imprint you can't—"

"Now!" He screamed coldly, he never talked to Maddox or any of his kids, students, friends, shit anyone like this; she complied. "You're not allowed to be alone with her again!"

"Ever?" The word was out of my mouth before I could stop myself; he punched me, sending me flying back to the couch I had just stood up from.

"You promised, Solace. I trusted you," Quil sighed, shaking his hand which was red and double its normal size.

"It was time, Quil. You said… you said to wait until I was sure she was ready, she is." I don't know why I said it. It was true, I knew without a doubt that not taking into account the fact that she had already had sex, _we_ as a couple were ready.

"She's barely seventeen," he hissed, shooting me one last disgusted glare before he walked back out the house.

Promises From Afar

The first text came from Harley's phone two days after I was mauled by Daddy Ateara.

 _I'm on total lockdown, I'm so sorry. Quil's being a complete ass!_

Her phone, I had guessed was taken away, and besides that she was dropped off and picked up from school by Claire who turned scarlet the second she saw me following them on their first day back.

 _My mom's taking me to the doctor! She's such a tyrant. I told them about Jeff and they cried… not sure if I'm ever going to be allowed outside again._

That text came from Chloe's phone and by the time I got the third, sent from Addison's, I was going crazy.

 _I feel like an animal in the zoo. Solace, I need you. We have to make this better!_

As January turned into February, I made my first move which was to buy her a new phone. It was underhanded and wrong but I couldn't stand not having any type of interaction with her. Tara, who was still young and supported me, for the most part, snuck the phone into her bag for me, with a long-winded love letter, the first I had written since my days with Leah, when I would write all the things I couldn't say to her and place them in her bag before a yoga class.

 _I can't find a way out they have this place covered. Solace, God I need you._

I sent my first reply now certain no one else could read it.

 _I'm so sorry. I will find a way to fix this. I love you so much, stay strong, don't cry please._

I called Quil twice, but he avoided me, leaving me with only Claire to rely on. She was surprisingly more receptive. Answering her cell if only to tell me they needed more time before they could even think about meeting with me, so Maddox and I spent the better part of February texting. Update on our days, long love notes, steamy expressions of desire, and promises.

 _If that wasn't an engagement ring, what was it?_ She asked me one night as I lie in bed Butterball curled into my side, eyeing Ezra's cage hungrily.

 _A promise ring._ I answered nervously. I hadn't seen even her hair in a month, so I didn't know if she was wearing it or not.

 _What kind of promise?_ She texted me, and I could almost hear the skepticism in her words.

 _A promise that once everything has blown over, once you are old enough and ready to commit yourself to me we will get married._ I waited impatiently tapping my fingers on the wood of my nightstand for her to reply.

 _It's beautiful. Thank you! I just put it on, I've never been so happy and so sad at the same time in my whole life. I love you more than there are words for._ I held the phone for a long time, re-reading the message for any signs of doubt of uncertainty, there was none.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Operation Maddox: Preparations

* * *

October 9th 2053

"Tara, can you go check on our other daughters please," my mother said pointing towards the door lazily. Tara nodded, walking out with her head held high, her tall heels clicking against the tiles with every step.

"Mom, I can't do this now." I couldn't take another person questioning my motives or mentioning Solace, my days were filled with Solace, he was all I thought about and today of all days I didn't need to have more. I was close to caving, I could feel it, I was close to crawling back to him and I didn't want to be that girl.

"What? You're not going to get dressed?" My mom asked looking at me in confusion as she picked up the black garment bag.

"What?"

"You can't get married in terry-cloth," she said simply unzipping the black bag in one quick movement.

"You're not going to try to give me some sage advice?" I said standing and removing the robe that covered my modest slip.

"I already tried to give you some advice via Amber and we all see how well that turned out," she sighed sarcastically.

"And no guilt trip?" I asked skeptically.

"Do you feel guilty now?" She asked, not looking me in the eye.

"No," I sighed, my breath making a small puff in the freezing cold air. "I do love Javi… not like I loved _him_ , but it's love," I swore through clenched teeth.

"Well, there you have it," she said flippantly, pulling the dress out of the bag and presenting it to me. "This dress is really beautiful… you're gonna be freezing, though."

I nodded thoughtfully, unzipping the dress and lowering it to the floor, stepping my bare feet through the opening and carefully pulling it up by the two off-the-shoulder bits. She walked around my side, gently tugging the zipper up my back, her fingers brushing the hair away so it didn't get caught up in the last few inches.

"I have a coat, if it's too cold, I can put it on," I said slowly. "We should have done this indoors."

"I can make some calls if you want, we might be able to, um… get the community center for tomorrow," she said hopefully.

"No. I wanna do this today." I had come all this way, my final steps to cutting myself free from this imprint needed to be done today before I turned back. Such a huge part of me wanted to run to him, to tell him I was wrong, to beg him to take me back but it was way past the time for that.

"Okay, coat it is," she said sadly, picking up the garter from the small table I had dropped it down on, what seemed like hours ago. "Are you going to put this on?" She asked carefully, rummaging through my bags for my shoes, which were tall, white and simple.

"Do you think I should?"

"Maddox, if I tell you to wear it, you won't, and if I tell you not to, you will… you were always like that. SO just do what you feel is best." She passed me the shoes which I slipped on quickly, now towering over her.

"That's so unfair… you know, of all the people in La Push, I thought you would be happy I was getting married to someone other than Solace, we all know how much you hate him," I hissed moving to grab my robe again but she stopped me.

"You look beautiful," she sighed, completely ignoring my outburst.

"Do you want me to call off the wedding?" I asked angrily, she had not said anything about it since we made the announcement in the spring.

"I want you to do whatever makes you happy… so are you happy?" She asked crossing her arms in front of her.

"The only person who ever made me happy was Solace." The words stung coming out, sucking the breath straight out of my lungs and leaving me panting for more. I could try, but I would never be happy with anyone else and that truth now suffocated me, bursting past the layers of denial I had buried it under.

"Well, there you have it," she said dismissively, pointing lazily at the door just as she had with Tara. A rush of pure adrenaline surged through me but before I could gather speed running in stilettos to follow the tug towards Solace, my father poked his head through the door.

"Wow… you look gorgeous, Javier's a very lucky man." Javier. My Javi.

February- April 2044

"Okay, we're going to the gynecologist." My mother stood in the door her hand on her hip casually as she stepped inside. This was the first time she had spoken directly to me or looked me in the eye, since "the incident," as they were calling it.

"Are you kidding me?" I rolled over, tossing the crisp white sheets off of my legs to reveal a grungy pair of pajama pants tainted with the bright splashes of paint from the wall. I hadn't gotten out of bed for more than school and the bathroom in 2 weeks; I couldn't function without him and that was the scary part.

I'm seventeen years old and I don't know who I am without him. I wasn't normal. I never once took a second to examine it but it was true, my world revolved around Solace. I don't remember what it was like before him. Don't get me wrong, Solace was amazing, he was perfect, and gorgeous and kind and so fucking sexy, but I didn't want him to be my world. I wanted him to be my boyfriend. My boyfriend, my lover, and eventually my husband but not my world. But then how could I assert myself as an individual when the distracting hollowness of his absence gnawed at my very core and my parents kept me on lock and key like a child?

I need to be near him, I needed his support and love, I needed his kisses, the way his lips made every part of my tingle, I needed to feel him and I needed the sex. I did. Harley, my beautiful sister (who I loved dearly for many reasons) came to me soon after I was banned from seeing Solace. She started two days after the incident, sneaking into my room and snuggling with me as I cried, and eventually she started breaking my parents' orders and giving me her phone to use during the night.

Harley couldn't stand to see me cry, and, if she ever cried, I could imagine it would hurt me the same way. We had a bond, a very interesting kind of relationship, we were nothing alike and we could have some really nasty fights, but I loved her. We talked now, every night about everything, and the conclusion on her end was to just wait and move out when I turned 18, so I could have sex whenever I wanted. They'd be hypocrites to deny me, but it was about more than a sexual release now this was about connection and freedom. I was tired of being told what to do, how and when I could see him, and what I could or couldn't do with _my_ body.

"If you wanna be a big girl doing the deed, then you need to be checked out," she said turning on her heel and moving to exit.

"You might wanna shower first," she advised with a dark kind of chuckle, leaving me sitting in my cool room watching after her. For once in my life, spring in La Push had arrived early. It was nearing the end of February, before the months of constant rain, yet warming to a point where only light jackets or warm sweaters were necessary.

I opened my window allowing the cool breeze to wash through the room as I searched for clothes. Harley and Chloe sat on a blanket in the backyard, playing Uno in woolen sweaters. They had two giant cups of hot cocoa steaming away and a tiny speaker set, in the shape of an ice cream cone, was attached to her phone, releasing a muted bass into my window which hang slightly ajar. From my angle at the closet door, I could see them giggling at an unheard joke, Chloe doing a miniature seated victory dance as she threw down her final card.

I missed her. It sounded stupid to say, I saw her almost everyday but it wasn't the same. None of my relationships were the same anymore and part of that was my fault. I always felt like he could or would disappear, like he would runaway or be chased away and it made me cling to him. I knew that I couldn't function without him, his presence was simply more important than anything else and I ended up cutting off almost everyone else that I loved so I could savor it.

I sighed, dramatically, I did everything dramatically now. I couldn't help it… something about hormones. I had an excuse this time, I mean this was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, and riding in the car over to Forks was almost nauseating. Some man would be looking where really only Solace should. Creepy! It seemed even creepier when I found out the he was a she, Doctor Linda Goldman.

"You're just trying to scare me into not having sex. Why don't you take me to a church too and make me wear a chastity ring for Jesus?!" I hissed holding my hand up for emphasis. The round diamond on my promise ring hit the yellowed lights in the waiting room, creating a beautiful shine before I pulled it away, sliding it under my thigh to hide it.

"What the hell is that?" She asked, moving to grab my hand.

"Well, it's not a Jesus ring!" I spat, sighing as I presented my hand.

"Take it off," my mom hissed lunging for it.

"No! It's mine!" I screamed, the plump Asian receptionist cringed, turning her face down to inspect her keyboard.

"What the hell, Maddox? You're seventeen! You think I'm going to let you get married at 17?! Goddammit, this is not Alabama!" A pregnant woman with a large leather bag eyed us dirtily, probably from Alabama.

"First you got married at 18, so stop acting like this is a surprise. And second it's not an engagement ring, it's a promise ring! Lord, woman, chill out! I want to at least go to college first, hopefully really, really far away from you!"

"You know, you'll regret saying things like that when I'm dead, I did," she said quietly, but I already did, so much so that it made my eyes water. I missed her too. As much as I hated her right now, as much as I despised the fact I was about to be violated because she wanted to prove a point, I missed her. I missed arts and crafts night and shopping for school supplies, I missed having a mom I could talk to, a mother who actually liked me.

It was like my life was a road filled with doors and each one that I walked through closed off the relationships I had before. When I had become interested in boys and sex, I shut out Chloe, when I wanted clothes and a room to reflect my transition from girl to teen, I locked out my mom and now progressing into a sexual relationship with Solace, I had closed the door to my father and that one hurt the most.

I had always been a Daddy's girl, Harley thought the world revolved around Soli and my mom, but for me and Addison, it was always Dad. He was the only one in my family I thought really understood me, like he really knew who I was. Now, he couldn't even look at me, now I was just his premuscious daughter and it was just so unfair.

Sex was everywhere but I seemed to be the only one getting shit for thinking about it. Every one of my family members knew that Addison was in love with Sammy Uley, and we all knew to steer clear of his room now that he had found his "little friend," but no one scolded him for that. Why did I instantly become a slut because I wanted to have sex with a man I loved? And what about Taylor and Melody? They were totally having sex by now and it's like no one was beating up Taylor about it or damning Melody because of it.

"Mad-ox?" The receptionist called out, pronouncing my name as if I were named after angry livestock or some crazy new flesh-eating disease. I stood, flipping my hair in resistance, making my way into the tiny examination room which had been decorated like the bedroom of a fifty-year old woman with 100 stray cats. I changed as instructed and folded my clothes to carefully place them on top of a fluffy floral print ottoman. I was sure they had done that for the comfort of the clients, but the décor did just the opposite for me. The pukish pink made me want to scream and run back out, even though I was only wearing a paper-thin gown.

I laid back in silence as she poked and prodded me, answering occasional questions. I put myself in another place, mentally listing all of the places I would rather be spread out like this. Solace's bedroom topped the list; though at a graveyard and lying naked in the playground still ranked higher than an office with doilies, glass curios and quilts.

"Okay, Maddox, you're all done," Linda Goldman announced. We talked birth control once we were back in her private office, and decided on an action plan. My mother and I didn't talk on the way back. We had said our piece for pretty much the rest of my teen years.

I was on the pill but still not allowed to see Solace, so Valentine's Day and Saint Patrick's Day passed without his silly cards and ridiculously extravagant presents, and the need to be together again had become a frenzy. It had gotten to the point that I had decided, if necessary, I'd just run away. If something didn't give by summer, I was going to run and Solace would just have to follow. I'd told Solace my plan, calling him during my lunch break at school, which was really the only safe time I could. He pretended to be mad I could even think of something so irrational, and he made me promise not to follow through, but I could tell deep down he had been thinking about it too.

Then, like the sun shining through rain clouds, the ban was lifted. Solace was allowed into my home, supervised for two to three hours at a time once a week. We could barely talk, always being watched by my parents, siblings or Chloe, but it was better than nothing. Just sitting by his side made me feel marginally better, though he wouldn't even hold my hand. He spent most of the time listening to me whine and moan watching me intently with his beautiful orbs of dark chocolate.

I thought it was the chaperones that bothered him but after about a month he and my parents finally sat down for a talk and he was allowed to wake me again, we had at least ten minutes alone in my room but he didn't make a move, not even once. He drove me to school and though I tried hard to get him to kiss or even hug me, he wouldn't. I had him back but he was too afraid to really _be_ with me and that made me feel even more alone than ever.

"It's Phil's birthday," my father said looking into the room from the door, his eyes focused on the black and white design opposite of me.

"So?" I asked angrily, though my heart yearned for him to look at me, to smile at me like he used to.

"So Tara has called in a favor and you're… free," he said simply. He took one more step into the room and threw my cell phone in my general direction, it fell on my bed.

"You can…do whatever you want, I guess." He exhaled loudly as he left, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He had given up on me, I wasn't his little girl anymore and I'd become a lost cause to him. No sooner than I opened my phone to check old messages, did a new one arrive.

 _Date night tonight. Just confirmed it with Tara, you are free to come out with me on a double date with Phil for his birthday._

I responded immediately. _Like a real date where we can have time together… and maybe finish what we started?_

He took a long time responding and my stomach flipped the whole three minutes I waited.

 _Well, there's_ n _o curfew, no schedules, and no chaperones…what we do is up to you, Madd._

Yeah, it was up to me… I was finally getting what I wanted most, to be with Solace without boundaries, but in the process, I would be locking the door between me and my father for good.

 _Can't wait to see you… you're all I have left._

I typed slowly, dragging myself out of bed after all the water in my body had been expelled through tears. I pulled on a pair of sunglasses and packed up my purse, now determined to get ready for my night with Solace. I wasn't going to back down now, we might not have another chance for a while and I frankly didn't give a fuck what people thought of me afterwards, even my family.

"Am I allowed to go shopping?" I asked my parents who sat at the kitchen table, a pile of bills and other invoices cluttering the space.

"Do you need me to drive you?" My mother asked wearily.

"No, I wouldn't want to _impose_ my presence on you any more than necessary," I hissed with as much spite in my voice as possible.

"Have you been taking your birth control?" My mother asked, making my father shudder.

"God, I'm just going shopping, not to sell my body in Forks!"

"Well you never can be sure with you, Maddox," she spat and as soon as the words were out, she gasped covering her mouth with both of her hands.

"Bye, Claire," I waved, grabbing the door and swinging it open with force.

"Oh God, Baby, I'm sorry!" I heard her call after me but I was already running towards town as fast as my feet could carry me. I wasn't going to cry about it, I was done crying, I just ran. I didn't have many places to go, not for the task I had in mind and really only one person would do.

"I need your help… preparing for a night with Solace," I wheezed holding the side of my stomach as I struggled to regain my breath.

"Why me? You got like 50 other wolf-girls in this town."

"Cuz you're the sexiest!" I flattered her shamelessly.

"Not gonna argue with you there. How old are you now?" Soli asked leaning against the doorframe with a smirk. Soli was Amber's very best friend, but there was something about her I was drawn to. I liked her attitude, the way she carried herself, the sex appeal and nonchalant power she exuded.

"Seventeen," I answered dryly, this was just the kind of question I was looking to avoid.

"Yeah, that seems about right," she sighed, tossing her beautifully symmetrical face to the side and inspecting me. I chuckled, another reason I chose her, she had a completely different mindset, totally different morals. "What do you need, advice? Cuz I got this thing I do with my tongue—"

"Can you take me shopping, for like big girl clothes?" I asked nervously, chewing so hard on my bottom lip I could taste the metallic burn of my blood.

"Well, I'm not sure I'm best choice for a plus size shopping buddy," she said sarcastically.

"I meant adult clothes, you know, heels, lingerie…" I trailed off, watching her eyes grow wide with excitement.

"Now you've peaked my interest, you got the cash?" I nodded with the biggest smile I could muster.

"Alright, grab me a pack of smokes downstairs. Newport 100s, menthol," she instructed going back inside to change. I ran down, argued with Brady who was manning the counter till he gave me a pack and ran back up to her tiny apartment above the shop where she was now living with Randy full time while he did his field research, studying some kind of tree I'd never heard of.

"So what thing do you do with your tongue exactly?" I asked curiously as she opened the pack of cigarettes I brought her and pulled one out.

"Ah, grasshopper, we have much to discuss, I shall call this Operation: Get the Curvaceous One Fuckable Attire."

"Can we just, shorten that to Operation Maddox?" I asked jealousy looking over her ensemble which was both beautiful and ridiculously revealing.

"Well if you wanna keep with the obvious." She threw me a set of keys, raising her eyebrow in question and I grinned from ear to ear practically running towards the lot. I loved driving, it was one of the many things Solace and I shared.

"Soledad!"

"Harley!" Soli screamed as I opened the driver's side door.

Harley skipped all the way over, her hair now short and messy, bouncing as she approached. "Get in, let me drive you home," Soli said casually.

"I can walk, I'm not a baby anymore." Harley was a teenager now, so cute she made me want to hide in a closet, and not keen on being treated like a baby. That was one of the very few things we had in common.

"I know. I just wanted a moment to catch up," Soli said slyly, getting Harley in the car without argument. "I never see you anymore, Lee. I miss you, Beautiful."

"I miss you too, Soli," Harley said leaning forward in the back seat so that her chin rested on Soli's seat.

"Well what are you doing tonight?" Soli asked quickly.

"Oh Soli! Soli, can we have a sleepover, just the girls!"

"No Randy? Well, I think I can manage that." Soli winked and Harley practically bounced her way back into our house. As usual, I wasn't invited. I tried not to dwell on it as we got to the mall, focusing on the task at hand and I found a dress, almost immediately.

There wasn't much choice in a size fourteen, which was annoying because it was the average size of women in America, but the perfect one was like a beacon shining from the display window of a plus-size boutique called Bodacious Diva. For the record, I hated the name of the store but it had killer clothes even if they were double the price of the huge chain stores. The dress was beautiful with three sections in royal blue, black and a gorgeous lemon yellow.

I liked it so much I didn't let go of it as we rummaged through their tiny lingerie section. Soli, who was used to going to Victoria's Secret and other mainstream stores, was not impressed with the selection but I was entirely overwhelmed. There were ruffles and lace and fishnets everywhere.

"How do I even know what he will like?" I asked, a pair of extremely revealing underwear in my free hand.

"The truth is lingerie is more for you than him. They barely register it in the frenzy to get it off of you. It's for you… it makes you feel sexy, therefore confident. I'd go extreme, black and lacy," she said throwing a garter belt and matching underwear at me. I splurged using all the money I had, buying a set in each color, and three kinds of stockings just in case and, in line, Soli, happy as a clam, got chatty.

"What size shoes do you wear, Giantess?" One of the things I normally liked about Soli, when I wasn't shaking with nerves, was that she didn't bullshit. She didn't call me pleasantly plump or try to sugar coat anything, she just shot from the hip, but today when I was finally going to be naked, completely naked in front of the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen, it wasn't appreciated.

"Can we stop with the fat jokes?"

"I was referring to your freakish height. What are you, like 5'10?" She said eyeballing me jealously.

"5'8 last I checked which is not freakish, you are just ridiculously small," I joked. "And I wear an 8 and a half."

"Perfect," Soli sang pulling out her phone as the line progressed. "Hey Annie, you wear like a size and a half shoe, right?" She paused and I made a face but she ignored me. "Perfect, there's pretty banging royal blue number and I need to borrow your patent peep toes… Yeah, no. Not for me, it's, um… for Maddox, she's trying to get laid and she needs some fuck me heels… No, I thought so too, but they're not doing it yet and she's getting the itch."

"Soli," I hissed and she looked up at me, rolling her eyes before she burst into a fit of laughs that made everyone around her turn to stare.

"I know right? Great! We'll pick them up in a bit. Hey, what you doing tonight… Yeah, I'm having the girls over for movie night, no boys tell Brady to take a hike. Yeah, I'm excited. Love ya, Beautiful, see you in a bit." She hung up her phone just as I made it to the front, dropping my bounty on the table, not able to wash down the bit of jealousy raging in my stomach. I wanted to have sex. Tonight I wanted to spend the night being ravished by Solace, but part of me, a part bigger than I'd like to admit wanted to be included in their group.

She let me drive the way back, sitting in the passenger seat chain smoking which made it necessary to roll down all the windows as we sped back.

"So… the big night and you're really ready to take the plunge?" She asked casually, though I could tell by the crinkle in her eye she was seriously thinking about it.

"Why is everyone asking me that? I'm not even a virgin."

"It doesn't matter if you're a virgin or not, I was screwing guys before you were even born, didn't matter when it came to Randy… it's a whole different ball game," she said thoughtfully, the car coming to its final stop in the lot. We walked up together and when I didn't respond for a while she ran into her room returning with a beautiful yellow clutch. "Here, this should go well with your dress."

"Thanks," I whispered debating where I should or could get ready; doing it at home was not optimal.

Soli made an offer before I could ask, "Wanna get ready here? Maribel is a whiz with makeup. Belll?!" She called and the exotic beauty that was Freddie's imprint ran out the room she shared with Freddie. She smiled shyly, waving and coming to Soli's side, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Que paso?" She whispered looking at me holding my day's worth of shopping.

"Maddox has a date… can you help her with her makeup?"

"Yes, of course," Maribel nodded sitting on the couch and bringing her knees up to her chest.

"Well you got two hours till he come and a lot of work to be done, so get in the shower," she instructed dropping down next to Maribel and leaning on her soon-to-be sister in law. Freddie and Maribel had announced their wedding about two weeks ago, a small ceremony was set to take place mid-summer at the Cullen Mansion.

I used all of Soli's expensive products, her five blade shaver with almond shaving cream, avocado oil shampoo that smelled like butter, a body scrub that smelled like Sweet Cream ice cream from Cold Stone, and a lotion called Caramel Goddess. I smelled like a giant cookie, which I thought he might enjoy; I did.

By the time I came out, half-wrapped in a short robe, the room was filled with girls. Soli and Maribel sat cuddled on the couch with Annabelle, Melody curled up on the floor between Annabelle's legs. Annabelle was petting her like a puppy, gently playing with Melody's shortly cropped hair.

"Mmmm, you smell yummy!" Melody squealed as I came in, tugging self-consciously at the robe which barely covered my ass.

"Important part of getting down and dirty with a wolf," Soli announced to the girls who all turned to look at me.

"Wow, so you're going to get some Solace, huh?" Melody chuckled and Maribel who sat to her right blushed crimson.

"Hopefully, if my father doesn't come bursting in," I called through the door, pulling on my jeans before I came out to sit with them.

"Heard about that!" Annabelle squealed and it was my turn to blush. Of course they heard about it, nothing was sacred in this town.

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Melody asked cautiously.

"Why is everyone asking that?" I howled and Maribel flinched, lacing her fingers with Soli's little ones.

"Because it's a big deal," Annabelle scoffed looking at me like I had said something ridiculously thick.

"Yeah and we're in love."

"This is so weird, Solace is like my uncle," Melody cringed.

"Well you're having sex with her brother," Soli said pointing at Annabelle, "And Maribel's making it with mine… we're sort of an inbred town." I chuckled bursting into full on laughter when Maribel covered her face in embarrassment.

"Any advice?" I asked looking around at them.

"Just don't do it until you're sure. I mean, you love him and I understand that, he's surprisingly lovable," Annabelle said agreeably. "But before you do it just make sure that you're really dedicated… that no matter what happens you'll be able to get through it as a couple." The room grew silent. Annabelle, Soli and Mel shooting each other looks until I snapped my fingers between them calling for their attention.

"What's up with the cryptic?"

"Not cryptic, realistic," Soli piped in. "Me and Randy didn't just start humping the day he imprinted, we weren't there yet."

"We're there. He's it… he's the most fucking amazing person I've ever met. I love the way he talks, walks, speaks, loves… he's fucking perfect and I don't care that he was married to your slutty sister—"

"Yeah and on the note, I'm out," Annabelle hissed rolling her eyes at me as she grabbed her stuff to leave.

"He's mine now and we're ready!" I screamed as she reached the door, Melody at her heels.

"I'm happy for you," Annabelle called back. "We're going to pick up some pizza and the rest of the girls!"

"Have fun tonight, Maddox," Melody called back.

"I go with you it!" Maribel cried running towards them.

"You sure know how to clear a room, Sexy. You remind me of me… but being on the outside of the wolf-girls is a lonely place. I guess you should get dressed now." Soli said pointing towards the guestroom, I grabbed my things slipping into the room nervously. I slipped off my clothes, sorting through the assortment of underwear I bought till I found a black pair worthy of porn.

"Are you gonna show me that lingerie or what?" Soli cried from the other side of the door.

"What?" I asked defiantly.

"Are you gonna come out or do I have to leave it up to my imagination?" She asked again.

"Imagination!"

"Get your ass out here!" She screamed kicking the door.

"You are not looking at me half-naked."

"Aww, come on. I'm sure it's not that bad," she said sympathetically, making me want to ring her petite little neck.

"It's not bad at all, stop being a bitch!"

"I'm not being a bitch, if you think this is me being a bitch, you are in for a treat when you don't get your fine ass out here and show me already!" She kicked the door again and I inhaled, preparing myself.

"Fine… why are you being so nice to me anyways?" I asked nervously as I walked out.

"Because Amber would want me to be," she nodded in approval when I finished my little twirl.

"Yeah, somehow, I doubt Amber would be thrilled to hear you are helping me have sex with her ex-husband," I argued, moving to go back in the room and pull on the dress.

"The things you don't know about Amber could fill _three_ libraries… you look good, Diva, I'd fuck ya," she said finally.

"Thanks…" I trailed off running back into the room to finish. Once the dress was on Soli rushed to put on my makeup while I set fat curls in my hair with the curler Kim bought me.

I was just finished spraying the "sexy" perfume that Soli had set out for me and stepping into the ridiculously tall heels when the doorbell rang announcing his arrival.

"This is it," she whispered taking a few step back to inspect me.

"Yup. This is it."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20- Abuelo's: Food and Fun for Everyone

* * *

April 2044

My kitchen, which had been used less than ten times since it had been built, smelled like cookies. They were fresh baked, compliments of Levi, who had some half-cocked idea that the Atearas would look kindly on me if I showed my domestic side.

He wasn't much of a baker, though he could create meals worthy of a restaurant, so the recipe came from Jared and we worked on it together in a comfortable silence. The cookies were little lumps filled with walnuts and covered in powdered sugar and I nervously ate a half-dozen of the first batch just to have something to do. The smell reminded me of Maddox and that ruined any concentration I had as we baked the second and third batches, which we packed up for him to take with him for the Varns. If nothing, the baking helped soothe my nerves which were releasing electric shocks, hitting me continuously as I stood counting down the minutes.

After weeks of denying me access to her, then reluctantly granting me permission to see her again (under strict supervision), they were ready to talk, to discuss "the incident." Levi hugged me twice then threw in a pat on the back before leaving me to wait for them.

I looked like shit—I always did when I wasn't around Maddox. My skin was lifeless and almost brittle. It was a sleep pattern thing and the bags under my eyes clearly displayed it. I could be away from her, I had proved that much living with Amber for five years, but I didn't like to anymore, nor did I want to and I was ready to beg today if I had to.

Butterball the Incredible, my loving, if not slightly suicidal cat, sensed my discomfort and snaked through my legs rubbing her face against me lovingly. When I stopped pacing and took a seat, she curled in my lap hiding her face under her hands as if she knew the embarrassment that would soon come through my door in the form of conversation. I rubbed her mindlessly and she purred until the loud knock sounded on my door and she bolted in search of Ezra the bird, who she liked to torture in her free time.

Quil came in first, nodding to me gruffly and after placing her bag daintily on the coffee table, Claire got straight to it.

"So we were hoping that some time away from you would give her some perspective, show her there is a whole world outside of you and sex, but it didn't work. She doesn't want friends or a normal life—so we give up. There's nothing we can do to stop this so just… don't do it while she's ovulating, lambskin condoms are supposed to still work and pull out just in case… I'd like it if she at least finished high school." Quil cringed, visibly upset by the direction this discussion had taken, it was his daughter and I couldn't imagine how that felt.

"Okay." What else could I say to that? Making sure she didn't get pregnant was a reasonable request, though it burned that they didn't seem to think I could have realized that on my own. I'd been with hundreds of women over a span of a few decades and I had no children to speak of, I could and would be careful with Maddox until she decided (if she ever decided) to have children with me.

I am not a man known for my intelligence, or well anything other than my good looks and terrible luck with women, but I do have common sense. I'd worked hard to show them I was responsible, worthy of their daughter and their trust, but they obviously didn't see it.

"It's Phil's birthday and Tara would like you to go out with them. I'm sure you'd probably like to take Maddox, so we're lifting the punishment. Do what you will, we're tired of being the enemies with her… but we'd like it if she spent at least 3 night a week under our roof," Claire said flatly.

"Four," Quil said forcefully, still not looking at me like he couldn't stand the sight of the devil he was forced to make a deal with. "And school." He added that as an afterthought.

"Yes, if you could make sure she still goes to school, if not for us then for her own best interest," Claire said wiping a small tear that had leaked from the corner of her bright eyes. My stomach flipped at the sight, this was not what I expected and not how I wanted this meeting to go. The end result, freedom to see my imprint, was what I dreamed of, but having Claire cry about it and losing the last bit of love Quil had for me was like a nightmare.

"Of course." I couldn't think of anything else to say and it seemed they had said what they were set on saying. Claire grabbed her purse and pulled Quil's hand, leading him towards the door.

"Wait! Wait—look, I know this was uncomfortable for all of us, but I resent you talking to me like some asshole who's only trying to get some ass. I love her, I would never do anything to hurt her, I always have her best interest at heart and if all I wanted was sex, I wouldn't have a hard time finding someone, believe me." Fuck. I really shouldn't have said that last part. Claire eyed me with such disdain I flinched and Quil grabbed her before she charged, ready to tear me to shreds with her bare hands.

"Yeah, I'm quite aware you can find someone else, you proved that with Amber time and time again. Which is why Maddox has no friends anymore, she had no hobbies, no interest outside of keeping you, which she thinks she can only do with sex! I wish you never came back, she was better off without you. She had a life, Solace. She had friends, thoughts and feeling that didn't involved sucking your—" Quil covered her mouth, pulling her out the front door where I stood staring at their retreat.

I collapsed on the couch after that, sitting dazed in my boxers, replaying the conversation over and over again. She was better off without me, but I wasn't. I wasn't better off without her. I needed her, but was that selfish? Yes. It was entirely selfish, she would be better off without me, but she loved me. It didn't matter how undeserving I was of that love because she loved me and wanted to be with me. It hurt, almost unbearably, to have Claire point out how destructive my presence in Maddox's life was, but Maddox wanted me anyways and that was what mattered most.

My cell phone's shrill ringer called me to my room and I grabbed it quickly on the third ring without looking at the caller ID.

"I'm giving her phone back so you can call her and make plans. It's best if you meet her somewhere else, don't come around here until Claire… for a while," Quil amended his sentence quickly, hanging up before I could respond. Her parents hated me. That was not new. Amber's parents were not terribly fond of me either and both Seth and Sue Clearwater were far from being fans of mine during my years with Leah. I was used to it, but this hurt exponentially worse.

The first person I called was Phil; it was the second time today.

"What's up, Sol?" His voice rang cheerfully over the sound of riotous children in the background. He sounded winded, but happy.

"I'm going to have sex with her," I blurted it out as fast as possible, eager to hear his opinion.

"Oookay. Now?" He asked curiously.

"Tonight."

"Congratulations?" He asked and Hope screamed behind him. "Daddy, throw me again—higher!"

"You're not going to tell me not to?"

"No. She wants to, you want to… why the fuck not—I mean the fudge—Hope don't repeat that or mommy will kill me," he said quickly, Hope giggled.

"So it's not gross or morally apprehensible?" I asked for reassurance since that seemed to be the general consensus and I reluctantly longed to have at least one person supporting my decision.

"Why would it be? She's your imprint and barring any major tragedies you're going to do it eventually." And I was sold. I texted Maddox, setup a meeting time and called for reinforcements on the fashion front. Mark, Hazel and Eli came as a team, complete with hair products and a stack of clothes fresh from Mark's closet.

Three-year old Hazel was growing, and she walked like a little woman through my door holding an old fashioned rag doll dressed as fashionably as she was, so I was in good hands. Eli, who called me "Uncle S", gave me a cheery hug.

"So where are you guys going?" Mark asked making his way to my bedroom. His children followed and I held up the back of the parade calling over Eli's shoulder.

"Abuelo's, that fancy Mexican place in Port Angeles," I answered picking up Hazel when she stretched out her arms for me. I danced with her, wrapping one hand around her waist while holding her little pale fingers with the other. She kissed my cheek three times before she spoke and captured the remaining bits of my heart not already committed to Maddox.

"You funny, Daddy!" She squealed, tracing my eyebrow with her pinky.

"Oh I love you," I gushed pulling her in closer and kissing her strawberry scented copper hair.

"Sorry, she's been calling every Quileute man 'daddy'… hopefully that stops before she's a teenager," Mark joked, but I didn't let her go, rubbing her little back in soft circles as I rocked with her. No one had ever called me Daddy before, not anyone who wasn't naked and not in need of some serious therapy.

Mark eyed us then shrugged, whispering with his back turned so that Eli had no way to hear him speak. "If you really love either of us you would volunteer to babysit for a night. She's been sleeping in our bed since she arrived and I haven't had sex in months," he whispered under his breath.

"Consider it done, I'll keep her if you want," I said as she pulled on my ears.

"Yeah, no… you'll have your own soon enough. The longest of journeys start with a single step," he said suggestively, and then his business-like façade collapsed and he spun around howling. "I can't believe you're going to have sex with her… She's your imprint I know, I'm sorry, it's just little weird! Little Freddie Call getting engaged, Taylor and Melody going at it like bunnies and now Maddie. God I feel old!"

Eli who could read his lips chuckled, holding his stomach as he let loose a torrent of throaty laughter.

'G-R-O-S-S,' Eli signed slowly making a gagging motion to go along with it. I rolled my eyes and joined Mark in my closet till we had the perfect outfit. Mark insisted I wear something white, which was "my color" and old jeans, which were tight and made my ass look great, or at least that's what Mark said.

I was instructed on how to get my hair to the perfect tousled look, given a handful of kisses and left alone to shower and get geared up. I was nervous, I had never been so nervous about sex in my entire life, it made me scared I wouldn't be able to…perform, which made me even more nervous.

The drive to Soli's door was terrifying, my heart beat against my ribcage till I thought it would burst through, but the second I saw her, it was all right. She walked down the narrow staircase in shoes that reminded me of Amber, though all thoughts of Amber were entirely pushed from my mind when she appeared entirely in front of me.

Her dress was short, stopping mid-thigh, leaving about two inches of inviting bare skin before the beginning of her thigh-highs, which were a weakness of mine.

It was raining, a cool drizzle in the warm night, bringing in the scents of blooming flowers and soft dirt. I couldn't warn her about the rain, I couldn't speak—I tried—but my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth. So I ran back to the car without a word, coming back with my umbrella and passing it to her. She smiled, her cute little lips spreading over her pearly white teeth as she accepted it.

My hands were sweating like an inexperienced school boy on his first date when I fumbled to help her into her black raincoat with its big metal buttons and white trim. I pushed her thick curled hair out the way, my fingertips brushing the warm delicate skin of her neck. When I finished the top button she leaned in, taking my bottom lip between her sweet, caramel flavored lips, sucking lightly.

"I love you," she sighed pulling away. My stomach twisted, like I was a towel being wrung to dry, I kissed her again still not capable of producing a word.

"You okay?" She asked tilting her head so that her hair draped over her shoulder catching the light of the hallway.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered before I realized my tongue had been freed. She smiled brilliantly. "And I love you," I added and she giggled. I drove distractedly, trying to be careful but glancing at her from the corner of my eye every few minutes.

She was always beautiful, sometimes it made me breathless, but today it was mesmerizing. It wasn't the makeup or the dress, she didn't need anything to enhance her beauty, it was just the certainty. It didn't matter that her family hated me and thought I was going to drag her down in the dirt. I had time to change their minds, to prove to them that I could do right by her. Right now it was about us, and there was no doubt, there was just us and she was perfect.

We arrived early and a tall teen about Maddie's age tripped all over himself trying to show us to our table. He called her ma'am and almost dropped a container of salsa on her lap because he was staring down her dress. I could have ripped the boy—Javier Morales, according to his name plate—apart, but I took it as a compliment draping my arm over her shoulder and peppering her cheek with saccharine kisses instead. Maddox didn't notice him.

"I don't really like Mexican food," she admitted adorably as the scrawny Morales boy placed menus in front of us. She spoke to him in Spanish and he shook, quivering in rapturous delight. I chuckled opening her menu which she looked at tentatively, her pink tongue sticking out ever so slightly.

"Phil eats like a pig. He'll order enough food for ten people—you're bound to like something," I assured her and she rested her head on my shoulder smelling better than any food in this place.

"You're so handsome," she said at random and I chuckled, kissing the tip of her upturned nose and absently fingering one of her springy curls.

"Thank you."

Phil and Tara came without their boatload of kids, smiling as they approached. Javier did a double take when he saw the statuesque Tara while dropping off two glasses of water at the table and Phil cleared his throat loudly. A broad shouldered man with an olive-cast tan and thick sideburns pushed the fumbling teen away.

"Okay, save me, Solace—Phil wants another kid. Harrison isn't even two, talk sense into this man!" Tara pleaded reaching over to the table to dip at the spicy salsa placed in the middle of our round table.

"Ooh, umm, I'm gunna stay out of that," I said nervously, looking at Phil who was keen for me to convince her.

"I want four, maybe five kids," Maddox said promptly. My head turned so swiftly I heard my neck creak.

"Easy to say, not easy to do," Tara replied knowingly while eyeing Maddox thoughtfully.

"Five?" I asked smiling so brightly I felt like my cheeks would crack. I had never been so sure of how perfect she was for me as I was that second, exactly as many as I dreamed of… when I allowed myself to dream of a bright future, which was more and more nowadays. Basking in the brilliance of her obvious and unwavering love made it impossible not to.

"Yeah… our house is big enough," she said pleasantly. _Our house_. The words filled my heart with helium, expanding it to fill my chest and making me light enough to float away if I didn't grab Maddox, my anchor. I pulled her to me, gently pushing my tongue along the crease of her luscious lips which she dropped open to accommodate me.

"How are you going to work with five kids?" Tara asked skeptically and Maddox reluctantly pulled away from our heated kiss.

"I'll be a mother, that will be my job," Maddox said simply, they exchanged looks that made me inexplicably annoyed. Tara was obviously not impressed with her goals, though I was still beaming. It wasn't that I didn't want her to work, I would be thrilled with whatever life path made Maddox happy, but the fact that a family was part of it made it all that much better.

"I'm sure Claire will be happy to hear that," Tara joked dryly as the bottle of tequila was brought out, Phil's request. Phil lined up the shots and before Maddox could grab hers I passed it back to Phil shaking my head no. He gave her an "I tried kid" kind of smile and after I took my shot I gave her an apology kiss, which she accepted greedily.

"They can't beat us and have more kids, Tee," Phil whispered to Tara and she scoffed.

"This is not a competition, but can we just call it a tie with Kim and Trisha? We don't need more than four, we can _just_ afford the ones we have and even then we're going to have to pray that only half of them want to go college." Tara joked as we broke apart, Maddox panting a little, her heaving breast drawing my eyes while her hand rested high on the inside of my thigh.

"Awkward," she whispered as the waiter came to take our order. Phil did his thing, ordering 80% of the menu with a smile and Maddox moved her seat closer grabbing my hand and lacing her little fingers through mine as the smitten waiter circled the table like a vulture trying to catch her attention.

Her hand was tiny and soft and warm, taking up only two-thirds of mine. Whenever I held her, or when our hands were enclosed like this, I became so much more painfully aware of how fragile she was and it made me paranoid, terrified of the harms that could come to her, or our future kids that I already worried about though they were probably a decade away.

When our table was filled with appetizers, Maddox stuck to the familiar shrimp cocktail, picking at her food uneasily. I liked the way she ate, it was very sincere. Either she ate with gusto, truly enjoying whatever she tasted, or totally hating it with the most lovable frown.

"I think we're going to go visit Leticia and Embry in Italy this summer, you should come," Tara announced after a long bout of silence, where I watched Maddox with rapt attention.

"Wow, you taking the caravan overseas? How long are you going?" I asked, Maddox quietly nibbling next to me.

"I don't know. There are a lot of people to visit, maybe two weeks… we wanna see Jake and Nessie, Ethan, Elena and the kids, Amber…" Phil trailed off when Maddox threw her shrimp back on the plate with a huff. Amber was a forbidden word in our relationship and I cringed grabbing another shot.

"You're not going to see that tramp," she breathed under her breath, Phil scowled. He was one of the most loyal people I'd ever met and Amber was on his list of beloved.

"You _do_ know that I love that girl like my own sister, right?" Phil asked incredulously, Maddox crossed her legs at the thigh turning her body towards me and away from Phil, who sat across from her. I made a quick motion with my hand, like chopping my head off and when they gave each other a long unpleasant look, I really wished my head would be chopped off, a complete disaster. I know that eventually Phil would love her as I did and she would learn to love Phil the same way, but right now they were having a rocky start.

I was more than relieved when the food came, brought out by the gangly Mr. Morales and two more teenage Mexican boys he had obviously brought to ogle the table of beauties and it started to bother me. I brought her chair closer and almost immediately she started to scratch, first her arms then her thighs.

"You alright?" I breathed in her ear. She had spent the last five minutes of awkward silence covertly raking her polished nails over her skin and discreetly dragging her arm up and down along the edge of the table like a bear rubbing its back on a tree trunk to scratch at a pesky itch.

"Yeah, I'm going to the ladies room," she said pushing her chair back and I shot up on instinct, standing as she made her way to the washroom, staggering into our all accommodating waiter Javier.

"Can you two just try to play nice?" I begged.

"She's got foot-in-mouth disease that one," Phil chuckled warmly. "But I like her, very sassy." I nodded in agreement, smiling, it was just one of the many things I loved about her; she had passion and absolutely no filter.

"I love her, you know I love her, but Solace you've got to promise me you won't let her just go from high school to barefoot and pregnant, seriously, trade school, a job at a movie theatre, anything, a hobby, anything," Tara pleaded.

"I think everyone's just being too hard on her, she's 17. Her parents are acting like either she still plays with dolls or she's a whore they have to abandon. And Tara, I respect you, but you're acting as if she doesn't become a rocket scientist she's going to be a failure," I said evenly, pouring myself another shot.

"I'm not saying that my daughter is any better, Chloe spends hours looking in the mirror practicing her modeling poses, honestly, but at least she has goals, Solace. And I have talked to Claire and she's not giving up her daughter, she's just fed up. Her daughter hates her and her biggest goal, her only dream, seems to be _fucking_ you." She whispered the word 'fucking' as if there were children listening in and I sighed.

"I had no clue what I wanted to be when I was 15, then I burst into fur and I had no choice… I hate to compare her to Amber, but she just needs support till she figures out what it is she's good at," I said as I smelled her approach, she sat shyly, leaning in and kissing my earlobe before she spoke.

"Can we just go?" I nodded and excused us, picking up the tab and the tip, instructing the host to bring my car around. The gawking waiter Javier apparently doubled as a valet in this family-owned business and he ran out half-colliding with the door on his way as he watched Maddie pull on her coat.

"Are you alright?" I asked in concern when we were under the dark green canopy in front of the restaurant.

"I think I'm allergic to shrimp, I'm all itchy," she said pouting, her kissable bottom lip poked out temptingly, practically begging me to taste it. "And your best friend hates me."

"He doesn't hate you. You make me happy and believe me, that's all that matters to him," I said lifting her off of her feet, which I could tell were bothering her by the way she continually shifted her weight, and planting a soft reassuring kiss that quickly turned passionate as I plundered her delectable mouth.

"Great car, Mister," the obnoxious waiter/valet said squeakily as he passed me the keys, staring at Maddox yet again like a puppy seeking affection from an indifferent owner, considering she hadn't spared so much as a glance his way all evening. Her disinterest in all other men gave me a thrill and made me feel more loved than I'd ever felt in my long life.

"Yeah, she's beautiful," I agreed opening the passenger side door for Maddox and waiting for her to get buckled in before I sped off.

The drive was torturous, my finger running along her slick folds as she moaned and gyrated against the pressure of my fingertip causing the enclosed compartment to quickly fill with her enticing sounds and heady aroma. We hadn't officially made plans for the night and I drove slower thinking of how to breach the subject as she rhythmically grinded against my hand.

"Can we… go to your place?" She whispered and I inhaled her musky sugar scent till it made me dizzy with lust.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, so so so sure," she moaned and I drove faster. I didn't wait for her to unbuckle and adjust her skewed clothing, just parked haphazardly in my driveway and ripped her out the car, her chest heaving wildly. She gripped me hard, pressing herself so forcefully against me it felt as if we could melt into each other, becoming an amalgamation of lust.

"You really want me," I murmured reverently in her ear, the realization driving straight to my erection, which now pulsated hot against my pants, straining to be released from the confining pressure.

"Really, really," she emphasized and I grabbed onto the plentiful flesh of her backside. I placed her on the bed removing her shoes and kissing the tops of her perfect feet, then removed the thigh highs with relish. The only thing better than seeing thigh-highs was removing them, kissing along the soft perfect skin of her inner thigh. I urged her back across the bed spreading her legs at the knee, her musky desire was intoxicating and I kissed her slowly through the thin material of her underwear; they were soaked through with want.

"I want you so bad." I licked my lips, tasting the slight salt of her arousal and letting my hand journey up her body to the zipper I had been eyeing during dinner. My fingers worked on their own volition, brushing softly against the now exposed flesh down the length of her side as I unzipped her. When I reached the end she sprang to life, shooting out of bed like a skittish deer and standing.

I stood up slowly, grabbing her hip and trying to still her as she shook.

"I'm scared." I inhaled to steady myself, zipping her dress again so that the slightly pale skin of her torso was not distracting me.

"If you're scared we can wait till it feels right," I said firmly. I had misread the signs, all of the signs that told me very clearly she wanted me.

"This does feel right… I just can't believe this is happening." Her eyes pierced me, begging for me to understand and I did, just hours before I could barely breathe thinking of this moment. I nodded meeting her gaze with soft eyes, waiting for a sign that it was more than nerves, that she was unsure of me, but there was none.

She undid the zipper again moving her hands to the white button down I was wearing, slipping it off of me slowly and straining to kiss the raised scars on my shoulder. I smiled, kissing her and tugging gently at her dress which was being held up by the lush swell of her hips. It fell and I stared, letting my eyes dance over her lacy demi-bra and French cut underwear.

"It doesn't have to be happening if you're not ready," I tested her again waiting for something other than pure love to pass her eyes, it didn't.

"I'm ready, more than ready. I'm just scared you won't… I won't be any good at it." I didn't know how to respond to that, to tell her, without bringing up past experiences, how much just a simple kiss from her outshone any sexual experience I'd ever known or how seeing her before me was the most tempting and desirous sight my eyes had ever beheld.

"I promise I'll go slow," was all I could say to address the edgy worry in her voice. She nodded and I worked my fingers over her back undoing the three hooks that kept her bra up, while she undid the butterfly buttons of my jeans, gently rubbing the skin of my pelvis, my cock twitched, anxious to be freed.

I laid her out, her shiny curls splayed around her face as she watched me remove my jeans and kick them gently to the side. She panted, a soft continual gasping as I undid the clasp on her garter belt, shimming it off of her and carefully eradicating the small bit of black lace that lay as a final barrier between us. She was still shaking. A slight tremor accompanied by a line of goose bumps along the outside of her thighs.

I pulled her legs up at the knees, settling above her and pushing into her. I held myself up by my arms, frozen inside of her, completely overcome with a combination of emotions and sensations I'd never felt before, or not to this degree and for this long. It was like the almost painful moments leading to a climax; that precipice before the explosion where the pleasure is almost too intense and I feared for the first moments I would explode.

She cried out clenching against me momentarily, increasing that teetering brink of explosion. She moaned so loudly, so powerfully, she vibrated and I fell forward no longer strong enough to hold myself up. I struggled to regain my balance, my hand shaking as I tried to keep myself from collapsing on top of her.

"Breathe Solace," she begged and I exhaled. The moments since I entered her stretched to what seemed like hours, though the reality was it had been mere seconds and the deep breath I took as I rocked back inside of her was encapsulating. I was surrounded in her; there was no better place to be.

"Is this okay?" I asked unsurely, thickly swallowing past the lump of emotion lodged in my throat. She nodded as I pulled back again and she pushed upward quickly, demanding almost. I kissed her, exploring the cavern of her mouth and pushed forward more fervently. It was spiritual almost; the blending of our perspiration, the warmth our skin produced from rubbing together, the soft moans like a choir providing the only sounds in the room.

I brought my fingers to her clit, rubbing slowly, increasing the vigor of her moans. I pulled her alert nipple into my mouth, it was cool against the boiling heat of my tongue and she shook, clenching tight and screaming out below me. She thrashed, releasing hot and hard against my shaft and holding me in place until she was breathing again. She was wilted and I arched into her, letting my tongue softly play across hers. She moaned shooting up from the bed and pushing me back against the headboard.

"Uughh," I cried out when we were joined again. She slid back onto me, and the fit was tight like a condom.

"You are so perfect," I proclaimed against the soft fragrant skin of her shoulder as she rocked back against me. I twitched inside of her, holding her tight, terrified I would lose it or disappear, liquefied into potable gratification.

"Is this okay?" She whispered in my ear, the warm rush of her breath kissing my damp skin. I grunted too flooded by the perfection to speak. She rocked harder, faster, thrusting roughly and I moaned, thrilled by the pleasure she was exhibiting with her greedy movements. I spanked the soft fleshy tissue of her derriere and she squealed, cumming against me again till she crumpled on top of me, all of her muscles relaxed while her chest puffed out at a speedy tempo.

I rested her on her knees, giving her the headboard for support and she moaned as I ran my tip along her slit, popping her behind out for me. I entered her from behind, kissing down her spine before gripping her hips and thrusting covetously, worshipping every part of her. I twisted my fingers into her hair giving it a tug that made her instantly wetter.

"I love you!" She screamed from her gut, filling the whole house with her declaration, and it brought me closer, climbing towards my release at an unbelievable pace.

"I love you— _so_ much, Maddox." I couldn't hold in anymore, I rubbed her in quick circles, speeding until I ruptured in powerful spurts and she quickly followed. Her eyelids were heavy, fluttering endearingly as I pulled her towards me wrapping the thin sheet over her body as she nuzzled into my chest like a sleepy kitten.

"Was—that—okay?" I asked nervously. I had meant to pull out, but the need had overcome me.

"Perfect."

She fell asleep in my arms, her steady breaths soothing me as I watched her. I had never felt anything so perfect. The effects of it still rocked me. We had made a step. I'd fucked up, so many times with Maddox; I missed stages, vital stages in our relationship, time I couldn't get back. I couldn't go back and be her nanny, her brother, her teacher, but this step we made together and it was perfect. Was it possible that every time we were together I would feel like this? Could I survive the time between if it did?

I watched her as the stars and moon outside seemed to dim making the room darker. She tossed, the sheet slipping down to reveal more of her buttery tanned skin. She smiled in her sleep, clutching my waist; I'd never held anything so precious in my life.

The hours passed quickly as I memorized every contour of her body and millimeter of her gorgeous face. She was flawless, I looked closely trying to find an imperfection to love about her, like Amber's dark brown birthmark that was like a splash coffee on the small of her back, Leah's knobby knees or an excess of hair on her belly, but there was nothing.

She sighed, opening her gorgeous almond shaped eyes half way through the night, their sleepy sultriness arousing me instantly and causing me to check my clock excitedly. Had she slept enough? Could we do it again? Would she want to? She shot up, her full breasts shaking in an appetizing way.

"Is something wrong?" I asked passing her a shirt as she brought her hands up to cover her chest.

"No… I just forgot where I was."

"You were amazing. Would you… be up for another round?" I asked unabashedly, she nodded enthusiastically, excusing herself to the washroom. I grew hard again watching her swelled hips sway alluringly as she walked into my bathroom, she was like an addiction and I wanted her so bad. I heard the water run, listened as she thoroughly brushed her teeth and her little feet pattered down the hall till she returned more beautiful than I'd ever seen her.

Her hair was volcanic, fountaining from the top of her head and falling in lazy curls around her face which was now fresh and natural. My shirt clung enticingly to her breasts and hips, stopping in the middle of her cotton boycut undies that revealed the bottom of her butt cheeks. She glowed in the small light still spilling out of my master bathroom, her defined cheeks illuminated.

"Every time I see you, it's like you become more beautiful," I professed, I'd never said truer words in my life.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Bonus- Operation Maddox Complete

* * *

April 2044

Dinner, was a complete disaster… the conversation was awkward beyond anything I'd ever experienced and that's saying something considering I'd recently sat down with my parents and told them I had threesomes with a chick and some pimply face dude. It was very apparent now that Phil couldn't stand me, Tara thought I was a fool… and, just for the record, I now knew I was allergic to shrimp. Itching, with red and swollen feet, we drove back to La Push alone.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he sighed as town grew closer.

"I'm an idiot, I totally ruined the night."

"Madd, no night could be ruined with you… especially in that dress." He placed his hand on my thigh his heat soaking through the satiny material of my dress and all the itching, the remorse and the throbbing pain in my feet disappeared.

I moved closer, running my nose along his jaw, kissing the corner of his mouth. He turned his face towards me, sliding his tongue along the crease of my mouth before turning back towards the road. I gasped, my heart racing from the electricity of his physical contact.

I brought his hand back to my thigh wriggling till my dress was now barely concealing my underwear. I parted my legs a bit, guiding his hand towards my center which had grown wet from our kiss. He needed no more cues. He grinned using his pinky and ring finger to push aside the skimpy underwear I shouldn't have bothered wearing and running his thick finger along my crease.

"Can we… go to your place now?" I whispered in his ear, running my hand down his chest, resting on the button of his jeans as he continued to skillfully play with me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, so so so sure," I moaned as he sped up, racing towards town. When we reached his house, he practically ripped me out of the car, holding me to him and busting through the front door. My chest heaved in excitement, pressing against his at inconsistent tempos.

"You really want me," he asked smiling at me gently.

"Really, really," I sighed. He ran his hand down my back gripping my bottom hard in his huge hand. He walked with me in his arms and stopped in his room, placing me gently on the bed where he kneeled down, removing my shoes with care. My feet sang, no longer stuffed inside the deathtrap they called shoes and he kissed each foot, gently massaging the arch as he kissed the tops of my feet lovingly through the material of my thigh-highs. With a precision that reminded me he had done this many times, he undid the clasps on my garter slowly rolling them down and kissing his way back up my legs, which I spread eagerly.

"I want you so bad," he spoke against my mound, his hand traveling up my body to gently tug at the zipper of my dress which lay on the side under my underarm. His hot fingers brushed down my side as he went, his lips kissing my clit through the lacy material of my underwear. I trembled when his fingers reached the end of the zipper, and without warning I shot up out of the bed.

"Are you okay?" He asked, grabbing my hip and holding me still as I shivered like a leaf; the anticipation was so intense I couldn't stop shaking. I was scared. Everything had come down to this and now I was scared.

"I'm scared," I whispered softly and like lightning, he zipped my dress back up and the disappointment in my stomach became nagging.

"No! I don't want to stop!" My voice was hoarse though I didn't know why. My hands shook as I undid the zipper again.

"If you're scared we can wait till it feels right," he said. I shook my head.

"This does feel right… I just can't believe this is happening." He nodded in understanding, biting his lip as I worked on the buttons of his shirt, slipping it off of him slowly. My dress was slipping and with a smirk he leaned in, kissing me and tugging at it gently so that it fell past my hips. He took a step back looking at me hungrily, I blushed following his eyes as they paused on my breast which were almost bursting out of my skimpy bra.

"It doesn't have to be happening if you're not ready," he said firmly though his hand was settled gently on my hips, pulling me towards him.

"I'm ready, more than ready. I'm just scared you won't… I won't be any good at it."

"I promise I'll go slow," he said evenly and there was no more need for words. I nodded and he kissed me, removing my bra as I worked the buttons of his jeans. His skin felt like warm silk, and I ran my fingers along the smooth flat skin below his belly button.

He laid me out on the bed, removing his jeans to stand naked before me, I had seen most every part of his naked but never all at once, it was a completely different experience.

I panted, my stomach twisting in knots as he removed the last bit of material still clinging to me. Solace lifted my knees, spreading my legs slowly as he urged himself forward in silence before carefully entering me. I stretched to accommodate him crying out as he stilled, pressing against my g-spot.

"Arghh!" The guttural moan was so strong, I vibrated and he gasped, falling forward on the bed till his lips pressed on my bare shoulder.

He didn't move holding himself up with one hand while the other gripped at my hip making five indents in the flesh there. I turned my face inhaling his glorious scent straight from the source, his muscled neck. Solace was stiff above me, entirely concentrated, his face a total mask, unreadable.

"Breathe Solace," I urged him. His chest had not moved and when I spoke he released a gust of air, pumping up into me slowly, the slight curve of his member hitting the perfect spot yet again so that I shuttered and moaned. He froze again turning his face till our mouths were a millimeter away, I strained to reach them and he spoke against my lips, the warmth of his lime-scented breath entrancing me.

"Is this okay?" He asked. I nodded, not trusting my ability to make words as he pressed more firmly. He pulled out, slowly rocking back into me till he was completely inside and my body was screaming for more. I bucked up and against him when he sluggishly pulled out of me again and, as if he had needed that confirmation to begin, he took my mouth with his, increasing the speed and force of his movements. I met him with every thrust, using the hard mattress as support.

He arched his body to kiss me, his tongue dancing with mine till I called out loudly when his large middle finger made a lazy circle around my clit. His tongue set a strategic trail down my body making tiny circles on my collarbone, down the middle of my breast stopping at my protruding nipple which he sucked into his mouth roughly, his teeth scraping against the top and bottom of my sensitive area. The stinging sensation of his teeth on my breast, his steady pumps bumping against my spot and the tight circles his finger made around my bundle, brought me over the edge within minutes and I screamed locking my legs around him, holding him in place.

Solace continued to work my nipples, running the tip of his tongue around them then blowing soft burst of air, though he removed his finger from my clit allowing me to come down ever so slightly from this heightened sense of pure euphoria. He pulled out when my frantic moaning ceased, pulling my limp body up to kiss. His soft lips, the gentleness of his tongue, the thrill of finally being with him, finally experiencing the beauty of physical love with Solace revitalized me.

I launched myself at him; pushing him in a sitting position against the headboard which I held onto as I positioned myself above him. He grabbed my ass hard pulling me onto his stiff member, the reentrance made us both groan and before I had regained my composure, he used his grip on my backside to urge me forward.

"You are so perfect," he whispered against my shoulder, I sighed rocking back against him slowly.

I could feel him twitch inside me as I clenched, holding him within me as I moved my knees to a better position. He throbbed, so large that he filled my cavity completely, vibrating against my walls. He gripped me harder as if I would bolt out of the room any second. I had yet to recover from the full body experience of my orgasm, my chest still heaving from the effects, but the need in his eyes made me desperate to bring him to a close too.

"Is this okay?" It was my turn to ask uncertainly. My body was telling me what to do, what it wanted but I had no real experience, I had no idea what kind of things Solace liked.

"Um hmm," he grunted, the air expelled from his nose tickling my neck. I rocked faster with the guidance of his hand on my butt and once I did, he released it, slapping me gently on the tingling flesh, making me squeal. He grinned, the biggest brightest grin I'd ever seen on his face before I tightened around him, releasing more wetness. The force of my second orgasm, which had not built slowly but snuck up on me with immense passion, left me panting and weak.

Solace used the back of my knees to lift me off of him, so that I was facing the headboard, my hands clinging to the top. He repositioned himself behind me and my hands instinctively went flat against the wall for support. I braced myself on the wall and with his hand he gently slid his tip from my clit to my hole coating it before the slight upward curve of his penis pushed into me and we cried out together.

I felt faint, so many different sensations attacking me from every corner, but the dominant feeling was love.

"I love you!" I cried out as soon as my brain, now awash with a million different thoughts, processed this. He dug his fingers into the base of my hair and tugged it back, pulling with every thrust. My whole body was on fire.

"I love you—so much, Maddox."

I closed my eyes as the continuous pressure of his member and his hold on my hair began to build tension in the pit of my stomach. His tongue returned to my skin alighting a path down the middle of my back along my spine, I twitched and screamed just as his hand rounded front, putting pressure on my mound.

We came together, and I called out in surprise as his warm seed burst inside of me in spurts that made him convulse. When he pulled out, he turned me over and I dragged him forward, kissing him with the remnants of my draining energy.

"Was—that—okay?" He asked self-consciously between kisses. Every part of me still tingled, I felt sore in the very best possible way and I had never felt so content in my entire life.

"Perfect," I breathed. He pulled back the covers, rolling me into his well defined arms where I fell asleep in seconds.

Ezra's wild chirping and the full awareness that I was being watched woke me. With the curtains drawn in the dark room, I couldn't be sure of the time. I shot up, turning to see Solace watching me curiously.

"Is something wrong?" He asked cautiously turning at the waist to pull out a large grey shirt from his drawer and passing it to me. I had not realized in the confusion of waking up in a foreign bed I had pulled the covers to my body, shielding it from view.

"No… I just forgot where I was," I explain, pulling the shirt over my head nonetheless. I rolled over, kissing him gently and he pulled me closer, his hand resting just below the hem of my shirt on my bare ass cheek.

"Are you… okay with everything?" He asked, I could tell that he had not slept yet, though since I didn't know the time I wasn't sure if that had been long or not.

"Better than okay, earth shattering, outstanding, really fucking good… Was that—was I okay?" I ask rolling over to him, the remaining stickiness of our combined pleasure still rested between my legs and I didn't like the feeling.

"You were amazing," Solace whispered, nibbling along my earlobe. He moved to rest me back against the bed, and I could feel his growing erection against my thigh. "Would you… be up for another round?"

"Yes," I said automatically and he growled. "What time is it?" I remembered to ask as his fingers returned to my clit.

"Around 4, do you want to go?" He asked nervously.

"No, of course not. Do you mind if I freshen up first?"

He nodded and I kissed him again before I ran out the room, the bottom half of my ass uncovered. I brushed my teeth with my designated toothbrush, washed my face and used a moist face towel to gently remove the remnants of our passion, spraying on one quick spritz of my perfume and pulling my hair into a chaotic bun on the top of my head which rained down framing my face like a waterfall. Before I came back, I pulled on a pair of my underwear, which I had stowed in my guestroom down the hall; I don't know why I just felt indecent without them. When I came back to the room he smiled pulling up the sheets to let me back in.

He watched me, really examining me for a long time as I walked slowly back to him, with a look that made me blush.

"Every time I see you, it's like you become more beautiful."

"You're making me blush," I squealed as he settled on top of me again.

"It's true. You are by far the most gorgeous, awe-inspiring, _sexy_ woman I have ever met," he spoke into my ear, expertly removing his loose fitting shirt off my body and when he looked down at me, lying before him in only a simple pair of blue panties, I believed him, the sincerity in his eyes was undeniable, and the passion was unmatched. I knew without a doubt that I could scour the world and never find someone who could look at me the way he did, and that was just fine with me, because Solace was mine, forever.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Double Date Night

* * *

June 2044

The windows were sealed, the central air on full blast pumping out cool, if not a bit stale, air into room from the vents. Summer was in full swing, which was not just uncomfortable for me, but made spending the night together a bit more difficult logistically. Maddox almost always had to sleep at least half naked, not something I minded at all but Ezra's cage had to be moved to the living room, because as his loving parents, we were afraid he would freeze in our icebox.

Maddox's arms closed around my waist, the first sign she was coming out of her deep slumber. Her face crept up higher, the softness of her skin gliding over my bare chest making me tingle, but there was nothing like the fire Maddox ignited on my skin when she turned her face planting a soft kiss on my peck. Waking up with Maddox was amazing, better than anything I could have imagined and it set the course of my day.

"Good morning, Madd," I whispered lovingly into her hair, kissing it softly. She pulled up the sheet looking down at my naked body.

"No morning wood for me?" She said with a pout that revealed the soft pink rim of her lower lip.

"I've been up for an hour," I chuckled as she threw her leg over mine, her bare folds pressed against my hip.

"Why didn't you wake me up, that's the best part of the morning," she giggled already moving to remove the short white nightgown she had worn to bed.

"Because we made love from dinner till midnight then talked until four in the morning, I thought you would be exhausted." I explained as she sat up pulling the cotton nighty past her large breasts and straddled my leg.

"I'm never too tired for you, Solace." She placed a small kiss below my belly button, making my breath hitch and traveling down till she had my slowly growing member in her hand, sucking the tip until it was fully awake, then sliding down so that I was hitting the back of her throat.

"Uhh, Madd, slow down—slow down," I begged clenching my fists tightly around the discarded sheet to keep from bucking up into her warm mouth as she slowly traced my sack with the rounded nail of her pointer finger. Her nails were fire engine red today. I had painted them for her after dinner the night before as we watched an obnoxiously girly movie about mermaids with her sister Harley, Chloe and Ava. Maddox pulled away, scrambling up my body and I pushed my throbbing member inside of her welcoming heat without hesitation.

"Oh God, Solace, you feel so good," she gasped, rolling her hips in a clockwise circle.

"I love you, I love you," I murmured digging my nails into her back and forcing her forward.

"So what are we—gunna—do today?" She asked between desperate thrusts and impassioned kisses. I shuttered, feeling her tighten around me in a clenching vice grip, it was almost impossible to think about something like that when I was inside of her.

"You mean you wanna leave this room?" I asked only half joking and she sped up bringing me past the brink till I exploded inside of her, she rode out the wave, releasing her own orgasm as I began to soften inside of her.

"I do sort of have plans," she said nervously.

"Are you working on a Saturday?" I asked sucking and lightly chewing on the sensitive skin of her neck earning a melodious moan for the effort.

Maddox had gotten a job at the end of the school year, working in the library under Helen, who she had grown extremely close to in the last month. Maddox worked there during the week, spending most of those nights at home and enjoying Friday, Saturday and Sunday with me.

Her parents and I had come to an uncomfortable understanding: I was an unhealthy obsession they had to work around and I tried my hardest to push her out into the world, though I hated all the time we had apart. When we were together, though we could have happily spent the time together in bed, I tried to keep us social. I convinced both Soli and Randy to spend more time with us, had Chloe and Harley over for movie marathons and encouraged the budding friendship between Helen and Maddox.

Helen was a perfect middle point for us. She wasn't just a member of the Solace fanclub, but also still very close to Claire and all the other wolf-girls. She served as a pretty good messenger too, getting across any messages that the Ateara's probably didn't want to hear from me. And with mine and Helen's gentle prodding, Maddox found two things she was passionate about in the span of two months, fashion and photography, which rekindled her bond with Chloe, who was obsessed with clothing.

"No, I'm not working, I just wanted to head over to my parents' house," she said biting her lip so hard it looked painful.

"Why are you so nervous? You don't _have_ to spend the weekends with me, Madd. I can see you tomorrow at Freddie's wedding. Please go home and be with your family," I reassured her with a soft kiss and a smile.

"Solace, I want us _both_ to go… together. I'm so tired of living two lives, it's not fair…" She whined, which despite common misconception was not something she did often; she really wanted this.

"I know." It wasn't fair and I hated it as much as she did, because it hurt her and that was the last thing I ever wanted.

"And I just—I just wish you could try, Solace, try to show them how fucking amazing you are because everyone else loves you. Everyone who matters in the pack knows how amazing you are. You should hear them talk about you, Solace. I know you've got this whole tortured unworthy thing going for you, but you're fucking amazing," she said earnestly.

"Maddox, I just think we should wait a little longer for the air to clear…" I trailed off when her face scrunched up sadly. We spent hours talking every night and this was the first time she'd mentioned a desire for me to work things out with her family, so this was a complete surprise, the emotion she was unleashing on me. I knew it affected her, but she hadn't let on and prior to this, I had no idea the depth of her worry.

"Solace, you're my family too and I need you… _we_ need you, baby Addison misses you," she was pleading now and I gulped unable to deny her anything, but she continued before I could stop her. "I don't wanna be like the Uley's, Solace. They don't even spend holidays together. That's just so sad. I don't want it to be like that. I can't choose between my imprint and my family. Fuck waiting, you need to go and just force yourself on them till they love you as much as I do!" She was crying, fat pearly tears steadily leaking from her glassy eyes like a dripping faucet and it made me hurt, my stomach clenched so hard it was painful.

"We'll try, Madd. I'll try my hardest I promise." I vowed, holding her closer as her labored breathing evened out, though it was still punctuated by the occasional jagged breath, which caused her to jerk slightly as she inhaled.

"You swear? Because I have more of my speech saved and it'd be a waste it and not to deliver it to you while I still have the nerve," she said laughing through her tears.

"Maddie, you never have to be scared to tell me how you feel, you know that right?" I said smiling, "but of the speech, don't waste it." I joked, kissing her and running my tongue along the crease of her lips.

"Now I forgot it," she groaned melting into my arms. "It was something about my father being close to cracking… my mother asking about you and our kids knowing their grandparents." She laughed her deep sultry laugh that matched her velvety alluring voice, which turned me into jello.

"Oh, I like the kid's part," I said beaming.

"That's why I prepared it," she confessed sweetly. "I'm happy you agreed because Helen and Collin are probably already on their way to my house for brunch so we need to hurry."

"I guess it's shower time then," I said pointing towards the bathroom and slapping her butt gently. She squealed rolling over and dashing towards the shower with me at her heels.

While the spring had been relatively dry for Washington, the summer heat was softened by the constant daytime drizzle of cool rain. Global warming was not a joke; I hadn't experienced normal weather conditions since I was a teen. We walked to her parents' house hand in hand, with a big red umbrella over her head and they must have had some warning because neither of them seemed upset or surprised when I took a seat next to Addison and didn't leave like I normally did. It was slightly awkward at first, but as the morning turned to afternoon and Helen and Collin made their way back home it seemed very organic.

"How do you kiss a girl?" Addison asked me flat out as soon as Maddox was out of the room, going to inspect a package of clothes she'd purchased online.

"The same as kissing a boy. Why? You got someone to kiss?"

"Maybe, but I need to know how to do it first." He said anxiously, bringing his long legs up so that he was hugging his knees and staring at me intently, the pace of his heartbeat noticeably elevated.

"Um… there isn't really an art to it Fynn, make sure your lips aren't dry, your breath is good and just try it. Soft is better than hard at first, tilt your head a little so that you've got better access if she opens her mouth for tongues," I listed uncertainly. No one had ever asked me how to kiss, how to have sex—sure, but never kissing. My first kiss had been with Anna, her lips were warm and I was probably terrible at it for the first couple of months, but she was very forgiving, especially when we graduated to petting and I started tweaking her nipples like I was changing a radio station.

"What do you do with your hands?" He was watching me with intense attention, as if I would soon be imparting an encyclopedic knowledge on the ways of love.

"Nothing inappropriate, on her waist, in her hands, on her face, in her hair… it's a feeling thing, don't do it until you know for sure Sammy wants it to and it'll just come to you," I said as Maddox came back in the room, sitting in my lap and kissing my cheek tenderly. Addison watched us with scientific interest and I chuckled.

"How did you know I like Sammy?" Addison asked fearfully, the question causing his brow to furrow.

Maddox scoffed, nuzzling my neck as she spoke. "Everyone knows you like her."

"Do you think she knows?" He was terrified and I giggled when he covered his face with his big hands. Addison was growing like a new wolf cub, his hands and limbs overgrown compared to his youthful face and innocent eyes. He was lightly tanned like Maddox and Claire, his hair dark was coarse like his father's. He had a very symmetrical face, his eyes small like Quil's, while his lips were as heart shaped and pouty as Madd's.

"She has to know you like her before you spring a kiss on her," I said chuckling. Maddox flew off my lap and pulled her little brother into an energetic hug. Side by side you could tell Maddox and Addison were related, they looked very much like their grandmother Ateara who'd died just last year, while Harley resembled their aunt Lana, to the point where at times it was uncanny.

"Oh my little baby brother is gunna kiss a girl!" She exclaimed. Claire came in from the left chuckling and taking a seat across from me, next to her kids, who were having a bit of a tickle-fight.

Claire was beaming, grabbing Addison's face and kissing his forehead with a loud smacking sound. "You're going to kiss Sammy, huh?"

"Guys!" Addison howled, his mother and big sister showering him with affection. "I don't even know if she likes me."

"Any girl who doesn't like you would be an idiot, because you are so damn cute!" Maddox exclaimed and Claire agreed. "As handsome as your father," she piped in.

Addison didn't buy it. He eyed them darkly and crossed his hands over his chest, huffing, "you guys have to say that!"

"Oh no, you're definitely a stud muffin," I joked and Addison laughed attracting Harley and Quil to the sitting room.

"When are you going to try to kiss her?" Harley asked hopping on the love seat next to me. She sat to my right and Quil took the armrest which creaked under his weight.

"When I know she likes me I'll kiss her, that's what Solace said." Addison attracted the attention of the crowd to me and I shifted uncomfortably, hoping I hadn't overstepped any boundaries by offering solicited advice, but the fear was unnecessary because Maddox's quick retort returned the focus to Addison.

"Oh, screw that! You make her like you by kissing her like she's never been kissed before." Maddox said leaving a big red kiss on his cheek, he squirmed, but the smile in his eyes showed just how much he loved his big sister, kisses and all.

"Kissing her? What happened to holding hands and sending notes where girls had to circle yes or no?" Quil asked chuckling. I dropped my head with a blush remembering the countless notes with heart dotted letters I received as a student, several shoeboxes full.

"Dad, I don't even know what you're talking about," Harley said looking up at him with exasperated eyes.

"I remember that," I defended him and the Ateara sisters rolled their eyes in unison.

"You would, old man," Harley said jokingly elbowing me. "The real question is if she even likes guys. She seems sorta like a lesbian to me." I burst into tear-inducing chuckles at Addison's horrified expression.

"She's not a lesbian!" He screamed over our laughter.

"Have you seen her clothes? She dresses like a truck driver… and has she ever shown _any_ interest in boys before?" Harley interrogated and I could almost see the heartbreak in Addison's little chocolate eyes.

"Aww, no worries, Addison, we'll get to the bottom of this. We should have a double date," I suggested out of the blue and everyone in the room seemed to like it. Quil patted my arm and Maddox sighed holding her heart and swooning adorably. She did that whenever I got something very right, it was great encouragement; I loved making girls swoon, it was one of my secret indulgences as a youth. Before I became a wolf Phil and I used to like to lie on the beach showing off our underdeveloped chests, trying to catch the attention of any girls in the area.

"Oh, can we take them with us to the movies tonight?" Maddox asked almost shaking with excitement.

"We're going to the movies tonight?" I asked and Claire chuckled; Maddox was in the habit of forgetting to tell people about her plans.

"Yeah, the Beaumont theatre in Port Angeles is closing and they're showing the Wizard of Oz, I got red shoes for it and everything so we have to go."

"Okay, sounds fun," I said to Addison and Maddox, who sat holding hands and looking at me expectantly, they whooped and I beamed. All the tension from before was gone.

When Addison whipped out his phone to call Sammy, Maddox pulled me down to the basement where they had set up a darkroom for her photo studio.

"I took some amazing pictures down at the caves with Chloe… very haute couture." Her interest in photography had led her to an appreciation for the old fashioned instamatic and development style. Quil, who also supported this hobby, had enlisted Jared's help building her a state-of-the-art dark room and it had been a very nice mother-daughter bonding experience when Claire took her time teaching Maddox all the development techniques she remembered from college.

Maddox had six rolls to finish and while she worked I goofed around making her giggle and lose her concentration with stories about my time living with Phil, Collin, Helen and Brady.

"Okay, you'll like this one," I began as she started the process over again with her last roll of film. I sat in the corner of the sealed room and though I knew she couldn't see me, I examined the sensual shape of her body and peeked contentedly under her short jean skirt as she bent over the workbench.

"About three months after Hells moved into the house we rented from my mom's church friend Janet, me and Phil were sitting in the living room with Seth and Embry watching a horror movie in the process of devouring like nine pizzas."

"Okay, I can so see that," Maddox encouraged me to continue.

"And there's this huge boom in the middle of the movie's bloodiest scene, Seth hops like a foot off the ground and me and Phil go to investigate, right? So we lived on the first floor of this family house that was converted into three apartments. The basement had this guy named Fletcher, he was the owner's lazy son who was addicted to Japanese pornographic comic books and upstairs was this single mom with her son Andy. So, anyways there was a staircase that led from our kitchen to the basement but his side of the door was locked so it was never used. When we get up to find the noise we heard noises coming from there and—" I broke off in laughter, the memory now so fresh in my mind I could almost smell it over the caustic odor of her developing solution.

"What? What happened?"

"So we open the door and apparently—Collin and Helen wanted to try a pretty interesting bit of bondage involving Collin being tied to the rail and in the heat of it he ripped it off the wall, it falls on his head and knocks him out. So here is Helen in like full domme gear trying to rouse an unconscious wolf and Fletcher— he hears the ruckus and unlocks the door on his side. He looks up at Helen in a purple latex romper with a whip and after like 10 solid seconds of staring he just closes it back up." Maddox joined me in laughter spinning to face me, though I knew she couldn't see me and holding her stomach as she laughed. The sight caught me off guard, she was so incredibly stunning and it never ceased to amaze me how she could become more so every time I saw her.

"You're so beautiful when you laugh," I said when she finished.

"You can see me?" I nodded in response and when I realized she wouldn't see it, I spoke.

"Yup."

"So, you're always saying _beautiful_ … what makes me look sexy?" She asked sliding her butt up on the table facing me, her pictures forgotten.

"You're always sexy," I said automatically and it was the truth, I couldn't get enough of her and no one had ever aroused me as she did.

"No, I'm talking especially sexy… what do I do that turns you on?" She asked. I remained silent, overwhelmed by the sultriness of her voice and the subject matter. "How about this?" she asked spreading her legs widely, arching her back and rubbing herself through her underwear.

"Grrr," I growled, walking on my knees till my face was level with her clothed sex, the sweet scent replacing that of the sharp developing solution and clouding my senses till every thought and molecule in my body was focused solely on pleasing her and showing her exactly how sexy I found her to be. I pulled the material aside quickly, attacking her clit with a hungry tongue. She thrashed and released twice before her pictures came to mind and she collapsed back on the table.

"Fuck! I ruined my pics!"

"Sorry," I said sheepishly and she reached for me, pulling me into a kiss.

"I love you. I love you so much, you are the best. Really, really the best, I wish I could show you how perfect you are," she gushed and I felt woozy with happiness, drunk off her love.

"I love you too." That was such an understatement it made me feel stupid, but there weren't really any words to describe my love for her. I couldn't even begin the mammoth task of inspecting the depth and width of my love.

"I should start getting ready," she said pulling me along.

Sammy Uley was already in the living room, sitting huddled in the corner of the couch a good distance from Addison, who watched her and not the television from the corner of his eye. I sat in the ample space between them and Addison sighed a bit. I wasn't trying to bust his balls, but the love seat was occupied by Harley, who was stretched out with her sketch book. Harley liked to make flip-books, sometimes of pictures she took with Madd's camera, but most of the time she drew them by hand. She and Maddox took after their mother in the creative department, and while Addison loved try, he didn't seem to possess any artistic skills of his own, just an ample appreciation for the arts.

It was nearing five when Maddox finally came back down the hall dressed and ready to go.

"What are you wearing?" Harley asked incredulously, Maddox looked at her coolly before flipping her off.

"Clothes, Dipshit," she answered making both Addison and Sammy on either side of me giggled. She wore a simple baseball shirt with black sleeves and white center, which read Ateara 09 on the back that I didn't see until she turned to grab her mini-digital camera to place in her large red purse which matched her adorable, red high heel Mary-Jane's. Her hair was pulled into two sloppy pig-tails and her skirt was blue. Both, more than the shoes, reminded me of Dorothy.

"You look great," I chuckled meeting her at the threshold. She did, she looked amazing—she always did. Maddox had come into her own and she had a fashion sense that was way ahead of the times for La Push.

"Thank you," she purred wrapping her arms around my neck. She was tall, taller than the average girl her age, about 5'8 and still growing, a genetic anomaly considering her mother and sister.

"Where are we going for dinner?" She asked looking over to the living room where both Addison and Sammy were kneeling over the back of the couch watching us intently.

"Sushi?" I suggested hopefully, looking back at our spectators. Addison nodded enthusiastically, but Sammy was skeptical.

"You'll like it," Addison assured her grabbing Sammy's hand tentatively and pulling her towards us, but they dropped the hand holding as soon as Maddox eyed the union and both had barely detectable blushes as we walked outside. The day was winding down, ruby red rays of the dying sun, now past the rain clouds high in the sky, illuminated the concrete path to my car.

Dinner was relaxed and comfortable, Sammy and Addison feeding into the banter between me and Maddox, who insisted she was allergic to shrimp even after we discovered her itching was caused by Butterball the Incredible, who incidentally now lived with Taylor and Melody in their small house by the beach; Ezra was not sad to see her go but as a replacement Maddox had gotten Ezra a mate who we named Delilah.

"Madd, just admit you hate them," I chuckled trying to force a shrimp roll onto her plate. She was taking candid photos of us and I was pleased to see she had moved on from taking pictures where I was the sole focus.

"Nope, I am simultaneously allergic to cats and stupid shrimp," she insisted adorably. Sammy ate the heaps of shrimp I threw onto Maddox's plate, neglecting the chopsticks she couldn't maneuver and using her fingers. She was a little rough around the edges as far as girls went, especially when compared to her mother and sister who were all pink and rainbows, but from what I could tell right now, probably not a lesbian, which I assured Addison happily.

We walked to the theatre together, past the old book store, the bakery and elementary school till we reached the box office. At the counter, Maddox, who had not eaten much at dinner, stocked up on junk food, refusing to let me pay. She didn't make much at the library, in fact it was close to child labor and it pissed me off, but she still insisted on using her own cash for everything, including the ancient rundown shell of a car she purchased to fix up for her 18th birthday just five months away. She worked on the car with me and Phil twice a week, a huge bonding experience for the two of them, though while she was a demon behind the wheel, her abilities under the hood were non-existent.

Phil was pretty patient with her and she did have some skills with the precise arrangements of small parts… and of course designing what she wanted the exterior and interior to look like once it was running. The "pimping out" of the ride as Phil called it, would be his present to her for her big day.

"No, I want a large container, but a medium popcorn," Maddox instructed opening her chocolates and dumping them in the tub happily. I guided her to an empty row of seats, beaming as she chomped on her bizarre amalgamation of popcorn and chocolates. Maddox sat to my left, Addison then Sammy to my right as the movie began to scattered applause.

The Beaumont Theatre was part of the previous millennium, one of the few remaining relics of old Hollywood. The seats were covered in faded plush red material that all were permanently indented with the familiar shapes of the thousands of people who watched movies in them since it's opening in the early sixties, when the movie going experience was still an event. The aisles were lit with old fashioned lights, the walls covered with ornate carvings and gold painted designs. The theatre, like the rest of downtown Port Angeles was being modernized, the city having seen a huge influx of residents in the last twenty years.

We watched more than half the movie contently before her popcorn was passed to the other half of our double date and we went at it like… well, teenagers. If Addison took his chance and kissed Sammy, we wouldn't have noticed, our tongue dancing feverishly across each other's. We drove Sammy back to her house, ate sundaes with the Atearas and then rushed back to my place not getting further than the side table in my entryway before all clothes had been removed and we were screaming out from the perfection of our merger.

"Thank you," she whispered in my ear as I carried her to our room.

"You've never thanked me for sex before, I must have been good," I chuckled kissing her as we reached the bed.

"Not for that—I mean that was good too, but just, thank you for trying."

"Anything for you, Maddox."

"I don't really think this is a wedding outfit," I spoke softly, not wanting to aggravate Maddox at this early hour. The light from the gloomy morning spilling through our window had a grey cast, playing dark shadows across my chest where I sat watching her. Maddox was not a morning person and eleven a.m. was ridiculously early for her, especially after a night where we couldn't seem to get enough. We went in cycles, nights where we talked until we had to whisper from the strain in our voice and nights were sex was like water and we were severely dehydrated; last night had been the latter.

It was Freddie and Maribel's wedding day, a small simple daytime ceremony at the old Cullen home was planned followed by an extravagant wolf-girl fueled potluck bonfire for the underemployed couple at night. Jake and the Cullens had offered catering, but Freddie and Maribel were adamant about keeping their wedding simple and casual like them.

That didn't deter Maddox in her mission to look perfect. She had been up since nine, scrubbing, shaving, plucking, curling and generally primping. She had gangstered our bathroom, forcing me to go shower in the guest bathroom upstairs to prevent the steam from my shower messing up her make-up or wilting her meticulously arranged hair.

My clothes were laid out for me when I came back and their appropriateness was the current topic of conversation. The green v-neck t-shirt she'd set out for me matched her jungle print green and white dress, and she paired with a pair of dark jeans and old black Converse sneakers.

"Well, it will become a wedding outfit when you put on the jacket, that's the part that brings it together," she said pointing to my dinner jacket that was hanging on our closet door, which was now filled to the brim with her clothes.

"And the Converse?" I questioned poking at them distrustfully. She had an amazing artistic eye and uncanny ability to coordinate flawless outfits, but I wasn't quite buying the shoes.

"I was going to give you flip-flops, but I thought you would bitch and whine," she said pointing to a pair of black leather sandals at the foot of my closet. I pulled them on with the jacket and grabbed her huge umbrella as I rushed us out, just a few minutes behind schedule.

Quil had saved us seats, patting my back in greeting, which made Maddox teary eyed and me happy as a clam. The living room had been cleared and decorated simply, dark benches lining a white aisle, big bunches of purple flowers hanging in jars.

The center house was air-conditioned, a necessary whenever you put all of the pack together, we were like walking space heaters. In front of me sat Embry and Leticia, to their right Jacob Black and his beautiful wife Nessie, who turned around and waved at me with her dainty manicured hands.

"Where are Elena and Will?" I whispered to her.

"Will's with his grandparents in Spain and Elena's youngest is too small to make the trip," she said sweetly. The rest of the row turned to look at me; Quil, Jake and Embry immediately striking up an excited conversation. The trio was back together and they were thrilled.

When Freddie was in place and the music sounded, announcing Soli and Randy's walk down the aisle as best man and maid of honor, the crowd hushed. Soli beamed in a beautiful deep plum dress and her hug with Freddie was so heartfelt and emotional I could almost feel their inexplicable bond. It was beautiful, though it made me jealous, made me crave the sibling bond I had witnessed, though never experienced.

Maribel glowed surrounded by an aura of happiness, her flowery strapless gown and long lacy veil accentuating her radiant beauty. Both Leticia and Nessie in front of me sobbed quietly. The ceremony was short and held primarily in Spanish, but it was beautiful and there were very few dry eyes among the wolf-girls, including Maddox. Freddie looked as if one good squeeze would burst him, releasing a torrent of pure joy for everyone in a twenty-mile radius.

We stayed behind to congratulate the couple then instead of heading back to her parents' house where Embry and Jake were catching up, we slipped back to our place for a nap, which she demanded indolently; she was drained.

Maddox removed her dress almost as soon she got into the bedroom, carefully pulling her hair back and laying comfortably in our bed. We had about four hours before the dinner and I had taken care of my share of the potluck by ordering a massive amount of alcoholic and nonalcoholic beverages to arrive on the beach at sunset.

"I want our wedding to be small and private," she said drowsily. Her drooping eyelids and husky voice held a seductive appeal that was stronger than usual, but it was her words that had me fighting to maintain control.

"Okay." I whispered nonchalantly though my heart sputtered and it felt as though roosters fought viciously in my stomach at the mention of our marriage. I wanted that union on an almost primal level, a permanent bond between us that no one could question or fault and would allow me to wake up beside her everyday for the rest of our lives.

"Maybe somewhere exotic like my parents," she yawned.

"Anything you want, Madd."

"You do want to marry me, right?" She asked a little more alert.

"More than anything in the world… I want to be with you forever," I professed, rubbing my hand across her back.

"Great…" She trailed off, falling asleep with the most contented smile on her face and I cuddled her close before drifting off peacefully myself.

After our nap we made our way to the beach in the steadily darkening lavender light of the fading day, equipped with a thick quilt that had belonged to my grandmother and the card for our wedding gift to the couple.

Randy and Soledad had very recently moved into the unoccupied Cullen mansion outside of Forks, leaving the newly-weds to set up their home. So Maddox and I had driven all the way to Olympia for our wedding present, because she insisted they needed a new entertainment center, fully decked out with all of the necessary pieces since they often stayed in together watching movies. I didn't mind spending the cash, he was my nephew and as our a very hard-working Alpha I felt he was more than deserving.

We set the quilt out near the crackling fire and not far from where Mark and Jordan sat with Hazel between them

Jake came around long after we had eaten and settled in to snuggle, Maddox sitting between my legs, as the crashing waves on the beach provided gentle music for the lull in our conversation.

"Okay, let me see this new little ones of yours," Jake said smiling, holding out his arms to expertly nuzzle Hazel. He sat carefully on the corner of our blanket looking at Maddox closely, he had not seen her in years and even then I was not sure how much time they'd spent together.

"You look just like Mrs. Ateara," Jake said suddenly and Maddox looked around for a second, making sure he was talking to her.

She was blushing a bit, a side-effect I'm sure from Jacob's intent gaze and I held her tighter. "Is that a good or bad thing?" Maddox asked as we attracted a bit of a crowd. Seth and Jessy snuggled up next to Mark and Jordan on the blanket across from us and Randy and Soli, busy in a heated embrace, stole the back corner of our blanket, making out as if none of us were around.

"Mrs. Ateara was the MILF supreme. Embry had a huge thing for her, didn't you, Emb?" Jake called towards the buffet table where Embry stood hugging his new daughter in-law. Embry nodded in recognition though I'm not sure he heard the conversation and the crowd, minus Soli and Randy, who were now engaged in a very inappropriate display of dry humping, erupted into boisterous laughter.

"I've heard your story, you know… you're sort of like a legend here," Maddox said coyly. I cringed internally, never having been subjected to seeing her flirt before. It felt like claws raking across my heart, the talons digging in painfully before slashing through.

"Right, a legend… then why doesn't anyone ever call or visit?" Jake asked dripping with boyish charm that made me want to hit him. I pulled her even closer as she giggled girlishly and I whispered forcefully in her ear not caring who heard.

"You're mine." Her heart stalled and then doubled, making me smile in satisfaction.

"Completely," she whispered breathlessly against my lips before turning back to Jake. "I want to visit, really bad."

"You should then," he said cautiously eyeing me. Soli released the suction of her mouth against Randy's to speak.

"Amber lives there, you know?" Soli said before jumping back on Randy, who didn't miss a beat ripping her up off the sand and dashing out of sight.

"Yeah… I think maybe it's time to bury the hatchet," she said simply and though I was the only one who heard the proclamation over the commotion of Soli's theatrical retreat, it was perfect. I'd won. I'd proven to her that she was the only relevant woman in my world, the only woman I could ever love again.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23: Plus Size Cinderella

* * *

October 9th 2053

A rush of pure adrenaline surged through me but before I could gather speed running in stilettos to follow the tug towards Solace, my father poked his head through the door.

"Wow… you look gorgeous, Javier's a very lucky man." Javier. My Javi.

I paced, a habit I picked up during the weeks of finals in my last year of college. Two thoughts ran through my head. Incomplete thoughts. Not thoughts at all really, just names… faces… Javier… Solace. Javier. Sol.

"Quil! Go, get out of here! She was about to go get Solace," my mom whined, hopping on her heels that clicked on the linoleum.

"What? She's going to what? Do you need a ride, Honey?" My dad asked looking me up and down again.

I felt nauseous. I'd fucked up so royally. I'd fucked up absolutely everything and now, now I had to fix it… and that included breaking someone's heart in the process… Javier...

"I love him," I choked on the words in my dry throat, forcing them through it's vice like grip. The statement hurt not just my throat but my heart. I don't know which one of my loves I was talking about, it was completely true for both of them.

"I know—we know, that's why you have to go get him. Quil! Quil! Go get the car, take Randy, he can track him," my mom said quickly pushing me towards the door. She had interpreted 'him' as Solace, and she was right because deep down, he was there at the very core of my being, but I had meant Javi.

"I-I need different shoes… I-I can't go out in these," I said mindlessly.

I couldn't even think. I needed air, so badly. I had been stuck in this room, lectured and pleaded with until the roaring demon of love I had for Solace broke free and was suffocating me. I needed to run, and I needed to see him so desperately that it hurt. I needed to run to him, it was the only solution.

"Here, here," my mom said urging the pair of sneakers that I had worn earlier back into my hands. I turned, rushing towards the door which burst open to reveal Chloe holding a case that I assumed held my flowers, my wedding bouquet, the single pink roses for the centerpieces of my tables, and the three bridesmaids bouquets.

"She's going to get Solace!" My mom announced. She dropped the box.

"What? Do you think I shouldn't? Yeah, I definitely shouldn't… right?" I asked her pleadingly though my heart had already made a decision. Javier was like this constant flood of happiness but without Solace, there was no pool to contain it in and it washed over me, evaporating as quickly as it had come. I needed Solace.

"No. No you should, Maddie. You really should… but um, you should call him first," Chloe said twirling a stray curl at the top of her color treated hair.

"Why?" My mother and I asked in unison.

"Because… he's with his son at the Cameron house… we were just there to apologize to Soli," Chloe said nervously.

"Oh." Of course he was… where else would he be…

"I dont know what he's thinking or if he's planning to leave with them but I heard Randy offer him a room at their house in France," Chloe added, my mother threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Why'd you have to tell her that? Look. Maddox, look at me," my mom pleaded grabbing my face and forcing me to look in her eyes.

"Mom," I sobbed, my shoulders shaking as she held me in place. He would leave, of course he would leave. He thought it was over, but it wasn't. It wasn't over for me… was it over for him? Had he given up after so many years apart?

"Don't let him get away. Don't let him go! He loves you, but the ball is in your court. You broke away from him, you told him you never wanted to be with him again, so you're going to have to bring him back," she hadn't spoken to me so sternly in years, I felt like a child caught writing on crisp white walls with neon colored crayons.

"What if he… what if he doesn't want to stay, then I'll lose them both. I need Javier to survive if Solace doesn't want me back." I was pleading, begging her for confidence and for validation. If this went badly I needed someone to tell me it was okay to be with Javi, to marry him even though my heart belonged to another.

"It's worth the risk."

"There's no risk, Solace loves you!" My dad howled so loudly there was no way the rest of the people in our house could not have heard it.

"I'm going." My announcement commenced a huge round of applause that filled the kitchen, Chloe and Harley hugging and hopping on their high heeled shoes. I laughed, tearfully removing my shoes and slipping on the sneakers as I hopped towards the door. I was going. I didn't care who Solace was with, I didn't care what things were said and who made what mistakes, I just needed him. I needed him to know I needed him and that I just wanted all of those years to be erased.

"Do you want to change out of that dress?" Chloe asked holding up my street clothes. I waved them away, I had full speed momentum and I needed to unleash it now.

I kissed my father on the cheek then used him as a launching point to the door, my legs working back and forth within the restriction of my dress, which I pulled up for maximum speed. Running past my living room, I heard screams but I didn't check to see where they came from. I ran through the front door and trembled, it was freezing, but I didn't stop… until I was forced to.

Javi. He stood in my driveway, fully dressed with the door of our car in his hand. He looked stunning, perfect even. His hair was tousled, his perma-tanned skin making the white of his crisp shirt even whiter. He smiled uncertainly, closing the car door and opening his arms for me. His arms were always so inviting, they had gotten me through so many hard nights.

"It's unlucky to see the bride before the wedding, you know?" He chuckled, as I slowly made my way to him. In his own way, very different from the pull I felt from Solace, Javier was like a magnet that drew me to him with his undying devotion, his level headedness, his commitment and charm. He pulled me in at the waist, my body molding to his firm form. He was gorgeous, smart, loving, loyal, kind and much more than I deserved. The confidence and warmth with which he held me made me feel sick. How could I hurt him? "You look so beautiful."

"Thanks." My eyes burned with the pricking sensation of incoming tears, two leaked before I could wipe them. "Javier, I—"

"What's wrong?"

September 27th-October 17th 2044

"I didn't know you could cook." I was beyond impressed. Solace, the world's most sexy, intriguing, loving, amazing man in the world, was also a kick ass cook. He had no recipes, he was just going for it and everything smelled wonderful.

"Phil and Jared's mothers taught me. Jared's mother Cindy was a world class woman, warmest heart I ever encountered. And Phil's mom Lydia, she was a diva. She used to make us cook while she fiddled with his sister's hair and tested nail polishes. Wonderful woman though." He was shucking peas by hand, but when he spoke, he looked up, giving me that devastatingly orgasmic smile that made me weak.

"And your mom? Did she cook well?" I asked nervously. He didn't talk about his mother much, her pictures were in his living room, and she was beautiful, so very much like him that it made me increasingly curious about her. He had told me the generals, we had actually touched on the subject more than once, but never the daily things like her cooking or hobbies.

"My mother… hmm… she wasn't a bad cook. She made really good rice crispy treats for the church bake sales," he said smiling.

"Do you miss her?" He dropped a pea and look at me for a long moment before continuing with his task.

"Sometimes very much… she was awful, truly awful sometimes… but she was the only mother I ever knew." The peas were for his "famous" bacon pea soup, his roast beef already set in the oven, and my only addition to the night's meal (the dough for my homemade dinner rolls, straight from an online recipe) was rising as we spoke.

"What was special about her rice crispy treats?" I asked as I carefully worked on the tiny menus I would be placing on each plate for tonight's dinner party. It was my father's birthday and, after a bit of convincing, my mom agreed to let it be held at Solace's place. It was my first time hosting anything and my mother, who was like, the most creative/best party thrower ever, was going to be here so it _had_ to be perfect.

We woke up at seven a.m., a huge feat for me, but we just had to do it, so we dragged ourselves to the open air market for fresh ingredients, then to the florist for the white flowers to match my place settings, which we had to buy at Bed, Bath and Beyond because he didn't have prior to this. I even dragged him to a stationary store for the perfect paper to paste my printed menus on; this was a thoroughly planned event.

It was important for so many reasons. It wasn't just my father's birthday, it was another step towards… integration, I guess, of my family and my _family._ In so many ways, Solace became my home, my family outside of my immediate one, but I didn't want it to be outside. I wanted it to flow. It had gotten better lately, he came over from time to time and my parents didn't hate him, but I wanted more than just occasionally and I didn't want Solace to just go there, I wanted them here in his court too. I wanted them to be comfortable enough to just hang out without me around. It was one of the things I missed out on as a child imprint. All of the other families with child imprints had years to grow used to their daughter's wolves, and well, that's just not how it happened for me.

"My mom made peanut butter rice crispies with chunks of honey roasted peanuts and chocolate drizzles on top," he said with a sad sort of smile. I finished my last of ten menus and ran to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. He was chopping fresh mint from the window box I'd built with him in the beginning of the summer. Actually, I had built it, he just did the varnishing. Carpentry was not a skill I knew I possessed until then. The mint smelled great, but I preferred the citrusy smell of his skin that soaked through his shirt as I leaned into him.

"We should make them," I suggested taking a glance on the clock above the oven to make sure it was possible. We still had three hours before my parents would arrive. "I mean, I'm sure Jared will make something great, but it would be nice to have something here to like, represent your mom." He turned around in my arms settling his giant hands on my face.

Solace sighed, kissing my forehead with his moist lips, "that would be great."

"Can I borrow your car to go get some supplies?" He kissed me, pressing me back against the counter until my instinct was to hop onto it and give him space between my legs where he belonged. If I thought I knew sex before Solace, I had been sorely mistaken. There was nothing like feeling Solace, connecting, working together to soothe the primal itch... I'd never really had sex until I had Solace.

"I'll go, you can boil the peas. Can I trust you with those?" He asked a bit condescendingly. He was so like that sometimes, it drove me crazy, but he was really sexy when he was cocky.

"Fine, whatever, I'll hold down the fort… and just so you know, I'm not a million years old like you, _but_ I _can_ follow simple recipes."

"Yeah… okay, why don't you make the pea soup?" He pulled away placing his hands on either side of my thighs, which I spread wider to press against his hands.

"Yeah, I can—with a _recipe!"_

"I'll write it out for you." God, his smirk was so fucking sexy. He took a scrap piece of paper and wrote it out, biting the inside of his cheek as he concentrated. "This should take about thirty minutes," he instructed, kissing me long and hard before he left.

I was finished before he came back, beaming with pride as I took the dough from the fridge as instructed and worked it into little lumps on the baking sheet. I felt like a homemaker, I liked it, the feeling of preparing a meal for my family, the smells of dough and the bacon from my soup, which was delicious by the way.

Once I was finished I skipped to the room looking through his closet for an outfit to match mine. I loved dressing him; it was one of the best parts of the day. He was like a blank canvas, the sexiest fucking paper doll ever, and he had a pretty extensive wardrobe, a pile up of a few decades. This had been what I was missing. Before he came back to La Push, there was something missing, I didn't know what it was, but there was a void and this was it. I just needed Solace, I needed the connection with him; it made me better.

He went straight to the kitchen when he came in. I could hear his footsteps as he went around checking every pot and pan till he was satisfied.

"This is your outfit," I said pointing to the red and white flannel shirt and jeans I'd laid out to match my dress, which was red with large black flowers. Everything was color coded, the red napkins, the black and white menus with black ribbon bows, even the champagne, which I made him buy for the red bottle though I wouldn't be allowed to drink it.

"Flannel? I'm going to look like Jordan the mountain man," he said, pulling off his shirt, which made me hyperventilate; he was too nice to make fun of me for it.

"Jordan's hot, so shut it." Solace rolled his beautiful chocolate eyes, but didn't complain anymore, removing the black sweats he had been wearing.

"So we've got two hours, you going to get ready now or make a grand entrance?" He searched through the top drawer of his dresser for boxer briefs, the only kind of underwear he really wore. His firm butt was taunting me, our two hours needed to be used wisely.

"I'll get ready after you fuck me." He whipped around, already hard. He loved it when I talked dirty.

Solace ripped my pajamas off of me and before I even hit the bed, I spread out instinctively, waiting for him. He rammed into me and nothing felt better, the power of his strokes, the strength of his muscles under my hands.

"Harder!" I whined, panting as he drove into me with more persistence. I groaned with each thrust, overcome with his skill, he pulled my hands above my head, holding them in place as I spread wider for him so I could feel as much as possible.

"Am I hurting you?"

"No, don't stop, please don't sto—" I exploded with force against him and he slowed down taking long deliberate movements until he joined me, filling me with his burning hot seed.

"We should scrub clean before your dad comes… and maybe open the windows," he said with a smirk.

"I want to have your baby."

"What?" He did a double take, looking shocked, confused and a little pleased… I liked that look.

"I don't—I don't want you to be shooting blanks in the air, I want us to be… trying for a baby, I want there to be a target," I explained. I was ready, we were ready. We had love and a home and money, we had everything we needed. There were so few things Solace wanted besides me, and I wanted what he wanted, I wanted to give him his first child, to see the joy on his face when he held it and know that I had given him that joy.

"I'm not shooting blanks," he said chuckling. He went into the bathroom, the shower running as I waited for him to respond; he didn't. I had rendered him speechless, a pretty difficult task.

"Are you coming or what?" I ran in, letting him lather and wash me in silence, apparently this wasn't the conversation he wanted to have right now, but I wasn't dropping it. I didn't want to go to college and waste time studying something I didn't care about. I wanted Solace and the family I could have with him.

By the time I finished dressing and primping, setting up the table and making rice crispy treats for the first time in my life, Soli and Randy showed up. Now that they were finished with school and Randy had a job as some sort of tree specialist guy at Olympic National Park, we saw them a lot more and in a way we were like best friends, Soli and I. Soli had started a new band, some acoustic fusion she did for fun with Melody and Maribel, who was majorly talented in like everything once she got past her nerves. I sang with them sometimes and after school on Monday nights I always headed to the Cullen mansion for movie night with the girls.

My family came next and it was a little weird at first. You know what its like when you go to someone's home for the first time, that slightly awkward "here's a tour" kind of deal, but I think my father really appreciated the fact that we aired out the smell of sex, which Solace informed me permeated the house. We have a healthy sex life… it didn't really change our relationship that much, we still cuddled and joked and made fun of each other and talked about nothing for hours, it just added something really… special.

Actually, special time was sort of reserved for the weekends now. I was in my senior year of high school this year, so the classes were a lot harder and I wasn't doing particularly well. Meaning I spent more time at home trying to get through pointless homework about shit that didn't matter so I could keep my grades up in order to keep my parents off my back… yeah, school really puts a damper on sex.

Jared and Kim came with their promised mountain of sweets, and Jared did not disappoint with his cake. Actually, that was sort of his job now. Jared had retired from years of long service as a construction worker and had become a partner in Annabelle's party planning business, _Belle's Events_. The business had expanded into the surrounding area now that they had Jared catering and DJ services with Soledad. Soli had found her niche in DJing and word of mouth for the sexy music slinging _DJ Sol_ had even helped expand Annabelle's business. In fact, business was so good that Annabelle had even started hiring employees and Melody was her newest.

"Everything looks great, thank you, Solace," my father said warmly after the roast beef had been presented and everyone was settled in.

"And me!" I reminded him pointing to myself, he chuckled.

"Of course, and you, Maddie."

"So Maddox, have you got yourself a dress for the dance?" Kim asked from my left. Kim worked with teens on the rez dealing with everything from addiction and teen pregnancies to acne and unrequited love. She knew more about my school than I did.

"I'm not going." Quileute Tribal School was small and not like the schools in movies. We had one dance-like event every year, the autumn festival, and I had never gone before.

"Why not? Harley and I are going to buy dresses, I thought you were coming with us. Harley, didn't you ask her?" My mom said looking down the table at my sister, who was now a sophmore and going through a stage where she pretty much hated everything and everyone but Chloe. They were an odd pairing, but they worked. Harley was rough and desperate to be wild, though not many opportunities for that around here, and Chloe was ultra girly, if not a bit bitchy... ying and yang, I guess.

"I've never gone before, why start now?" Honestly, I hadn't really realized it was so soon. I'd thought about asking Solace if he would go with me, but I was a hundred percent sure he couldn't go to the school and he would feel bad about it.

"Because you've never gone before and once you get out of high school, it's not like you'll have dances popping up every season," my mom insisted. She was right, actually deep down, though not all that deep down, I really wanted to go. I wanted to go so badly that it was better for me not to think about it or I would get upset. I wanted to take Solace to my school, I wanted to dance with him and get dressed with him and yeah, part of me wanted to rub the fact that I had a gorgeous guy in everyone's faces. But Solace couldn't go, so neither could I.

"I never went to a school dance," Soli said sadly. She leaned into Randy, who kissed the side of her face gently.

"Me either," Randy said, but then it didn't matter if boys went to their school dances. Every time I didn't go, I looked like the loser fat girl who couldn't get a date.

"I don't want to go alone," I whispered, squeezing Solace's hand with love before he got all 'oh no, I'm not good enough for you'. I hate when he does that. I didn't blame him for not being able to go with me.

"I've got a date," Harley said looking all proud of herself like it was something worthy of a Nobel Prize. She was just starting to realize she's pretty, it was annoying beyond belief.

"Well, la-di-da," I cooed. We'd fought last week about bathroom prep-time, it was not pretty and we hadn't made up from it yet.

"Don't be jealous, it doesn't look good on you," Harley hissed. She was baiting me, hoping I would snap at her and cause a scene. Having a sister was such a pain in the ass.

"You've got a date with some pimply faced loser, I have a sexy fiancée. I think I win," I shot back making Soli giggle, she stopped when Harley eyed her angrily.

"Yeah, a fiancée everyone at school thinks is imaginary." Harley rolled her eyes. I hated it, it was the most annoying shit I've ever seen, it made me want to kick her in her boney little ass everytime she did it, which was more and more these days.

"Okay, girls, that's enough," my dad said barely hiding his smirk. He found the dynamics between Harley and I amusing, but he was an only child so he would.

"What do you mean they think he's imaginary?" I asked quickly.

"Everyone thinks you made him up, Dana Estay told Chloe you're desperate," she said in full gossip mode.

"Dana Estay is a hunch back slob," I shot back. Kim giggled pouring herself another drink as the garlic mashed potatoes were passed around.

"I'm just telling you what they're saying," she held her hands up all holier than thou and I wanted to hit her again. Seriously, there were more moments where I wanted to slap her than hug her nowadays.

"Who are you going with?' I asked as the rest of the table's conversations began to flow, drowning out me and Lee's banter.

"I'm going with Chloe's boyfriend's cousin from Port Angeles," she said proudly, though I was not sure what she was so proud of. Chloe's boyfriend was a cute Mexican guy from Port Angeles, but that so didn't mean his cousin was hot. He could be a troll for all she knew.

"Have you even seen him?" I asked skeptically and Soli, who sat next to Harley, leaned in to listen as we shot questions back and forth over the steaming pot of mixed veggies.

"Yeah, his name is Javier and he's hot," Harley sang while Soli giggled resting her head on Harley's shoulder for a second before she resumed eating and watching us, thoroughly amused, but silent.

"Not hotter than Solace," I defended and she scoffed, typical.

"You've never even seen him and you never will because you don't have a date, so you can't go or you'll look like the loser with an imaginary boyfriend." The tone of her voice made my blood boil.

"Oh, I will, because I'm going and I'm going to flaunt my sexy ass fiancée to all of those lame ass girls. Right, Solace?" I said turning to Solace, who was having a conversation with my father about God knows what, but I knew he was still listening.

"I can't baby, you know I would _LOVE_ to, but I can't go back to that school, some of my old teachers still work there and I think they would take issue with a middle aged man attending their shin-dig," he said with a sad little pout.

Soli, who had been silent the whole time, finally stepped in. "Randy can go with you. They loved him at that school." And that's how I ended up going to the biggest event of the year with Randy Littlesea, the smileyist man in all of La Push.

Solace made up for not being able to come with me by taking me on a shopping spree. I didn't usually like him taking me shopping and spending money on me because it looked sort of trashy, like I was using him or something, but he insisted and I was getting better at letting him give me gifts.

When I was younger, before we were really a couple, it was easier, but as time went on it felt sort of gold-diggerish. Now that I worked and could contribute though, it was getting easier again. Like with my car. When the school year started and my summer work was over, Collin hired me to work in his garage and in exchange for my hours of filing, cleaning and answering phones, Collin got me all the parts and stuff I needed for my car, which was an alternator away from being fully functional.

Solace not only bought me a dress, but accessories and a few other clothing items I fell in love with as well, so that the next day, the night of the dance, I was all ready to be humiliated.

Solace drove me to the Cullen mansion outside of Forks where they were waiting for me. Soli and Randy lived there alone and I found it sort of creepy. It was huge, like you could fit two of Solace's homes on each floor and there were still white sheets covering like 80% of the house, which were unused rooms. One night Annabelle and I, tipsy on wine coolers from our girls night, huddled together to go find a bathroom and we stumbled upon this room with all sorts of creepy medical equipment, we never went back up to the second floor again.

When we got to the mansion, I was a little high strung. I mean, there is nothing wrong with Randy, at all, he's super cute and very nice, but he was no Solace and I wanted the night to be perfect. I wanted every nay-saying bitch to feel like shit with their dinky little dates. It had to be perfect. I mean... being fat, like it wasn't that big of a deal to me anymore, not now that I had Solace. And I wasn't like, the fattest girl in the world or even my school, but for some reason, being fat at my school automatically made you undesirable and that was so stupid because I was desirable. One of the most beautiful men in the whole world wanted me, he wanted me and only me, but I hated the way they... I don't know, looked down on me for it, so I had something to prove.

So with that said, I wasn't trying to be a bitch, it just came out—I am _not_ good under pressure.

"Randy, I _know_ you have a black vest, I saw you wear it at your wedding so just put it on. I've got a vision and you're not ruining it!" I screamed stomping a little bit in my red heels. I was being terrible, I knew it, but I couldn't stop myself. My vision was super sexy 80's, the glamour, the over the top fashion, the mix of formal and street wear, and he was being uncooperative.

Soli, who had helped me get ready pretty graciously, seeing as I was taking her husband away for the night, turned ugly. "Watch the way you talk to my husband, Chubs, or we're going to have a problem."

"Did you just call me Chubs?" I cringed, my fists clenching automatically. She was unfazed by my anger. She eyed me and stepped forward, looking up at me like she could kick my ass... she probably could.

"I can think of a better C word for you if you don't change your tone."

"Chill out, she's just upset I can't go with her," Solace said coming to stand in between us. We mugged each other for a long second before she smiled and we broke out into tense laughter.

"Sorry, Soli—Randy."

She waved it off and turned back to Randy, who was already dressed in the white button up and jeans I'd picked out for him. "Snuggle Bear, get the vest, our plus size Cinderella's got a vision."

"Plus size Cinderella... I like it," I said waiting for him to come back out. We were sort of running late. I had wanted to make an entrance, but now we were just stupidly late. We drove in Solace's car because it was super hot and when we got there it was quite the entrance, though not the one I was looking for.

Everyone turned to look at us and even though we tried to keep to the sidelines, people were talking. My sister and her date were dancing, I didn't get a good look at him and I didn't really care. Randy kept my attention diverted by making conversation about trees and hybridization and some other nonsense I couldn't even begin to understand but the burning eyes of my classmates could not be ignored.

Chloe came over with her boyfriend Esteban about halfway through the night, which was filled with really lame music and my classmates gossiping about me. Randy swore they weren't, but I could see the pointing and the sideways glances. I hate these fucking people.

"Rachel and Dana are saying you brought your cousin to pose as your boyfriend. I told them you two aren't cousins, but God, they are such bitches. Why didn't you tell me you needed a date, Esteban's got a huge family," she whispered pushing back her long dark hair.

"Ugh! We have to get out of here, like now!" I said to Randy. He was on his phone texting, probably Soli.

"I like your outfit though," Chloe said a bit insincerely. She and Harley had worn dresses in the same cobalt blue, very traditional and very different from my grey chiffon dress with black clunky accessories and leather half jacket ala Madonna's "Like A Virgin"-phase. I am a bit extreme when it comes to clothing and living in a small town didn't really mix with fashion... Old Navy was considered top of the line around here and Gap was couture.

I smiled at her, she was trying to be nice, but we just weren't the same kind of people anymore.

"We can't go yet," Randy said pulling me to him and whisking me to the dance floor. He was light on his feet and I was not, so he remedied that by picking me up the few inches of difference and swaying with me like I was a ragdoll. "You look beautiful, you know. You shouldn't let these people get you down. Some people are just mean, there's nothing you can do about it."

"Thank you for coming with me, Randy," I whispered in his ear. He nodded, holding me just a bit tighter as the first humiliated tear slid from my eye.

"Don't cry, don't let them see you cry," he instructed. I nuzzled my head into his neck and he sighed. He smelled good, but not like Solace.

"I wish Solace was here."

"He'll be here in five minutes… one," he amended looking around the room and placing me on my feet, I whipped around, but didn't have time to catch sight of him before he had me in his arms kissing me hard. I didn't look back to see if anyone was looking, I just walked with him, alternating between kissing and being dragged towards the door.

Once we were past the parking lot, I knew we wouldn't make it inside before our need took us over. I was panting, gasping loudly for air each time our kisses let up. One of his hands was under my dress holding me through my red frilly panties while the other gripped my back keeping me up.

"The beach. Is the beach okay?" He asked as we cut through the trees, I shook my head.

"Now. Here," I panted pointing to the grassy area near a picnic table. We weren't far from the beach, I could hear the waves crashing along the shore, but I needed him now.

He laid me down on the cool, autumn grass carefully, but as soon as I was down he ripped at my underwear in a frenzy and they broke with a deafening tear.

"Solace! Those panties were expensive!" I screamed looking at the shredded scraps of red material he now clutched in his hand.

"I'll buy you more, in every color," he promised as he fought with his belt. He stopped, seemingly coming to his senses. "Wait, why were you wearing expensive panties on a date with Randy?"

I smiled, biting my bottom lip as I felt the blush spread across my cheek. "I was sort of banking on you caving like this… Or at least picking me up early," I admitted nervously.

"You knew I would hear you were upset and I would come running?"

"No." It wasn't like I had tried to make him feel guilty so he would come; I just knew that he would know. He would know that I needed him and he would come, because that's just what Solace did. He was always there when I needed him the most, no matter what. "I just knew that you'd never let me down."

"I try not to, Maddox. I don't ever want to disappoint you."

"I know. I love you," I promised, finishing the zipper of his pants for him, stroking along his semi-stiff member till it stood at attention.

"I love you more," he breathed out as he entered me. It wasn't possible. There could not be a love stronger than this, but I didn't argue. I pulled him closer, melting into the perfection that was our merger.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24: The Plan

* * *

February 2045

"Solace! Solace!" Her voice burst through the house like a swift punch in the gut, completely unexpected. I rolled myself out from under her car which was currently having carburetor problems, yet again. This car was a lost cause. No matter how many skilled wolves worked on it fixing a problem, a new one would arise, coupled with the continuing problem of her carburetor.

Maddox wouldn't let me buy her a new one though. I tried, countless times to tempt her with sexy new models and custom paint jobs, but she wasn't having it. In a way I liked that about her, it drove me crazy whenever she drove the car on her own, worried she might breakdown in the middle of nowhere, but I respected her determination to pay her own way. She's hardworking like Quil and it was great, besides having to find creative ways to shower her with gifts. I found that handmade gifts worked best when it came to Maddox though.

With Leah, the best way to give her gifts was to present it as if it weren't a gift at all, throwing it in her closet or yoga bag when she wasn't looking or giving it to her in a garbage bag. With Amber, it was much easier, she loved everything I got her, though she never asked for more, and she rewarded me with affection, but with Maddox, it was best to make it myself because Maddox never turned away something I made especially for her. The best part about that being that the thank you sex was out of this world. Unfortunately I was just terrible at all things that involved handicrafts and I usually required help of some sort.

My garage was a wreck, two cars and rusted parts creating a minefield for me to navigate as I made my way to her. She looked magical, her long hair which was now highlighted with honey brown hues compliments of Soli, was curled and flowing over her fitted green shirt.

"What's wrong?" I implored as soon as I could shake myself free of the spell she put me under every time she walked in the room.

"Nothing's wrong, everything's clear...Solace, I know what I want to do! I know what I want to be when I grow up!" Maddox was in the second semester of her senior year and she had been avoiding the discussion of her future since the school year started. When it came time to apply to schools she refused, vowing to take a year off to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.

"Really?"

"Yes, there was a career fair today and I met this lady! Oh, Solace, I've never been so excited about anything other than you, in my whole life," she said with a little shimmy of her hips.

"That's great...wait—what is it?" I had to ask. She had been pushing the stay-at-home-mother bit pretty strongly since the words "college counselors" had been thrown into the mix.

"I am going to be a world famous fashion photographer," she practically sang, making a wide sweeping motion with her hands like she was seeing her name in lights on an imaginary billboard.

"Wow, that's fantastic."

"Isn't it?" she beamed, rushing to my side and placing the sweetest kisses along my jaw. It was safe to say she'd probably stopped growing by now, and at five-eight, she was always at perfect kissing range.

"Very glamorous," I agreed.

"Oh it is, world travel, amazing clothes, can you imagine how many exotic locations I'm going to see, Solace? Swimsuit season, baby, swimsuit season!" She squealed. I was ecstatic for her, honestly I probably couldn't be prouder. Only one thing about her statement worried me: the "I'm" part. Can _you_ imagine how many exotic locations _I'm_ going to see? There was no "we" in the entire thing.

"Yeah, everywhere, I imagine." I tried to keep the worry from my face and out of my voice. Imprints—child imprints especially—sometimes needed time alone to explore, see the world, be... just away, I guess.

Nessie had taken time away from Jake to meet the rest of her then small subspecies of part vampires: Nahuel, Leticia and Giselle. Claire had gone off to Europe to paint and travel. Leticia had taken her sweet time getting back to Embry and even Helen had left Collin for a while, returning to her home in Alabama before she rushed back to Collin's side and proposed marriage. So I knew it was possible that Maddox might want to spread her wings, go to college away from La Push, but up until now it hadn't seemed likely. I was of two minds on the whole thing. A big part of me just wanted Maddox to do what she would be happiest doing, but another part of me just assumed I'd be doing it with her and I didn't really like the idea of it happening any other way.

"So can we celebrate?" She asked, pulling me by my oil-blackened hands towards the house.

"Sure... what do you have in mind?" I said suggestively, wriggling my eyebrows while I wiped my free hand on the front of my jeans.

"Solace!" She whined. "Not like that! I mean that too… but I want to take you and my parents out... oh and Addison's got his first ever little girlfriend, her name is Selina. I called her mom she said it was okay to come with us."

She was practically skipping back up the driveway, which made her hips sway in the sexiest way. "Okay, night on the town. Something nice then, there's that French bistro in—"

"No!" She howled, turning back to me as she reached the threshold. Her hair whipped around when she turned, her big curls at the bottom bounced as she waved her hands wildly. "I'm taking you guys out and I can't afford anything stuffy and French. Besides it's supposed to be my day celebrating me growing up and stuff and I want chili corndogs and curly fries with jalapeño cheese sauce!"

Her excitement was almost palpable and I chuckled, nodding as she waltzed into the living room. "Okay, whatever you want, Madd."

"Well… right now, I sorta want that other celebratory thing. My parents won't be here for another hour or so," she said shyly. Her hair had grown down to her waist and she gently fingered the curls, looking up at me with her big doe eyes. I ripped her off the ground throwing her over my shoulder and rushing her to my bedroom. Her clothes were off as soon as she was on the floor, her body perfectly round and beautiful. I grabbed at her soft breasts, larger handfuls than I could manage in my long agile hand. The rest of her flesh spilled over my palm and she moaned from the contact, grinding herself against me.

"Maddox, you're so beautiful." I tried to tell her that at least once a day, though the glaring honesty of her beauty was apparent every time I looked at her. She grabbed me at the base, guiding my stiffness to her entrance and I rocked forward feeling her lips spread around my tip.

"Uhh, Solace!" She screamed as I rocked forward. Her cries were the best encouragement. "Oh Sol—what if I..."

"What if you what?" I asked nibbling on her soft earlobe.

"Would you get mad, baby, if I...ugh, oh God." She pushed me back against the bed rolling on top, careful to keep our connection.

"What?" I asked louder yet.

"Never mind."

"What's going on, Madd?" I grabbed her by the hips trying to still her movements. She groaned, looking down at me, before she sighed in defeat.

"Okay, promise you won't flip out, okay?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth I started to flip out. Maddox and I never fought, and she never preambled a conversation like this.

"What?" My mind always went to the worst possible conclusions. She had met someone else. She was sleeping with another man. She wanted to spend all four years of college on the other side of the world without me.

"I... um, accidentally, on purpose—stopped taking my birth control."

"Wha!?" I couldn't even get the whole word out, so shocked, so flabbergasted my tongue felt numb.

"It was stupid. I thought if I got pregnant now I would have it while I was taking my year off and my dad couldn't force me to go to commit college. See, it was a brilliant plan, but now I want to go to college so I'll go back on them." She spoke simply, as if she hadn't just dropped the biggest bomb in the history of man.

"Wha-when?" I sputtered, rolling over and sniffing her deeply from the neck. I had been around the pack wives, the wolf-girls as they liked to call themselves, for years and through countless pregnancies, if she were pregnant, well I was dead, but at least I'd be the first to know. She smelled the same, that rich creaminess mixed with the soft hint of something sweet.

She wasn't pregnant, and though I was relieved, I couldn't suppress that little tinge of disappointment. I wanted a child, actually I wanted so many children I couldn't think of names for them, but not like this.

"What are you doing?" She asked when I finally dropped her arm which I had run my nose along, testing the bouquet just in case I'd missed something.

I hopped out of bed, grabbing a clean pair of pants that lay discarded on the floor. "Smelling you, to see if you're pregnant," I explained unhappily.

Her eyes filled with a mix of excitement and worry. "Am I?" She got up on her knees, kneeling on my bed appetizingly naked which I tried to ignore though it was close to impossible.

"No, you're not… thankfully. You can't—you can't do shit like that, Maddox!"

"Don't scream at me," she screamed rushing off the bed to grab her clothes. I turned away from the sight of her bare flesh, it was the easiest way to avoid my insatiable desire for her.

"Maddox, you, you—you violated me! You can't, we can't have a family, not now!"

"Violated you?" She stomped her foot in the most adorable way and I wanted to slap myself for being so very lovestruck I couldn't stay angry even when I should.

"You violated me and our relationship, the trust. It would be one thing if you got pregnant with the precautions set in place, Maddox, but you tricked me!" I tried to say it with force, I didn't want her to think this was something she could do, but I was faltering just at the sight of her. Maddox, like she was created just for me, forged from my dreams out of the silvery webs of my subconscious, was the picture of perfection. Even flushed, her face pinched in anger, her hair completely a mess she was irresistible.

I loved her. It was so debilitating at times like these because it killed all the fire in the disagreements that any relationship would have.

"I'm sorry," she sighed, finishing her last bits of clothing. She was crying, fat tears sticking to her glorious raven eyelashes. "I didn't think… I'm really sorry."

"No... don't cry, Maddox, I just... I don't want to ruin things with your parents again. I feel like I just won them over again and I _do_ want to have a family with you, so fucking much, I dream of it, but baby it's gotta be planned. You don't just jump into that." I pulled her into my lap and she rubbed her tearstained face on my neck, before wiping them away with her kisses.

When she pulled back she gave me a breathtaking, if not watery, smile. "Then I want to plan."

"I do too, I wanna plan, I like plans and schedules," I giggled kissing her pouty lips. She leaned into me pressing me back against the bed. We kissed sweetly, but the weight of our words filled the room with the echoing sound of our beating hearts. Mapping the course of our relationship would be like taking this relationship to a whole new level.

"I want to go to art school. It's too late for the fall semester and I don't have a portfolio. So I want to spend the year off building a photography portfolio so I can apply to the best art school in the area. When I graduate I want to move in with you, officially. I've talked to my mom about it."

"You have?" I asked, pulling back to get a better look at her, she nodded.

Maddox's hair glimmered as she rolled closer to me. "Yes and surprisingly, she's okay with it. I mean, she wasn't overly excited about it, but she understands the want and she knows that we work better as a unit… and besides, I mean we're going to live together in college."

"We are?" The words came through a smile so wide it hurt.

"Yes, Solace, of course, you _want_ to come with me, right?"

"More than anything. I never want to leave your side, Maddox." I didn't often say things like this. We were a passionate couple, a loving couple, a sweet caring couple, but we were not mushy like Annabelle and Brady or even more surprising Soli and Randy who professed their love at least five times each time I was in their presence.

"Good because that's where you should be... And when I finish school, I want to do an internship, the career fair lady, she told me that there are amazing internships for photography in Paris and New York. Can you imagine Solace, all the clothes in Paris?" She was completely glowing, the kind of glow that made my stomach flip.

"That I will buy you," I interjected.

"What is your obsession with buying me things?" She asked playfully kissing along my jaw with loud smooching sounds.

"I like to give you things that make you happy."

"You make me happy… and when I finish my internship, I want to have our first baby. I can start working and you can be a stay-at-home-dad for a little bit… if that's okay with you," she asked carefully.

"That would be great… but can we… okay, just level with me. So until you start working, I want to spoil you... I mean you can look at it like me being your patron. All the best artists had patrons. I can pay for school, keep your closet stocked, make sure you have all the best photography equipment," she moved to protest but I just started talking faster. "Then when it's time for our babies and you're working, then you can provide for the family, it's an even trade, Maddox."

She chewed her lip, looking at me with a sly sort of smile. "Stock my closet, huh?"

"Yes, I'm sure someone was buying Picasso clothes, it's probably in some history book somewhere," I reasoned jokingly. "So what's the problem with that?"

"None at all I guess," she giggled. "Okay… but it's only a trade off. When I'm making the big bucks, I'm buying you crazy cars and adorable designer clothes for our little babies."

"Sounds great," I was beaming, the prospect of buying Maddox things other than hand painted picture frames was exhilarating.

Her cell phone broke into song and she rolled over, slowly lifting it out of her bag and flipping it open. It was her father. With my head rested on her shoulder I could clearly hear the conversation. He was on his way and curly fries weren't happening, nope, her family was more excited for her new found passion than even I was. They had made reservations for Maddox and I's favorite restaurant in Port Angeles, Ruby of Siam, which meant chili corndogs were going to be replaced with Pad Thai and potstickers.

"No one is ever going to let me treat the family, are they?" She huffed, turning to our closet, where bags of dresses hung waiting for her. Her love for fashion had gone to an extreme within the last year, she worked double- and triple-time in the garage and part-time for Annabelle just to buy a pair of shoes or a custom made dress.

I had been with quite a few women, hundreds to be exact, but I'd never been with anyone as fashion forward as Maddox. Even in her day to day wear, in jeans and sweaters, she was ready for the catwalk.

"Well, don't forget when you're a world famous fashion photographer then we'll be happy to let you pay the way," I chuckled, sitting back against the headboard waiting for her to pick out tonight's outfit.

"Well, I guess I get to wear my new dress." She chuckled, pulling out the mint green cocktail dress I had freaked out about two months ago when she first bought it, for three-hundred dollars. She saved for two months to get it and though it was her hard earned money, it drove me crazy that she wanted for so much but wouldn't allow me to spoil her entirely. Not until now. I was glowing with the new found possibilities. I had found tricky ways to pay her back for pretty much everything before, like sticking twenty dollar bills in each of her pants pockets and in each of her purses but now I was free to just do it outright.

"You're ridiculously expensive dress? Yeah, seems appropriate," I joked, grabbing the heather gray shirt and black slacks she threw back at me with an ear to ear grin.

Dinner was cheerful, her parents so thrilled she had picked a profession they were letting the wine flow freely. We'd driven in two cars, since Addison had brought his new girlfriend and Harley had dragged along Chloe who had grown so beautiful it was almost impossible for me not to notice.

"We're going to have to drive them back, your dad's not as hot as he used to be," I joked she nodded deeply, smiling as the dessert was presented by our waitress who was a petite and very deeply tanned in a light green dress with golden embroidery.

Selina, Addison's "little girlfriend" was not little at all. She was at least one year older than Addison, more likely two. This wasn't really a bad thing considering Addison was about a head above every boy his age and about as broad as a newly phased wolf. She was soft spoken, and not fully Quileute, though I couldn't pinpoint what made me think that. Her soft caramel tan was not out of the ordinary, her eyes were the same dark cinnamon as many of the girls I knew in these parts, though they had a soft almond shape to them that seemed slightly out of place. She was a pretty thing and Addison was more than aware of it. He sat to her left, barely capable of feeding himself as he watched her take eager spoonfuls.

"Isn't she cute?" Maddox breathed in my ear, rubbing across my chest with he nimble hands.

"Adorable," I agreed quickly taking a playful nip at her neck. She giggled, the sweetest sound I ever heard. I had been putting off "the talk" of our future for a while. Everything in our life was going perfectly, we were so settled that I feared change , but we could survive it, I knew that now. Our future was brighter than anything I ever could have imagined.

When the bill was taken care of and the cars divided evenly, I kissed Maddox with passion, making everyone turn to stare, we barely registered it.

"I'll see you back at home?" She asked quietly. She had never referred to my house as home before. I nodded, my head bobbing like a bobble head in the back of a car on a cobbled road.

I drove her parents and Chloe back into town, Chloe reapplying makeup though she would soon be going to bed.

"Solace?" She called from behind me.

"Yes, Lady Chloe?"

"So being a photographer means she's gotta go to art school, does that mean you're going with her?" Chloe asked, and this afternoon if you had asked me I wouldn't have been sure, but now I just smiled.

"Wherever she goes, I go," I answered and from the rearview mirror I could see Claire's tipsy smile. I dropped the Ateara's off at their home last, walking them to the door to make sure they made it in safely and as soon as I turned to leave Claire launched herself at me.

"Thank you," she gushed, Quil standing awkwardly behind her.

"For what?" I asked uncomfortably.

"For making her see… For everything."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25: Dream a Little Dream With Me

* * *

December 17, 2045

The envelopes were small, white and stamped with the official markings stating they were from Cheney, Washington. They sat glaring at us while we waited for the hour until Maddox was supposed to get home from work.

Claire and I sat side by side wearing identical expressions of anxiety after placing the sacred post on the opposite side of my kitchen table to avoid temptation though they seemed to shine as if magically seducing us. I had called Claire when the postman arrived and she ran over, literally, not stopping until she arrived on our doorstep, red faced and out of breath with her chest heaving frantically.

Maddox had moved in just after senior year. It was amazing, outstanding even; sleeping with her every night, waking up together, grocery shopping. Formerly mundane things like dusting and laundry suddenly became exciting. For the last 6 months she had been building a portfolio and we had convinced her to try her luck applying for the fall semester at East Washington University. I'd even applied with her.

"If we steam it open she'll never know," I suggested walking my fingers across the table hesitantly.

"Are you crazy? She'll know, she'll definitely know," Claire said smacking my hand away quickly, but then as if she were possessed by the God of mischief she grabbed the one marked for Solace Avery and ripped it open like a greedy toddler on Christmas day.

"You know opening someone else's mail is a federal offense," I whined grabbing for it, though keeping it folded in thirds too afraid to read the reply. Eastern Washington University, while not a traditional art school, offered everything she was looking for in a college experience and these two letters would determine if that future was going to go as planned.

"Well sue me after you read it, Solace," she said crossing her arms over her chest to glare at the letter still folded, though now a tad crumpled, in my hands.

"I can't." I couldn't read this without Maddox, this was something we were doing together and it just wouldn't be right any other way. "She should be here… besides, even if I don't get in that doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't," I reasoned.

The best case scenario for Maddox and I was for us both to be accepted to EWU, me as a part-time continuing education student with bogus documents couriered over from Jasper and Maddox as a traditional undergraduate student majoring in Fine Arts. We would get an apartment near the University campus and get married some time after graduation.

That of course was ideal though we had made a few alternate plans just in case. If I wasn't accepted we would still live together and I find work as a mechanic in nearby Spokane. I didn't strictly need the business. I had gotten more than enough trading tips from Alice Cullen and my stock portfolio was extensive.

If she didn't get accepted though, well that we hadn't found a solution for, not one that didn't involve me funding a new wing of the art building or us relocating to Chicago so she could attend her second choice school and the only school to have accepted her already; the Art Institute of Chicago.

That option was not ideal for her parents, who were already feeling the burn of separation now that she lived with me officially or for Maddox even, who wanted badly to stay within the state now that her close friend Soli was about three months pregnant with her first child.

Months ago I had actually feared someone getting pregnant, since Maddox had been so adamant about starting a family and I knew she would find a way to make it happen for herself too. Now though, Maddox had other plans and having a child was moved far down that list, not gone, just postponed. It didn't dull the excitement she felt for Soli, however, and the two had become inseparable, Maddox reading all the pregnancy books and going to all the appointments while Randy and I, foreign to the concept of having children (though both thrilled by the prospect) watched on.

"Can I read it?" Claire asked placing her hand out slowly, but there was no need. Maddox, my speed demon, was racing down the road in her new convertible. It was a frivolous request considering we lived in the rainiest part of America and the top was always up, but it was the first and only big thing she ever asked for so I was happy to do it. I smelled her approach and just as the sheet of paper was placed in Claire's hand the engine came to a stop.

"She's here," I announced and Claire squealed in delight, hopping up and down on the porcelain tiles.

Maddox ran into the room, the fluffy white snowflakes melting on her hair and in her eyelashes. Her face was flushed, strips of an appetizingly pink color painting her cheeks as she smiled up at me. We met in the middle of the room, leaving her mother enough time to look away before we started kissing. Her lips were cold, but still pliable and perfectly addicting, and when my warm tongue made its journey to meet hers, she groaned pulling me as close as possible.

"Are those..." she trailed off, diving in for another kiss and I nodded not breaking the contact, which was heated and intense.

"Okay, break it up! I need to see them already," Claire howled sitting at the counter, Maddox pulled away reluctantly, looking at me over her shoulder as she made way to her mom's side.

"This is it..." she breathed, grabbing her unopened letter from the counter. She watched us as she ripped open the envelope, unfolding the letter with her eyes still locked on mine.

"Go ahead, Madd," I urged her and with lightning speed she looked down, her eyes scanning the text before she dropped the letter and launched herself at me.

"I'm in! I'm in, I'm in!" Maddox squealed so loudly it made my ears ring. After a brief hug, I stood back allowing the mother daughter moment they desperately needed. Claire, half the size of her daughter, was tackled in a bear hug, the letter having finally hit the floor after a long and lazy retreat from where it floated suspended in the air.

"Read yours, Sol," Claire sang under Maddox's arm. I finally unfolded it, smiling at Maddox as I looked down, trying to stay calm, though my heart pounded in my chest. I never finished high school, so college was a bit of a stretch for me.

The only brotherly thing Sam ever did for me was trying to get me to stay in school, but Phil and I, all buff and "suave" and alive after almost certain death with the Volturi, were hard set against going back to QTS. Instead, I got a job and started sleeping from house to house to avoid my mother.

Since I had no transcripts of my own they were forged for me by Jasper Cullen, who I kept in contact with during the ten plus years since I worked by his side in Volterra. It was a quick job, he used what he had making me an official alumni of Fork's High, with grades most likely cut and paste from his old records and apparently, they were enough.

 _Dear Mr. Avery,_

 _In 1882, the Benjamin P. Cheney Academy opened its doors to more than 200 enrolling students. The school was proudly designated as an institution "for the purpose of instruction of persons, both male and female, in the art of teaching the various branches that pertain to a good common school."_

 _By the time it became Eastern Washington University in 1937, Eastern was already a fully accredited four-year, degree-granting institution, offering majors in numerous subjects with proud alumni the world over. It is our pleasure at the Office of Admissions to invite you to East Washington University's incoming class of 2050._

"Me too," I announced to the still celebrating duo, my throat dry and tight with the weight of my words. I was going to college.

"You're going to college," Claire sighed, pushing Maddox towards me and we were kissing again.

"I'm going to join a sorority like my mom, what do you think about that?" Maddox asked from her spot sprawled out on the bed. The comforter was covered in pamphlets, course guides, campus housing directories, surveys and the like, so that she looked as if she was swimming in a sea of paperwork.

"I've been with a sorority girl or two," I joked and she threw a thick course outline at me hitting my head before I could deflect it.

"I'm sure you have," she said sarcastically, though her eyes twinkled in the most beautiful way. "Didn't even go to college and you had half a house of girls I'm sure."

I chuckled, lying down beside her after carefully shifting all of the paperwork out of my way.

"Phil and I used to hang around the University of Puget Sound after we dropped out of school. Our college education through osmosis." I smiled, the kind of smile that made her heart double its speed, and she melted into me.

"Speaking of Phil..." she trailed off, grabbing my hip and pulling me closer.

"Okay... speaking of Phil..."

"Well actually, this has to do with college first and foremost," she said in a very official manner.

"Alrighty," I urged.

"I want the most traditional, normal college experience I can get, Solace. I don't want to be that girl who lives with her boyfriend and never makes any friends," she said quickly and I nodded, fearing anything that might follow that statement.

"So you want to live in a dorm? I mean I could... live off campus and you could visit when you want." As her imprint I would happily give her a million options if this was really what she wanted, but the idea of us not living together anymore made my head hurt.

"No! I don't want to live with anyone but you, don't think like that Solace, I just want to live on campus, next to other students and stuff," she sighed, pulling me closer and wrapping her hands around my neck.

"But all of the houses are for upperclassmen or... oh," I stopped having reached a realization. Marriage. EWU had dorms for underclassmen, and houses available for upperclassmen and married students.

"So what does that have to do with Phil?" I asked nervously.

"He's going to Europe... I want us to go with him." She rested her head on my chest, turning her face to kiss the raised scars on my shoulder. I loved when she kissed me there, when she softly caressed the dark vicious scars that marred my chest like she didn't see them.

"Yeah? I think we can manage that... but is there any particular reason why?" I couldn't help but be suspicious with her sudden interest in going to visit my ex-wife.

"I thought that... maybe we could you know... elope where my parents did." She moved to straddle me, her thigh brushing mine as it made its journey over me to settle against the bed. She wore a EWU hoodie, a maroon version of the navy one her mother had bought for me, and a pair of simple cotton boy shorts, which my hands instinctively traveled to, cupping the soft flesh that spilled from the bottom.

"I thought we were going to wait," I breathed in her ear as she reached down to pull out my semi-stiff member, gripping tightly and waking me up entirely.

"We can't if we want to live on campus and I do, oh Solace, I do. We get the official papers here with my family, like my parents did... but the ceremony, just me and you in Europe... nothing more romantic than that," she reasoned. I bucked into her hand, her firm fingers working their way down my shaft, scraping her nails lightly along the underside.

"Umm, can we ask your parents f-first? You—ooh fuck!" I couldn't get more out past that, her mouth now engulfing me and clearing my mind of anything but the warm cavern of her mouth.

"It wouldn't be eloping if we asked." She pulled away just long enough to speak, sucking me back into her mouth hard, my tip hitting the ridged roof of her mouth.

"Okay, whatever you want." My voice was desperate, a silent plea for her to hurry her slow sweet torture.

"Mmmm," she hummed in pleasure as I massaged her hard nipples through the thick material of her soft hoodie. She worked at a frenzied pace after I agreed and when I couldn't take it anymore, I slammed her against the bed ripping her hoodie off of her body to reveal taut brown nipples against the plains of her smooth skin and with renewed vigor, I made love to my fiancée.

January 2046- July 2046

"Soli has another doctor appointment planned for today," she said, her voice tinged with sleep as she stretched languidly, just waking up for the day. I'd only woken a few moments before her when she began stirring beside me.

Soli was almost five months pregnant and she was hoping to find out the sex of the baby today. They'd tried two weeks ago, but he or she wasn't cooperating and they couldn't get a clear picture. It was the first appointment Maddox wouldn't be attending with Soli and I knew she was a little disappointed about it. They'd had to reschedule the time and this was her doctor's only available slot and unfortunately it conflicted with an event Maddox agreed to work at for Annabelle.

"I know. Randy invited us over for dinner, Freddie and Maribel too. They'll tell us what they find out then," I murmured distractedly because she had rolled over to face me wearing such a sultry grin I couldn't resist pulling her on top of me for a morning kiss.

"I want to tell her about our plans for Europe this summer," Maddox admitted between kisses while grinding against my morning wood. I reached up to slide her underwear to the side and stroke her wet folds before she eased down on me.

"I thought you wanted it to be a secret," I questioned thrusting up to meet her, gripping her hips tightly. We had planned out the trip and the details of our elopement over Christmas. I was actually surprised she had managed to keep it to herself for this long.

"I'm about to burst from excitement, I have to tell someone," she moaned undulating her hips enticingly.

"Sounds… good, Madd," I agreed unable to think much beyond that while I was encased inside her slick warmth. I got lost in her as she rode me till she reached her climax, bringing me along with her.

We went over to Soli and Randy's right after the caterers brunch she was working let out. Maddox, too anxious to get there and find out, didn't even bother changing out of her white catering button down first. She just pushed me out of the driver's seat and sped to the Cullen mansion outside of Forks. I always found it amusing when she drove us, letting her be in charge and chauffeur me around rather than the alternative as I had grown used to during my many years of dating. In truth there was little difference; Maddox was possibly the only woman alive who drove like me, with swift recklessness, coupled with skill that kept my heart from giving out.

"It's a boy!" Soli yelled, running outside when we pulled up and Maddox bolted from the car, barely putting it into park before she ran to congratulate Soledad. Randy watched proudly from the porch.

Soli had lost none of her feistiness when she became pregnant and if possible she glowed even more. Unlike Helen, who you could easily tell was carrying the massive baby Randy was; Soli remained tiny, with an almost undetectable bump where her son resided. Her clothes remained markedly unchanged, her current ensemble, a studded black off the shoulder number with matching shoes, was something I'm sure I would have seen her wear before she was with child.

"We have some news too," Maddox said during dinner a little while later.

"What? Did Casanova knock you up?"

"No," she rebuffed flatly before eagerly sharing, "we're going to Europe with Phil and his family this summer. We're—"

"You can't go," Soli interrupted with the stern command.

"Why not?" Madd sassed, obviously annoyed to get cut off right before she revealed the real secret.

"Because," she replied snarkily then sighed. "Because Amber just got her life back together and is finally happy herself, not just happy that you guys are together, really happy, but showing up and rubbing her nose in your happiness could undo all that, not to mention its just plain cruel. So no, you can't just spring a visit on her. Not unless you're completely heartless," she ended coolly, her expression fierce as if daring Maddox to argue with her about this.

"I didn't think of it like that… but we don't have to go anywhere near her, Europe is big," Madd said quietly, seeming surprisingly contrite. She really had let her grudge against Amber die in the last couple years since we got together. France was scheduled before the stop in Italy and she must not have realized that it would have been even worse showing up married.

Maddox didn't mention it, but I knew how disappointed she was about having our plans dashed. When we left that night I drove and she sat beside me, the wheels in her head turning.

I began making alternative plans for a trip to Ipanema with the intention of surprising her with the idea when we made the trip to visit the campus a few weeks later. The choice of Ipanema was instant, simple. She had a vogue magazine, now over a year old, a dog-eared copy of the swimsuit spread taken on the picturesque beaches of Ipanema.

She might not care much for Mexican food, but Brazilian food was a whole different story. I'd made three traditional dishes from recipes I found on YouTube and she had gobbled each of them up. I spread them out to keep her from suspecting, making feijoada, a bean and pork for dinner one night with brigadeiro, a sweet made with chocolate for dessert. I'd boiled quail eggs for breakfast another day, those had been particularly hard to come by in Washington, but she loved them and that made the extra effort worth it. I'd also made churrasco, a barbecued meat that we'd both had quite a taste for.

I'd shied away from any shrimp type plate since she still swore she was allergic to them and at the annual 4th of July party as a form of subliminal messaging I had Soli, who insisted she DJ though eight months pregnant, played "Girl From Ipanema", which we danced to as if no one else was on the beach.

"We should go summer shopping," I suggested, holding her closer as the song morphed into an old Motown hit.

"What for exactly?" She asked softly, though I could see her eyes twinkling at the prospect.

"Summer clothes, swimwear, you know..." I let her mind do the rest of the work and I could see her eyes drifting towards the land of clothes, which she often visited while others were talking about things that didn't interest her.

"You're perfect... I asked Annie about having a really small ceremony here in La Push soon... the school needs our marriage certificate before they can assign us the house we wanted," she said smiling though her eyes revealed a note of sadness.

"Okay, we can arrange it for after the visit to campus," I promised smiling, the beach around us had thinned out, only a few of the younger couples still snuggled up in the sand, but we didn't stop, we stayed together swaying long after the music had finished.

The house was small, half the size of the first floor of our home in La Push, a two bedroom with a bathroom the size of our walk-in closet, a living room barely large enough to fit a sofa and loveseat (though at the moment it was bare so I couldn't actually be sure), a kitchen that was more like a kitchenette and a bedroom that would fit a queen size bed if we were lucky, but it was perfect.

There was a small breakfast nook that looked out on the tiniest backyard, which held the only bit of furniture, three broken-down lawn chairs in random colors and a kiddie pool.

"The couple that lived here before had a daughter," the campus residence advisor, Lisa, explained as we stepped out into the garden.

"It's perfect," Maddox sighed. I chuckled; I had been holding my breath the entire time we looked around, because while the apartment was pretty much everything I needed, Maddox had higher expectations on the whole.

"Great, you can sign your lease the week before freshman orientation and you need to bring with you a deposit of six hundred dollars, your marriage certificate and your state IDs," Lisa said making her way back through the house.

"But orientation starts in September, is there any way to start decorating before that?" Maddox asked eagerly.

"Well if you have all of those things with you now, I'm sure I could get the keys from the office," she said smiling up at me. She was a tiny woman, mixed race with a shade of milk chocolate skin very close to Tara's. Her nose was high and thin and her eyes displayed warmth that instantly made me comfortable.

"Well… we've got two out of three," Maddox said shooting Lisa her very best charming smile, which I matched for good measure.

"Please tell me it's the state ID you're missing because the other two are non-negotiable… not my rules, really."

"No it's the marriage certificate. We're getting it at the end of the month," Maddox promised, but Lisa shook her head.

"Sorry… if you were sophomores there wouldn't be such strict rules, but incoming freshman living in campus housing need to stay in the freshman or honors dorms," she explained sadly.

"Solace… let's do it now. We can go to Spokane and just get the papers," Maddox urged.

I made a face, pulling Maddox to me. I had planned to do this as soon as Lisa was out of sight, but this was as good a time as any. I dug in my bag, pulling out the envelope and the tiny velvet box, dropping down on my good knee.

She grabbed the box from my hand before I could even speak, popping it open and crying out in delight.

"You already know I'm saying yes, Solace," she chided sweetly.

"Well open the envelope then," I prodded and she eyed me before ripping the red envelope open in one fluid motion.

"Shut the fuck up!" She howled, holding the tickets up to her face, as if she were smelling them before she pulled me up off my knees and into a kiss.

"Small private ceremony in Brazil, get the certificate when we get back and a pack thing afterwards?" I listed waiting for her answer; she still hadn't given me a definitive yes or no.

"Yes, oh my God, yes!"


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Girl in Ipanema

* * *

October 9th, 2053

He pulled me in at the waist, my body molding to his firm form. Javier was gorgeous, smart, loving, loyal, kind and much more than I deserved. The confidence and warmth with which he held me made me feel sick. How could I hurt him? "You look so beautiful," his warm soft breath said on my neck.

"Thanks." My eyes burned with the pricking sensation of incoming tears, two leaked out before I could wipe them. "Javier, I—"

"What's wrong?"

"Javi, I… I'm going to find him," I whispered, moving back to see his face. It darkened immediately, his grip on my waist tightening.

"Why?" He asked his voice was still calm, but his eyes gave him away, flashing an intense amount of fear and doubt; it killed me.

"Javi, I'm so sorry. Please know that I—I'm just, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, you brought me back to life more than once. For years I've held myself back because I was scared of losing both of you. I stayed longer than I should have because I care for you so much, but it's always been him," I begged him to understand, breaking down in his arms. He let me fall to the ground, his face now settled in shock.

"You can't do this, Maddox, I asked you if you really wanted this and… no! You—you asked me to marry you, you promised this La Push shit was done." He was hyperventilating, his chest was heaving as he struggled to get the sentences out. I grabbed his knees holding him in place while he searched around as if he were about to leave, to run, to find Solace himself.

"Javier, I wish there were better words to express how sorry I am. I just—I can't ever love anyone like him, I tried. I tried so hard, I wanted to love you more, but I can't and it's not fair to marry you when—when I belong to someone else."

"No, you don't, you belong to no one, Maddox! You said you were past this, past this tribal bullshit!" He screamed, his cheeks blazing red.

"I can't be over it, Javier. I thought I could, but he's a part of me, the best part of me—I'm not complete without him." The words boiled in my chest, no less true, but painful to utter. It had been so long since I let myself feel what I was feeling for Solace and even longer since I had said it out loud.

"No, Maddie, you are your own woman. You're a really strong, passionate woman and you don't need him, you want him!" He screamed pulling me off of my knees a bit more roughly than he normally handled me. I winced and the hissing sound emitting from my mouth broke his iron grip on me, though he didn't remove his hands entirely, using them to hold me in place.

"I do! I need him _and_ I want him. I'm sorry, you are so much more than I ever deserved. Javier, you are the sweetest fucking guy, and that's why it's killing me, because I should want you and only you, but it's him, it's always been Solace!"

"So, what? You're just going to leave? What the fuck am I supposed to tell everyone?!"

"What's going on?" My dad, flanked by Addison dressed in his groomsmen suit and Seth, stepped out of the house from the front door, walking forward as a unit so that they took up half of the porch.

"Dad, please, not now!" I screamed, but it was too late, two of Javier's four older sisters and the youngest walked out eyeing the scene dubiously, ready to pounce like any good sister would.

"Javier, que pasa?" Cristina, the oldest and most snarling sister called, pushing past my family to approach us.

"She's leaving me for another man." He slumped against the car, releasing my arms in defeat and I took the opportunity to turn, to make my move and run, but before I even got one step away, I was wrenched back by my hair, claw-like nails sinking painfully into my scalp.

July 2046

Three days before we left for Brazil, I hung out with Chloe, who was leaving with her family for Europe the next day. It was something I hadn't done for a long time and it was surprisingly comfortable. She told me about her boyfriend Sebastian, whose cousin was also a student as EWU, and we planned a photo shoot together before I left for school. She was building a modeling portfolio because she and Harley were secretly making plans to move to Los Angeles as soon as they graduated.

I didn't tell her about Solace and mine's plans to elope. I didn't want anyone to know really. There was something much more personal about keeping it just between us, but I talked about Solace—a lot! Soledad and I were close, but it was hard for me to talk about Solace with her, knowing how close she still was with Amber. I didn't want her to not be friends with Amber and I knew she wouldn't go discussing my love life with her, but it just didn't feel right somehow, a fact that had become even more apparent after she nixed our plans to visit Europe.

I helped Chloe pack for Europe and she in turn helped me; three bags for two weeks, but I couldn't condense it anymore. Solace had allowed me to go crazy online shopping and well, it'd be rude not to bring it all, right?

I had spent almost a week picking out the perfect wedding dress and that dress, wrapped carefully in a bag, was lying on top of my carry-on luggage, which held all the essentials of our trip because I was just too scared to let it out of my sight. The white mini was asymmetrically cut off of one shoulder, embellished with a simple thin silver belt that I was going to pair with silver strappy shoes on the happiest day of my life.

"Three huge pieces of luggage for thirteen days... hmm," Solace pondered aloud, my father elbowed him with a face that said "don't even try to talk reason into her." I shot him a grateful smile before hugging him for a third and last time before leaving. My mother started the car and we drove off, heading to the airport with me and Solace cuddled in the back.

"Don't do anything stupid and call me if you need absolutely anything!" My mom advised when it was time for us to part ways. I pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek, avoiding responding to her demands because I knew I would be doing something she might think of as stupid.

Well actually, I wasn't sure how she would see us having a ceremony without them. But I was beyond uninterested in having a traditional wedding. A big lavish affair like Soli's or the one Annie was planning didn't seem right for us, not the way eloping did.

Solace and I had a really beautiful, but insular kind of love. I don't know if other people really understood it, not that they didn't approve, I just felt sometimes like they saw us as ill fitted. He was old and I was young, he was rough and tough and I was girly and sensitive, he was introspective and reserved and rash and loud, but this was going to work, I knew it was. Fate had chosen us for each other.

Every time I looked at Solace, it was like looking down a path, or steps that we would climb together even if they seemed a bit shuffled and out of order; first marriage then college, then careers and building a family. All things we would be doing for the first time and we would be doing them together. Okay, granted, Solace had been legally married to Amber, but it wasn't real. It was legal, it was paper, but it never had what we have now.

We were in first class on my first airplane ride and I felt extremely posh in our leather seats with the foot rests and big blankets, which we spread over my lap so he could lazily draw circles over my clit till I exploded twice in the darkness of the cabin at night.

"So you think this officially makes us members of the Mile High Club?" I whispered against the musky skin of his neck, he moved his head back and forth contemplating before he shook his head no.

"I'm already a member, but I don't think that counts for you. If you wanted though, I'm sure we could find a way to make it happen," he purred in my ear, pulling up the little armrest divider thing between our seats and gripping my thigh under the fluffy fleece to urge me closer. I scooted towards him, my skirt hiking and the bare skin of my thighs making a slight squishy sound as it stuck to the leather. "Meet me in the bathroom, wait at least five minutes."

I couldn't wait that long, I checked down the aisles to see that basically everyone was sleeping except for the smartly dressed stewardess who didn't seem to notice anything was off when I slipped in the bathroom that was so small it barely held Solace's rather large form. He lifted me up, settling me on counter and spreading me wide for him. He ran his finger up my now extremely wet slit, slowly working his finger up and down till I was convulsing.

"Now, Solace, please," I hissed and he slammed into me making the sink under me groan. Our quickie kept me going for the last eight hours of our twenty hour flight.

We stayed in a hotel near the airport the first night, ordering room service fruit plates and cuddling up with a travel book about the area of Ipanema and its scenic beach.

Ipanema is not actually a city really; it's sort of more like a suburb in the southern area of Brazil. We had reserved the honeymoon suite in a beachside hotel, and it ended up being more like a little cottage behind the main building.

I'd brought three bathing suits, but I only really needed my 1950's throwback floral one that was crumpled and synched along the front with a cute little see-through sarong, which I lounged around in for our first few days in Brazil.

We'd eaten richly, seen live musicians, gone to a nightclub, which was a first and possibly last for me since I hated to dance, and even made friends with an American couple actually honeymooning from Utah named Joseph and Linda. They were young, though still older than me and they were spending the day taking a guided tour, which left me tanning on the world famous beach, trying to reach the deep coppery tan of my father while Solace watched me intently.

"You are so fucking sexy in that thing," he cooed sliding closer on the orange towel.

"Hmm, you should take that shirt off," I suggested slipping my hand under the wife beater that clung to his chest. He let me undress him and I squirmed, the crouch of my bathing suit soaking under the desire burning from his gaze.

"So I worked out some arrangements with the girl at the front desk, but I wanted to run it by you." My intake of breath made him chuckle, he had not discussed our wedding plans since he gave me my ring, which was now sparkling on my hand. I twirled it around nervously, two carats and square cut with an elaborate twisted band that had beautiful diamond flecks interwoven throughout.

"Okay, what's the plan?" I asked stretching out on the towel so that more of our bodies were touching.

"Beachside or little chapel?" He asked tracing the curve of my back along the spine till he reached the top of my behind, which he cupped possessively.

"Which would you prefer?" I asked lazily, relishing in the feel of him, in the beauty of his face and the power of his fingers.

"Baby, would you be mad if I said I didn't really care?" He asked kissing me almost reverently.

"Oh," I said unable to keep back the disappointment in my voice.

"No, don't do the wounded thing, I meant that I don't care where we do it as long as I can call you my wife," he explained pleading. I claimed his lips with mine, pulling him on top of me, till I could feel the stiffness in his pants grow.

"Beach… I don't believe in God, so doing it in a church would feel farcical," I finished flatly; he chuckled, his chest rumbling against me.

"Okay, tomorrow night? Is that too soon?"

"No, it's perfect," I assured him and he smiled kissing the ring on my finger gently.

"Let's take a walk," he suggested inhaling deeply and I agreed looking at the crowded beach around me.

Ipanema Beach, made famous by a song many years before I was born, was a tourist spot and that was never more apparent than when you walked along the streets near the beach, food stalls and stands selling souvenirs and knick knacks. There was an undercurrent through the streets and it wasn't just the music, which seemed to emanate from every store and cart and car, fusing into this hum that soaked into your bones.

"I want it," I squealed catching sight of a bracelet I could not leave without. It was silver with bundles of charms and he didn't think twice about pulling it down and slapping money on the wicker top of the stall.

His warm fingers brushed the sensitive skin of my wrist as he clasped it securely in place where it stayed for the rest of our visit.

"Do you, umm, want some help getting ready?" Linda asked carefully from the door. "When I got married every woman in my family tried to help, made for a very inconsistent look," Linda chuckled still standing in the doorway a bit nervously.

"That would be really nice," I told her motioning for her to come in and take a seat. I had everything spread across the bed, Solace having skipped out to get ready himself. Next to my dress I'd laid out a peach lingerie set, which was simple but pretty and wouldn't show through the thin white material of my dress. We had an hour before the hotel valet was to take me to the adjoining Copacabana Beach where we would be married and Linda was the only person I had to keep me leveled.

"Are you nervous?" She called out as I slipped into the underwear and shoes in the bathroom.

I pulled on the hotel bathrobe, which was a tad bit snug and faced her. I hadn't actually thought about it, not really, what would I be nervous about?

"Nope, I've wanted this forever."

"Yeah, that was what I was feeling… but I just couldn't imagine doing this without my family," Linda said sweetly. Her hair was short and very edgy, the platinum blond was striking and it matched beautifully with her creamy white skin. She sat cross-legged on the bed, helping me place the large curlers around the crown of my head. She softly gathered the wispy hairs at the nape of my neck like my mother used to do when I was a child, which made my eyes tear though I wasn't really sure why.

"Aww, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad—I mean, do they know about this?" She whispered dropping my hair so I could turn around to face her.

"I'm not sad, I don't… I guess I sort of just started thinking about my mom. She doesn't know, not that she would be mad you know, I sort of wanted it to be just us," I explained though the thought now didn't seem nearly as appealing.

Linda watched me as I applied my make-up with a heavy shaking hand. I used ample shimmery silver around my eyes and soft pink on my lips, my bottom lip quivering when the phone in my room erupted. Linda picked it up for me, allowing me a moment to actually get the dress on, zipping the side clasp with a flourish.

"It's here," she sang. I hugged her, grabbing my small silver charm bracelet that I had taken off for my shower and carefully sat in the back of the slick black car. It was close to nightfall, the drastic heat of morning now downgraded to a spring like warmth with a soft fragrant breeze from the ocean cooling the air.

There was a trellis set up near the rocks, the beautiful sound of crashing waves accompanying my rapid steps towards him. He stood a foot above the man I assumed was brought to preside over the event, with his hair brushed back and dressed in the heather grey shirt and simple black pants I'd picked for him, the actual effect was far beyond what I had envisioned.

"You look amazing," I breathed against his broad chest when he pulled me in for a hug.

"Yeah..." He trailed off his eyes roaming over the bare skin of my shoulder. "You too." He gulped, licking his lips in a slow sensual way. I lifted my face to him, straining for a kiss which he granted softly.

"You look so much like your grandmother with that tan," he marveled tracing his fingers from my collarbone to the apex of my shoulder.

"There's a band," I side stepped the conversation entirely, feeling the corners of my eyes prickle with tears. I couldn't control it, I had no reasonable excuse for crying on my wedding day, where I was marrying to the world's most perfect man, yet here I was, doubting everything about this. Not marrying him, no, but the sneaky way in which I was doing it. Technically, it didn't count for anything, there was no paper, these were just words, but I craved now desperately the support of my family.

"Yeah… what's wrong?" He asked as we were ushered under the trellis. A woman, local and outrageously stunning in her natural beauty, passed me a bouquet that was creamy white with sporadic splashes of color.

"Nothing," I lied, busying myself with the bouquet, my wedding bouquet that I would not be able to toss to a circle of awaiting girls, my wolf-girl sisters, my little sister, Chloe or Ava. That thought brought forward the tear that had been threatening to leak earlier, just as the tiny priest-like man took his place. Solace held his hand out to stop him, shooing him away before I could protest.

"We don't have to… Madd," he assured me lovingly, but I could see the glimmer of fear in his eyes.

"I want to, of course I want to," I begged pulling him closer, but the tears wouldn't stop. "It's just stupid nerves and I was thinking of my family."

"Do you want to wait?" he asked firmly, holding my hands inside his, which formed a cup that caught my tears as they cascaded from my eyes.

I nodded vigorously, ashamed yet unable to hide the fact that I wanted to back out, that I wanted, no _needed_ my family.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, but he brushed it off, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand then kissing the damp skin of my cheek.

"Don't be, Madd. If you want to wait to do it with your parents or not at all even, that's fine. I just want you to be happy."

"Can we? Please? It doesn't have to be big, just my family at the courthouse, I'll pay for it," I promised, but he just laughed it off. We spent the night under the stars, dancing to the bizarrely upbeat music, drinking beer with lime and planning our wedding, which like most things in our relationship would be out of order, happening almost directly after our honeymoon. We made love in the sand, something that was much less romantic than it seems in romantic movies and trashy novels, sand creeping into places it most definitely didn't belong.

The last days in Rio we spent like a honeymoon, never leaving the room or our soft bed with its stark white sheets, pounding the headboard against the sea foam green walls. We packed in between rabid humping, not romantic or loving, though I loved him with everything inside of me, it was animalistic, unlike anything we had ever experienced before. I was in heat and with my pleas he took me, roughly.

We tried positions I had never even heard of until I was satiated in a way that I never thought possible. I always felt like I wanted Solace, like I needed him on a primal level, but I was utterly content by the time we boarded the plane back to Washington.

My father picked us up from the airport. He hugged me stiffly, probably smelling the remnants of our romps though he tactfully didn't mention it.

"How was it?" My father asked in the last minutes before we saw the sign welcoming us to La Push.

"Great," we gushed in unison, Solace's smile brightened up the cabin of my father's truck.

"So are you married?" My father's shoulders were stiff as he watched us from the rearview mirror.

"No actually, we didn't want to do it without you. Are you proud?" I giggled, but his reaction was far from what I expected. My father's face dropped in disappointment, sharing a long and confusing look with Solace who looked just as perplexed as I was.

"Is everything alright, did—" Solace's phone buzzed loudly in his bag and he looked at my dad once more before he reached for it.

"Hey, Phil! How are ya man, we just—" He stopped frozen in mid sentence just as my father stopped in front of his house, which seemed to have lost its liveliness in the two weeks we had been away.

"What's going on?" I was on the verge of panic, frantically looking between my father and Solace, whose sexy Brazilian tan had drained from his face leaving him almost gray. My father hopped out the front, opening the door for me and almost dragging me out.

"What happened?" I begged struggling against his hold as he pulled me away from the truck and Solace, whose chest was heaving in the back seat, his vibrating figure illuminated by the light from the lamppost.

"Just give him a minute," my father pleaded, looking down at me with terrified eyes, like I'd never seen before.

"Is Phil okay?"

"Yeah, he's an asshole, but he's okay. Maddox… look, Solace just found out something and he's going to need your support. Can you just promise that you'll be understanding?" My dad asked releasing my arms. Solace had hung up and I could see him redialing at frantic speed.

"Understanding about what?" I spat.

"Maddox please."

"Daddy, what's going on?" I felt like screaming, but the glistening tears in Solace's eyes stopped me. I ran to him.

"How could—how could you do this to me?" He sobbed into the phone holding his gut as if someone had kicked him. "You hid my child, you stole him from me."

 _Child_.

 _My_ _child_.

Solace looked up at me then my father, who stood behind me, keeping me upright as the weight of his words sunk in. Phil. Europe. Amber. Child. The words were nonsensical yet somehow they clicked. Soledad insisting I don't go to Europe. Amber leaving the country after her tryst with my Solace. Her family secluding themselves from the pack. Their night together all those years ago. They had a child, a child they had made while I was supposed to be the center of his world.

"Maddox, let's go inside and talk about this," my dad cooed, urging me to the door, but I broke free and on unsteady feet down the unmarked path, I ran towards Phil's house. The sounds of loud buzzing insects and wind rustled trees filling my ears almost painfully btu I needed to see them. Chloe and Ava would not lie to me. None of the pack could be trusted anymore. Had my parents known?

When I got to his house, the light on his porch spotlighting the swing Chloe and I used to swing in as we imagined our futures together as world famous dancers, my knees gave out and I slumped to the ground under the weight of this evening's monumental revelation.

"Maddox—I… I didn't know." Solace's voice was low, unsteady behind me, but I couldn't turn to look at him. I couldn't see the pain in his eyes, the longing he would surely have now that he knew his child, the child he had been dreaming of for so long, stood waiting for him on the other side of the world.

Part of what made it easy, what made it possible for me to be with Solace, to build a relationship with him knowing he essentially rejected me for the first ten years of my life, was this misguided notion that their love meant nothing and that their love could never live up to ours.

I lived, I breathed, I survived on denial, denial of Solace's missteps. I never allowed myself to think of him without me, and when I did, I let the blame lie solely on Amber. Amber, being stunning and seductive, she had dug her hooks into him, she had fooled him into turning his back on me, but once he had met me, once he knew how perfect I was for him, the spell was broken.

That denial kept me going and now the fragile glass walls that protected me from the truth of it had shattered and I stood exposed, naked to the glaring truth, the ugliness of his betrayal and the reality that nothing would or could ever be the same again.

I kept my back turned away from him, unable to see the beauty in his face, which I once loved more than the air I breathe. Wrenching the screen door of Phil's back door open with force and letting it slam shut behind me with a resounding bang that seemed amplified in the deafening silence of the room, I ran for Chloe.

The kitchen was full, the harshly glaring fluorescence lights blinding me as I tried to take inventory. Phil, Tara, Chloe, Soli, Annie, my mother and Mark filled up the kitchen, all awash with a range of emotions. Phil looked furious, Chloe looked nauseous, Tara nervous, my mother terrified, Soli defensive, Annie defeated and Mark horrified and I was all those things wrapped up in a blanket of doom.

"You knew," I spat at Annie and Soli, who stood by watching me as I stepped farther into the kitchen with faltering yet determined steps. I felt their betrayal pierce my heart with unflinching and premeditated deliberateness. How could they? Did I mean so little to them? Did they hate me so much that they intentionally wanted to hurt me by keeping this secret?

"She's my sister," Annie reasoned holding her hands out before her in a show of helplessness.

"You knew. You knew we were getting married and you didn't say anything," I yelled at Soli, clutching my chest, which throbbed painfully, constricting my lungs until I felt like I couldn't take in enough air to survive.

"She's my best friend, Maddox." She was her best friend… we had forged a bond that I thought would last a lifetime, but it hadn't been real. I would never be to Soli what she had become to me, a real friend. Her loyalty would always lie first and foremost with Amber. That knowledge slammed into me, a blow aimed directly at my chest and it landed with deadly, painful accuracy making me feel hollow inside.

"Did you?" My mom asked hopefully, grabbing my arm as I felt my knees begin to grow weak.

"Did I what?" I cried out in response to her random question, unable to focus as Solace's large arms encircled me, holding me up and pulling me flat against his firm chest, but his arms had lost their former comfort and now they only felt constricting as if I was imprisoned in the broken promise of our once bright futures.

"Did you get married?" Phil asked, his eyes working frantically between Solace's face and mine. The subject was impossible to process or contemplate right now, to consider what it would have meant if we were and what it did mean now that we weren't. Desperate for escape, I struggled in Solace's arms, falling forward into Mark, who caught me with ease.

"No," Solace said darkly meeting my eyes for the first time. His dark orbs had lost their warmth, they were dull, defeated.

"Well shit," my mother whispered to my left where she held Tara's hand tightly.

"Did you know?" I asked her and as if she had prepared for this, she launched into a monotone speech that sounded like a generic statement repeat to the press during things like ongoing investigations or unexpected disasters. This certainly fit the latter.

"When Lana moved to Europe she told me, you were too young then to understand and you didn't really know Solace. When you started—"

"YOU KNEW!" Everyone in my world knew that we had been living a mockery, that any second the bricks we had so carefully and lovingly laid could come tumbling down on us, burying us in their wreckage and they allowed it to happen. It was another blow and it hollowed me out even more. The room was spinning, the floor below me shook, and the black and white tiles swirled uncomfortably.

"Mark," I said pitifully, reaching out for his shirt and holding onto it desperately.

"Yes, Maddox," he answered sweetly, his expression sympathetic and apologetic as he held me at the waist and on the back of my head. His hands were the only things anchoring me to reality, keeping me there, upright, conscious and sane.

"Get me out of here," I begged, feeling the last reserves of energy draining from my body. I'd lost. For so long I had thought that I was the winner in the battle between Amber and I. I thought the battle was over, finished beyond contestation. I thought that I had come out victorious, but once again, in the end I always came up second. I'd thought a lot of things and I'd been devastatingly wrong about all of them.

Mark and Jordan's cabin was quiet, almost too quiet, leaving me to my thoughts, which were loud and violent and painful. I wasn't entirely aware of the passing time as they consumed me and I forced myself to assess the unfortunate truths of the new reality I had suddenly been plunged into. I couldn't be without him, I couldn't survive, but nothing in our lives could be the same.

Marriage. How would our marriage ever be normal knowing he had a whole set of baggage neither of us had foreseen? Would I be expected to act as a stepmother to a child that was born out of an act so vile it made me sick? I didn't hate him, the boy. He was a part of Solace and I couldn't bring myself to feel that for a child, but how could I ever see his face? How could I ever be in the same room with the physical manifestation of Solace's infidelity? And furthermore, I was too young to be responsible for children. I knew that now. I couldn't and didn't want to be responsible for a child. I wanted to be young and carefree until I had to step out into the world. Marriage was one thing, but children… another woman's child, was a completely different world.

And school, would Solace still play college student with me knowing that his child was fatherless in another continent? How could I focus on school when my husband was parading around Europe with his child? His first child, another landmark Amber had stolen from me.

"Maddox… Maddox!" Solace's loud hiss sounded from just outside the living room window where I lie frozen on their couch.

"Solace!" I ran to the door ripping it open where he flung himself at my feet.

"Please don't leave me," he begged kissing my thighs just below the oversized t-shirt I'd worn to bed.

"Solace, how is this going to work? I'm so scared," I whined kneeling on the ground with him, kissing the side of his face as an act of benediction.

"We can work it out, just please don't give up on me, Maddox, please."

"I don't want this to change. I've built my life around you, my future, everything, Solace." I held onto his shirt shaking him though he didn't move an inch.

"I need to go get him, he's not safe there. Amber's going to be changed into a vampire. She's—I don't know what she's doing, but I can't risk having him there while she's a newborn. There's a second room in the university house and we can enroll him in school in the community. I'll sign up for one weekend class, that should be enough to qualify me as a student and you can concentrate on your studies." He wasn't talking to me, he couldn't be. The complete ludicrousness of it excluded me, it must have.

"You can't be serious," I blanched; this was worse than I could have imagined. In my wildest scenarios I never envisioned any future where his child was anything more than an occasional holiday visitor, a summer bunker at worst. My stomach now knotted painfully, vibrated with dry heaves making my shoulders shake from keeping them down.

For their mistake, I would be losing college, the entire college experience that I dreamed about so vividly for the last year. The four years of organized chaos that would forever alter me, that would change my world views, shape the course of my future and provide years of funny stories to tell our children about. The one first experience I had left for just the two of us to do together.

"He's my son." The way he said that even in this, the bleakest of hours, the words 'my son' filled his eyes with such brilliant happiness I couldn't help but be jealous.

For their mistake, for their duplicitous fuck-up, I had lost him. Solace wasn't really mine anymore, if he ever had been at all and now I seriously doubted my hold on him had ever been strong enough for anything except a temporary loan. How could I compete with his own flesh and blood, the only family he had left in the whole world?

"He's not mine. I can't, Solace! I can't give up everything for some kid you made with that bitch when you were supposed to love me and only me! What is wrong with you?" I pushed away, using his shoulders to stand again, pacing the room twice before I forced the words past my lips. I didn't want to say them, I needed to, I needed to draw the line, but with so much at stake and such uncertainty in the outcome it made it so much harder.

"Solace, I'm not uprooting my life for your mistake. I am going on with my life as planned, you can come with me or you can go get your son."

He got up off his knees using the doorframe as support as he watched me from across the room his eyes now devoid of the spark they had just held, empty of everything. He'd never looked at me like this, without a trace of emotion, of the unwavering love that ordinarily flared, blazing brightly when his heated gaze was focused on me. It was a look I didn't recognize and it caused icy fingers of dread to creep up my spine before gripping my chest and seizing my heart in its frozen, constrictive hold.

"Fine," he breathed glancing blankly back at me over his shoulder before he stepped out the door. My pulse, now racing, thumped noisily in my ears and the crickets, invisible in the darkness, were the only thing louder in the eerily silent night.

"That's it?" My feet carried me forward, down the stairs towards his retreating frame. No, this couldn't be happening, it couldn't end like this.

"That's it? Solace!" He turned after hearing my desperate plea, his fists balled, a single tear cutting a path down his perfectly sculpted cheek. "You can really choose a kid you've never met over me? I'm your imprint!"

"I choose you, Maddox. It's not really a choice, but right now I just can't look at you," he breathed, kissing my forehead stiffly before he turned back around and disappeared into the night.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27: Three Calls, a Fax and a Note

* * *

July-August 2046

 _I wasn't sure if Solace would ever come for me, but I didn't force it. I didn't call him and I didn't run to our home, though I missed him deeply. I left Mark and Jordan's cabin in the middle of the night, walking through the woods and encountering two wolves I couldn't identify in the process._

 _I texted Chloe as I walked towards her home and like a real friend she met me halfway. I slept in her bed and she held me while I cried and talked it out. I told her everything, every detail of why this new revelation bothered me so deeply. By morning Harley was there and though we had spent the better half of our teen years bickering, she was my sister and she was there for me, she had my back._

 _"He wants you to play house while she goes vamp? Then what? Have joint custody with a blood-sucker? What the fuck is he thinking? I thought Solace was smarter than that?" She asked incredulously, slipping into the bed with us and cuddling me from behind._

 _"That's what he's saying… I just... I told him I was going to school and if he still wanted to come, he could, but I can't be a part of his little… thing," I finished in revulsion. I hadn't really said that part yet, I felt so disgusted with myself about it that I couldn't bring myself to say it aloud._

 _"You gave an ultimatum? You or his kid?" Chloe asked in shock and I nodded waiting for their opinions, but they both just nodded, sharing a silent look I couldn't read._

 _"Okay, well, what did he say?" Harley asked after a long disturbing bout of silence._

 _"He chose me… he said he didn't have a choice though." I cringed having to tell them this and they winced with me._

 _"Well, if he can't see you are obviously the right choice then I say, fuck him," Harley spat._

 _"I have and it's phenomenal," I whined and for the first time since the debacle, we laughed._

 _"You don't need him, you know, Maddie. You have like, your whole fucking future ahead of you," Chloe said kissing my cheek softly. "I mean, think about all the things you want to do. You don't need him to do a single one of them."_

 _"But I want it to be with him," I said a bit defensively, though I wasn't sure what I was defending._

 _"But why should you have to change your life because he can't keep his dick in his pants?" Harley asked. I could see the complete love and conviction in her words and the fighter in me agreed._

 _I couldn't kick the sadness I felt for him and the guilt in trying to keep him from his son though. I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't know how much of my own happiness, my own future I was willing to forgo for that to happen._

It took three days for me to go crawling back to Maddox, I knew I would. I wanted to be mad, I wanted to blame or accuse her or beg her to come to her senses, but she was right. I had brought this on myself, I had made mistake after mistake at the beginning of our relationship and now I had to pay for it.

I picked her up from Phil's house where she was staying with Chloe, too angry at everyone else in town to stay elsewhere. Soli tried to call her and make peace by bringing over her tiny new addition Tristan but she was refusing to see anyone who was involved in the entire ordeal including her mother who was crushed, though I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for Claire.

I was furious. None of them owed me anything, but besides Phil and his family, it became increasingly apparent that no one in the pack even cared about me. There wasn't a person in the whole circle that I wouldn't have defended with my life and though I knew that none of them felt the same, when it came to having a child, it had less to do with their feelings for me and more an issue of respect. I had Maddox, and only Maddox left, so I tried with everything I had to be happy with that again.

The first night back we cooked together, concentrating on the difficult task of making Beef Wellington and chocolate orange soufflé. We ate in the living room, splayed across the carpet watching a movie, though my eyes stayed glue on her profile. Her jaw was clenched, something she did when she was lost in thought so I let her be. There wasn't much I could say now. It was over.

I don't know what the movie was about, I couldn't pay attention long enough to decipher if it was a comedy, drama or romance, but there was a child and that made it that much worse. It was a girl, a small, beautiful little black girl with bright hazel eyes. She was about five, the same age as Kai.

Kai, the name rang out in my head on repeat, so unfamiliar yet so precious now. _Kai: Keeper of the keys; Earth._ I couldn't stop myself from looking up the name in the _Big Book of Baby Names_ that Maddox had stacked in the corner when Soledad was still pregnant.

Did he smile like her? Lacey, the character's name was Lacey. Was Kai as carefree as Lacey? Did he smile and laugh as freely as she did? Did he know me, had he seen or ever asked about me? What were his hobbies? Did he like cars or dinosaurs or drawing? Would I ever meet him? Would he hate me like I hated my father? Could I live with that?

I was my father. Worse than my mother, who I had long since admitted was mentally unstable, much worse than my mother, my father just didn't care. He had left us for Charlene Call and later he'd left behind Embry when he found yet another woman and I had done the same thing. I had chosen a woman over my child, my son, my boy. I hadn't known she was pregnant, but now I was so blindly in love with Maddox I couldn't imagine how even knowing she was pregnant would have changed things.

After I came here, and really met Maddox, once she hammered her way into my heart, I don't think it would have been possible to leave her again, but I hadn't been given the choice. How would my life have changed if I had been allowed to see him, to hold him in my arms, to smell the unique aroma of his skin?

"How old is he?" She asked kicking me with the heel of her foot to catch my attention. I rolled into her running my hand down her side, the first time I'd purposefully touched her since I picked her up in the morning.

"He's five."

"So then it happened when you guys… the last time she was here?" She asked her voice much more childlike and fragile than I could ever remember hearing it. I nodded though it hurt that she had to ask at all, that she didn't know how hard it was for me not to run by foot across the world to hold my son, and that the only thing on earth that could keep me here was my love for her.

"His name is Kai." I hadn't said his name aloud before this moment. I had internalized that bit of information till it ate away at everything I had.

"Oh… I've-I've heard of him," she said evenly, though both our heartbeats thumped in an elaborate rhythm. They were out of sync, unusual our hearts, part of the imprint I assume, normally pounded to an exact match, but now they battled cutting through the silence of the room.

"What did you hear?" I asked trying to hide the desperate need for more information. Amber had told me very little after her confirmation. She had told me his name and his age and that he was my son. That was all I knew of him, though I would give any of my worldly possessions to know more.

"I-I heard him talking to Soli on the phone… she told me that he was little Emmett's best friend from school," she trailed off and that tiny bit of information flooded my heart with joy. He had friends. I had spent the first ten years of my life friendless until I met Phil. She watched me carefully, her eyes watering before she continued. "He likes planes and has a crush on Soli," she finished flatly.

Planes. Images of my son, a miniature version of Amber, playing with tiny model planes kept me occupied for the remainder of my sleepless night.

 _He came for me faster than I expected and though I felt awful about our last meeting I couldn't think of a solution that I could live with._

 _I was mad at him. I had finally come to grips with the fact that he had willingly, purposefully, damned me and our imprint. He had chosen someone else to have sex with, something he taught me was beautiful, spiritual, loving—but I couldn't help but be thrilled to see him._

 _Our first days back together were as awkward as I expected them to be, but when the days turned into weeks, I realized they weren't getting better. He wasn't happy, I alone couldn't make him happy anymore, not when he knew that somewhere out there was the child he had been praying for, for years._

 _Everywhere we went, every child that we saw made his entire face fall, but I didn't decide to let him go until I saw him with Hope._

 _Chloe and Tara invited us for dinner the day before I was planning to make an appointment at the Justice of the Peace in Forks. We still needed the marriage certificate for our apartment, though I figured at this point any sort of ceremony would have been a joke. Part of me naively believed that marrying me with the promise of our future children would be enough for him, but that hope was completely crushed when Solace held his goddaughter in his arms, shaking slightly as she cuddled and kissed his neck and face._

 _He was tortured, turning his back on Kai would kill part of him, a part of him that as much as I loved him, as much as I wanted him, as much as he was my life, I couldn't live with destroying. I had to make a choice, the adult kind of choice where you lose everything dear to you even when you really don't want to. I had to put him before me, and if I loved him as much as I knew I did, it should be easy, right? But it wasn't, yet I knew that I had to do it._

 _I made my first call to Lisa, the university resident director and she didn't question me when I asked her about dorm placement. I was extremely late on the sign up so I wasn't surprised when I saw I was placed in the all-girls substance free dorm on the less active south half of campus, but I didn't complain. I could move in as soon as I wanted and that was going to be a great help when it came to my exit. I didn't want to have a big ending blow-out, I wanted to duck out with a little bit of class and keep my integrity, though I knew I would have to be cowardly to avoid him._

 _My second call was to the bank. In the last year, Solace had opened my bank account to his pouring money into my checking account sporadically so that I never knew just how much I had. I tried to do the math, but honestly I had no clear way of knowing how much of the sixty thousand dollars in my account was actually mine. I took more than my fair share as a consolation prize and I sent half of it back, cutting off the connection so that he couldn't return it, which I knew he would try to do._

 _My third and final call went to the Spring travel company Solace had used to get our flights to Brazil and through tears that I could not blink away, I booked Solace a one-way flight to Milan, a flight to his future, his son._

"Make love to me," she commanded, dropping the packing tape she had been using to seal her boxes for school. We didn't discuss our wedding or the fact that we needed to leave in a week and I was afraid to bring it up, so I helped her pack and sorted through my things, getting them ready for our departure.

"Okay," I gulped, walking tentatively over to her where she stood in the middle of the room amid a chaotic mess of clothes that she was sorting through. We had not made love since our return, we slept together nightly, locked in a steel-like embrace, but we had not so much as kissed since I brought her home. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but the guilt I felt for my infidelity and the combined guilt of abandoning my child made it hard for me to think of anything sexual.

She closed the distance between us, removing my shirt roughly before gently and soothingly kissing the raised scars that were splattered hideously over my shoulder.

"I love you," she said firmly. I nodded my mouth too dry to respond for several seconds.

"I love you too, Maddox. I'm sorry," I breathed and she stopped me, holding her hand out palm towards me.

"Don't. Please, just don't," she begged, pulling me by my belt loops till our bodies were touching. It was soft, slow and exploratory at first, our bodies molding, our heat combining, our moans filling the otherwise silent room. And then as if a light switch was flicked on, we were growling, our hands roughly tearing at each other, our movements fast and hard until she cried out in her release bringing me down with her.

"Are we just not going to talk about this?" I asked nervously. This was not how we worked as a couple. The idea that we would just move on as if nothing had happened was baffling to me.

"We did… and we came to nothing. You need him in your life. You are my life and I can't be part of that," she said sadly turning in my arms to look me in the eye. She was crying, I hadn't realized by the strength in her voice, but fat tears rolled steadily down her face without pause.

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Solace, and it kills me to just..." Maddox bit her lip, burying her head in my neck and pulling me closer, her body fitting perfectly to mine.

"I'm sorry too," she said stiffly, kissing me soft and lovingly before she rolled over hugging her pillow as she settled in for the night.

 _Her phone rang three times before it stopped mid-ring. I could hear a shuffling, her movements as she settled taking a seat, probably painfully aware of who was calling and why, though I doubted she could have ever guess the why._

 _"Amber?" I asked tentatively, I had not spoken to her in almost six years, since the night she and Solace… made love. She had come to my house that night, ate with my family, smiled at me as if it pained her to see me so angry with her, and she followed up that show by fucking my soulmate in the home she claims to have designed with me in mind._

 _"Maddox?" She sounded shocked, though I was sure the caller ID had given her some clue._

 _"Yeah." That was all I could say, honestly my words were failing me. I had so much to say. I had so many feelings, thoughts, accusations, vows of everlasting hate, but they didn't come. Nothing came except that simple word._

 _"Is—how are you?" She asked stiffly._

 _"How do you think I am, Amber? How do you think I feel right now?" I asked, my voice cracking in an obvious sob. I wanted to stay tough, I didn't want to show any weakness. I wanted to have the upper hand in this conversation, but the tears I had been holding in since this morning finally spilled forward._

 _"Stupid question, look, Maddox—"_

 _"No, I'm not calling to talk to you. I have one message and that's all. I need you to pick Solace up from the airport," I said, finally taking charge of the conversation._

 _"What?" She was shocked and I took some pleasure in that. For so long she had been like the Wizard of Oz, watching on and manipulating my life from behind a curtain, but now I was shocking her. Now I was rocking her perfect little world. I was doing to her, what she had done to me once too many._

 _"I've bought him a ticket, there needs to be someone there to greet him at the airport in four days. Annie will give you the flight itinerary, I just faxed it to her office," I said looking over the delivery message from the copy/scanner/fax machine in Solace's library._

 _"You're not coming with him?" I could tell she was relieved by this, thrilled I'm sure that she had caused yet another rift in our relationship. Over the moon that she'd managed to ruin my perfect little world of happiness._

 _"No. I'm leaving La Push tonight and I'm not coming back," I informed her, though it pained me to know she was the first person outside of Chloe to hear of my plan, she was the first person to know I was setting him free and she would be happy about it. She would be overjoyed about the hardest decision of my life when really part of me wished there was someone to talk me out of it._

 _"You're leaving him?" She asked shock painting her voice yet again, it made my blood boil._

 _"Yes, you won, Amber. Take care of him," I said quickly, hanging up before I could release the tidal wave of sobs that filled the hallway, crashing over all of my belongings packed tightly away in piles of cardboard boxes. I put my hands over my face and took a deep breath. This was what needed to happen. I had to remind myself over and over. This was for him, my Solace. I loved him so goddamn much I would let him go. I had to let him go, even if I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating and the blood in my veins had turned to ice. Honestly, I really wanted to just sit there and cry, but there was too much that needed to be done._

 _"Are you ready?" Chloe asked, nervously stepping between the makeshift aisles to meet me. She held the keys to my car in her hand and through the door she had left open I could see Sebastian waiting to help pack up my life here with Solace._

 _I didn't take everything, I couldn't bring myself to take with me the clothes or accessories he bought me, which halved my wardrobe and made it possible to fit everything I owned in the small trunk in back seat of the convertible._

 _"I have to write him a note. I'll be out in a minute," I told them where they were sitting in the front seats of the car. I hadn't realized my body was shaking so much until Chloe grabbed my arm to steady me._

 _"Make it short and clear, Maddox," Chloe advised and I nodded, running back into the kitchen and through our bedroom… his bedroom door._

 _Before I could even start writing, I removed my beautiful engagement ring, the ring chosen to symbolize our love, a love that was dead now. I ripped off his pillowcase, dropping the ring on the nightstand and stuffing the material, which was drenched in his scent, my favorite smell in the whole wide world, into my purse. The pad was small stark white and ready for me, but how could I write this letter when I wanted so much to stay here, curled up in his scent with him by my side forever?_

"Can you go to Annie's shop?" Maddox asked nervously, picking at the hem of her dress and avoiding my gaze. About half of her stuff was packed and I knew she was close to being finished.

"Sure, what do you need?" I asked noticing the front hallway was already lined with her boxes.

"More boxes and I had something faxed to her office, I need that too," she said watching me nervously as I approached.

"Okay, do you need more tape or anything else? Are we, umm… leaving soon?" I was scared to ask, I had no idea what was going on with her right now. Something was definitely off and the more I pushed, the more she seemed to fade away.

"Yes." She didn't look me in the eye, I feared what it could mean, but I was even more afraid to ask her straight out. I passed her on the way out the door and she pulled me in, kissing me with an intense passion that I answered in full force. This was the kind of kiss that reminded me so much of our early relationship.

"I love you," I vowed pulling apart just long enough to speak.

She pushed me back adjusting her soft green dress before she looked at me, "I love you too."

"Okay, see you when I get back," I whispered, uncertainty clouding my vision as I slipped out the door.

"Bye." She waved her perfectly manicured hands ushering me out the door.

Annie met me at the front of her shop, her eyes avoiding mine as I walked inside. Brady stood behind her, holding her waist and looking defensive, but I had lost my fight and I wasn't going to bite again. I had no family in this town, and I had no friends outside of Phil's family. She didn't owe me anything.

"Maddox said there were some boxes here and a fax," I informed her blankly and they looked at each other obviously shocked.

"You sent the fax though, didn't you?" Annabelle asked going around the counter to her fax machine and pulling out a single white sheet.

"No… what is it?" I grabbed the sheet from her, my stomach dropping in unknown fear. There it was in black and white, my greatest fear. It took me almost five solid minutes to comprehend the meaning of the words and as soon as I did, as soon as I figured out what it all meant, I was out the door, running towards La Push, forgoing my car in the rush.

She wouldn't, no, she couldn't leave me. After everything, after every word, every kiss, every intimate moment, she couldn't. She loved me, she said so, right before I walked out the door. Deep inside, though, I knew and it all became a reality. She was gone, the loss of her scent confirmed my fear before I was even in the house, but I couldn't stop myself from searching every room in the house that we'd made a home, until I reached the bedroom, which I saved for last, unable to face it sooner.

I didn't make a conscious choice to fall, my knees simply turned to mush below me and I collapsed, grabbing desperately at the paper, which I wouldn't be able to read for hours until the tears finally took a break.

 _For the last couple years of my life, Solace, you have given me more than I could ever ask for, so now I'm giving you something and I pray you take it graciously. This is a ticket to Italy. I wish you the best of everything, but I know now that this can not include me. I have spent so long revolving around you and I can't live my life constantly in fear of being thrown out of orbit. I want to be normal, I want to live a normal life. I'm sorry for being selfish, but I know you cannot live without him and I also know that I can't be a part of that._

 _Please don't follow me. This wasn't an easy decision to make and I won't be turning back._

 _I will love you always,_

 _Madd_


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Return to Solitude

* * *

 _For the last couple years of my life, Solace, you have given me more than I could ever ask for, so now I'm giving you something and I pray you take it graciously. This is a ticket to Italy. I wish you the best of everything, but I know now that this can not include me. I have spent so long revolving around you and I can't live my life constantly in fear of being thrown out of orbit. I want to be normal, I want to live a normal life. I'm sorry for being selfish, but I know you cannot live without him and I also know that I can't be a part of that._

 _Please don't follow me. This wasn't an easy decision to make and I won't be turning back._

 _I will love you always,_

 _Madd_

The note still sat on my nightstand, mocking me as I sat in the dark. I hadn't left my room in two days and now I had a choice to make.

Phil came over as soon as Chloe came back to La Push in Maddox's convertible which she had been instructed to give back to me, but he left quickly when he registered my need to be alone. We had been friends almost all of my life and though he seemed scared for me, worried and as confused as I was, he left me alone with my thoughts and my choices, like he knew I needed to be.

I could follow her, I could beg her, I could tell her she was all I needed and show her we could live the life we planned. Or I could admit to myself that my life had changed irrevocably with the discovery of my son and it could not go back to the way it was.

It was my fate, I was fated to be alone. I had come to grips with that after Leah left me, before Amber came back into my life, before I was blinded with hope that Maddox could or would want to be with me the way I dreamed. I hated being cavalier about it. Maddox was the best thing that ever happened to me, but part of me always knew I didn't deserve and was not good enough to keep her forever.

This hurt, more than anything else ever had, it burned through each one of my nerves till I was numb but there was hope. I tried to scold myself for thinking about it, but there was still a fire inside, a small flame that kept me going, and his name was Kai. If I followed Maddox, if I tried to push us past this and still I lost her to the world, to another man or to a brighter future, what would I have left? I couldn't crawl back to Italy after that.

Maddox didn't want me to follow her, she had given up on me, and if I didn't make a choice now, if I didn't go now, before Kai was old enough to realize what a disappointment I was as a human being, I would lose it all.

Annie came on the third day, the day I was to board the plane, while I struggled with the daunting task of packing when my whole body was still immobile.

"Are… do you need a ride to the airport?" She asked. She let herself in, not bothering to knock, fearing I guess that I wouldn't let her in and truthfully I wasn't sure if I would have, but now that she was in, I didn't have the energy to waste fighting with her.

"I guess." I had one bag, a small black carry-on, with red piping that I had bought before we left for Brazil because my old set had seen far too much damage.

Annie, dressed much like I remembered Amber used to, in a soft yellow tube dress and gold heels, teetered to my side, digging in my closet to remove select pieces of clothing which she folded and placed in my case with care.

"I'm sorry, you know, Solace," she said not looking at me while she focused her energy on packing away my life.

"Yeah, doesn't really surprise me, it's… typical. Don't worry about it."

The situation, the lack of compassion, respect, love, caring, they were to be expected. I had allowed myself to believe that through association with Maddox that I had somehow weaseled myself into the hearts of the pack circle, but again I was faced with the reality. I had no family and only one friend here.

I was over half a century old, I had been part of this pack for almost four decades and still I had allowed myself to be fooled by them, to believe that I was actually a part of the group and not an undesired variable.

Annie left my room walking through to the bathroom where she shuffled around till she returned with a bag of toiletries.

"Are you… Ethan has a spare room for you if you want… or if it would be more comfortable for you there is a hotel nearby… Embry and Leticia live in a house outside of Venice and they would be happy to have you." I knew she wasn't actually here to help, but it wasn't until she brought up the housing arrangements that I realized why she had come. They had sent Annie because they knew I would never disrespect the little girl I used to baby sit.

"I get it. I know I'm not welcome, I'll find my own way," I said stiffly, avoiding her eyes which were now watering as she fidgeted uncomfortably next to my now packed luggage.

"It's not like that, Solace," she whispered wiping her eyes with her left hand which dazzled with a diamond, as Maddox's had before she left me.

"Oh, well, then why don't you enlighten me, Annabelle what is it like?" I asked bitterly. She blanched taking a step away from me as if she feared I'd attack. I had never spoken to her like this or really anyone within the pack, but I no longer cared about propriety or bonds, I had none.

I took a seat at the desk, crossing my good leg over my bad leg which throbbed more painfully now that Maddox was gone and leaned back, waiting for an answer.

"Amber is in a relationship, it's serious and—"

"Yeah, with a bloodsucker, I got that part of the story," I interrupted sharply.

"Yes, with a venomous part-vampire, and he lives with her. It probably wouldn't be very comfortable for any of you and—"

"And by 'any of you' you mean your precious Amber, yeah, got it."

"Why are you being like this?" She asked now crying full on, and in a world were I was still me, where I hadn't been ripped into indistinguishable parts I would have felt bad, but right now her tears were just water, meaningless.

"How would you like me to be, Annabelle Cameron? Did I not give up everything I had to be with Amber? Did I not treat her well, support her or give her enough for your fucking respect? Why was it that everything I ever did for your family wasn't enough? Who gave Ethan the money to get out of here before he was killed by David? Huh? That car in your dad's garage? Who paid for that when your father couldn't? And every fucking thing I did didn't amount to enough respect for you not to kidnap my child! Fuck you and your family!" I screamed pointing to the door but she was out before I even finished.

I drove to the airport in Maddox's convertible with Chloe, who made it staunchly clear before she stepped foot in the car that she was not apologetic about helping her friend "escape" and I didn't fault her for it. I would have done the same for Phil and I had done it for Ethan before, when I still looked at him like a brother, though I hated hearing her use the word escape as if I had somehow held Maddox prisoner. I knew Maddox would have been better off without me, but I hated that others viewed it as imprisonment. She had wanted to be with me, even if it had been only for a short while, I know that she had loved me.

I gave Chloe the keys, the registration and a thousand dollars as long as she promised to get the car back to Maddox and make her keep it, which she agreed to without a second thought. The SeaTac airport had expanded in the last two years and I pushed through, being intimidatingly large and looking surly had that kind of effect, and it worked equally as well at the Milano Malpensa Airport, where I towered over the crowd menacingly.

And then I saw him. He looked like me. All the preparations I made as I boarded the plane and on the overnight flight, where I sat stiffly playing out the meeting, had not prepared me for the actual moment I laid eyes on him.

Every time I had envisioned my son, I imagined he was like Amber or a mix of his uncles Taylor and Ethan, who stood now providing an efficient hiding spot for Kai, but I had never allowed my mind to wander far enough to wonder what he had inherited from me. It burned, it hurt so much more seeing him like a tiny Solace, shy and apprehensive hiding behind Ethan's legs as he evaluated me.

His eyes were dark and ever so slightly hooded as mine were, though like mine that was balanced by being perfectly symmetrical. His cheekbones were high and defined for a child so small, his jaw ever so slightly squared, he was still too young for the chiseled features but all the components were there, waiting for puberty to refine them. His skin which was as deeper tanned like his mother and his lips, which were plump and arched were the only Cameron-like components that he seemed to possess.

"Solace, it's been a long time." Ethan held out his arms for a hug and only two weeks ago I wouldn't have thought twice about walking into them, in fact I might have run to them. Ethan had for so long been like a brother, a silent advisor, a confidant. I had stupidly believed we had some sort of connection, but now that that allusion had been destroyed I just nodded, silently appraising Kai who watched me with the same curious eyes.

I wanted to touch him, I wanted to hold him and smell him and know for sure that this was real, but I knew from the way he held onto Ethan's legs that he did not. I waved tentatively when he peeked his head out and he unclasped his hand for just long enough to wave back.

"I got you something," I whispered when we were settled in the car, Kai strapped in the back seat beside me, Ethan and Amber in front pale as ghosts.

Amber sat in the passenger side and when she heard me speak she whirled around, afraid I guess that I would hurt him or upset him in some way and when Kai saw the horror on her face he joined her.

I leaned in, placing my head on her seat so that only she and Ethan would hear me.

"Am I not supposed to talk to him?" I asked bitingly and she gasped, searching my eyes for something, warmth maybe, but when she found none she shook her head and turned back around, her hand now on her heart.

I dug in my bag, pulling out the small toy plane I had purchased at the airport in Washington. It was red and old fashioned, but the second it was in his line of sight he smiled, reaching his hands out to grab it. Our fingers brushed as I passed it to him and his smile widened.

"You're warm like Papa. You're still a wolf," he noted with approval. Papa. Will was Papa and he was warm, great, just fucking great. I slumped back in my seat watching him as he happily played with the toy, pushing it down his leg like a runway before sailing it as far as he could reach in every direction.

"I'm Papa by the way," Ethan whispered sadly and I met his eyes for the first time, they were blank.

"Why don't you like Papa Ethan?" Kai asked me when we pulled up to the house which was vastly large, dwarfing the small cottage that had not been here last time I visited.

"I just don't know him anymore, Kai," I answered carefully and Ethan who had opened the door to unstrap him from his car seat sighed.

"Well, you have to know Papa Ethan, he's the best," Kai said seriously when I rounded the car to where he stood, keeping my bag in the backseat.

"Well I'm happy he's good to you," I said sincerely.

I smelled Jasper before I felt him, the calming balm he doused me with was not expected or appreciated but it was so strong I couldn't complain. Alice, who wore a short peach dress under a thick green sweater appeared from the back of the house.

"Solace," Alice called for me, her arms out to grab me as she always did when we were near and I let her, slumping into her arms as soon as she was close. "You look like hell," she whispered in my ear and I nodded, Jasper's rock hard hand clapping my back.

"Solis!" Leticia pushed through the crowd, pulling me to her all too familiar body. I had worshipped her. In another life her touch, this hug would have soothed any pain imaginable, but now it felt as hollow as my heart.

"I begged her to tell ju." She promised, pulling away when Embry's solid frame came to stand behind her.

"Solace." He acknowledged me with an awkward nod which I returned.

"Are ju hungry? I cooked," Leticia asked, batting her husband away from her with a look of annoyance and though I couldn't remember the last thing I ate, I politely declined.

"I'm starving!" Kai announced, running up the back steps and into the house. My hand instantly reached for him though he was already out of sight.

"Come on, I made jour favorite," Leticia sighed, linking her arm through mine and pulling me towards the house. "Embry, get his bag," she demanded but I put my hand out to stop him.

"No, I'm not staying here," I said evenly and she stopped, blocking my entrance to the house where Kai was and where I desperately wanted to be.

"Where are ju going?" Leticia asked, her hand placed firmly on her hip.

"I'll sleep in the woods," I said making the decision on the spot. I hadn't actually thought it through but it would be the best way to stay near without subjecting the family to my obviously unwelcome presence.

"Stop being stupid, ju'll sleep in the house. Embry, get his bag!"

"No, just don't, Letty," I begged. Leaning into her, I whispered, "I'm not staying where I'm not welcome, just drop it, please."

"Stop being an ass and maybe you'd be welcome," Ethan hissed pushing past me, Amber at his heel, I grabbed her.

"Can we talk?" I asked as politely as I could muster. I hadn't expected him to be at the airport. I had expected some sort of confrontation, possibly an altercation before I was granted the right to see my son and now I had been thrown for such a loop I was unsure how to respond.

"Yeah… guys can you give us a minute? And Embry, put his bag in my house," she called and Embry did as he was told, the rest of the group dispersing immediately.

Amber crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned against the wall staring at me nervously, waiting for me to speak but I didn't know what to say. I needed to know that she hadn't done this to hurt me, the part of me that still saw her as my best friend needed to know she wouldn't have robbed me of this out of spite, but I couldn't find the words.

"I feel like I don't know you anymore." It didn't mean anything, the words, they didn't really express the immense sorrow that filled every millimeter of my body, the anger that filled every part of my heart that once held love, but they were enough.

"You don't. I'm not the same girl you married, I'm a mom and I would say that I'm sorry but I did the right thing for him and I'm not," she said with an edge as if she were daring me to object.

"Am I so terrible that he needs to be protected from me?" I asked, turning my tear-filled eyes away from her as Embry made his way back inside.

"No, Solace, you have to know that's not why I did this," she broke down, following me to the edge of the porch where she pulled my hands away from my face.

"Then tell me why, Amber, why? We could have had a life. We could have had a family."

"You have an imprint," she interjected sternly, though her eyes were soft.

"Not anymore." Amber made small tentative steps toward me and when I didn't back away she took two large stride, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry, this isn't how it was supposed to happen," she breathed.

"Solace, your food is getting cold!" Kai screamed halting on the porch when he caught sight of Amber in my arms. He tilted his head, scrunching his eyes up in confusion before he ran back in the house.

"Come on, let's eat."

I stayed in the smallest room in the cottage, which Amber seemed to be subconsciously setting up as a nursery though she didn't notice it. The room was painted in a light yellow, the sheets on the small bed were soft and muted, the furniture all stark white.

William, whose sickly vampire smell filled the house, was not happy about it and I took extra pleasure in that though the compost smell of his venom made me sick to my stomach.

What I didn't like about William was the arrogant way he moved, the cocky way he held Amber as if I hadn't already had her in every way possible, in more ways than his infantile mind could even imagine. I hated the way he looked at me with such disdain, the height in which he held his nose. He was nothing like his parents; he had none of Jake's light heartedness or Nessie's soft kindness. He was like a distorted version of Edward who had always been my least favorite Cullen and most of all I hated the way Kai worshipped him. I had never had a fair shot. I came here in pieces, a watercolor version of the old me, to a boy who knew nothing of me and didn't need me. He had made bonds, he had chosen a father and there was no room for me.

On the fourth day I stopped trying, I took runs, long grueling runs to work the burning pain in my leg. I visited Emmett and Rosalie outside of Venice and I watched the sun set over the valley and by the time I came back on the sixth day, limping and exhausted he came to me.

"Do you like planes?" Kai asked softly from the doorway. My back was to him as I massaged the sore muscles in my leg, I tripped over myself to face him and regretted it the second his eyes landed on my leg and traveled up to my mangled chest.

"What happened to you?" He squealed rushing to my side and inspecting my chest closer.

"I'm a wolf… I used to train other wolves and vampires how to fight, and sometimes I went to war," I explained as his fingers reached out tracing my peck tentatively, scared almost, as if they would bite him. I flexed my chest muscles, contracting and releasing them under his fingers and he giggled, the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

"Can you teach me to be a wolf?" He asked poking at the leg I was kneading, his effort to help me as I massaged the tortured limb.

"Well, I don't know if I could teach you to be a wolf… but I'll tell you a secret," I said conspiratorially.

"What?" He asked kneeling on his knees in front of me, almost bouncing with excitement and though I knew it wasn't possibly he reminded me so much of Phil when we were children.

"Because I'm your father, you are guaranteed to be a wolf, no doubt." I said confidently.

"Guaranteed?" He gasped, his eyes burning with visible joy.

"Guaranteed, and when you phase, if you want me to, I can train you to be the best," I promised holding my finger out for him to pinky swear with. He took it, wrapping his little finger around mine and kissing the union, as Amber used to do when she was a child.

"Solace?" He whispered my name now, inspecting the soft sheet of my bed.

"Yes, Kai?" The smile that spread across my face dropped when I saw the apprehension he now held.

"Why didn't you come to see me before?" He asked turning so his eyes could focus on the white dresser in front of him.

"I didn't know about you," I said simply.

"Why didn't you know about me?" he prodded.

I wasn't sure what the best angle was to go at this. I didn't want to lie to him, "Because your mother didn't tell me."

"Why didn't she tell you?" He persisted and I wanted to tell him, the bitter part of me wanted to damn Amber and sully her name, but I just couldn't do it.

"I don't know Kai, but I'm here now," I said lying back against the pillows finally giving up on the prospect of massaging my leg to the point that it didn't burn.

"Are you going to stay?" He asked shimmying up the bed and settling at my side, I tested the water, putting my arm out for him to use as a pillow and he took it without hesitation.

"If you want me to," I whispered turning to face him better. He looked up at me, batting his charcoal black eyes lashes which were thick and long like Amber's.

"And if I don't want you to?" He asked, yawning, covering his pouty little lips with the back of his tiny hand.

"Then you can just tell me to go," I made a sweeping motion with my hand and his eyes, identical to mine, followed the movement.

"Okay. I don't want you to go before I become a wolf because I want you to train me to be the best wolf I can be… How long do you think that will take?"

"There's at least another nine years before you even phase," I reasoned and he slumped against me in defeat.

"Oh… well, maybe you can stay in Ethan's house… this room is for the new baby. I already wrote the letter to the stork, I asked Will if he could send it and he said he would try. Or maybe you can make a house next to ours so I can come have sleepovers."

"I'd like that," I promised, beaming at him with such pride I was close to bursting.

He leaned even closer and I used the opportunity to hug him to my chest. "What about your girlfriend? Will she come too?"

"I don't have a girlfriend anymore… she left me, she doesn't love me anymore." Saying the words out loud, even after I thought I had come to grips with it, expected it even, burned with an unimaginable intensity.

"Do you still love her?" He asked tilting his head upwards so that he could look me in the eye, mine now watering.

I turned my face away so that he couldn't see the single tears release from the far corner. "Yes… very much."

"Oh… I'm sorry. Did you come to get mommy back?" His little hand reached for my chin pulling me back to face him.

"No." I hadn't. That was the farthest thing from my mind when I came here… though that could no longer be said now. She had my son, she had the only thing left in my shit life, she had some amount of love for me, more than any woman I had ever been with seemed to retain and she was still undeniably Amber. She may have grown, may have changed a little, but the core of who she was, was still the same. I still knew more about her than any man ever would, I still shared a history with her that no one else could mimic or erase.

She had left me so I could be with Maddox, but the only woman in the world capable of loving me, truly loving me seemed to be Amber. The problem with that plan being she seemed to be at least mildly happy with William and after having Maddox, after having a taste of what pure love was like I wasn't sure I could ever truly be with anyone else.

"Oh… okay… I'm tired," he said standing to leave. He paused turning to look at my bed then back at me. "Can I sleep here?"

"Yeah, do you want me to—I mean, yeah, sure. Are you ready for bed now?" I asked and as if he expected me to say no he was now joyous.

"Yup, all ready," he said jumping back on the bed. I giggled, hugging him again.

"Okay, well I have to brush my teeth," I said and when he made a face I did the father-like thing for the first time in my life, picking him up and carrying him with me to the washroom. "Come on, gotta keep your teeth healthy, no girl will want a toothless boyfriend."

"Okay," he sighed and reluctantly agreed, covering his little red toothbrush with bubblegum flavored toothpaste.

"See and you even got the good tasting kind of paste," I noted pulling my toothbrush and adult-like mint flavored stuff from the big sandwich bag Annie had packed for me.

"When you're an adult you don't get the good kind anymore." I informed him and he smiled adorably, the pink foam of his toothpaste covering his teeth. Kai bit down on his brush pulling my brush from my hand and smothering it in his pink candy flavored goo.

"I won't tell the other adults," he said through a mouth full of glob. We brushed in silence side by side in the mirror, me and my mini-me, who was employing the circular up and down method like a pro.

"Can you tell me about La Push?" He asked when we were finally settled down in the bed which was too small for the both of us, meaning he was mostly sprawled across my chest.

I stroked his silky black hair, marveling at its softness. "Sure, what do you want to know?"

"Is it pretty like this?" He asked.

"It's beautiful, more beautiful even to me. There's three big clean beach and forest of trees surrounding the whole town," I said softly, watching as he battled to keep his eyes open.

"Are there any kids like me there?" He asked his little chest rumbling against mine as he spoke.

"No, there's only one Kai… but there are other children… my best friend has a daughter whose a little bit older than you and a son whose very little like your cousin Emilia," I whispered as his eyelids grew heavier.

"Solace?" He breathed, his eyes now glued shut.

"Hmm?"

"Goodnight." Kai rolled over, throwing his leg over mine before his breathing and heart slowed and he was finally asleep.

"Kai… Kai… pilot?" William's annoying voice called through the house, getting closer to where we were. Kai was still sleeping heavily against my chest, a little dribble of drool leaking from his pouty lips onto my peck.

Will wrenched open the door and Kai, who could apparently sleep through anything, didn't even stir.

"Good morning," I breathed so low that even if Kai were awake he wouldn't be able to hear it.

"What's he doing in here?" Will asked stepping farther into the room. The wolf in me, that smelled his venom, like honey mixed with rubbing alcohol, wanted to attack, to protect my territory and my offspring; I settled for grimacing at him.

"He's sleeping with his father, don't trail your stench in my room," I hissed shooing the child away.

"Your room?"

"Yes, it's my room as long as I want it, or didn't Amber tell you that?" I said with mock shock.

"No, she didn't." His eyes flared dangerously when Kai's little hands reached out for me, pulling himself closer.

I smiled at him, using my most charming smirk, which I knew from experience had the reverse effect on heterosexual males.

"Well, it is her house, so I guess she didn't feel it necessary to discuss the finer details with her...boy toy or whatever you are."

"We're going to get married," he insisted, his voice raising to a new octave making Kai stir.

I held my pointer finger to my lips, staying completely calm while the toddler Will fumed.

"Married, huh? Does Amber know that or are you waiting till its legal… what do you have, like ten more years?"

"She loves me." He was all but screaming now, his hand balled into little fist.

"That's nice," I whispered kissing Kai's forehead gently and dismissing Will with two quick waves towards the door, which he slammed behind him.

"Solace?" Kai's scratchy morning voice called out of me, holding on tighter once he realized I was still within grasp.

"It's okay little guy, everything fine." And with that he fell back to sleep as William retreated to Amber's room reemerging a few minutes later and driving off.

There were very few things in the world I was good at, actually only two: sex and intimidating any form of male competition. It came naturally, I was attractive, I had been gifted little but physical beauty was at the top of that list. I am not a smart man or good man, or as was a well documented fact, I am not a lovable man but that had never been important to women and that was what intimidated any potential male suitors.

When Kai finally woke up for good I was waiting for him, the winner of our little pissing contest, which was but a small victory. Kai still called him Daddy, but I was finally in the game, I was a contender.

"What do you want for breakfast, Son?" I asked as we rinsed the last mouthful of toothpaste away, standing side by side, a routine I was beginning to live by.

"French toast or Captain Crunch," he said after a long bout of child-like analysis.

"French toast it is," I answered, weary of any snack that contained close to 50% sugar content. I had a lot planned for the day, five years of wasted time to make up for and I didn't need him passing out in a sugar coma by mid afternoon.

"With cinnamon raisin bread?" He asked hopping up on the island counter with flourish. I inspected her cabin before replying.

"Nope with ultra nutritious, incredibly delicious whole grain, grains and nut bread." I presented the loaf to him as if I were sharing the world's eighth wonder and he frowned, obviously not impressed. As a close observer of children within the pack I had noticed just how much more focused, energetic and healthy Mark and Jordan's organic low-sugar duo appeared and as a new father I planned to follow in their footsteps.

Kai was not pleased. "Eww! That's old people healthy bread!"

"I have it on good authority that young boys can eat it too. Believe me you want keep yourself on the top of your game. Healthy teeth, lean body, you're going to be girl magnet," I sang.

"And then I can get a wife?" He asked skeptically.

"No, not any wife, like the world's most beautiful wife and she'll love you forever," I promised as Amber glided in, her short blue robe wrapped snugly around her slender body. Amber's coppery legs were still remarkably toned and alluring though they didn't appeal to me as they used to.

"Are you telling our son how to be a womanizer?" Amber asked with mock incredulity, though she winked at me as soon as Kai hopped off his stool and into her arms.

"Not exactly. I'm just telling you to be healthy. Right, Kai?" I asked coming up behind Amber and nuzzling her from behind so that my arms reached around front cuddling Kai even closer to his mother. Kai grabbed my face with the free hand he wasn't using to keep himself aboard the Amber train and smiled even wider.

"Yup, so I can have the world's most beautiful wife and I can protect her for always because Solace is going to teach me how to be the best wolf," Kai told her as she placed him back down at the counter. I went back to beating my eggs, watching her as she appraised the situation, adding honey to the mixture as her smile widened.

"You know, I was sorta hoping our son would be more like… well, neither of us, I guess," Amber joked buttering the pan for me as we used to do when we were married and made monthly brunches for us.

"Half you, half me, no chance he's not going to drive the ladies crazy," I whispered to her and she giggled resting her head on my shoulder as I placed the first piece of toast into the sizzling butter.

"Lord, how are we going to handle him and Emmett as a tag team of teenagers?" Amber asked, and I had to do a double take. This was the first time she'd talked about us as a team as a parenting duo and I liked it.

"Who better to ruin their fun than us? We know all of the tricks," I joked and Kai, now sitting on the counter fiddling with two toy planes, screamed.

"What are you talking about?" His little feet were swinging off the edge and for the first time in days it seems, I wasn't thinking about Maddox. The stinging emptiness that vibrated in my chest since I realized she was gone didn't burn so much.

"You," we said in unison and as a family, as a solid unit that I had never belonged to before, we laughed.

"Mom, where's Will?" Kai asked and I concentrated my energy on the food, though I could feel her eyes boring holes into the side of my head.

Amber turned her energy to me as I pretended to be innocent though I knew I wasn't succeeding. "I don't know, Honey, maybe your father knows… Solace?"

"He wasn't pleased to see me and Kai bonding… he'll get over it," I said dismissively and to my surprise she didn't probe anymore, settling next to me and juicing some oranges.

"Solace?" Kai called after a long bout of silence. He was currently flying the red plane I gave him around his mother's head with a 'vrrmm, vrmm' kind of sound.

"Yes, Kai?" I answered flipping my final piece of toast. I looked back at him over my shoulder and my answering smile was doubled by his.

"Can you take me to the park today with Em?"

"Yes," I answered without a second thought. I pulled him under my arm carrying him to the table alongside my platter full of toast.

"The good park?" He pushed and I gave Amber a questioning look, my eyes begging for more information.

Amber brushed my arm, pouring me some orange juice before she spoke. "I'll go with you, the two of them can be a handful."

"Solace, watch this, watch this!" Ethan's son Emmett cried, using Kai's back to leap over him like a leapfrog. This was his third attempt, the first two having gone disastrously wrong, though all seemed to have been forgotten now that they had finally mastered it.

Amber who stood next to me, making small talk about anything except for the fact that my imprint had just left me because she made the fatal error of hiding my child, covered her eyes in fear. "How can you watch this?"

"Little boys get hurt sometimes, he's tough, he'll live," I soothed her and without warning she rested her head on me, wrapping her tiny fingers in mine. When the boys were done, we carried one each on our backs, our hands still joined until we had to strap them in to their car seats.

"My dad said you guys should come over for dinner because Leticia and Embry are going back to Venice tonight," Emmett said when we finally got on the road.

"Solace, do you wanna..." She trailed off, biting her thick bottom lip. Ethan and I had not spoken again since I arrived.

"Yeah, sounds good." I offered her my hand, lying it face up on the arm rest and she took it.

When we parked behind Ethan's house, both Emmett and Kai scrambled out without a word leaving Amber and I, still holding hands in the front seat. She turned to me, older, but still the beautiful and unconditionally loving Amber she had always been. I don't know who leaned in first but her lips were on mine before I had a chance to stop it.

She didn't taste as sweet, the euphorically caramel tinge to her seemed to have lessened over the years but the power of her desire for me hadn't. She threw her leg over me, squeezing herself between me and the steering wheel. I ripped her out of the car running with her on my throbbing leg into her house and through her bedroom door without a word.

I placed her on her light wooden vanity, and she spread for me, pressing her back against the center of the three paneled folding mirror and pulling me to her. My reflection, captivated me, I looked old, years older, my eyes were droopy, and my skin lacked the spark it had adopted during the last three years, but she still wanted me.

Amber ripped my shirt off of my back digging her heels and her nails into my skin to pull me closer. I could feel the warmth of her center pressed against the light linen of my pants and my growing stiffness. I smelled him, I smelled William's approach and the reasonable man in me told me to step away, but the wolf in me, who sensed the venom of my ancient enemy proceeded, tearing the soft underwear under her silk dress away in one swift motion and plunging two thick fingers inside of her without warning.

Amber bucked into me, calling out in unexpected bliss, "Solace!" I pumped more insistently goading her on, curving my fingers to hit her g-spot as I heard him open the front door of the house. I used my thumb to massage her clit and she threw her head back against the mirror, "Ungh! Solace!"

I wasn't prepared for his speed as only a quarter-vampire, I didn't know he could reach me so quickly but the battle instinct in me had been prepared for his strength. He pulled me by the back of my neck and with one swift turn I was out of Will's grasps.

"Will, stop!" Amber screamed as he lunged for me, his teeth fully bared in a sadistic smile, pools of venom catching in his mouth, filling the room with the smell of a citrus compost heap.

He lunged at me and his teeth just barely missed my shoulder. I used his momentum to flip him around, he landed with a deafening crash on the bed and for two whole counts I thought he was done, but he twirled on the bed kicking me hard in my bum leg causing me to teeter and collapse. When he came in for the kill I was ready for him, elbowing him hard in the face causing the sickening crush of broken bone and a dramatic gush of blood which made Amber erupt.

"STOP IT, WILL! Solace, please!" She moved to come between us and William pushed her back springing back towards me with little to no skill. I grabbed him by his hair turning his venomous mouth, which he was wielding like a weapon away from me and kicking him square in the back.

"STOP! DADDY!" And it wasn't Amber, Will's blood and putrid smell had masked Kai's entrance and I turned transfixed to find my son in tears watching on in horror. Will lie face down on the bed, his heart and breathing normal, though the pool of blood spreading from his nose made the sight all that much more gruesome.

"Kai—"

"Daddy!" Kai pushed past me running for Will but Amber got to him first.

"Will are you okay? Kai, go get Papa Ethan," she said calmly but her hands were shaking and when she looked at me the lust, the reservoirs of love she had stored for me, and the future we had as a family vanished. All that was left was anger.

"He attacked me," I fired first, certain there was soon to be a trial and I would be branded public enemy number one; it had happened too many times in my life.

"He's just a boy, he's not a hundred year old vampire or one of your pack buddies!" She screamed, beating against my chest. I grabbed her hand stilling it, pulling her against me again.

"Amber, I didn't want to fight him. I don't want to fight, I just want to be back here with you. I want to be a family like we were supposed to be." I was grasping for straws desperate to persuade her before Ethan and Embry and whoever else would come here. Her eyes locked on mine and for a moment, a long silent moment I could see her fold, I could see her creating the perfect picture of our world, the world that she has dreamt since she was a little girl.

"You have an imprint," she reasoned, but her hands in mine no longer struggled for freedom.

"An imprint who doesn't love me! You had to have known, Amber… you had to have known that one day she would leave me. Look what we made together, look at our son, he's perfect. We could have more, you always wanted more, Amber. You don't have to die, you don't have to leave our son for God knows how long so that you can make yourself a better match for him, you're already perfect for me." The words burned coming out, not only because they weren't a hundred percent true, I knew Maddox was my match, I knew it down the very marrow of my bone, but because it was a desperate plea. My last grasping attempt at happiness.

I had allowed myself to dream of a perfect future with Maddox but I ruined that before she even hit puberty by not trusting in the power of our connection. I obliterated every possibility of us every truly being happy together by clinging to Amber and by later returning to the comfort of her love before Maddox was even old enough to show me what we could be. Amber was my only hope for a semi-normal life and if she turned me away now I would be alone, I would return to the solitude that had plagued me since birth.

"Solace, I—" I will never know her answer, what Amber would have said then without the pressure of William's presence or the reemergence of Kai now flanked by Embry and Ethan, because all at once things blew up.

William awoke with a vengeance, swinging at anything in sight, his fist connecting squarely with Embry's jaw when he moved to intercede.

"Go! Get out of here. I don't want you here!" Kai screamed, and like father like son, Kai kicked me in the still burning spot Will had attacked earlier.

"Kai, look, little guy, it's not like it looks," I cried moving to kneel towards him, just as Embry lost hold of William who landed his first good punch across my cheek.

"You said you would go if I didn't want you and I don't, so go!" Kai screamed from Amber's arms. Amber and I shared one final look, before I was led out the door by Embry.

The strong wind of the cool night broke through my shield, and as if I had been sedated, as if I had been encased in a cloud of numbness since Maddox's exit that now had been blown away by the cruel wind, all the emotions, all the pain, physical and mental rained down on me, soaking through to my nerves.

I had lost everything, the flame that had still dared to flare in my heart had been extinguished and once again I was Solace, just Solace. A return to solitude.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A/N: So I thought one chapter and an epilogue would really round out the series like I wanted but seems I had more in me than I thought. I've completed 2 chapters and have two, maybe three more to go before I'm content. Thanks for the patience


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29: Just Being Maddox  
A Series of Vignettes From Maddox's First Year of College  
Part I

* * *

October 2053

Cristina's nails dug into my scalp and I could feel the hot stinging of blood trickling down the side of my face before the screaming erupted.

"You bitch!"

"What the fuck?" My brother yelled hopping over the banister, but Javier reached her first.

"Let her go, Tina!" He was calm, far too calm for my liking, the chunk of hair in her hands felt as if it would soon be ripped free and before my brother could get involved, I threw a punch that landed solidly on her jaw.

"Maddox, no!" Javier warned as she maliciously tightened her grip and using my full weight, I pushed her back against our car, elbowing her hard in the stomach. That's when it all blew up. Javier is one of seven children, five of those being girls, and three more charged at me. They can not be described as petite girls, not that I was, but three voluptuous girls charging while another clung to your back is enough to scare anyone.

"SAMMY!" I screamed for back-up because at a time like this, a female wolf was best.

"Get the fuck off me!" I yowled, connecting another solid elbow to her gut. My screams must have traveled through the house because before the rest of his large sisters could even reach me, Sammy, Harley and my mother were out the door.

There was a stand-off. Cristina let go of me and like an old country western, we were lined up facing our potential opponents. I didn't take my eyes off Cristina for long, but from what I could see, Sammy was in it to win, removing her earrings and adjusting her long silky hair.

"Javi, I am sorry. Please believe me!" I screamed, still not taking my eyes off of Cristina, who was ready to attack.

Marisol, the youngest of the sisters laughed nastily and spat a slurry of nasty Spanish curse words at me, the likes of which I had never heard.

"You know how much money this fucking thing cost?" Cristina asked looking at Javier, who had come to stand between us. He was crying now and the sight of my beautifully bubbly Javier crying was so powerful it sucked all the oxygen out of my lungs. This was the second time I had made him cry like this, I had pledged in Los Angeles never to do it again but if I was honest with myself I should have run back to Solace then.

"Javi, you can take the car, you can take everything. And the house, I know we aren't finished paying for it, but everything is yours, Javi. I'm so sorry! I'll find a way to pay you back for everything, really." I reached for him on instinct and for the first time in our whole relationship he declined my embrace, pushing the two sisters within his reach back towards his car.

"I don't want the money, Maddie, and that house is empty without you in it," he threw back over his shoulder and my knees became so weak from guilt. I had to use my sister-in-law to keep standing. Sammy held my elbow and puffed out her chest still ready to fight.

"Javier…"

"Let's go, come on," he murmured in Spanish and as a line they began to retreat until the senior Morales, Yvette, stepped out onto the porch and I knew that I was screwed. Señora Morales was not to be fucked with. She was about to break me and though I knew it would be bad, the finish line was still in view and if I had to crawl to Solace I would.

* * *

Home

* * *

August 2046

 _My dorm room was much worse than even I could have imagined it to be and I have a pretty vivid imagination._

 _TV shows and movies never get dorm rooms right, they are always too big, too colorful and far too nice for what the reality of campus housing really presented. I wasn't prepared though for the true warmth and love I would find within those four dirty white walls because yeah, it might have been a hole, but that hole was home and despite it not having Solace, it was the best home I could ever have._

"Are you Mad-dicks?" She was small, the kind of annoyingly small girl that shopped in the juniors section for her amazing genetic clothes. Yeah, that assessment might be a bit harsh, but well, I just lost the love of my life so I can be a bitch, it's like a get out of jail free card. Your soulmate has a bastard child, you can be a giant cunt and get away with it.

"Maddox... it's one word," I said dryly, shaking her outstretched hand.

"Oh, sorry... that's a really unique name, where does it come from?" She asked way too chipper for my liking.

"Some old actress had an adopted Cambodian baby... my mom liked her," I said watching as she unloaded her first box.

I was moping, or I had been moping on the grassy area behind my dorm when I saw the light in my room flick on and I came in here to inspect the girl fate, or the campus housing's random computer placement, had thrust upon me. Today was officially move-in day. I had been living alone for the last three days and today my roommate, Clara St. James, (a ridiculous fucking name I might add) would take the smaller (believe me I measured) and slightly less livable part of the room under the rusted vent.

"Are you Cambodian then?" She asked unpacking a small box of framed photos all featuring her and a very blond, very all American boyfriend.

"No, I'm Quileute."

"What's a Quaalude?" She asked as I helped her lift her giant pink trunk over the threshold.

"Well a Quaalude is a psychedelic drug and a Quileute is a tribe of Native Americans that I belong to," I explained dropping the trunk at the of her bed.

"Oh, Native American, that's cool... I'm Irish," she said cheerfully, now pulling out the stacks and stacks of shoe boxes and loose shoes from inside her trunk and I was riveted. It was like a treasure chest. A lost treasure of glorious high heel shoes in every height, style and color.

"Wow, those are—you've got some amazing shoes," I whispered, giving her collection the awed reverence it deserved.

"Oh, yeah, my father's a buyer. He buys shoes and accessories for Barney's. You should see the bags I've got from him, they'll be arriving in the mailroom tomorrow. I might need some help bringing them all in if you wouldn't mind," she said casually, towers of designer shoe boxes whizzing back and forth as she tried to make a suitable place for them in our tiny closets.

"Yeah, um sure, that... Oh my God! Are those the Dior fall line snake skin ankle boots?" I asked all but throwing myself at her feet.

"Yup, just got them."

"But they are sold out everywhere, my fiancé had to put—I mean my ex-boyfriend called everywhere and put me on like twenty waiting lists in Washington," I said removing the lid to reveal the boots that seemed to glimmer in the cheap fluorescent lighting.

"I'm from California and my dad sorta gets first dibs on everything in the store. If you ever need anything I can call him, he gets a pretty kickin' discount too," she said bouncing back and forth across the room with a giant smile on her face.

"That would... wow, that'd be amazing," I gushed, images of designer shoes and handbags swimming into view.

"What size shoe do you wear?" She asked offhandedly, inspecting the meager storage space of our room, which I had struggled to fit all of my clothes in, especially after Solace sent the items I left behind by FedEx.

"I wear a nine," I said unfurling the long shoe rack that was rolled into her bag, the kind that attaches to the door.

"Great, me too!" She squealed and we worked through her closet the whole afternoon, optimizing space and chatting about designers and music and photography. Just before dinner time Chloe called, she had a message of some sort from my family that she needed to deliver. It was my car.

I should have guessed he would stoop that low, but really I had no choice but to take it. Chloe begged me with tears in her eyes, real tears, not the tears she used on Phil when he caught her sneaking back in the house.

"Is that your car?" Clara asked pointing out the window to the red convertible now safely parked in the parking lot.

"Yeah," I sighed dropping myself onto the tiny twin sized bed I had yet to get used to.

"Pretty fancy, your family must be loaded," she whistled. "That's a BMW X-9, that costs more than some people's houses!"

"Oh..." I actually didn't know much about my car. I'd picked it from a catalogue of cars presented to me by Solace and when I pointed it out, Solace insured me it was a good choice. That was as far as my knowledge of it went. "My ex-boyfriend bought it for me."

"Whoa! And you didn't keep him? Or did he dump you? Because honestly, I could totally understand your black widow thing now," she said pointing to my attire, which I had yet to realize was stark black against my skin.

"Yeah... but at least I got the car," I joked, and it wasn't a very good joke, but in the half a week since I left him, it was the first time I truly smiled.

"So wanna go out on the town and show that baby off?" She asked practically bouncing on her bed.

"Sure... let me change first," I said inspecting the drab clothes I'd mindlessly picked out this morning.

"Okay, I gotta call my boyfriend anyways," she said springing to the door, cell phone in hand. She stopped in the doorway and turned back to where I stood, hands trembling as I looked for something to change into. This was my new life, it hadn't hit home until this very second and it was terrifying. I would live a whole new life without my family, without my friends, without Solace.

"Hey, start your outfit with these," she said passing me the sacred box of Dior ankle boots as if she was handling the Holy Grail.

"What?"

"When I pick out an outfit, I always start from the bottom up," she said winking before she turned on her heels and ran out, leaving me staring after her, my first ever college friend.

* * *

Self-Discovery

* * *

 _In a way, leaving Solace was the first real decision I ever made in my life, but also in leaving him, I lost so much of me. Solace defined all the good parts of my ancient ancestry and of who I was, so like most college students in America, my first year of college was spent just figuring out me._

"The photography class is full!" I cried dropping myself onto my twin size bed across from Clara, who was busy painting her nails which she changed almost daily to match her outfits.

"Oh no… well, if you're really serious about it, you can go beg the prof to sign you in, just show up with your camera, participate in the first class then afterwards beg him. All the profs know that good classes fill up with seniors slacking off before us freshman can even think of signing up," she said optimistically.

Clara was the Queen of Optimism, seriously, she used to be in pageants and she always won Miss Congeniality because she spent most of her time praising her competition… she never won the big prize though, and well, she didn't seem to mind.

She's not an ugly girl, to the contrary she was amazingly cute, not pretty, but cute and when you got to know more about her, she became increasingly beautiful. She had long, sort of sandy brown hair and big eyes, the kind of big eyes you saw on old porcelain dolls but always seemed to be out of place on a human, though they just added to her cutesy appeal, which she played up to the fullest making her a deadly weapon.

"What if he's an ass? This is like, my major, this is why I came here, I mean my spot should be guaranteed," I sighed, picking out one of her many shades of polish and joining her in her beautification process.

"Well, first don't go in there looking like a slag, pick out your hottest outfit, do your hair, make-up, perfume—the works. Even if he's gay, looking your best never hurts. Then if he doesn't let you sign in, make a few friends in the class, the second someone drops you'll be the first to know," she said wisely, scrambling for the phone with freshly wet nails when it began to ring; her boyfriend.

Clara was pre-engaged, whatever the fuck that means, to Victor, a boy from her high school in Orange County. They have been dating for like three years, but Victor still had one more year of high school before he could join her here at EWU. They talked on the phone everyday at least twice, and each murmured 'I love you' burned me in the pit of my stomach.

"Hey, Vic," she cooed, rolling over to lie on her back, my sign to leave. It was Friday, the last day of freshman orientation, three days before the first classes of the semester, seven days before sorority rush started and three days since Solace left La Push; seven days in total since I'd seen or heard from him.

Part of me begged the other parts to call him, but the rest of me went on with my life. Nights were hardest, when I felt as though all my joints were disconnecting and I was a blob of skin, now empty and spineless. I went through a million different scenarios and ways to fix everything, to go back and change every interaction we ever had and make it work out. Was there anyway that we could have ever worked? Not as long as there was Amber. That seemed to be the final conclusion.

At every turn, every pivotal moment in our relationship was formed by Amber. Our imprint, the second he was supposed to be bound to me for life, was marred by Amber; five year old me could never compete with the girl who already proved to love him unconditionally. When she left him and he was pushed back to me, it was a loyalty to Amber that kept him away. And when he finally did give in to it, when we had finally made the relationship we should have, it was Amber again who took it away from me. I was too young to love him the way he wanted to be loved and she came back, after swearing she knew the error of her ways, she came back and destroyed any hope I ever had of being with him.

If there was such a thing as Genies in bottles or witches and I could somehow go back and prevent them from ever being together, we would have worked. I know that. At the very core of my being I knew we would have worked without any outside influence, but that's not how real life goes and no matter how well we were matched, when it came to the real world we just never had a chance.

"Are you going to buy a coke or just stare at it?" A deep velvety voice sounded sarcastically from behind me and I turned on my vintage Chanel shoes with a hiss.

"Can't you see I was thinking?" I spat, looking up at the dark specimen in front of me. He was tall, at least six three like Solace, wide and sorta burly in the shoulders, tapering down to his narrow waist and hips.

"Well don't hurt yourself. There are only six options. Coke, Diet Coke, Fanta Orange, Fanta Grape, Sprite and Diet Sprite," he leaned in, reading the options from behind me. "Are you on a diet?" He asked with a smirk.

"Are you calling me fat?" I cried and the second the sentence was out of my mouth he seemed to realize the weight of his words, his mouth turning down in a severe frown.

"No, no, no, not at all—you're beautiful, not that I mean a fat and beautiful are mutually exclusive," he sputtered and when my eyes grew even wider he backtracked, his voice growing higher and doubling in speed. "I mean you're not fat, just a little plump, and I-I like girls that way."

"Well that's nice to know," I sighed putting my coins in the machine and pulling out my grape soda without another look at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, Maddox," he called after me and I froze, realizing two very terrifying facts all at once. First, that he used my name when I had not offered it and second, that he was a boy in my all girls' dorm.

"How do you know my name?" I turned to him narrowing my eyes into evil slits, just in case he was some sort of stalker. I find the evil eye was at least effective in proving the point that you will not take any shit.

"You really don't remember me?" He asked leaning against my neighbors' wooden door.

"No, because I've never met you, Creep."

"Maddox Ateara, engaged to Solace Avery, from the La Push reservation in the Olympic Peninsula, sister named Harley, brother named Addison, mother an artist, father a Spanish professor," he listed, his smile wide with smugness.

"Oh yeah, that proves you're not a creep," I called, inching towards my door slowly.

"I'm Javier Morales. My cousin Sebastian is dating your cousin-like figure Chloe… I took your sister to a school dance which you also attended…"

"Oh… oh, okay." The relief from realizing that he wasn't in fact a serial killer stalking me in order to skin me alive or a vampire with some sick vendetta was overwhelming and I laughed out loud, maybe more fully than warranted, but I'd never really had to face this kind of danger before.

"I thought you were a stalker or serial killer," I explained and he watched me, his eyes examining my face that was quickly turning pink with mirth.

"Do you encounter serial killers often in your day to day life?" He asked in his velvety voice, which was like a soft caress that made goosebumps inexplicably breakout along my arms despite the late summer heat made worse in the non air-conditioned dorm.

"No, but a girl can never be too safe."

"I tell my sisters that all the time. Guys are not to be trusted," he said conspiratorially, his single dimple growing as he smiled at me.

"You got that right." I nodded to him, turning my doorknob and slipping inside, my heart beating inexplicably hard in my chest.

"Are you okay?" Clara asked, covering the mouth of her phone as she spoke to me.

"I-I think I was just flirting," I said taking a seat at my dilapidated wooden desk, carved with years of song lyrics, Greek letters and class years before even my own parents were born.

"Well good for you, Maddox," Clara whooped returning to her beloved.

"Yeah… good for me," I whispered to myself, watching as the sky grew black and the dark heavy clouds above relieved their load.

The first class on my schedule was not actually on my schedule, but as Clara suggested, I wasn't going to give up a semester worth of photography without a fight. I dressed in my very best sundress.

The class was meeting in the humanities building directly across the grassy lawn in front of my dorm and I ran to it, my Nikon camera ready to go. I was early and the class of registered students filed in behind me. There was a wide range of students, from obvious art majors with their bohemian style clothing to jocks with university letter jackets.

"Now who's stalking who?" Javier asked sliding onto the stool next to me, which he pushed closer than necessary.

His smile sent a splash of warmth to my gut and I hated it. "Yeah, like you even have any interest in photography," I said a bit more harshly than necessary.

"I have an interest in nature as a matter-of-fact, and seeing as you didn't get the memo, I should warn you that this class calls for some serious hiking and… while I do see the appeal in strappy heels that make you a head taller than any girl around, they are probably not fit for an adventure," he smirked, leaning in to brush my hair, which created a curtain between us, back behind my ear.

"You talk too much," I hissed rolling my eyes at him. I hated how comfortable he seemed to feel with me, the swagger and the confidence he possessed, so sure I would fawn all over him. The professor, a short and athletic looking man, entered the room from the left and I turned away from Javier and the sweet smell of his cologne.

"And you're sort of a stuck up bitch, so I guess we're even," he whispered placing his arm around the back of my chair, I elbowed it, hard, scooting the chair as far away from him as I could without sitting on top of someone else.

Javier laughed, throwing his head back and releasing a throaty chuckle that reminded me painfully of Solace. The sound made me scoot even farther away from him so that the girl next to me had to adjust her seat.

Professor Anders didn't take roll, he passed out a syllabus, pointed out the things we needed to purchase in town and led the way out into nature, which would be the focus of the class that was titled: The World Through a Lens. I tottered on my heels, but feeling Javier's eyes on me, I refused to pant or make faces as we wove through the trees and up small hills that were entirely too steep for my liking.

"So how's your fiancé?" Javier asked, aimlessly taking poor shots of a tree beside him.

"No longer my fiancé as I'm sure you've heard," I shot back fiercely, my eyes watering without my permission. I would have left it at that, but like the perfectionist I am, I couldn't stand watching him butcher the art of photography and with shaking hands I grabbed his camera, focused the lens and redirected it.

"I'm sorry... about your break-up," he whispered softly as we finally made it back into the humanities building.

"It's fine, I'm fine," I repeated automatically, it was a habit of mine now whenever any of the wolf-girls or my family members called me and inevitably brought up that dreaded subject.

"No you're not, but you will be, believe me, I've got five sisters. I'm an expert on these things."

"I should have gone to an art school, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking coming to a school without a fucking photography program, Clara!" I cried as we were herded down to the first floor meeting room for our dorm wide welcome/rules night.

"Okay, so the first semester was a bust, but next semester will be better now that you've got your name in the door." Clara smiled her infectious smile, linking her arm with mine. "And... besides I think you'll like the meeting," she sang.

"Yeah, a meeting about rules for our substance free girls dorm—sounds fabulous," I threw out sarcastically.

"It's not the rules you'll like," she whispered mischievously, pointing through the crowd and directly at Javier. "He's our resident director," she informed me just as Javier's big bright smile beckoned to me.

"Maddox!" He called waving for me to come over. I blushed, my cheeks feeling uncomfortably hot as I walked over to him.

"Hi," I whispered looking shyly down at my feet.

"So did you get that class sorted out?" He asked warmly, girls all around us trying to listen in on our conversation.

"No... he was sorta a douche about it actually." I pulled my chin from my chest, taking in his face for the first time. He was gorgeous, more attractive than I had given him credit for, and it hurt me, I didn't want to think about him or anyone like that. I'd let Solace go, but my heart still belonged to him and I didn't want to give it to anyone else.

"Oh, that's too bad, I heard you're into photography," he paused, taking stock of the room. "Well maybe we can work something out, but um, I gotta start the meeting, so you should probably take a seat."

I sat down with Clara and our pothead neighbor girl, Marie, trying not to stare at Javier's commanding presence as he went through the huge book of Whittman Hall rules. His skin was impeccable, smooth, and tanned. In a way, he almost shined under the bright hall lights. His smile, which he gave us lots of, was flawless, white and straight.

"You so want to devour him," Marie whispered to my left.

"Yeah, I do." And that fact fucking terrified me.

There was a knock on my door, at probably the most inopportune time possible. I was wrapped in my bathrobe, makeup and hair in place, but no outfit picked out for my first day of sorority rush and only twenty minutes before we were supposed to check in at the student center for rush week meet and greet.

Clara, who was already dressed and ready to go, opened the door into the hallway, which was abuzz with other girls rushing around getting ready and those already done that were milling around waiting on friends.

"Hello, Javier," Clara sang turning to wink at me. I ran to the door, in the last few days I had been busying myself and taking the back entrance trying hard not to cross paths with him. He confused me and added so much more to think about on top of everything I was already dealing with.

"Hey."

"Here, enjoy the class," he said quickly passing me two small pink sheets. They were "add/drop" forms from the office of registrar, one for him to drop the photography class and one for me to add it.

"I-I don't know what to say... thank you?" I whispered, batting at the tears that started to form in the corners of my eyes.

"It's no problem but I was wondering... um, not as like, an exchange or anything, but you know in general, if you wanted to go out sometime for dinner or something," he asked nervously, his hands shaking at his sides.

"Javier, I um... I'm not ready, I'm sorry."

"No, no it's okay, it's stupid, I shouldn't have asked. I'm not even supposed to be dating residents of my dorm," he mumbled rushing down the hall as if I'd just slapped him.

I dressed in a daze, following Clara to the sorority meet and greet with my head swimming. It had been two weeks, just two weeks and I hated myself for even thinking of another guy, especially when so little of who I was still remained.

I was functioning. I forced myself daily to get up, to move and breath and live, but I wasn't the same. I didn't feel like Maddox. I didn't know who Maddox was anymore and it wasn't like I didn't want to move on with my life, it was just happening so fast. I figured once Amber and Solace reunited, maybe had another kid, that by then, when I knew for sure that he and I were never ever going to be together again and that my heart was entirely burnt to a crisp, that then I would be ready to completely devote myself to someone again. Until that point it was just a lie.

"Earth to Maddox," Clara elbowed me, passing me a cup of juice as the next rotation of sorority girls entered the room, all dressed in white with crisp name tags. My mother was in this sorority. They had been the group I was most excited about meeting, but I couldn't concentrate.

"I looked like an idiot, didn't I?" I asked sighing wearily as we made our way back to the dorm with the rest of the freshman.

"No, you looked like Maddox thinking about Solace... maybe next time you can try just being Maddox."

* * *

Acceptance

* * *

 _If I had to pinpoint the cause of so much of my problems it came down to an underlying insecurity. Insecurity in my weight, worries of abandonment and not fitting in. But for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to be accepted._

The wait was excruciating. We were all supposed to be in our rooms, but as a tradition in Whittman hall, the all girls dorm at East Washington University, the day when sorority bids were to be distributed all girls waiting to hear the news came down to the main hall to wait together.

I'd fucked up. I was guaranteed a place in my mother's sorority Sigma Iota but I'd turned my back on it and now I was a wild card. The Delta Gamma house, where I felt I truly found my match, was so selective I knew I had taken a huge chance only writing their name on my preference card. The preference card was numbered one to three but we had been advised only to name the houses you truly wanted to join so that's what I did, but that meant if I hadn't made the cut I would be houseless.

I know, it seems really vain and silly and shallow, but after two weeks of ongoing rush it is hard not to get caught up in it until you feel as though it is the only thing that matters. This has of course helped with the Solace obsession, yet in an odd way amplified the feelings of inadequacy that were left as remnants from that failed relationship. On one hand it took my mind off the emptiness of my bed and the lack of his sexual satisfaction which I was now craving like a meth-head, but on the other hand being judged by each house and withstanding house elimination, though I knew each girl in rush had to narrow their choices down, just intensified the worry that I was not enough and never could be.

"You look really beautiful," Clara said softly from my right, she was dressed in the customary white. Once we accepted the bid we were expected to leave with our new sisters to spend the night at our new house with all the new and existing members, at our feet lay two Louis Vuitton overnight bags in different colors that we had packed together during a rather sleepless night.

Clara in my opinion had much less to worry about. She'd written three houses down on her list, so even if Delta Gamma, her first choice house like mine, didn't select her it wasn't the end of the line.

"Thanks, you too."

Delegates from each sorority came every half an hour passing out bid cards to the girls they had selected and of course with that brought a wave of tears from girls who like me had only written one house on their preference card or didn't get into their first choice house.

The houses were coming out in alphabetical order meaning we had to wait a little over an hour before we knew the Delta Gamma delegates would be leaving their house. Whittman Hall was every sorority houses first stop because, of the five resident halls at EWU, it had the highest percentage of freshman girls.

"It's 1:30, they should be leaving the house by now," she announced nervously, tapping her beautiful silver heels against the dingy carpet of the main hall to make a rhythmic thump thump sound. When four girls, seniors I remembered, from rush came through the doors with clip boards and envelopes in hand the entire room grew silent and Clara who knew by now she would not be a Chi Omega, her second choice house, grabbed my hand with a fierce strength. If she didn't get this bid she'd end up being an Theta and she was still on the fence about them.

"Hey girls!" One of the seniors called, she was tall, leggy with the kind of natural red hair that was so deep at points it look maroon; she was stunning. Her name was Annabelle and because of that with residual unease from the Cameron Scandal in La Push I tried to stay away from her.

"We have twelve envelopes from this dorm but we don't like to give them in groups, it's part of our recruitment policy, so if you put is on your preference card could please return to your rooms and we can get this started," she announced with a cheery smile.

One of the other three girls she was with, a beautiful black girl with short cropped hair waved at Clara with a familiar smile and I rushed up the stairs behind her, now convinced from my lack of greeting that I was out; this was the final blow to my ego.

"Rina is so sweet," Clara commented as I paced our room, my lucky seafoam green high heels made tapping noises against the floor.

"Yeah..." I said half listening half waiting to hear anything, not just a knock on my door but any door of any of our neighbors. At the end of the hall I heard a high pitched squeal and my heart sank until I had to sit down on the edge of my bed from the weight of it.

A knock sounded on our door and with the heaviness of my heart I couldn't move, anchored down to the bed as I heard Clara receive her envelope. It was customary for the representatives in the house to tell each girl why she was chosen before passing them their bid card, which if you accepted was to be signed and handed to them directly or if you had to think about it, before midnight.

"Clara, the girls of the Delta Gamma house recognized your warm heartedness, your generosity and your undying optimism and feel you embody the principles of personal integrity and responsibility. We hope you accept this invitation to join the Phi Mu Xi chapter of Delta Gamma," Rina the tall black girl with a distinctively velvety voice spoke proudly, though I could not see her from my side of the door where I sat in pure dread.

"Oh my God!" Clara squealed hopping on her heels. "I need to get a pen!" She screamed running inside. Rina took a step in the door and I straightened myself immediately with a nervous smile. Clara passed her back the red envelope and she was gone, leaving me to melt in a pool of disappointment.

"I'm an idiot!"

"No they are... Maddox I can't believe they didn't pick you... do you want me to quit, I can go ask Rina for my card back I shouldn't have signed it, I'm sorry," she rushed to comfort me, just before the door was knocked on again.

"Hey Annabelle," Clara said brightly from the door, I rushed to wipe my tears sitting up and fixing my hair.

"Is Maddox here?" She asked unsurely and I stumbled my way to the door.

"Maddox, the girls of Delta Gamma house recognized your sense of humor and style, your hardworking nature and your worldiness. When we heard you wrote our house first we flipped our shit we were so sure you were going Sig!" She squealed, her professional tone changing almost instantly as she passed me the envelope. I was still planted in place, her words and shining presence grounding me. Clara who had run to retrieve her pen again urged it in my hand and with a smile I signed my acceptance.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30: On the Other Side of the Door

* * *

September 2046- September 2047

 _The waiting room was crowded, packed tightly with people waiting for the various thick wooden doors down the corridor to open. No one in the room, besides the robust chocolaty brown receptionist, looked up when I entered. Each patient was trying hard to blend into the paisley print couch as they waited for one of the four psychologists who shared this practice to usher them inside with the warm welcoming smile patients expected, and even over time began to crave._

 _The door to my far right creaked open with a slow purposeful drawl and the dark cherry oak door, emblazoned with a golden plaque bearing the name Ronald Wester Ph. D. brought me back vividly to my last days in Europe._

I could feel the heat of his back soaking through the heavy door, hear the deep and steady intake of his breath and I waited for him to speak but he didn't for what felt like hours.

"Do you need something Embry?" I asked reluctantly when I realized he would not be making the first move.

"I know you don't want to hear this... but I know what you're going through," Embry whispered, his back pressed against the opposite side of the door where I sat crumpled in a heap on the floor.

"You're right, I don't want to hear this. I'll… look Kai doesn't want to see me again, so I'll buy a ticket tomorrow and get out of your way soon," I said clearly, not letting my voice crack as the searing pain of my bleak future clouded my vision with tears again.

"Oh stop with the melodrama, Pretty Boy, I don't want you to leave… I want to help, Solace… listen, we've never… we haven't ever talked about, when, you know, when Letty went away—"

"Oh Lord," I cried, slamming my head against the wood.

I didn't want to talk about that now or ever really. It was over. I did fall for Leticia and hard, but that felt like a lifetime ago now.

"Solace—"

"Embry, I'm sorry about that, I really am. I've apologized more than once and I mean it, so if you tell me what goes around comes around, I'm going to kill you," I spat and Embry's throaty chuckle sounded heartily from the other side of the door.

"No, I don't want you to apologize, Solace… I just know what it feels like, my imprint left for a year and I—"

"And then she came back to you and it was happy ever after, Embry, because you didn't fuck it up beyond repair," I sighed hitting my head against the wooden door again.

When I left La Push for the first time after making the choice between my brother and arguably the first woman I ever loved, I assumed Leticia would go to him. I would have bet everything I owned that she would feel the pull of an imprint and never think of me again, but she followed, she begged me to stay with her and the memory of the crushing pain from refusing her when I wanted her so badly still clung to the far corners of my mind.

How would my life been different had I taken her then? I could have, I had money, not much but together we would have had enough to get half way across the world... I would never have met Maddox… and Amber would have been no more than the oldest daughter of Jared and Kim.

It was desperation, all of these thoughts, they burst through my head like a minefield lighting up corridors of possibilities in my mind till I was evaluating every move in my life, trying to pinpoint the exact moment I'd ruined it all.

"Oh this wasn't meant to be a pep-talk for you to wait it out and hope for her return, Solace. You're right, Maddox might not come back to you," he said seriously, the grim seriousness of it making me involuntarily laugh darkly.

"When Leticia left with you, or for you, Solace, I was pretty sure she wouldn't come back either. At first I thought she was with you and it killed me because I knew I'd lost her, you were _Solace_ , you were like the God of women and if you were the kind of guy she wanted to be with, I couldn't compete. I had this sense of complete helplessness."

"I'm sorry," I sighed understanding now the full weight of losing your imprint, the aching hollowness it left in your chest, the desperation it inspires in you.

I had been just a week ago, willing to fight Jacob's ten-year old son to the death for a life with my ex-wife, who I no longer had the capacity to love as I once had. It was desperation and just that, no more, and the logical part of me (which some would argue was small and underdeveloped) was at least smart enough to stop me from making that mistake again.

"Shut up, Solace, it's over… but I just I know what it feels like, I know what it means to lose the center of your world… the kind of thoughts you have," he said finally, his voice now filled with the dark sense of meaning. "I went to challenge you in Seattle because I wanted to die and I knew Phil wouldn't let me hurt you. I thought you would kill me and I wanted that. I don't… I want you to be safe."

"I'm not going to kill myself. I don't deserve that kind of instantaneous relief," I assured him but he ignored me, plowing on to whatever little speech Leticia must have prepared for him to deliver.

"You just won't shut up, will you? Look, Solace as… as my little _brother_ ," he said slowly, as if he were testing it out, "I just want you to promise you'll take care of yourself."

I could hear his heart beating, accelerated the second he had said the word "brother." This was not a general we-are-all-pretty-much-related-through-Taha-Aki kinda brother; he was talking about Josh, Joshua Uley. Our father.

"You knew?" I almost screamed, pounding my fist against the wooden floors.

"Yeah," he sighed now tapping his head against the door so that it vibrated against my skull. If we had been face to face, if I were able to see Embry in person, to let his dark eyes (so much like mine) penetrate my own, I wouldn't have the guts to talk about this. With three inches of cherry oak between our backs, however, it became that much freer.

"Since when?" I asked unable to resist. He'd known, he'd known I was his brother and it hadn't changed anything between us.

"There was a picture, I found it when my mom died… it was you and me and our father at a park, your name was on the back… Kai looks just like you as a child," he finished sadly.

"Yeah… and he hates me." I admit this sad truth in a whisper, too ashamed to say it louder to my brother whom despite everything I still desperately wanted to please.

"Probably, but he's five… that hate will turn to indifference, then he'll forget all about you, like I did with Joshua… and when he thinks of you again as an adult maybe he'll be a bit more appreciative," he said in a matter-of-fact sort of voice, the painful subject matter dulled a bit by his intonation.

"And what did Joshua ever do to make you appreciative?" I asked curiously.

"He gave me two pretty cool half-brothers and kick-ass wolf genes," Embry finished warmly and my heart which had been tight and coiled painfully since I'd left Amber's house two weeks ago, swelled back to its normal size.

"Thanks," I sighed wiping the remnants of my last tears with the back of my hand.

"No prob," he shot back his feet now shuffling as he stood, leaving me behind to ponder the nature of family, until I broke down and bought a plane ticket back to mine in La Push. I had tried so hard for so many years to find my match, to make a family and finally belong, but what I failed to realize all along was that I had a family; not just Embry and Sam, though we were bonded as pack members and through blood, but Phil and his family.

The first flight I could book left that night and Leticia, whose smell held a warm sense of comfort, helped me pack while Rosalie pretended to help, sitting on my bed and commenting on my state of being.

"You know, Solace, I don't think I've ever seen you so miserable and you're not particularly known for your cheerfulness," she said casually, fingering the bottom of her long blonde locks.

"How very observant of you," I replied sarcastically, causing Embry who sat in the room across from us watching TV with Emmett to erupt in laughter.

"Well snap the hell out of it," she insisted and I smiled. In her own, very Rosalie way, she was concerned about me.

"I'll try," I promised, zipping the suitcase which Leticia now sat atop in order to squish my belongings as flat as possible.

"Good," she said stiffly, gliding into Embry and Leticia's room where she promptly sat in Emmett's lap, and like he was praising her for her kindness, he petted her head lovingly.

"We're done," Leticia announced sadly, placing her tiny warm hand inside my own, where it did not fit as Maddox's did.

I was driven to the airport by an envoy of two vampires, a half-vampire and my brother who hugged me, then punched me twice for good measure.

"I'll try to send you things… pictures, at least. I won't let anything happen to him, " Embry promised, his balled fist still glued to my arm.

"Thanks, bro," I whispered punching him back with a limp wrist.

"Any time, Pretty Boy."

 _The thick paneled door to my left creaked open, the stumpy balding man I came to call Doctor Sunshine poked his head out to greet me. "Hello Avery."_

 _Doctor Sunshine started calling me Avery during our first session, after I let it slip that the name was a constant reminder of my failures. I liked it. We had been meeting for almost six months now and I hoped over time that name would spread beyond the privacy of his comforting room._

 _"Hey Doc."_

 _"You're looking well," he said smoothly, taking a soft looking seat near the window, so that the midday sun reflected like water against the bald spot on his head._

 _"Thanks… started exercising again actually," I mentioned casually though there was no such thing as casual with Doctor Sunshine._

 _Doctor Sunshine was the kind of doctor who made money by chatting with OCD housewives and Daddy-hating business men, so any chance to investigate a lifestyle change would certainly lead to semi-breakthroughs and overtime fees. I didn't mind. This was a room where almost anything could be said, and though the truth was scary sometimes, the routine release of these ugly truths kept me going._

 _"When did you stop?" He asked intently._

 _"I guess since Maddox," I said nervously. I hadn't done patrols or ran or did much in wolf form at all since we… broke up._

 _"And what brought about this change exactly?" He asked making a quick note on his composition notebook with the wonky black and white cover, my name written in red marker over the white label section._

 _"I started jogging with my family," I said slowly, aware that the use of the word would cause a stir._

 _"Family, hmm...interesting use of the word," he sighed just a bit condescendingly; it was the standard psychologist default voice._

 _"What would you call them?"_

 _"Well, only you know Avery what you feel most comfortable calling them, it just brings forward the question of nature and nurture," he said thoughtfully._

 _"It's neither for me… I think family is home and home is comfort."_

"I thought you weren't coming back, asshole!" Phil howled, pulling me into a hug before I could grab my bag, now rotating on the baggage claim conveyor belt.

"Well, I'm back," I announced allowing him to pull me away after grabbing my bag with one hand and unceremoniously depositing it on its rolly wheels. Phil did not let go of me. In one hand, he dragged my luggage along, and in the other, he kept me by his side as if he were scared I'd run off again.

"UNCLE SOLACE!" Hope cried as I slid into the car, unbuckling her car seat belt so that she could crawl into my lap for a cuddle.

"Hope wikes you," Harrison whispered conspiratorially, leaning over Hope's empty car seat.

"You know I'm starting to worry about that, you have an undeniable appeal to the littlest of ladies," Phil commented darkly, watching us from the rearview while Hope nuzzled her head in the crook of my neck. "And I'm sorry, I love you, Solace but if you put the moves on my little girl, I'm going to have to kill you," he warned.

"You're sick," I chuckled, causing Tara who was currently at the wheel to smile.

"And you love it," Phil added turning the radio on to the Spanish station for toddler Harrison who had an affinity for reggaetón which made him smile and dance in his little car seat the rest of the ride without another word.

Chloe and Ava sat on the porch in the cool autumn breeze waiting for us when we parked in the driveway. It was October, I had been gone for two months and nothing here had changed. My entire world had been flipped, turned and shattered into a million pieces while the rest of La Push lived on. Chloe, who had been on thin ice with Phil since she helped Maddox leave, looked nervous, almost remorseful so that her normally crystal clear eyes seemed somewhat murky.

"Hi, Solace," Ava whispered tentatively, reaching out for me with her small delicate hand. I pulled her up molding her body to my own before releasing her and honing in on her beautiful sister Chloe who stiffened in my arms before relaxing with a sigh.

"You're not mad at me?" Chloe breathed in my ear, holding onto me now with a renewed vigor.

"Of course not, Chloe," I promised her, rubbing her back in small circles as she released her first round of silent tears.

"He's so mad at me, Solace… Phil doesn't love me anymore but I didn't mean to, I wasn't trying to hurt you," she sobbed.

"Don't cry," I cooed. "Look I fucked up, you were just being a good friend… something which your _father_ should understand," I said pointedly giving him a firm look as he came around her side looking sheepish. I slowly let Chloe go, easing her into Phil's arms and lifting my godchildren Harrison and Hope up onto my arms as I entered the house.

"There's a Halloween party tomorrow!" Hope howled as I led her in the kitchen where I could smell not only roasting chicken but the entire Uley-Varn clan and some of the Camerons.

"Hey," Mark sighed watching me from behind Jordan's shoulder, where he stirred mixed vegetables in a pot. Mark's eyes darted back and forth between me and Jared, who stood half-covering his wife from view as if I may attack.

"Chill out," I advised them, holding Hope closer still as I took a seat; both Jared and Kim relaxed considerably. "It's over… let's just call it a truce," I said softly, inhaling Hope's baby lotion and blueberry scent.

"I am sorry… if that means anything to you, Sol," Jared said taking a seat to my left. I nodded but didn't bother to accept the apology. I wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't ready to relieve the anger wholeheartedly.

I had fucked up repeatedly and this was my punishment; I would be forced to know that somewhere in the world, I had a child who hated me as much as I did and an imprint who could not love me. Yet conversely I wasn't ready to let the entirety of the blame fall on my shoulders, the rest of my body was too weak to withhold it.

"Just a warning that Brady's on a warpath over the Annabelle incident," Kim said sadly, sitting next to Jared who placed his arm around her shoulder as soon as she was within reach.

"Yeah, well, I don't really care," I said coolly.

Jordan and Mark shared a look; the deep meaningful kind that I'm sure conveyed a world of communication though I didn't understand it. Their daughter Hazel, who was tired of being held by Jordan demanded to be set down and once she was down, she pried Hope out of my arms and they ran out to the brightly lit backyard where Eli and Ava were jumping wildly on the giant trampoline I'd bought Ava for her 12th birthday.

"So that's it? You come back like some fucking zombie with no plans? Aren't you going to go like… I don't know make some grand gesture or like beg for her forgiveness," Chloe cried from the door, a fresh round of tears pooling in her eyes.

"She doesn't want to be with me, Chloe… I fucked up, but it's not your fault so please stop crying," I implored, my eyes probing Tara for assistance. Tara wrapped her arm around Chloe's shoulder and shushed her in a very motherly way, whispering so low I almost didn't hear it.

"It will all work out." I was secretly, very deep deep down, hoping Tara was right.

When dinner was served Hope returned to my lap, rearranging my veggies with her kiddie fork as I ate. I savored the herb garden fragrance of the roasted chicken, the natural sweetness of the carrots in the vegetable medley and the crispness of Kim's homemade lemonade. It was the first thing I really tasted in a month.

"Solace?" Hope turned in my lap, little pink kiddie fork poised in her hand.

"Yes, Hope, would you like some more carrots?" I joked, she stuck her tongue out at me.

"No!" Her laughter was like the ringing of a bell high pitched and musical. "I'm happy you're home," she said insistently, leaning her head against my chest.

"Yeah, me too."

 _"So have you or anyone in your family had any contact with Maddox recently?" He asked cheerfully. It was an unwritten rule that we mentioned Maddox once a session, though she was the main reason I spent 300 dollars an hour on therapy._

 _"I don't know about my family, but I haven't had any kind of contact since the beginning Spring," I said simply, my stomach searing at the memory of almost six months ago._

 _"That's a significant portion of time to be away from your one true love," he said with a tinge of sarcasm in his voice._

 _He didn't understand imprinting and of course I couldn't explain it, so as far as Doctor Sunshine knew, I was being extremely melodramatic when I said Maddox was the love of my life and I could never love another. Our goal for these sessions was to help me get over the crushing loss of Maddox and move on, but I could tell that his notion of moving on meant me going out into the dating scene again and I just wanted to know how to breathe again._

 _"She's better off without me," I repeated. This had become a classic Solace line as of late. When everyone in La Push realized that Maddox just wasn't coming back, that she didn't just need time to adjust and when word started spreading she was with another man, every wolf-girl from every generation seemed to think it their duty to try and force me to go and beg for her return. Shit, even Taylor, the first and only wolf-boy tried to persuade me. It wasn't that I didn't want her back as Soli suggested, I still dreamt of her every night. It wasn't that I was too proud or stubborn as Trisha claimed, I just wasn't good enough. I had proved this time and time again._

 _I had no pride left in me. If I felt for even a second I could give Maddox the life she deserved, I would go to her and I would beg at her feet. She had a worthy partner now, I'd seen them together, even went as far as hiring a private detective to dig up dirt on him, but there was none. Javier Morales was a clean cut, loving, caring, considerate boy and the luckiest man in the world._

"Solace, I think… I think maybe you need to see someone about your loss. It's not healthy to mourn for such a long time," Tara said with concern as she slid into my house past my frozen frame at the door.

"Like a psychiatrist?" I blanched turning to face her. This was new.

Most of the wolf-girls had spent the weeks since I returned to La Push begging me to do something to win Maddox back. Emily suggested a letter, Helen suggested sex and Kim went as far as suggesting I renounce my own son, but I couldn't do it. Though my son had disowned me, he was still in my heart and I could never turn my back on him.

"Psychiatrists primarily prescribe medicine which would be useless to you so I meant more like a psychologist," Tara said taking a seat on my couch, her back to the large glass windows which allowed the last vestiges of light from the setting sun to shine down on her.

"Okay."

"O-okay?" She sputtered sitting forward in shock, she had expected a fight but anything to get the wolf-girls off my back was a welcome change.

"Yes, find someone near here and I'll go," I agreed simply.

With the speed of a wolf, Tara ruffled through her purse and removed a small business card which she placed in the palm of my hand.

"Thank you," she whispered standing on her toes to kiss my cheek.

I nodded awkwardly, kissed her cheek with flourish and made plans for tomorrow's huge pack Christmas Eve party. This year's event would be held in the forest behind the Uley-Varn cabin and I was expected at 7 p.m. on the dot. I had not gone to any pack events since I returned and Tara wasn't going to let it go this time.

"I'll come pick you up if I don't see you by 7:10," she threatened as she closed the door behind her and that's when it hit. Like a freight train, the weight of my love, my desire, my need for Maddox crashed into me until I was gasping for breath. I would later learn to handle these urges, to breathe through the painful want for my imprint but at that moment the only solution was to see her.

Did she need me? Could I sense danger or desire? I thought for one second of calling Embry, the only wolf besides David who would know about the prolonged absence of an imprint but the desperate longing to see her overran all common sense.

I ran in human form, faster than I remembered my feet could move. My leg burned as a reminder that I was not the wolf I once was, but I fought the pain until the gleaming sight of Maddox's red convertible parked alone in the parking lot of her dorm stopped me. The hood was up and through the window I could see a stack of books and the soft yellow cashmere sweater that constantly fell off of her shoulder leaving the soft tanned skin of her shoulder available for kisses.

She was sleeping, I could hear clearly every heartbeat and every breath emitted through the door of her room, which lulled me into the most complete sleep I'd had since Brazil.

I woke hours later to the distressed sound of her voice, and my heart leapt until I realized she wasn't talking to me.

"Javi!" She wailed and I scaled the building trying desperately to see the cause of her tears. "He-he and I-I, ahhh!" She sobbed and I knew she was crying over me.

Her window was cracked ever so slightly and through it came a waft of her glorious smell, now tainted with the musk of another man.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31: Just Being Maddox  
A Series of Vignettes From Maddox's First Year of College Part II

* * *

October 2053

Maybe it was a good thing my Spanish wasn't fluent, I'd always hated it at Morales family dinners and events when the entire family around me spoke Spanish, and I only understood snippets and little anecdotes. Right now though, I was feeling pretty sure by the expression on my father's face that, well, I didn't want to hear it.

The matriarch of the Morales family spoke individually to each of her daughters, her eyes growing darker with each passing second as the rest of his family and friends, some of which were my friends, came around from the back where the wedding should have started ten minutes ago.

When she was done hearing the series of events that led to our altercation, Yvette Morales responded in kind with a rainbow of rolling sounds that made my father turn red in anger until he couldn't hold it back anymore and he turned on her.

"This has nothing to do with money! You don't know anything about my daughter and this has nothing to do with you, so stay the fuck out of it!" My father screamed over Addison's shoulder as my brother tried without much success to push him inside as he shook with rage.

"Don't talk to my mother like that," Javier growled now pressed against Addison's back so that my father's red face and his were inches apart. "I have never disrespected your family, so you don't talk to my mother like that!"

"No, you just emotionally manipulated my daughter until she didn't trust herself to make the right decision or live without you. I've stayed quiet about this for too damn long, Maddie baby follow your heart!"

"Maddie, get Javi out of here, Dad's gunna blow!" Addison screamed as Harley attempted to pull a stone faced Javier away from my shaking father.

"Sammy, drive Maddox to Kim's house," my mother called moving to take Addison's place in calming my dad. Sammy, dressed in a deep blue dress nodded, returning to the house to grab her car keys.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," I whispered kissing his now red cheek.

He stopped struggling, spat some relatively violent Spanish at Javi and pulled me behind him as if he could shield me with his body from their vibrating anger. They were right to be angry, they were right to say whatever it was that they were saying, but I wished with all my heart I could show them even 10% of how difficult this was for me.

"It's okay, Baby," he sighed kissing my hand. "Just promise you'll go get Solace and tell him how you feel, don't let anything go unsaid. Just forgive him and be happy."

"I promise."

"Let's go," Sammy said quickly, grabbing my arm and dragging me past the Morales girls, her arm up like a security guard ready for anything. Javier watched us go, his face morphing slowly from red hot anger to the deepest darkest despair and there was nothing I could do about it.

I didn't buckle my seat belt, I closed the door keeping my eyes on Javi until he was just a black speck on the road. As soon as she was at a full stop I darted out the door, my shoes skidding against the soft grass until I was on the old weathered wooden Cameron porch.

I poised my hand at the door, knocking firmly three times.

* * *

Friendship

* * *

September- October 2046

 _It wasn't as if I went looking for love, love found me, before I was even ready to accept or understand it. I'm not sure even now I understand the nature or mechanics of love. I know the feeling, I know the feeling all too well, the way it takes over your entire being._ _Love, or my previous experience with it, was all consuming and almost instantaneous, but it wasn't always that way._

"Oomph," I huffed teetering backwards after careening into someone as I entered the dorm at the end of my shortest day of classes, two big tanned hands immediately wrapped gently around my arms to keep me from falling.

"Maddox." The sound of my name whispered in such a rich, low timber had my startled eyes shooting up to stare into Javier's. It'd been over two weeks since he'd come by my room and I think we'd both been avoiding each other, so of course it was him that I quite literally had to run into.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, no I'm fine." He hadn't released my arms yet and we stood there uncomfortably for a moment.

"Listen, about the other night… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you out like that, I know it's too soon and I put you on the spot and made things weird and—"

"Javier—"

"No, wait sorry… again, I'm just trying to say I'd like to be friends," he finally muttered, releasing his steadying hold on my arms when he said the word friends and taking a step back to put some much welcomed space between us.

"Alright, friends," I agreed and watched the happy smile spread across his face, brighter than the afternoon sun.

"So how's the photography class going?" He asked after standing awkwardly for a minute searching for something to get a conversation going.

"We went to the lake out by the nature center earlier this week. It was really beautiful; I got some great shots," I answered, having actually just come from developing the film.

"I'd love to see them whenever you have some free time," he said smoothly, everything about him drawing me in and making me reluctant to leave his presence just yet.

I'm not sure what possessed me or if it was just the genuine warmth and admiration in his velvety orbs, but I suddenly found myself saying, "sure, how bout now?"

He followed me to my door, his smell like cinnamon and spice aftershave serving as a reminder of his presence though I calmly tried to ignore the proximity.

"Here," I said cheerfully, walking in the room, but keeping the door wide open so that anyone who passed could see in. I don't know what I was doing, but I didn't want to give him the wrong idea. He sat with me at the foot of my bed inspecting each picture with a critical eye.

"You're really talented," he said after carefully examining each picture twice.

"Do you know a lot about photography?" I asked thoughtfully and he smiled back at me impishly.

"No... but I know a lot about nature... I'm sort of an environmentalist," he whispered quietly.

Environmentalism wasn't a bad word until the mid to late 2030s, when environmental groups seeing the destruction of nature all around them started to band together making huge cells of eco-terrorists. Buildings were bombed, testing facilities were ransacked, animals were freed from the cages they were born in, and indigenous peoples around the world with less than admirable hunting tactics were attacked.

Eco-terrorists or home-grown terrorists as the newspapers dubbed them, became top national priorities. Even the white house, America's most iconic building became victim to R2N, the largest most vocal terrorist cell. Universities around America where these groups formed, met, and grew were raided constantly. Any student with a hemp shirt was considered a suspect and Randy, who studied trees, had been questioned repeatedly.

"No way," I gasped, leaning in closer though we were whispering so low at this point even I could barely hear it.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Maddox," he winked casually.

"Well, I want to learn," I said firmly and his smile, which was already breathtaking, grew exponentially.

* * *

Comfort

* * *

October 2046

 _I didn't think anyone outside of the pack circle could ever understand my love and devotion to Solace, so none could understand the devastation that ripped through my heart and soul at debilitating intervals, but he tried and that was all I needed._

"And why did you feel the need to tell me that?" I asked crossing my legs and grabbing at my stomach as Chloe's words sunk in. Solace had returned to La Push and though part of me had been waiting for it, praying for him, like the trend in our relationship always seemed to go, he didn't return for me. That was an excruciating blow. To know that even though he wasn't with his family he didn't want to be with me either, that our love didn't mean enough for him to even attempt repairing things with me now, burned.

"Because I thought maybe you'd wanna come back for Halloween and see him. I know he still loves you," she said simply and I laughed the loudest most humorless laugh I could muster.

Solace was forced back here after a nasty altercation with Amber's new fuck buddy. They'd been caught, as the rumor went, red-handed fornicating by some guy she was fucking and he had gotten himself dismissed from his son's life without a second thought. He stayed in Italy, lurking and licking his wounds at Embry and Leticia's house until they finally sent him back.

It hurt, more than I could have possibly imagined, but it didn't surprise me all that much. Not after everything else. I was pretty much numb to the ways he would purposely damn the bond of our imprint, or at least that's what I convinced myself of so I didn't fall apart, didn't shatter the life I was just starting to build for myself when the news reached me.

"He didn't come back for me so why would I go running back to him?" I asked coldly. I knew Solace like the back of my hand, he was a huge part of me, and I'd known when I let him go that he would make his way back into her bed. Solace wanted that, he wanted the white picket fence and perfect little nuclear family and when I let him go, I was pushing him towards it, but actually hearing about it changed things.

I was still mourning, but now instead of regret or hopelessness to accompany that sadness, I felt only anger, angry with myself for wasting so much time crying over him.

"Because you love him?" She asked sarcastically, but right now that love was clouded with anger.

"I've gotta go... there's someone at the door," I lied, hanging up on her quickly. I laid back against the bed where I had laid out my costume for tonight. It was the Saturday before Halloween, which would be landing on a Wednesday this year and every corner of campus would be bustling with costume parties.

This year I was going as Wonder Woman, whom I'd never seen in cartoons or comics as a child, but I'd researched after buying the costume in the huge costume shop in Tacoma. I'd lost weight, which happens when you can barely think of food, and for the first time in my adult life I was able to shop in a normal store. I took advantage of that by buying pretty much the sluttiest outfit I could get away with, which included vinyl red hooker boots, a red corset, a tiny little blue skirt and random gold accessories, which if memory serves me correctly were also supposed to be my weapons… ah, the sexism of the 80s.

I wiped away the tears that had ruined my make-up and carefully reapplied, smiling at the end result. Tonight was my night. I wanted to fuck mindlessly, I wanted to lust and moan and be filled completely without any feelings of guilt. Being around Javier, every time he made my heart skip a beat I felt like I was cheating and I was tired of it. I wanted to live and part of that included the freedom of casual sex with strangers that my sorority sisters enjoyed to the fullest.

I dressed carefully, rolling the skirt as high as possible without showing my underwear, and Clara, who arrived half way through my make-up session dressed in a more reserved ballet outfit, didn't comment as she watched me adjust my breasts until they were close to spilling over the top of my corset.

"Ready to go Super Woman?" She asked adjusting her leg warmers.

"Wonder Woman," I corrected checking the clock above my desk. "I'm going to wait for Javi." Javier was supposed to come with us, it was almost ten and he was nowhere to be found. My palms were sweaty, anticipating his arrival. We had been pretty much dating, without the actual dates, since he first came back to my room to look over my photography.

We went for dinner at the cafeteria together almost every night, studied in the library together and on the weekends when I worked the whole day organizing packages and letters in the mailroom he came with me. He was an integral part of my college experience, essential now. He made me feel, not just happy, but he made me feel again when I had forced myself to be completely numb for survival.

He wanted me. I couldn't explain or justify it, but he liked me. The evidence was in the way he patiently tutored me, the way he loyally helped me with the most annoying of tasks and the awed way he watched me when he thought I wasn't looking. I had yet to decide whether sex tonight would be him or one of a line of faceless men on campus.

"I'm going to go then," Clara called and I twirled in my desk chair almost flying off in the process. "I'll see you guys there."

I watched the door, my mind working three times its normal speed until my door opened again and Javier slid inside. He looked handsome, handsome and warm and inviting, and that's what scared me most. Sex with another guy would mean nothing but sex with Javi would be the start of something I didn't know if I was ready for.

"Hey," we said in unison meeting in the middle of the room. His eyes roamed my body, not trying to hide his enjoyment.

"You ready?" He tried to ask calmly, but I could see his eyes follow me as I reached on my tip toes for the gold clutch in the top of my closet. I nodded, following him soundlessly out the door.

"Are you okay?" He asked watching me from the corner of his eye as we walked down the cobbled path to the campus owned housing where most of the parties would be raging.

"No," I heard myself sob, though I had pushed back all the screaming anger and sadness of Solace's betrayal, it still lie inside me and now it was fighting it's way to the surface.

"You're crying," he sighed rushing to my side and slowly wiping the hot trail of tears down the right side of my cheek. "Do you want to go to the laundry room?" He asked smiling sadly, I nodded shaking tears from my eyes.

The laundry room was our arena. As our resident coordinator, he had the special privilege of having his own washer and dryer in a small room in our basement, which was free and industrial sized and he shared with me weekly. Meaning we spent hours in the dingy basement, which was so dark and gloomy and isolated that we were almost always compelled to spill our deepest most hidden dreams, fears and desires.

He led me back to the dorm in silence, his hand rested on the indent of my back and instead of making my toes curl, or making my hairs stand on end the way they did at sporadic points when we made physical contact, it made me even sadder. Solace and I had had this, we had had this and more, and in the end it meant nothing.

"If he can't love me then no one can," I whispered so low I knew he couldn't hear me.

"Is this about Solace?" He asked stepping between my legs where I was propped on the washing machine. I nodded and as if that gave him a headache, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "What is it about that guy?"

"I love him."

"And look what that got you? You actually believe you're what, unlovable?" He asked, leaning in to hug me. "You're beautiful, Maddox."

"Yeah, you think so—that doesn't count," I spat. There was something cathartic about openly discussing his crush on me. We'd been dancing around it since he asked me out in the beginning of the year.

"It's not about you being attractive, you're just beautiful, everything about you is," he whispered, his eyes glued to my thighs as he tried to avoid my gaze.

"He's my soulmate," I argued softly against his muscular neck.

"There is no one person for everyone, that's an idealistic concept that is propagated by major world religions which support nuclear families. There are millions of people in the world, all completely unique, with quirks and interests and flaws that make them infinitely capable of making strong connections with a variety of people," he said dryly while gently brushing my hair behind my ear. I knew he was talking about us; he was using general terms to express how well we mixed without coming straight out and saying it.

"Do you want me?" I asked boldly, my heart beating so strongly it felt as if it would break through my chest.

"You know I do," he whispered still holding me close, I tried to pull back so I could see his face, but he just held me closer.

"Kiss me," I ordered, closing my eyes and anxiously awaiting the touch of his pillowy lips on mine. He let me go

"What did he do?" He asked, sounding farther away from me now, so that I had to pry my eyes open to look for him. He was leaning against the sink, watching me skeptically.

"He just came back," I said slowly.

"Where was he?" We never talked about Solace, though I suspected from what he knew about Solace that he'd asked for background information from Chloe, but it seems he wasn't privy to the nastiest bits of our break-up.

"In Italy with his ex-wife," I said coldly, though my whole body seemed to be boiling from unreleased anger.

"How old is he?" He asked astonished.

"How old does he look?" I asked curiously. I'd never asked an outsider, never knew what we looked like together. I have been told I looked mature for my age, but Solace to me had this eternal beauty that was ageless.

"Like twenty-five?"

"Yeah, he's a little older than twenty-five," I said blandly and he eyeballed me, tilting his head to inspect me before he shrugged.

"But you've been in a relationship with him for at least 2 year… and before that he was married to some chick—"

"My godmother Amber," I interjected.

"Okay, so he was once married to your godmother Amber, who now lives in Italy and he left you to go back and be with her," he summarize every piece of knowledge he'd gathered and I nodded, the other factors in our break-up were unnecessary at this point. "But now he's back," he said darkly.

"Yeah..."

"And you want me to kiss you because you thought when he came back he'd be coming back for you, but he didn't," he commented with devastating accuracy.

"Yeah..."

"I can't do that... when we kiss, I want it to mean something. You'll kiss me when you're ready," he said gruffly, the pure conviction of his words surprising me.

"I don't know if it ever can," I whispered softly. It was the truth, but then selfishly I didn't want him to give up. I needed this, it kept me going and, well, I wanted him to win my heart.

"I'm not worried," he said confidently, coming back to my side. "Let's watch a scary movie and stuff our faces with pizza," he said pulling me down from the machine and placing a gentle kiss on my cheek, which was likely to be the very last kiss between us.

"Thank you," I whispered in awe of Javi, who was bright and warm and perfect in a way that seemed almost untouchable.

"That's what friends are for."

* * *

Desire

* * *

December 2046

 _I couldn't face La Push again, every centimeter of that town reminded me of a life I should have and I wanted to live in the world I did have. I wanted to embrace this new life that was all mine. Filled with friends and acceptance and comfort, though at times it was so lonely._

"Are you seriously, completely 100% sure you don't want to come with me?" Clara asked for the hundredth time today as she packed her bag for the beach. Clara and her boyfriend were going on Christmas holiday together in Cancun, Mexico and though I had the money and nowhere to go myself, I just didn't feel right going with them as a third wheel.

I wasn't going home either.

"Shut up and have fun, I'll be fine. Raquel is a townie and she invited me to her house for Christmas dinner. Then I'll probably drive down to Port Angeles for New Years with some friends, I'll totally be okay," I promised her, getting down on my knees to help her pack.

I drove Clara to the airport, hugging her tighter than her petite frame could handle before I headed back. My mother was calling non-stop, she had been for about a week, but I wasn't answering. I didn't want to go back and I didn't understand why she didn't get that. The very thought of stepping foot in La Push right now made me nauseous and though the pull to Solace still existed, though I still lived for him, my heart couldn't take it.

In the last four months huge chunks of my heart had mended. I had friends, I had a life and a job and a whole social network. I didn't want to take a step back, I didn't want to see him and be hurled back into the pit of despair I lived in for so long after he was gone. I had just started really being Maddox and I didn't want to lose her again.

"So did you want to carpool back?" Javier asked, peeking his head into my room with a breathtaking smile. Javier had become a permanent fixture in my life. I depended on him, not in the same way I lived for Solace, but Javi had slowly but surely made himself a fundamental part of my world and I wouldn't change that for anything.

He never pushed for more than what I gave him, which was friendship, but I knew he liked me and that he hadn't really given up, and I didn't want him too. I loved being around him. He made me laugh and think and kept me on my toes, and sometimes, when I let myself go, he made my toes curl and my stomach flip.

"I'm not going, Javi, and that's the last time I'm saying it!" I screamed, throwing myself back against the bed. Javier laid down with me, pulling me against him in the boldest move he'd ever made; it felt good. We flirted, there was really no denying it, but physically he tended to keep his distance and it had been months since I'd had any sort of physical attention from a man.

"Christmas is a time for dealing with your crazy fucking family no matter how much they drive you crazy," he whispered into the crook of my neck, making me shiver in his arms. If Javi were a wolf, I would be blushing, but as a human man he had no way of knowing the strength and speed of my heart or the lustful pooling between my legs.

"Javi, I can't go home with you for the holidays. Solace is going—"

"Fuck Solace. Your family has nothing to do with Solace and I don't want you to be alone here for three weeks, Maddie," he howled, pressing his soft lips to the skin at my the base of my neck. I inhaled, my chest pressing harder against him, my hard nipples brushing against the soft material of my sweater.

"I can't," I gasped as he ran his tongue lightly over my collarbone. My legs spread instinctively, inviting him closer and he came without hesitation rolling over to cover my body with his.

"Then come with me... I want you to meet my family," he whispered as the energy in the room quickly changed. Without warning, without me consciously making the choice, our bodies were molding together and my hands were pulling him closer.

"Javi, uhm," I moaned, pressing my body up and into him as his hands roamed, following the curve of my body down to my ass which he kneaded hungrily.

"We have room for you," he whispered, turning his face so that the tip of his nose made a trail across my cheek before his lips were on mine and warning bells began to sound. I jumped out of the bed, pressing myself into the farthest corner of the room and breathing heavily as I stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"You said you'd wait," I whispered uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry."

"I can't go home with you and I can't do this— we can't do this again," I said seriously, pointing at the door.

"Maddox, it's been months since—"

"Don't. Just don't go there, Javier. You don't know anything this!" I screamed, pointing once again for the door.

"I know he cheated on you and got some chick pregnant. I know he was way too old for you to begin with and I know that whenever you were with him you were blind to the world around you. I know you are better without him," he said quickly throwing one last look at me before he left me in a pool of confused desire.

The morning of Christmas Eve I felt Solace. I didn't know where he was, but I knew it was nearby. I could feel him for the first time in months and I was completely unprepared for the effect it had on me, I could feel him so strong that it hurt.

I waited on pins and needles the whole morning for him to present himself, steeling myself for the inevitable confrontation but he never came and I felt all that much emptier. It was like August, when I left him in La Push, all over again except this time I didn't have the assurance that my heartbreak was worth it because his leaving would ultimately make him happy when he was reunited with his son. It was also worse this time because I had nothing to look forward to or distract myself with since I was utterly alone with Christmas and the rest of the barren holiday break stretching endlessly out before me.

"Javi," I sobbed into the phone, unsure why or how the phone had gotten in my hand between the uncontrollable sobs.

"Maddie? What's wrong?" He screamed into the phone, trying to call over my loud wails.

"He-he and I-I ahhhh," I broke down and I could hear a chorus of Spanish voices in the background.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Maddox, okay?"

"No, you-you sh-should stay with your fa-family," I hiccupped violently through my broken, fragmented refusal.

"Maddox, just calm down. I will be there. Just try to calm down," he said soothingly before he hung up and like the honest, reliable, amazing man that he was, Javier was at my door a few hours later.

Solace was a dream, an impossible, intangible dream. Smoke and mirrors. But Javier was real, handsome, loving and caring. He was good for me and even more, he was good to me.

I turned towards him, my heart pounding hard against my chest. Before I could stop myself with guilt or second guessing, I leaned in, pressing my body to his completely and he moved quickly, wrapping his arms around my waist to pull me tighter.

He slowly lowered his lips towards mine and in a gust of soft breath he married the softness of our lips. I let him direct me, bending my head back at the neck, parting my lips to his eagerly probing tongue.

"Come home with me, please," he spoke between a kiss, grabbing my hips and eliminating all distance between us.

"Okay," I breathed melting into him with a familiar ease.

I moaned when his hand cradled my breast, his warm thumb rubbing me through the soft material of my sweater. My body's reaction was unexpectedly strong. I'd finally rid myself of guilt, expectations and obligations, and all that was left was desire.

From everything Javi ever told me about his family I always got the impression that they were... well not poor, but every day middle class like me. I knew they owned a restaurant, I remember having gone to it once in Port Angeles with Solace. What I didn't know was their extended family (which was large, and by large I mean like 8 aunts and uncles, countless cousins and even nieces and nephews) owned three other restaurants, a bar and a landscaping company.

His house was very large, it needed to be for the amount of people raised their, but besides that the area it was located in, was like a movie, those tiny communities that were all situated around a huge circular shape. One of his uncles Gabriel and his wife Marielle, the parents of Chloe's now ex-boyfriend Sebastian, lived in one of the other seven houses in the cul de sac and when we parked in the driveway a few hours later we were greeted with the hearty sound of his laughter.

"That's my uncle Gabe," Javi beamed holding my bag which we'd packed in between heated kisses and leading the way to his door.

When I'd called midday on Christmas Eve he rushed over despite the fact that Christmas Eve was the day his family traditionally celebrated the holiday and by the time we made it back to Port Angeles it was well past midnight and he'd missed the whole thing.

"I'm sorry you missed it Javi," I whispered as he helped me remove my jacket gently.

"I'd rather have you here and miss one Christmas than to be worrying about you alone," he said leaning in tentatively for a kiss which I granted him without hesitation.

"Eh heh hem," a loud fake cough sounded from behind us and we broke apart my cheeks already pink from the cold night were now red with embarrassment.

"Sorry," I apologized immediately and the girl, who couldn't be much older than Annabelle and Jessy smiled warmly.

"Don't apologize, I'm Marisol," she took my extended hand with a smile and lead me farther inside where a huge group was gathered. I shrank against the door frame trying to hide myself but Javier pulled me by my hips and presented me proudly.

"This is my girlfriend Maddie," he said in Spanish still gripping my hip. There was a chorus of welcomes to follow, some in Spanish, some in singsong holiday English but what they all shared was a look of absolute acceptance.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: okay so this is one of the 3 new chapters. If you read it the first time around there was a huge time gap between her entering college and before wedding day... but when I originally mapped it out I had planned to show her life and relationship with Javi a bit more. Haven't written in a while so would love some feedback especially since I have been sitting on a book idea for a while and need the boost to start writing again.

* * *

Chapter 32: Half Eaten Pizza and Unprecedented Displays of Emotion

* * *

October 2047

"She called me Pocahontas, fucking Pocahontas Javi! Am I overreacting? I'm overreacting…. As far as she knows Pocahontas is just a Disney princess and she didn't mean anything by it…. I can't even explain why it made me so angry, it's so minor and it's not even an insult right? As far as Disney Princesses goes, Pocahontas was a good one... I'm totally overreacting and I sound like such a cry baby," I whined kicking out my legs so that his twin size bed creaked loudly.

As the resident coordinator Javier had a double room to himself but his bed was still a standard issue extra long (and extra old) twin. He lay silently on his side facing me, pensive as he always was when I ranted, one arm casually slung around my waist. He had grown his hair out in the last year, inspired by old pictures of my father with Jake and Embry from a time before they phased. Like mine it was now long enough to be pulled into a tight knot at the top of his head and as he nodded thoughtfully it bobbed with him.

I entered my sophomore year just weeks ago and I was taking on more photography classes, while still juggling my gen ed requirements and sorority obligations. I had a lot to rant about and Javier Morales, my best friend and kinda-sorta boyfriend, was my best sounding board. He grew up with five sisters and always seemed to know just the right thing to say.

"Why do you always apologize for being emotional? You're making excuses for someone who hurt you with their insensitivity. It was inappropriate and she shouldn't have said it. Don't discredit your own emotions," he said carefully after he was sure I was done.

"I don't know, I guess because I know it could be so much worse than jokingly being called Pocahontas. I mean, if this is the extent of the racism I face, aren't I lucky?" I asked, allowing him to pull me closer to his chest. He smelled like a chai latte, all spicy and warm and selfishly I nuzzled into it. He took that as an invitation and gingerly rubbed my back from my bra line to the summit of my ass. This was nearly the extent of our physical intimacy.

In my freshman year I had the excuse of being a resident in the dorm where he was the coordinator. As a condition of being the only male advisor in an all-girls dorm he was strictly prohibited from dating any of the students there. He depended on the free boarding and he didn't risk it. Whenever we were in his room alone the door stayed carefully open and he never pushed it.

During the summer, when I couldn't face returning to La Push and rented an apartment in Port Angeles, I kept us busy. Whenever he was free from his family's restaurant I picked him up in my convertible and drove. Sometimes we hiked, spending whole days in Olympic National Park. Others we drove as far as Portland, using all of his tips to feed my gas tank and fill my glove compartment with snacks.

I had no distractions left now that I lived in the Delta Gamma house. We were free to be open about our relationship and we were. We walked through campus holding hands. I spent more nights in his bed than I did in the sorority house my parents paid exorbitant amounts for. We ate every meal together. We knew each other schedules as well as our own and coordinated accordingly. We kissed innocently every time we were forced to part, and occasionally not so innocently, when the fire of our emotional and intellectual connection overwhelmed me.

He was a feminist and a gentleman though and in the year since our first kiss he never pushed for more, even when like now, these innocent touches made him grow hard against my stomach. It was awful and selfish and wrong for me to egg him on, with no intention of following through but it felt good. It felt good to be held in the warm arms of a smart, kind, attractive man who wanted me and only me.

"Any racism you face is wrong, Maddox. I don't even know why you run with those girls, you're so much better than that antiquated institution," he whispered with far more lust than was warranted for the topic.

"Come on, don't start this anti-sorority shit again Javi." I argued with no real fire, too consumed with the feeling of his erection pressed against my soft stomach and our rapid breathing.

"Okay, okay," he whispered directly in my ear, pressing against me so that I was slowly lowered on the bed.

"Javi," I breath his name into his lips as he descends, my heart pounding in a combination of lust and fear. I knew, at the very depths of my soul that I wanted this to happen. It needed to happen. There was over a year of built up sexual tension between us that needed to be released and if I wanted to keep Javi, who had become my anchor, I couldn't lead him on forever. That was exactly why it was so terrifying.

If he were any other guy on campus, if there was no Javi to keep my grounded, I would have spread my legs without a second thought just to see what sex could be without my imprint. I was known for my rash decisions and the desire was definitely there. Every night I didn't spend in Javi's too small bed, I spent burning the motor on my vibrator but the fear of losing Javi stopped me and if I was honest with myself, the foolish hope that Solace would show up at any moment also held me back.

Solace was in La Push, he was seeing a therapist and no longer running with the pack. I was told he was taking time for himself and that he was getting better but it had been several months since I got that update and each day my hopes that he would coming running to me diminished.

My anger, my childish feelings of betrayal and abandonment had subsided, but with each day he stayed away my insecurity increased. I felt him… or I thought I felt him more than once. Whenever I felt that pull in my gut I would follow it, I even ran out of class to search for him but each time it led nowhere and I became convinced they were phantom pangs, like soldier who lost their legs and could still feel their toes curl.

Javier's tongue parted my lips and I allowed it, pressing further into the mattress to distance myself from the thick shaft wedged between us. The conflicting desire to grab hold of it and feel just how much I affected him, versus the urge to roll off the bed and run at full speed barefoot across campus was almost painful.

"Javi," I choked on the name and if he had pushed just a bit more, the dirty sweats and giant t-shirt I donned would have been on the floor. Instead he leapt over me, coughing and shaking his head as if trying to get water out of his ears.

"Want something?" He asked with a strained voice, bent over his mini fridge searching as if there was more than a few sprites and two slices of cold pizza inside. Before I answered he pulled out the pizza popping one slice in the tiny microwave and placing the other (cold like I liked it) on a napkin that he passed to me with my tabasco. When the microwave dinged he pulled his slice out and slid down the opposite wall to watch me.

"You know how I feel about you right?" He asked when I was halfway through my slice, eating it for something to do in the awkwardness of our silence.

I nodded once, almost imperceptibly and he plowed ahead.

"I keep waiting for it to click in that beautiful head of yours that I'm here for you. I thought my college experience would include a line of girls out my door but instead-"

"I'm not trying to stop you Javi, if you need me to step back so you can… st-tart a line, I will," I stuttered, reaching for my bag at the foot of the bed through blurry eyes.

After class I had changed from my perfectly coordinated outfit, the kind of outfit Javier rolled his eyes at and into his old pajamas. I didn't have a spare pair of shoes here and I would have to wear a pair of dangerously high heels as I escaped this unprecedented display of emotion.

One night over the summer, after devouring a bag of marijuana gummy bears with his cousin Sebastian in my tiny apartment in Port Angeles, I unleashed my soul. Sitting Indian style on old lawn chairs, with a only a few amendments for Solace's age, I told him our complete love story, starting from shared cookies to our almost wedding in Ipanema. In response (though I wished he would hold it in), with daring and brutal honesty he admitted to his deep affection and desire for me. We never discussed either topic after that and we were getting dangerously close again.

"That's not what I'm saying and you know it. I don't want anyone but you. I have never felt this way before. I know you think you've missed out on the world, tucked away on your reservation, but you're just unpolluted. Every technological advance in the last 50 years has fucked us as a society. We've pulled away from real human connections and emotion, but you are raw, real emotion and heart. I hate seeing you apologize for your passion when that's what makes you so beautiful. I know you want to be cool and disconnected like the fashionistas in New York blogs or chic and unbothered like the vapid girls in your sorority because you're trying to guard yourself but I would never hurt you. I would protect your heart with everything I have. I love you, Maddox."

"I love you too but…" I didn't know how to finish or if even I could finish over the lump in my throat.

"But... I'm not Solace," he added taking a final unenthusiastic bite of his pizza before dropping it in the trash bin next to him.

He was right. He was not Solace.

Javier did not ignite a passion that overtook my whole being, he was however handsome and charming beyond what I even felt worthy of. Javi didn't bring the me quiet, all encompassing calm that Solace's presence could inspire but he did make me feel safe and understood, even though at times I felt so alien here.

I never realized how sheltered a life I lived until I was thrown in the middle of a campus filled with people who came from worlds I couldn't imagine. I knew all about shapeshifters and vampires and from Solace I even learned of real witches and werewolves but I was so removed from the reality of an America that suffered through decades of violent racial tension and recession. Without an ounce of judgement Javier opened my world and his heart, and taught me more than I learned in any of my classes.

No, he wasn't Solace…

but he was here…

with me…

because he loved me...

Before I could talk myself out of it I threw the remaining half of my pizza and the bottle of tabasco to the floor with a clatter and flung myself at him. He met me with more force than I thought possible from this gentle man, lifting me and slamming me on my back in the middle of his tidy room. I spread for him instinctively, not fighting as he removed the shirt from my body in one swift movement.

I rushed to help him, unclasping my bra as he ripped at my pants, taking my underwear down with them. His hungry eyes, nearly black with lust, inspected every inch of me and I pull him forward, feeling awkward and unsure. For the first time ever he rejected my kiss, pushing me back down, holding my hands above my head when I tried to use them to cover my stomach. I was exposed and vulnerable and uncertain, but this unexpected power and the intensity of his gaze cause me to drip down my thigh with desire.

Taking both of my wrist easily in one of his big hands, Javi lightly outlined my body from my collar bone, up to the very peak of my nipple and down to my fleshy hip. I closed my eyes tight. Javi wouldn't have the filter of an imprint and I couldn't bear to watch him as he took in every flaw: from my stubbly unshaved legs to the light stretch marks on my lower abdomen and the sides of my breasts.

"How did he do it Maddox?" He breathed against my nipple before taking it into his warm mouth.

"Hmm?" I half inquire, half moan.

"How did he convince you, you were anything less than perfect," he sighed, releasing my hands and kneading my breasts as he kissed me with so much passion I forgot to breathe.

I came to this school to escape, dragging along all of my pain and doubt, and clinging to it like a life preserver. That certainty that I was not enough, that I would never be enough and that I needed to hide my deficiencies at all cost weighed so heavily on my chest, at times it felt as though my knees would buckle. I had spent my life trying to fill some unknown void with food and sex and Solace but to Javi I was enough.

I tugged at his shirt, pulling it over his head to reveal a broad, softly defined chest over a slightly rounded stomach with a thick patch of hair. I'd never seen so much of him. We were so far beyond all the lines that I had drawn for us, that I shook in fear and for once my Javi seemed equally unsure. In my mind I had elevated Javier to the status of life guru. He was devastatingly intelligent, witty, self-assured and sensitive. He could enter any room and like a chameleon meld perfectly with the crowd, speaking confidently on any number of topics but under my gaze he seemed to falter.

"Are you going to say anything Ateara? I know I'm not exactly-" I cut him off pushing down his basketball shorts and releasing his thick upturnt cock with a growl.

I found my voice just long enough to moan, "fuck me."

Without another word he did.

He entered me with a groan that seemed to emanate from the pit of his soul and I respond in kind, not concerned with the imperfections that peppered my body, just entirely immersed in him.

It didn't feel like Solace, I knew it wouldn't but it felt good and it was too late to turn back now.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: this is another new chapter hope it flows well with the rest of the fic.

* * *

Chapter 33: Frivolity

* * *

May 2051

The familiar ring of my phone dragged me through the house, stumbling over a wall of girl scout cookies I'd purchased from three little girls brave enough to ring my bell. In the four years since Madd left me my big, dark, empty home had become something of legend to the local Quileute kids: the home of the ageless hermit.

When I recognized the ringtone I jumped over the kitchen counter at full speeds I forgot I was capable of. It was the Ateara ringtone. I had set a simple lullaby to every Ateara that wasn't Maddox and the fear ripped through my chest like a gunshot. Would I feel it if anything happened to Maddox? Would our mystic connection warn me?

Harley. I saw her name on the screen before I could rip the phone off of my coffee table.

"Is she okay?!" I practically screamed into the phone.

"Hi Solace, guess I shoulda texted first huh? Maddie's fine, she's graduating in a few weeks… her partner got a job up in Colville National Park so their getting ready to move up by Spokane. She is healthy and annoyingly stubborn as ever," Harley rattled off robotically.

Though I spent years thinking Harley didn't particularly like me, for reasons I couldn't really decipher, she always updated me on everything Maddox. She'd never however called to give me these updates, instead she passed them along casually whenever she was near me, whether it be at pack functions or the gas station. This was less frequent now that she had moved to Los Angeles with Phil's daughter Chloe but I always appreciated it, even if it wasn't entirely necessary.

In the nearly four years since Maddox banished me I had not stayed away as she asked. From a distance I kept careful watch as she went through college: first as the continuously fashionable sorority girl, with a love sick best friend at her five inch heel. Then later as their relationship evolved and her shoes flattened out. In her final years at school she immersed herself in the photography program, distancing herself from the trendy (if not catty) sisterhood she once longed to be a part of and orbiting around Javier. She had transformed in front of my eyes into an ever passionate nature photographer and activist. Maddox became even more beautiful when she stripped away the layers of frill and gloss she obsessed with as a teenager, though at times when I watched from afar sadness still painted her face and she looked to go along with Javier's missions with only mild interest.

Her weakness for fancy clothing was replaced with a proclivity for expensive camera lenses and trips to the far reaches of the planet to photograph the last remaining vestiges of untouched nature. I found ways to remain her patron, conspiring with Quil to pay for a 21st birthday gift of a couples trip through western Africa. Their 20 days away was the most nerve destroying separation I ever experienced but one of her photos taken in Mali had been purchased National Geographic, making her a paid professional photographer before graduation.

"Sol, you there?"

"Yea… Then what's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing wrong… I was just wondering if you could do me a favor, like a huge, super major, secret favor for me. It has nothing to do with Maddox, it's just for me so I understand if you wanna say no," she empathized grandly. With Harley I probably should have asked for clarification first but I didn't think twice.

"Sure, whatever you need," I sighed finally able to breathe freely again knowing Maddox was ok.

"So you know how I'm at USC for the film program?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes…"

"Well, so like I wrote this script for my screenwriting class and my prof loved it. So I thought it'd be cool to shop it around and see what people thought and I met this couple, that produce indie movies and they wanna give me a shot Sol! But they're small time, real small time and they can only really afford the bare minimum budget and this isn't a bare minimum movie Solace, this movie could be major," she continued carefully.

Money? It would make sense for Harley to ask me of all the current pack for money, she had seen me showering her sister with lavish gifts since a very young age, but she was fiercely independent and must be truly desperate to reach out to me.

"How much do you need," I ask casually, cutting to the point.

"No, no it's not like that. I'm trying to pay you… I mean I'll be severely under paying you, but I'm hoping to at least capitalize on some of the remaining affection you have for the Ateara family and utilize one of your many skills… that is if you are willing to leave your boarded up old mansion for some LA sun and an old futon," she said cheekily.

.X*X.

October 2051

Harley Jo Ateara and Chloe Ann Lynch, 21 and 23 respectively, moved to Los Angeles not long after Harley's acceptance to the University of Southern California Los Angeles film school three years ago. Chloe who had been somewhat of a social media celebrity throughout high school latched onto her childhood friend in hopes of capitalizing on her male following and turning it into a real modeling career.

She was a runway darling before long and with a few print jobs and now a toothpaste commercial under her belt (like most desperate models), Chloe added actress to her CV. So naturally, she was cast as the lead in Harley's "small budget, big vision, modern art house, action" film; the premise of which I didn't quite understand.

After driving down my own dime, to sleep on their futon and attend a slew of semi-professional meetings with Hollywood clingers on, it was decided that I did fit the bill for a similarly sized stand-in and stunt driver for Jett Matthews, a former child star that the production team had managed to wrangle for his name recognition. According to Harley, his fee was more than half the listed budget but well worth the exposure. His last touch of media attention came from a bout of legal trouble for drug possession and public nudity, and his first acting project was bound to garner attention.

Being farther from Maddox than I was used to, it took a while to adjust to the beautiful if not polluted city of Los Angeles. Though it was easy to click with the two ambitious dreamers I now lived with, the extended separation from my imprint was taxing on my body. Chloe, now a vegan Yogi, dragged me daily to the neighborhood park to practice yoga moves I learned from Leah Clearwater what felt like centuries ago. Physically the ache for Maddox never left but spiritually as time went on I felt part of something bigger for the first time in years.

Despite a vastly different backdrop, living with them reminded me so much of the apartment I shared with Phil and Collin not long after first becoming wolves. There was a sense of possibility and futures to be seen. I started to phase again and though I still scheduled my runs to avoid the minds of the pack in La Push, I felt more alive than I had since Brazil and soon I began to look the part. The small patches of white that had developed at my temple disappeared and the lines of worry above my forehead smoothed out.

I completed my scenes within the first three weeks of filming but with Harley growing to rely on me for so much more than just stunt driving I stayed on, providing free muscle in exchange for poorly cooked vegan food, friendship and an uncomfortable twin futon. Much like Maddox, Harley had a fast working, razor sharp mind and an artistic eye. She was very exacting and despite her age she commanded a room of men with ease. She reminded me so much of her father Quil that our casual banter and comfortable partnership developed easily.

"You know with some styling you could really clean up here as a model," Harley said casually as we wrapped up the final day of filming.

Besides directing Harley doubled as the production stylist and she was attempting to gather more than her body's weight in garbage bag covered outfits. Unlike her sister, petitw Harley took after Claire and stood at just about 5 feet, with bone straight black hair she kept in an edgy bob. I bumped her out of the way, taking the garments out of her hands and walking to the van owned by the production company.

"What's wrong with my styling? Not enough black?" I huffed tossing the clothes into the vehicle. Harley played the part of an artists to the tee and her small frame was constantly draped in oversize black clothes that swallowed her frame.

"Nothing if you wanna continue with this James Dean impersonation thing ya got going... but you know if you ever wanna join this century Solace, I could help. You seem to like it here and our lease is almost up," she said with false nonchalance.

We had become closer during the 5 months of pre-production and filming than we ever did in La Push and though I had not decided when I would return, my exit date loomed above our heads. Unlike Maddox, Harley missed La Push dearly and I knew much like she reminded me of Quil I reminded her of home. She began making casual comments about me staying when production started to wind down, mentioning different jobs she could get me and the company we could start together if this film hit gold.

"She doesn't seem to mind my clothes," I chuckled, pointing out a tall surgeon-perfected blond across the road whose eyes were glued on me as she passed.

"Well you're fucking hot, so was James Dean, doesn't mean he could just wear whatever in Hollywood. Standards are high here," she huffed leading the way back to my car which had all but become hers in the months of filming.

"I'm not really worried about Hollywood standards seeing as I'll be back in La Push soon," I sighed kicking the car into gear. Her heart accelerated with the vehicle.

"You can't leave yet," she insisted instantly.

"I mean it's been fun Harley, more fun than I could have guess but you know I have to be near her just-"

"Maddox is coming to the wrap party, she'll be here without Javi, I convinced her to come and she doesn't know you're here," she confessed louder than necessary.

"So you want us to corner her? Because I don't think she'll take that well," I argued but I couldn't stop the feeling of elation at the idea of seeing Maddox, of being with her again without Javi's interference. Maddox spent every school holiday with Javi either abroad or in Port Angeles, driving down to see her family (with Javi glued to her side) for very special occasions.

"Well yeah, that's the idea… Chloe and I thought we could kind of Parent Trap you guys into falling back in love, you know as a gift for all your help," she said casually, watching my profile with avid interest.

"Despite my obviously superior good-looks, I don't know if I do it for her anymore Lee… she's definitely not the girl that I knew anymore. She's an environmental activist and an avid hiker now. I think she goes to a Catholic church with him and calls herself a naturist, I don't-"

"No see that's the problem Solace, she's none of those things, Javier is and since she's so desperate to keep a man, she's molded herself to him! I miss my real sister, I miss the girl who wouldn't go camping with the family because she couldn't go without her blow dryer and a hot shower!" Harley spat, her little fist shaking.

"What do you want me to do about it, Lee?" I asked recoiling from her anger.

"Solace you broke her, she's been gone since that bullshit with you kid and I swear I don't blame you or Amber or anyone anymore, but I want her back! She's clinging on to that guy for dear life and it would be okay if she was genuinely happy but she's not, I can see it in her eyes. Her spark is gone and everyone's just going along with it because they feel guilty for not telling her about Kai and-and she so stubborn, and I hate it! You have to try one more time Solace, I swear if it doesn't work I'll fall in line. I'll plan her wedding to that fucking hippie myself but you have to try again, you both deserve to be truly happy, Solace!" I have known Harley since she was 4 years old and I have seen her cry less than a handful of times, all before puberty but with shocking velocity she howled releasing a torrent of tears as we drove down Melrose Avenue.

"Okay, okay you can give me a makeover and we'll try okay, quit the waterworks kid," I folded and with tear drops still clinging to her lashes she threw back her head and screamed.

.X*X.

I sat at the Peruvian restaurant alone, feeling like a paper doll in an outfit hand-picked by Chloe and Harley before they left to get Maddox at the airport. I had yet to see her or even be within 100 feet of her but just her presence in Los Angeles numbed the ache I felt since leaving La Push.

"Would you like another," the caramel skin waitress bent at the hip, allowing me ample view down her shirt as she took away the empty bottle of beer I had been nursing. They were late and my anxiety was rising. Had Maddox figured it out? Had they warned her I would be here and she decided to turn right back around?

For her own comfort I had packed up everything and checked into a hotel room. I even replaced the old futon with a new pull out, to make way for Maddox to reconnect with her sister and childhood best friend for the 4 days she was in town. I booked a hotel for the week, unsure of my future but knowing without a doubt I would return to La Push. Harley and Chloe were just starting their lives and it was time for me to move on with my own, whether or not that included Maddox was yet to be seen.

"Yes please," I said and she rubbed the shoulder of my form fitting white shirt as she left, it made me feel more self conscious. They had dressed me in a tight pair of black pants and a form fitting white shirt, which when combined with my expertly cut asymmetrical hairstyle made me look more LA than I had in the 5 months since I arrived.

The invisible steel cables that linked me to Maddox clenched and punched me in the gut before I could see her from my table nestled in the corner. Her thick mane of beach-waved brown hair cascaded down her bare shoulder and as if they had planned it we matched, my crisp tailored white shirt coordinated perfectly with her white peasant dress.

I had seen her only at a distance for so long that seeing her head on was was like a shock to my heart. She was more beautiful than I remembered and her soft beautiful features were settled in a serene mask. They had to have warned her because as soon as her eyes met mine she inclined her head casually in greeting. I stood half out of manners and half out of the jolt of being faced with her perfection. She sat across from me without a word and I awkwardly sat again, thanking any gods that might be listening for the freedom to watch her as she read the cocktail menu.

"She's talking to you," Maddox said carefully not granting me even a glance.

"Huh?" I asked, then jumped from the surprisingly hard elbow Harley sent into my side. The waitress had returned with my beer and stood watching crestfallen as I stared mouth-gaping at the most beautiful creature in all creation.

"Thanks," I said sparing her a split second of my eye contact before returning them to my whole world. Maddox was staring back, looking momentarily annoyed, before she forced her face back to blank calm.

"You look good," she said, her eyes scanning me from top to bottom.

"You look… amazing." The word amazing seemed blasphemously inadequate and I blushed.

"Yes, now that we have established how attractive we all are, lets order because Chloe and I gotta get out of here ASAP. We're meeting with the post-production team before the wrap party," Harley said rattling off an order for the table.

"That's all vegetarian, a big man like you needs his protein," the waitress said putting her hand on my shoulder to catch my attention, I didn't look up, watching as Maddox's face morphed from cool to angry to possessive.

"Why don't you add a lomo saltado to that," Maddox said forcefully stuffing her menu in the girl's hand, putting a barrier between her hand and my shoulder. Chloe chuckled and though the therapist approved inner Solace told me it didn't mean anything, signs of the old jealous Madd filled me with hope.

"Seems you still have that effect on women, Solace," the sound of my name on her lips was like a drug.

"I didn't notice," I said smirking when she rolled her eyes at me with a dazzling smile.

"Must be the haircut, you look straight off the cover of GQ, I guess LA suits you," Maddox said evenly though I could hear her heart rate increase gradually as she spoke.

"I'm surprised you know what's on the cover of GQ anymore, I thought you had forsaken all the frivolity of fashion," Chloe said casually. I could see the awkward tension between them. At one time they dreamt of careers side by side in the fashion industry but years apart didn't do their relationship wonders.

"Frivolity?" Maddox whispered under her breath, I sniggered and we shared a quick smile.

"Does Javi let you read GQ?" Harley asked innocently. I flinched at the sound of his name and then at the pain I saw in her eyes.

"Ladies," I growled and Chloe held up her hands in surrender.

"What? It was a serious question… the Environmentalist seemed pretty down on Hollywood, he almost didn't let her come. So seeing as he's running her life now I figured GQ would be outta the picture," Harley blinked repeatedly, waiting for Maddox to respond.

"Give it a rest guys, I'm here aren't I? I'm here to support you both, okay?" Maddox said sweetly and I nodded in agreement, shooting them both glares.

When the food arrived Maddox grabbed the steak dish she ordered out of the waitresses hand and without asking dropped more than half on my plate as she always did before. The last bits of armor I had fell away, I was entirely defenseless against her. I didn't taste anything, I shoveled food in my mouth for something to do, totally lost in her. Every few bites she would look up at me and with each glance she kept my eyes for longer. They weren't the sparkling eyes filled with wonder that she cast on me as a child sharing her prized cookies with me. These eyes also weren't the mischievous and lusty, love-filled teenage eyes that still haunted my dreams; instead they were somehow more wordly, adult and guarded.

'You okay?' I mouthed after several long moments of openly watching each other, her guarded eyes growing increasingly pained.

She nodded, awarding me with the most devastating half-smile.

"Okay, we gotta go. Thanks for the meal Solace," Harley chuckled gathering her bag, kissing my cheek suddenly and running out the restaurant with Chloe close behind. They left empty plates and in the suddenness of their departure we erupted into laughter.

"Don't worry, I got it," she chuckled pulling out her wallet. I pushed the money away and even the second of skin-to-skin contact lit my body on fire.

"I got it, I'm still a patron of the arts," I joked and her heart sputtered.

"And I still owe you for a luxury vacation through Africa now that I'm a professional," she pushed throwing money on the table and rushing out the front door with her bag before I could protest any further. She stood out front, her coppery brown skin glowing in the afternoon sun as she consulted her phone's GPS.

"So I guess my 21st birthday gift was not as subtle as I thought," I spoke to her back.

"My dad's a community college Spanish professor, Solace… you weren't very slick about it," she laughed.

"Where are you going?" I asked and she shrugged not looking back at me. She had a search engine open with a listing for the Fashion Institute of Design Museum, where there was currently an exhibit of vintage film costumes.

"Come on, I'll drive you," I said committing the address to memory and guiding her through the crowd to my car. I came behind her, my chest pressed momentarily to her back as I opened the passenger side door for her. Almost imperceptibly she pressed back against me and I froze, soaking in the feel of her before she rushed inside the car.

"This doesn't have to be awkward," she said turning her body to face me completely as soon as I was settled inside.

"No, it doesn't. You're right," I sighed letting out a gush of air I didn't know I was holding in.

"We can be friends… we should try to be friends," she said inspecting my face carefully.

"Okay."

"And I should thank you for the trip and… probably the tuition too, I'm sure you helped and I truly appreciate it, Solace," Maddox said with such sincerity my stomach turned.

"Always, whatever you need Madd, always," I insisted. Alone, inside this enclosed space, inhaling her scent fresh from the source, the energy between us hummed. Her eyes darted repeatedly to my lips and my hands before she turned her body away.

"So let's go see some costumes yeah?" She said dismissively, pulling out her camera and adjusting the lenses expertly.

We drove in silence, Maddie testing her camera several times, even taking a side profile picture of me as we circled looking for parking around the museum.

The exhibit was extensive, filled with rich fabrics and intricate details embroidered in metallic thread but my eyes stayed glued to Maddox. I watched in awe as she fell into a spell, focusing on the embellishments with such reverie that they enchanted me as well. She snapped beautiful close ups catching details I would have missed if I wasn't standing behind her watching every shot as she inspected them.

"That's beautiful," I sighed over her shoulder examining the way the light from the skylight shimmered against the blue velvet dress making the picture appear to be glowing. She turned her head toward me and I could feel the warmth of her breath on my cheek as she spoke.

"I miss this... taking pictures of things other than trees," she clarified when I turned my face to her, our lips only inches apart.

"Why don't you anymore?" I asked watching as her eyes zig-zagged taking in every inch of my face. I smiled widely when her scent and heart gave away her attraction.

"Stop doing that!" She huffed taking several steps back.

"Smiling?" I asked, laughing aloud for the first time in years.

"That stupid sexy come-hither smirk you do. It won't work on me."

"If I thought a smile was enough to win you Madd, I would have spent the last 4 years smiling at you feet," I said honestly and her smile faded replaced with a black cloud of sadness. I regretted the words instantly but I couldn't take them back. She led the way out, stomping past several people passing out flyers for local clubs.

"Oh God aren't you stunning? Like hello Mother Nature is that you?" A tall flamboyant man draped in androgynous finery exclaimed, gesturing to Maddox as she passed.

"Thank you," Maddox giggled, making a little turn when the man twirled his finger.

"Yes Earth Goddess, work that peasant dress. I live! You have given me life," he declared wildly. I came forward instinctively for protection.

"Solace, don't be silly," she hissed under her breath.

"Solace… is that your name gorgeous? How very bohemian. Darling, your lover is delicious," he said conspiratorially to Maddox.

"We-we're not together," she stammered turning pink.

"Yet," he corrected urging a flyer in her hand. "Bring him to my drag show tonight, that's me on the flyer with the pink hair. If he's willing to come watch an ugly queen lip sync to the oldies then he's the one."

Maddox inspected the flyer with interest as we drove to the party, genuinely intrigued by the pictures on the front and also avoiding my gaze.

The wrap party was being held in a popular Karaoke cocktail bar in Koreatown, the production company rented out for the occasion. When we arrived a bit behind schedule Chloe gave me a big thumbs up but Harley was already too enthralled in her ritual mating dance with Jett to notice our arrival.

In the five months since Jett came on set, looking tired and wounded, I watched Harley fall secretly and deeply in love with him. The crew kept bets, watching their hesitant flirting but I watched with the edge of a protective brother. I took note of everything about him but the more I watched the man, who had grown up before my eyes in movies and television, the more I liked him. Despite being a recovering drug addict and growing up far from the real world, he had a strong work ethic and a deep respect for Harley. He came to set every day on time ready to work. He took all criticism well, working into the early hours when necessary and at moments when he thought no one was looking his eyes followed Harley wherever she went.

"Are they- is that a thing?" Maddox asked pointing at Harley and Jett who stood in the far corner so immersed in conversation they seemed to be molding into each other.

"Yeah, I think so… I hope so," I said nodding.

"Isn't he like, a cokehead," she whispered under her breath.

"He was… but doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?" I said walking backward to the bar, not able to take my eyes off of her. Like a fish on the hook she followed, never getting further than a 5 feet away. She broke eye contact, ordering a lychee martini and a beer for me at the bar and I tested my luck by placing my arm behind her at the bar. She leaned into it, my forearm fitting perfectly into the deep indent of her waist.

Conspiratorially she asked for all of the gossip on set and using it as an excuse to get closer I whispered every detail about the couple from their work rapport to sputtering heart beats and increased pheromones.

"Oh man, it's been so long since I've been around a wolf. I forgot how creepy accurate your senses are," she chuckled, her eyes still locked on mine. She moved even closer and I took it as an invitation to let my hand travel up her spine. I listened above the bad singing of a key-grip to the rapid rhythm of her heart, inhaling the smell of her arousal greedily.

"Sol, are you singing?" A intern on set called to me from the end of the bar with a mic in hand. I moved to decline but Maddox grabbed me and pulled me with her to the stage.

"Come on, Solace I miss frivolity," she sang the last word out of tune.

Without a second's hesitation I hopped on stage, trying my hardest to provide backup on a song I'd never heard. Maddox's smile was so wide the sad lyrics sounded optimistic and without my permission hope raged again in my heart.


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: another new chapter, I'll have one and a half more then resume the previously written chapters.

* * *

Chapter 34: Immense Unmatched Pleasure

* * *

October 2051: Solace

"So where do you wanna go for an after party," Harley asked tentatively, breaking up the nearly two hour chat session where Maddox and I discussed the issue of homelessness in Los Angeles, the effects of global warming on our home state of Washington, her travels, the death of print media, the plot of Harley's first movie and and a dozen other things that were not our failed romance and the palpable desire that coursed through our bodies, radiating off of each other in waves of lust.

"We're going to a drag show, right Solace?" Maddox said pulling the folder flyer out of her bra. The momentary sight of that sacred skin caused me to pull her closer and after several martinis and shots of soju she did not protest.

"I'm down," Jett said quietly, watching Harley's profile carefully from her side. She nodded, faint pink brushing the apples of her cheeks as members of the production team called their goodbyes. We were the last four in the bar, Chloe and a French male model having left sometime around the time Maddox and I discussed her renewed interest in painting.

"Oh, I don't wanna… impose," Harley said eyeing my arm around Maddie's waist and her head now lightly resting on my shoulder.

"Don't be like that Lee," Maddox started to scold her and I released her waist, putting my arm around Harley's thin shoulders and signalling everyone to follow.

"So did I see stolen kisses or was I mistaken," I joked, prodding her in her stomach with my free hand as we walked. She slapped at my hand but her wide answering smile gave her away and she nodded enthusiastically.

"About time," I whispered and she giggled uncharacteristically.

"He said he was waiting until filming was done. He's such a professional," Harley gushed, so low only I could hear over the sounds of the busy street.

"I didn't bring my car but I'm, um sober, so I could drive," Jett offered putting his hands out for my keys. My body temperature and the intensity of our conversation meant I hadn't had enough alcohol to get even remotely drunk but I didn't protest. I passed my keys to Jett and Maddie pulled my arm off of Harley, dragging me into the backseat.

"She's like my sister, Madd," I chided her when I could see the telltale clenched jaw of jealousy on Maddie's face.

"She is my sister, so don't okay?" She said earnestly and I nodded, searching her eyes for answers. Her beautiful expressive eyes were like a key for me when we dated, telling me everything I needed to know. Now, as if she put up curtains in the windows to her soul, no answers to the questions that burned most deeply in my heart were clear there.

"When will you realize there's no one but you, Madd," I breathed testing the water and putting my arm back on her shoulders but she shrugged it off. She sat as far away from me as possible, her back pressed against the opposite door allowing me a beautiful view of her thick tanned thighs. She used to refer them as thunder thighs but to me they were like lightning, striking me straight in the gut.

She remained silent for several long minutes as Jett navigated city traffic. I didn't hide my gaze, didn't cloak the lust in my eyes as I hungrily scanned the sexy exposed flesh and as she watched me, her heart reacted wildly. She shifted purposefully, the white dress riding higher and giving me a peek of her simple white underwear as she watched. I groaned, shifting to adjust for my instant and painful hard-on and she bit her lip, making me throb with want.

"So Maddox, Harley says you're a really talented photographer and she's trying to get you to do the poster and promotional work for the movie," Jett said casually breaking the silence and the our heated stares.

"Yea… she asked but I'm actually leaving for Indonesia in two weeks. I'm going to be gone for six months with my boyfriend Javier," Maddox announced my whole body trembling from the sound of his name. Maddox sat up straight adjusting her dress to cover her legs to the knee as if she just remembered he existed.

"Six months?" I hissed but Maddox ignored me.

"Oh your boyfriend," Jett said awkwardly looking at us both in the rearview mirror before continuing, "Why Indonesia?"

"Because her boyfriend is a tree hugger who likes to drag my sister to deserted villages without electricity for shits and giggles," Harley said turning to wink at Maddox. Instead of arguing Maddox laughed, her hair bouncing with her bare shoulders.

"Yeah… I mean pretty much. I spent a week in Bolivia without bathing… wasn't the most romantic or relaxing vacation. I got some nice shots though and I just graduated so it's the best time for travel," Maddox chuckled.

"Being a nature photographer must be amazing. When shit hit the fan for me a few years back I hid out in Idaho in a friend's old cabin. I grew up in Hollywood, from time to time my family would take weekend trips to Kings Canyon Park but Idaho is just untouched. It was life changing, so beautiful, so serene," Jett said casually, it was the most I ever heard him speak without the help of a script.

"You'd like La Push, where I grew up, I miss it all the time. Maddox doesn't come around any more but whenever I can, I go back," Harley said, her eyes rapt on his profile. Without turning to her he reached over the space between them and laced his hand with hers.

"Why you busting my balls Lee," Maddox asked leaning forward to tap her sisters shoulder playfully. Harley looked back, a painfully wide smile painted across her face.

"Because I miss you Bitch. Also cuz I'm Team Solace now, so deal with it," she shot back over her shoulder hopping out the car when we reached the valet. She ran around front on heels that made her marginally less tiny and pulled Jett to the door leaving Maddox and I sitting awkwardly inside.

I helped her out of the car, eyeing the West Hollywood club with with caution. This would not be my first time at a gay club and if I weren't with Maddox I wouldn't think twice, but being with Maddox reactivated a long dormant need to protect. Los Angeles had a surprisingly large population of vampires and I caught scent of them almost every night I allowed myself to be dragged to the clubs with Chloe and Harley but with Maddox nearby even the faintest trace of the venom scent worried me.

"What's wrong," she said turning to face me. She placed her hand above my heart as if she could sense it pounding out of control.

"Vampire," I whispered inhaling deeply. Maddox bolted, running after her little sister with surprising speed but the vampire was long gone, at least and hour to the west.

"Lee!" She called weaving through colorfully dressed gay men.

"Hey, hey!" I called after her, she spun around to face me before standing on her toes to look through the crowd.

"It's okay, it's gone, it's gone now," I assured her and she crumpled into me, pulling me to her with surprising force.

"I haven't thought about vampires in so long, Solace. That scared me," she whined.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I apologized putting as much sincerity in my voice as possible. She nodded and I wrapped my arms around her, washing away the remnants of sickly sweet vampire with her tropical scent. When my nose grazed the nape of her neck she gasped, digging her nails into my back in the perfection combination of stinging pain and undeniable pleasure.

"Are you sure it's gone, Solace," she pouted, melting away all my resolve.

"E-hem, it's a $10 cover," the bouncer coughed forcing us apart. I forced money in his hand and before I could pull Maddox back to me, to kiss her beautiful pouty lips like I craved so badly she was dragging me through the crowd.

There was already a drag queen on the stage, bouncing around and lip syncing to a peppy song about leaving a no good man. Maddox shimmied and danced to the beat in front of me as the crowds pushed us closer to the stage and closer to each other.

"Want something to drink?" I whispered in her ear, she shook her head pressing her whole body flush against me. We swayed to the music, cheering as the lineup changed repeatedly before the tall pink haired drag queen who gave us the flyer, came on stage.

"YESS!" Maddox howled, cheering as Mz. Dolores was announced and made her way down stage center.

She wore a big red flamenco inspired dress with layers of skirt that she swirled around her as she spun. As if she were the only person in the room, she danced to an old song Lady Gaga song I hadn't heard since before Maddox was born. Maddox pulled away from my grasp, getting her phone at the ready and capturing stunning shots as Mz. Dolores tangoed across the stage. When she was satisfied with her pictures, Maddox put her hands above her head, threw her head back and twirled, her hair mimicked the dress on stage.

"God I missed dancing!" Madd cried above the music, pulling me to dance with her as the tune changed.

"Then why don't you dance Madd?" She was sweating, smelling more delicious than before and glistening under the disco lights.

"Because!" She cried twirling again and again. I had seen so many women, in so many delicate positions, in all stages of undress but none could compete with Maddox in that moment. She was luminescent.

"What does that mean, Maddie? You love dancing. What kind of relationship have you built that you can't do the things you once loved?" I asked and she stopped spinning to face me head on.

"It's not Javi that stops me from dancing Solace, it's you and Amber and La Push, it's everything! I avoid it all because it hurts so badly to remember everything before I left that place," she said, allowing the curtains behind her eyes to open and show me the depth of sadness there.

"You can't be truly happy hiding half of who you are," I sighed, pulling her to me, holding her in place as I read the fear ignite her eyes. I moved to kiss her at the same moment the crowd rushed forward to pass money to Mz. Dolores before the next number started. We were jostled apart and from the stage Mz. Dolores beamed down at Maddie waving merrily.

"See Earth Goddess, I told you he's the one," Mz. Dolores screamed gesturing over to me. Maddie ran forward, crammed a $20 in her hand and before I had a moment to prepare, to think, to dream Maddox was grabbing me. Kissing me with such force the wind was knocked out of me.

x*x

October 2051: Maddox

I tossed and turned on my sister's sofa bed, hot and bothered literally; hot from the humid living room and bothered by my desperate desire for Solace.

I spent the day making rash, illogical and immoral decisions ruled by my heart and my body that had not stopped wanting Solace more than anything in the world.

I am a grown woman. I am a successful, grown, mature woman who is over my first love.

I repeated that mantra a dozen times but it didn't stop me from wanting to pick up my phone and dial his number. I knew even at 3 in the morning he would be here in minutes, he felt it as strongly as I did.

I don't know what his life consists of now. I don't know what he wants or even what I want but I know that the imprinting, all encompassing desire for fornication was still very real for both of us.

But instead of calling him I waited for the alcohol to burn off and I made a list of things I knew for sure:

I knew that at least sexually, Solace wanted me as badly as I wanted him.

I knew that I haven't felt this alive since we landed in Brazil five years ago.

I knew that the life I built with Javi didn't quite fit me despite being safe and wonderful.

I knew that my craft suffered with Javi, that I couldn't find the passion necessary to create art with the same weight as I did in high school, or when the fresh pain of our break-up fueled me.

I knew that Javier would never hurt me.

I knew I could and would hurt him irreparably, the way Solace hurt me if I left him now.

That fact was the one that stopped me short. Javier had saved me from the darkness that almost consumed me after my break up with Solace, how could I hurt him in the same way? Who would be there to heal Javi?

It killed me that somehow in the years since I had seen him up close Solace looked younger, stronger and more supremely sexy. Had he mourned our love even half as much as I had? Were my memories of him, which I revisited almost daily, weak or had he actually become more attractive? It seemed cruel for the world to create a man so perfect.

Worst of all though was how effortlessly he knew me. Without skipping a beat our conversation flowed so organically. How could he connect with me at such a primal level? It was as if he could read my soul. I picked up my phone, fully ready to text Solace, to cross yet another line but the list of missed calls and texts from Javi kicked me in the gut.

Javi

4:21pm: How was your flight?

5:15pm: Are you in yet?

6:48pm: Maddox are you okay?

7:38pm: Your sister posted a picture with Solace two weeks ago. Is he there now Maddie? Did you go there to see him?

9:23pm: Maddie this isn't like you please answer your phone. Your GPS is tracking you, I know the phone is not off, please don't do this to me.

11:18pm: Is this it Maddox? You're just throwing our life away?

2:11am: I'm coming down. I'll be there tomorrow morning. I'm going to fight for you Maddie, you have to know that.

I found this name and hit send, tears already streaming down my cheek. He answered on the first ring.

"Maddox?" His voice was hoarse.

"Javi, don't come okay?"

"No fuck that Maddox, what the hell is going on?" He demanded.

"Solace is here but this isn't about him, okay? I didn't know he was going to be here and I just need some time to think. I'm sorry," I said hanging up and dialing Solace's number, the only number I knew by heart, before Javi could call back.

"Maddox," Solace breathed my name with such lust my breath hitched.

"What hotel are you at?" I asked and I was calling a car before I could change my mind.

Solace waited for me in the lobby. His hair less coiffed, dressed in a simple tee and cutoffs that brought me back to La Push. I was all over him before the elevator doors closed behind us.

"Oh God I want you so bad," I moaned against his lips as he pulled me up, lifting me off the ground and running out of the elevator at a speed that would alarm a human. He struggled with the key card and when it finally turned green he practically ripped the door off the wall. He dropped me at the end of his bed and I panted, sitting and meeting his eyes with equal intensity. I watched as he removed his shirt, revealing the beautiful map-like formation of scars that radiated from his shoulder, and when he was done I removed mine. I wasn't wearing a bra and my breast, larger and more rounded than before, bounced from the rapid movement.

His eyes consumed me with fiery reverence, like the parishioners I watched at Javier's church as they prayed to the altars of their saints. I fingered the rim of my pants nervously, contemplating removing my leggings but it wasn't fast enough for Solace. He got to his knees and pulled them off in one fast, forceful movement causing me to bounce and fall back against the soft cool sheets.

He attacked my clit with his tongue, lapping up the pool of desire that had accumulated there since the moment our lips touched. The warmth of his tongue and the steel like grip of his arms holding me in place by the thighs was more than I could handle and I screamed in the blissful agony of the most powerful orgasm I'd ever encountered just minutes later. He released my thighs and instinctively I curled into a ball, every millimeter of my skin tingling, all my muscles still tensed at the rapid, powerful release.

He crawled up the bed, lying on his side to watch me. Our eyes, both filled with uncertainty, stayed locked on each other as my breathing recovered and my body unfurled into him. He didn't allow me anymore time for recovery; he lightly caressed me, igniting my skin with electric currents.

"Solace," I moaned his name, which seemed to always be on the tip of my tongue even after all these years.

He took my earlobe in his mouth nibbling the sensitive skin there, "Maddox." He breathed my name with such power I shivered.

When my moans started to fill the room like music, he replaced his gentle fingers with his mouth leaving hot open-mouthed kisses up my arms and around my breasts. I swung my leg over his hip and he gripped my ass roughly, pulling me closer and positioning his swollen head at my slick entrance. I pushed against it, slowly taking him in inch by inch as we lay facing each other.

When I was filled with him to the hilt he hissed, his grip on my ass becoming painful in the most delightful way. Javier was always to gentle with me, he held and fucked me as if he was afraid I would change my mind at any moment and I suppose he wasn't wrong. Every night we spent together I remembered the immense unmatched pleasure of Solace's body and it wrecked me with guilt. Solace smacked the ass cheek he had been squeezing with a vice like grip and it tingled, sending vibrations through my body.

"Stay with me Maddie, stay here," he commanded, pulling me on top of him and bucking upward, filling me in a way nothing else could.

I leaned forward, kissing him before I grinded against his thick shaft that seemed molded for me, hitting my g-spot with devastating accuracy. When my excitement started to build he carefully used his thumb, with the precision of an artist he massaged my clit until I was shaking and convulsing in a pile on top of him. This time he did not give me a minute to recover, instead he forced me to my knees and took me from behind, fucking me with such power and skill I could not think of anything but pleasure.

I climbed the precipice and fell into deep pits of indescribable pleasure repeatedly until my body could take no more and I collapsed under him. He left my side for just a moment, returning with water which I drank eagerly; I felt as though I had run a marathon. When I was done he gently cleaned me, removing the sweat from my face and neck then taking great care to wipe away the generous mix of our love-making at my core. I sighed, struggling to keep my eyes open and he kissed my eyelids, turning off the bedside lamp just as the sun started to filter through his curtains.

"I love you," he breathed in my ear as the grip of sleep finally claimed me.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35: Both Halves of My Heart

* * *

October 2051

When Solace was really happy he hummed, songs from a time before me or even my mother and as I tried to fight my way back into deep slumber I could hear his soft hums from across the room. Without a word I forced myself out of bed, freshening up and brushing my teeth before I faced him. In the light of morning my guilt manifested and I sat on the edge of the shower internally screaming at myself, but the desire for Solace did not subside and in the end I hurried back out to see him.

"What's that song called?" I asked rolling back into the sheets.

"My girl by the Temptations, my mother used to listen to them when she cleaned on Saturday mornings. I think on top of her many other issues she had OCD, every Saturday she scrubbed all surfaces with bleach," he sighed, gracefully sliding in bed next to me.

"Do you miss her," I asked tentatively. In the last four years the topic of mothers had been sensitive for me. He pulled me closer and I eagerly accepted his gentle kiss.

"Yes, despite everything, yes," he said kissing the side of my face for good measure.

"I miss my mom too," I said sadly. I spent the last few years diving into Javier and never coming up for air. His world was serene, honest and above all safe, but it left little room for my past which seemed so discordant in comparison. In return for giving up my past I never had to fear big secret reveals. I never worried about the other shoe falling and I knew beyond a shadow of any doubt that he would never hurt me. I would hurt him though. No matter what our sex amounted to in the long run I would have to tell Javi and I would be hurting him.

"Then come home with me," Solace said boldly, starting a conversation about the meaning of last night's romp that I wasn't ready to face. I needed to think. I needed to scold and curse myself and then think, but being with Solace forced everything out of my mind and brought only a feeling of euphoria.

"And you would be okay seeing her? Because I'm still mad Solace," I admitted steering us to the long past-due conversation of our break up, that I thought after four years I might be ready for.

"Yea, we've worked through our issues. So Maddie don't hold on to it anymore, don't let my mistakes continue to put a wedge between you and your mother because your time on this earth is limited and precious," he said locking my head in place with warm hands on my cheeks.

"If she had told you before, if she had even just warned me earlier things would have been different Solace," I insisted, my tears streaming onto is thumbs.

"Then I would have gone to Europe then, before our relationship began. I would have run to my son and I wouldn't have had those perfect few years with you, Madd and my time with you, I wouldn't trade those years for anything," he insisted, kissing my forehead.

"And now you don't have relationships with either of us, because everyone kept this huge secret. How can I ever trust them again?"

"Kai and I have been slowly building a relationship for the last two years. It's hard with the distance but there's communication and there's hope," he said rubbing my back as my tears continued.

"Why haven't you gone back then, if distance is the problem?" I pried.

"Because I can't leave you again, even if I had to watch from a distance I have to be near you in some way."

"Then why didn't you come back to me," I sobbed pounding nearly formed fist on his hard chest. "If you wanted me so bad why didn't you come back to me!"

"You asked me not to, you were doing well and I was respecting you. I have been respecting your wishes for four years and it's been killing me," he whispered, allowing me to hit him.

"Yeah, you seem so broken up about it, playing best friend with my sister in LA and making movies with Jett Matthews!"

"She's your sister and she needed help, Madd that's the closest I've been to you in years. You can't be mad or jealous about this, that's not fair," he said evenly. I hated how calm he was when this still hurt so badly.

"You know what's not fair? You holding me to a decision I made when I was 19, Solace. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know that pushing you away would throw me out into orbit. I didn't know that you would give up on me so easily. I didn't know you would prove all my insecurities right and run back to Amber's bed like everything we made was meaningless!" My voice grew with each word until I was screaming by the time Amber's name passed my lips.

"I didn't know what I was doing either, Maddox I was wrecked. My entire life every woman I ever cared about starting with my mother, has betrayed me and shit on my love. I shouldn't have gone to Amber, I am sorry about that, I am but what did you expect me to do when you asked me to choose between you and my child? And even after I choose you, which was the hardest decision I ever had to make, you still cast me aside without even so much as a discussion! You could have come back you could have talked it out with me but you moved on, so I let you go " He rolled out of the bed half way through his speech, pacing at the foot of my bed as I rushed to find my clothes.

"What was there to discuss? I was a teenager and you wanted us to move in together and fight for custody of a five year old kid you made with the woman you left me for! You denied our bond and married her, my whole childhood I spent feeling empty, I knew before I knew you that something was missing. Then after knowing me, after knowing how desperately I loved and needed you, you fucked her again!" I screamed pulling on my leggings with a hop.

"I couldn't have known our relationship would evolve the way it did," he croaked moving to block my exit.

"Why wouldn't it Solace? Why the fuck did you think for a second that we wouldn't have been just as happy as every other imprinted couple if you just waited? What was I lacking that you couldn't see a future in me?" I whispered, not strong enough to look into his eyes.

"No, Madd it was never like that you are perfect. I never deserved you, I never believed for a second that I could be worthy of you and it took me a lot of therapy to think that maybe I could be, if you just gave me a chance," he answered, pressing me against the door and kissing me softly.

"Solace," I spoke between kisses. "Solace please stop," I sighed and after a few long seconds he stepped back.

"Please Maddox, let me start over. Let me undo years of self-sabotage and make it right again," he begged.

"And how do I know you won't get scared again? That you won't decide that I'm not expressing my love for you as fervently as you need me to and run to some other girl for comfort?" I shot back.

"I'm different, Maddie. I know it will be different," he promised.

"I made a whole life with him Solace. I can't hurt someone the way you hurt me, I can't just leave him like this," I said pushing my him back as he moved to kiss me again.

"You can and you should, for you, not for me. Even if you don't come back to me please don't keep living this half life. I've watched you, I've seen every sculpture, every mural, every picture you've posted and Madd none of them were half as beautiful as the ones you took of a drag queen on your cell phone. Find your passion again, the world needs it and reconnect with your family, they miss you and they are sorry. I know you're going to run now, I know you need time but please come back to me. I'm going back to La Push in a few days, if you aren't ready to pack up with me, you know where I am. I will wait for you always," he said, the tears he had been holding back finally spilling out.

With my pulse still racing I kissed him one last time and ran.

The concierge called me a car and when I got inside and was presented with the question of where to go I blurted out the first place I could think of: Santa Monica Pier. At times when I felt lost or unsure I found bodies of water. I prefered the salty breeze of the ocean that brought me back to La Push but in my travels waterfalls, lakes and rivers proved to be enough to calm me.

I saw the old ferris wheel before the rest of the pier was visible and nearly ran out of the car once the bill was settled, desperate for the sound of the waves and the smell of the water.

It was early morning, the lazily sun making its way higher as vendors began to open up shop. Santa Monica Pier was almost 150 years old and though I could see signs of renewal it looked it's age. The sun bleached wood looked dry and brittle, the light blue paint on the rails faded and cracked. With the exception of vendors and a few homeless people scattering the pier, I was alone and when I strolled all the way to the end I took a bench overlooking the water, pulling my knees to my chest.

 _Even if you don't come back to me please don't keep living this half life._

I replayed every word he said like a recorder in my head and imagined different ways I could have responded. I was so flustered by him that there was so much left unsaid. But would it matter if they were said aloud or not? Would that change anything? Could I return to La Push and face the betrayal and anger which that place now symbolized for me?

Would Solace run with me? If I went back to his hotel now with just the clothes on my back and the Nikon camera in my bag would he leave with me and never look back? And above all else could I do that to Javier who was my salvation?

Solace was right. In the three years I dated Javier, when I consciously and deliberately moved on from the love of my youth, I had not been myself. I took simple pictures of natural beauty, that require little skill or eye, only proper lighting and location, and I pushed aside all the material beauty that ensnared me as a teen. I lost my passion somewhere along the way.

Our planned six month travels starting in Indonesia would take us throughout all Southeast Asia, and the lush scenery of these places would fuel my sponsored travel blog and a few remaining nature/science publications but they would not feed the starving artist within me.

 _I've seen every sculpture, every mural, every picture you've posted and Madd none of them were half as beautiful as the ones you took of a drag queen on your cell phone._

That critique burned on my mind. I knew it shouldn't, what did he know about art? I was highly praised, an up and coming photographer with job offers, but with Solace all my insecurities were multiplied. I took out my phone, ignoring the 17 missed calls and the low battery warning, and navigated to my pictures folder.

Working my way backward I examined each shot, in awe of the skill and depth I was able to capture with my underpowered phone camera. I gasped when I flipped to a frame where the stage lights and the disco lights above married to underlight the queens red flamenco dress mid-twirl making it look as though she were dancing in flames. I swiped right, hungrily consuming each picture until I was back to a picture of a long forgotten brunch, Javi and I smiling widely from the streets of Old San Juan in Puerto Rico.

"The food there was amazing," a familiar velvety voice sounded from behind me. I convulsed, almost dropping my phone. Javier caught it, kneeling before me with a nervous grin.

"How did you find me?" I hissed, taking my phone from him guiltily. Somehow those pictures felt more like cheating then the remaining scent of Solace on my skin.

"Water… when you weren't at your sister's place I figured you were with Solace or by the water," he said slowly taking a seat next to me. I kept my eyes on the water, they were tearing already and I didn't even know what I was going to do.

"I told you I needed time," I chided, turning my head slightly so I could wipe a stray tear on the shoulder of my shirt.

"And I gave you time. It took me 17 hours to drive down here," he said with a humorless laugh, I glared at him.

"That's not fair Javi."

"You know what's not fair Maddie? Your family conspiring to bring you down here to meet up with your ex-boyfriend and you not sending me a text to tell me what's up the minute you realized what was happening," he said calmly, bringing his knees up to mimic my posture.

"I knew you would be mad," I lied.

"No, I wouldn't have been mad at you and you know it... but you know hiding it from me and lying about it, that kind pisses me off," he said turning his body, knees still bent, towards me. I continued to watch the choppy waves.

"I'm sorry… I just needed to be here to think without the guilt."

"And why do you feel guilty, Maddie?" He guided the conversation the way he did before we crossed the line into love and he had listen to me rage and moan about school. I shook my head unable to voice the decision I was in the process of making.

"Maddie, you aren't leaving me like this. This isn't some schoolyard crush, we live together, we've been together for four years, I graduated 2 years before you and put my whole world on hold for you. If you're going to break up with me you're going to do it to my face after discussing-"

"I slept with him last night, or this morning I guess," I stammered desperate to enrage him so he could make this decision easier. If he left me, if he raged and called me names and damned me, I could be free to choose my path. Maybe I would go to back to him anyway. Maybe I would throw myself at Javier's feet and beg for forgiveness. Maybe I would run back to Solace and ask him to start over with me. Maybe I would run from it all- contact Soli for the hook-up on a blackmarket identity and disappear somewhere in this hectic, scary world.

"Yeah, I figured," he said darkly and I finally faced him. His face was tight, locked in a composed neutrality but his eyes were like daggers, cutting me with fierce pain and sadness.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I figured that too," he nodded uncurling so that he could grab my hand.

"And you're not mad?" I asked incredulously, he let my hand go and scoffed.

"I'm pissed. I'm fucking livid Maddie. I haven't even looked at another woman since the day you cast those big sad eyes on me but you're here for less than twenty-four hours and you've already jumped in bed with your ex," he summarized with precision.

"It's my fault. Hate me, blame me, definitely not Solace. When I got off that plane and heard he was here I could have gone right back home, I should have... but I practically ran to him, Javi. I wish I could explain to you, beyond the word love how strongly I feel for him but I can't, but please don't hate him. Hate me," I said wiping thick hot tear from the side of my nose.

"I can't hate you Maddie. I can't even hate him. I want to hate him. I want to go punch him in the pretty fucking face you love so much but I don't have that in me. It would make it easier for you, I know but I'm not that person and you aren't getting away that easily."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Javi. I love you, I do. I didn't think I could ever love anyone else again but I do. You make me feel so safe, you're like a bubble protecting me from everything, especially myself. I used to be ruled by my impulse and now I live this caring, comfortable life with travel and beauty and love," I sobbed into my knees. My tears soaking a spot on my leggings.

"Then what are you missing, Maddie? What are you looking for that you think _Solace_ is the answer?" He said his name for the first time in years with disgust.

"I'm missing. I'm missing the real me. I don't even know who I am anymore, but I don't think this is it Javi."

"Then let your anger go and be yourself. No one is holding you back but yourself Maddie. No one is telling you who to be or what to do, you've been so filled with anger and betrayal from that man and your family that you've just been running… and I've been running next to you trying to break your fall but we can't do that forever," he sobbed, his broad shoulders bouncing as he choked and sputtered for breath.

"Javi, please don't cry," I begged. I had seen him cry once when his great uncle died and once more when I told him I loved him for the first time, neither had been this powerful. These gut-wrenching sobs were like stabs in the heart, they made me dizzy with anguish. I had caused this pain and I wasn't sure if I would undo it. I couldn't bring myself to regret something that felt more natural than anything in my fabricated life.

"You are my whole world Maddox, that is so unhealthy but you have become everything to me." As if he couldn't hold himself together anymore he collapsed into my lap, his tears adding the the wet spots already on the knees of my leggings.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Javi I don't know what I'm doing, please stop I can't take this," I sobbed. Every shaky breath he made gripped my heart until I felt I couldn't breathe anymore.

"I do everything with you in mind, all I've wanted was to bring you peace but it's like I've just been waiting for you to decide for years and I can't do this anymore, Maddie this didn't start with this trip, you've always had one foot out the door despite everything I've given you and I deserve more than that."

"You do, Javi you deserve better than me," I agreed and he sprang back up, his face awash with anger.

"No, you don't get to do that. Don't play the insecure victim with me Maddie. I have worshipped you like a queen, you need to direct those insecurities to the man that gave them to you because I have never treated like anything less than the most perfect woman in the world," he seethed, puffing out his chest angrily.

"You're right. Maybe I need to go back to La Push and face everything instead of going to Asia with you," I offered trying hard to push off this decision for a few more months. I couldn't make this choice now, I couldn't decide between the man chosen for me by fate and destroying the man that saved me in more ways than he could even know.

"Oh right, why don't I go away for six months and give Solace the home court advantage? One day and you're already fucking him, you'll be married before I even get back. Did you think about me at all before you jumped in his bed? You are blind to world when you're with him. And what about your jobs? You have real gigs lined up in Bali and Phuket."

I sat back, watching the water as more people started to pass behind us. By the position of the sun now directly overhead we had been fighting for a while and I could see no end in sight, no solution other than running. That was all I was good at anymore. I ran from my feelings, from my family, my town and my culture. I ran from my imprint, my insecurities and my fear. I ran from my own responsibilities, my guilt and now I would be running from both halves of my heart.

"Then let me go on the trip alone. Solace said he would wait, will you?" I asked, wiping the last streaks of tears I would allow myself to shed.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Lessons Learned

* * *

May 2052- January 2053: Maddox

It was strange being alone for the first time in my life. Hopping off planes, checking into hotels, and choosing restaurants were all daunting in the first two months, as they had always been Javier's realm. So instead of the logistics, I focused on my art. I took pictures of every road urban and rural, every meal good or bad, every tree be they lining the streets or filling the few remaining jungles. At nights I focused on people: vendors, performers, locals who sat at stalls eating street-food, laughing and speaking in languages that did not register to me.

In the third month it all clicked into place. I missed them both terribly. I made big mental apology speeches to Javier daily and I dreamt of Solace every night. It was still a constant hurricane of emotion, however, the freedom and the joy of travel finally caught up to me. I was truly seeing the world, not through the eyes of a tour guide, Javier's special interest or even behind the lense of a camera; I was seeing and living it all independently.

I pushed the future out of my mind and I started to contemplate the past and make steps to reconcile it. First step: calling my mother. With the help of video chat we fought time differences and opened the lines of communication. It started as once a week, my mom and I sharing our days avoiding the heavy topics at the back of my mind, with my father and brother (back from Cornell for the summer) occasionally joining in. After a while the ritual increased to three times a week and eventually I added Harley to the mix, calling her separately to catch up.

Living a few hundred miles away gave us the space we needed to get close again. We were more alike than I ever realized, our interest in art and cinematography overlapping as well as our love for good exotic foods. Though I knew she was dying to ask about Javi and Solace she never did and in exchange we bonded over my travels and her first real love. Through Harley's eyes I quickly grew to love Jett as well, happy to see how much he adored and supported my sister. When her movie met with indie success and premiered to raving reviews at film fests across the world, we got even closer as friends.

While Chloe and Harley were catapulted further into the Hollywood scene, in my way, my own star rose. My travel and lifestyle blog doubled its following and for the first time ever I started to feature myself and not just trees. I shared pictures with my face and I heavy-handedly wrote about my experiences like a novice, but people responded. My photography spread to bigger markets and before I had time to decide my future romantic plans, I was called to Shanghai for fashion week for a collab with a famous fashion blog. It was a childhood dream realized without even trying.

I was meant to return to Washington, to either move into a new home in Spokane with Javi or return to La Push and start my life over again, instead I covered fashion week and used the money I earned to keep moving forward. Being so far away gave me the freedom to be a coward but before long responsibility came knocking at my door again while I soaked in the beautiful beaches of Hainan Island.

"Maddie I need an answer soon. I need to know if I should move out of this dodgy motel and sign a lease for a one bedroom or start looking for a house for us. I've been trying to respect your time but it's been 2 months since you should have been home. All your things are still packed in my parent's garage waiting for you to make up your mind. If you've already decided please just call me… so we can talk it out, no matter what your choice is."

I listened to his voice message over a dozen times. Each time his voice cracked in 'no matter what' my throat tightened and my tears would double, until I was curled in a ball in my minimal hotel room blind to the world around me.

I wanted Solace, I sent him quick updates here and there but as promised he gave me my time to think and so much of my time thinking was devoted him. Nothing or no one felt as right and real to me as Solace, but nothing scared me more either. Just a day back with him reignited my flames with such force it was frightening: the power of our connection was scary. For the last five years I did not allowed myself to love or feel this passionately about anything, for this exact reason. Solace's love had the power to light up every corner of my mind and fill me with indescribable love, it also had the power to expel me to the very depths of hell.

So the real decision was between a safe, comfortable, predictable romance, with a man who never truly understood or inspired my passion or my art. Or diving head first into the terrifying and wonderful adventure that fate had chosen for me. I could map out my whole life with Javi: we would buy a house in Spokane, he would work in the park and I would photograph that park, we would marry within the year and before long we would start the family Javier so desperately craved. Solace was the unknown.

I wanted Solace but if I chose him I would also have to be ready to give myself completely. I would have to give up my past anger, jealousy, resentment and insecurities and trust him implicitly; that last half proved difficult. For most of my life I wasn't a great daughter or even a decent friend because I was so dedicated to Solace. I had a long list of fuck ups but I never betrayed Solace, while it seemed so easy for him. I tried to understand his reasoning, I tried to make concessions for the fact that he had nearly 60 years of disappointment and baggage but the scars of my heart break still ached when I thought about it.

On January 19th, exactly 8 months since I arrived in Asia I purchased tickets from Sanya to SeaTac international airport for the next morning. I didn't answer Javi's voice message, I didn't update Solace on my travel and I didn't tell anyone in my family about my plans, I just boarded the plane with the bag on my back and prayed that things would be clearer when I arrived.

As soon as we landed my skin buzzed for the first time in months and I knew the cause. I knew the answer before I could vocalize it. It was late morning when I ran to the rental kiosk and using the skills I learned from Solace I made the 4 and a half hours drive from Seatac to La Push in 3. Solace wasn't home but I left the rental in his driveway and ran, following the pull behind my navel for the first time in years. By some miracle I saw no one I knew as I ran past the police department, the old corner store, the newly updated resort and my old high school before I found him. Through the large windows that lined the walls of one of La Push's only restaurants, I watched Solace sharing a plate of fries with a beautiful young lady, deep in conversation. He looked around several times, probably catching my scent but hidden in the corner peeking through the foggy window he couldn't see me. I felt like a jilted wife catching her husband on a date with his secretary, my heart pounded madly. It took me a few minutes to recognize the girl and when I did it was like a slap in the face.

It had been six years since I saw Chloe's little sister Hope and she was not the same adorable ten year old I left behind. Her high cheekbones and soft features had refined and like her older sisters she was stunning, but the feature that bothered me most, the kick in the gut that caused me to stumble back down the road and back into my rental, were her eyes. The eyes of a girl in love. The innocent eyes of a teenage girl desperately in love with Solace, the same eyes I cast on him as a 16 year old girl. Safe in the cocoon of my rented Toyota, I slammed my fist against the wheel and howled.

I couldn't trust him. I didn't see love in his eyes, instead I saw only the big brotherly affection, but still the fear and insecurity lit up every millimeter of my heart. Just seeing him with another girl was a kick to the gut. I had grown so used to the numbness of my padded existence with Javier that these emotions felt violent in comparison. I couldn't live with this insecurity constantly haunting me. I couldn't live sneaking through town watching through windows, doubting his love for me at every turn.

Flipping the ignition with another howl I drove to Port Angeles on hyper driver, dangerously swerving and speeding until I was pulling into the familiar cul de sac community that Javier's parents called home. I had nowhere else to go. If I stayed in La Push Solace would find me. I didn't know how I would be received after spending 9 months across the world while their son lived in temporary housing in Spokane waiting for me to make a decision, but Javi's father Juan pulled me into a strong, warm hug as soon as he opened the door.

"Ay mija, I'm so happy to see you," he cooed, pulling me inside. He called to his wife announcing my arrival and Yvette came down inspecting me cautiously.

"Hello, Maddie," she greeted with a thick accent and guarded eyes.

"Hello, Mrs. Morales. I'm sorry I came unannounced, I had a lot of strings to tie before I left and forgot," I lied without skill. She nodded.

"Are you here to pick up your stuff?" It was my turn to nod and she inspected me.

"So how were your travels? Are you hungry?" His father asked, guiding me to the kitchen. His house always smelled like delicious spices and lemon fresh floor cleaner.

"It was great, so much to see," I said generically and his mother bit her lip waiting for me to say more. They didn't know why I left alone, Javier had most likely protected my image and hid my indiscretion but Mrs. Morales was not dumb, she knew something was wrong and I had to chose now. I was either apologizing and packing everything I could fit into my rental car to start fresh or I was going to run to the comfort and stability of my Javi.

"We made some mole, you like mole no?" Yvette said motioning for me to sit and I smiled. Mole was the one dish Javier missed most, no one made it as well as his mother and though I tried repeatedly to replicate the recipe I never quite got it right; he ate every attempt happily just the same.

"I'd love some, thank you."

I powered up my phone, texted Javier my location and exhaled. The universe had made my decision for me.

.X*X.

September 2053: Solace

"I think my daughter's in love with you," Phil sighed, his lips pressed together in a tight line the way his mother used to do when she was angry with us as children.

"Which one?" I joked but my heart was pounding hard in my ears; this was the very last conversation I ever wanted to have. My goddaughter Hope, sixteen now spent the majority of her time shadowing me. It wasn't normal for a teenager to spend so much time with a man old enough to be her grandfather but I had been avoiding the eventual discussion on the appropriateness of our friendship because I valued it.

After our encounter in Los Angeles I returned to La Push hopeful. When Maddox told me she was going on her 6 month excursion alone it terrified me but I gave the space I knew she needed. When she extended her trip two more months, I grew nervous. I purchased and cancelled two tickets to China where Harley told me she was hiding out but in the end I chose to trust her. It had been the wrong choice. She returned nine months ago and after three months of silence and a desperate phone call made when my weakness won out, I knew I had lost.

"I'm not fucking around," Phil roared.

"I'm not either, I've seen the way Ava looks at me sometimes and Chloe, well I know she's looked… not sure if she loves me though, Chloe doesn't want a guy whose prettier than her." I winked at him and his eyes which were cold and hard, softened.

"She's sixteen, Solace," he moaned, dropping his head on the wooden table of his kitchen where I had been waiting for Hope.

Hope was dragging me to an art gallery in Neah Bay as part of her extra credit project for her art class. She didn't own a car and it was completely innocent on my end though part of me, a very deeply buried and very lonely part knew that she viewed it differently, and I still agreed to go. It wasn't that I wanted to be with her in that way, Hope was very pretty yes, but it wasn't like that.

I had learned long ago there was only one woman I truly wanted to be with and no one else would really do. I had also resigned myself to the fact that I had screwed our relationship up beyond repair and that Maddox was happier without me. I was happy she was happy, seven years of therapy allowed me to be content knowing she was living healthy and well, but that didn't stop me from getting lonely. Hope's optimism and kindness filled a hole that had been empty for so long, the space where I was needed and wanted by someone. I knew it would have to be stopped early, but it felt good all the same.

"You know I wouldn't try anything with her, Phil," I assured him patting his hand twice as I listened upstairs for Hope who was fluttering around her room.

"That's..." he looked up at me, eyes filled with anguish that I hadn't expected. "That's not what I was going to say. Solace, she's sixteen and she loves you… and I know you care about her—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, just— don't finish that sentence," I warned, standing to leave.

"Maddox is getting married next month, Solace. I know you know that." How could I not? She'd sent invitations drenched in her scent to every mailbox in town but mine last week and Levi, who worked with Maddox's fiancé Javier in northern Washington, had immediately text messaged me. Very sweetly he attempted to write the marriage off as nothing serious but they had been together for seven years now, double the time that she and I had shared with her, and in the end she had chosen him. After months alone she still chose him.

"Phil, don't finish that thought because once it's out there you can't take it back," I advised. I paced the room in circles following the pattern of Hope who was in the room above.

"She's not coming back to you. We all hoped she would once she finished her journey of self-discovery or whatever, but she's not and you shouldn't be forced to live alone because your imprint is a— not a forgiving person," he amended when my eyes grew wide with indignation.

Maddox had become a phantom in my life again. Her presence and love was long gone but it's affects still lingered in every part of my being. I loved and cared for her more that life itself. I still longed to be with her, and every second of my waking day I still felt her influence. I still worshiped her with undying loyalty, perhaps more than I did before I realized how much I stood to lose. Maddox was still my imprint and I still lived for her. No woman deserved the pathetic shell that remained.

"Does Hope know what you're telling me?" I asked, listening to Hope's rapid heartbeat and light pacing.

"Yes and no, she knows I want to talk about your changing relationship. Solace, I'm not saying I'm giving you free range to try to… have sex with my daughter. I'm just saying she's sixteen and she's in love with you, which is the only reason she hasn't bothered me about dating other guys yet. You are the most honest and trustworthy man I know. I wouldn't… if things were to progress you would have my blessing," Phil finished quickly slumping down in his chair as if he had just run a marathon.

"Phil, I can't love her the way she deserves," I whispered as my stomach coiled in tight discomfort.

If I was honest with myself I would say that Hope had filled a vacant space within me for almost a year. In many ways I treated her like I would treat my imprint. I taught her to drive, took her shopping, picked her up from school, covered up for her when she came home drunk from a school party, chastised her for getting drunk in the first place. I attended every play, show, concert, game or school event she was ever involved in but having these facts out on the table, discussing our relationship as anything more than a godfather and his goddaughter, shattered the whole charade into a million little shards of glass.

"Maybe not, but you could cherish and protect her better than any human man could," Phil whispered, his forehead now glued to the table.

"Can you tell her I'm sorry about bailing on her tonight?" I asked and I ran out the room before he could stop me. I wouldn't relive my many mistakes. She would not be mine again but I would forsake all but her, even if that meant I would live alone forever.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37: Training

* * *

October 2053: Solace

Autumn came early to La Push, the trees all prematurely bare. The morning of Maddox's wedding was so cold that the fallen leaves shone with sparkling frost and crinkled loudly as I made my way up the Ateara driveway. There were dozens of people but no one seemed to notice me, everyone running back and forth with a mission.

I had not been invited but the sadist in me was determined to come anyway. I had planned to blend into the large group of Quileute men mid-ceremony so that I could catch a glimpse of my Maddox as a bride l, even if I wasn't her groom. Feeling her nearby made my whole body hum though and I couldn't stop myself from closer.

Weeks back when I was clearing out years of clutter in my house, contemplating my future I found a box of my mother's belongings and inside a bag of delicate keepsakes from my grandmother, including a garter belt from a long gone era. I knew Maddox wouldn't want it but I kept it on my kitchen counter debating different ways I could get it to her, sending her down the aisle with a piece of me on her body. The morning of the wedding I folded it and ran to her.

I could see people arranged chairs in short rows in the backyard but Eli who stood by the front door, taller and broader than I expected him to grow, was the only person who recognized me. He greeted me nervously before running inside, probably warning the flock of my arrival, but I didn't back down. I stood silently at the doorway, willing her to come to me.

"What are you doing here?" Maddox spat as soon as she saw me. I hadn't actually seen her in over a year and it took me a few seconds to find my breath. She was, as she had always been, more beautiful than words could express.

"I wanted to give you something, maybe you have one… but I thought—"

"A garter belt?" She asked grabbing the small piece of white lacy, elastic from my hand and brushing my finger in the process, my heart sped shamefully.

She shivered, and I realized for the first time that she was wearing only a nude colored slip that hugged her body in the most appetizing way. Before I could stop myself, I stepped forward and placed my hands on the soft skin of her bare arms, rubbing them slowly from her fingertips up to her shoulder blades. It was the single most sexual or sensual feeling I'd had felt since our last kiss in L.A.

"Yeah, could be your something old," I said with a plastered smile.

"Was it Amber's?" She asked coldly. Everything about her was cold now. In the year since our last run-in in Los Angeles her passion for me had morphed into disdain, I didn't know how to react.

"So was my invitation lost in the mail?"

"I didn't send one, I didn't think you'd want to be here," she sighed, leaning into me almost imperceptibly.

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life, I'd like to witness that," I whispered, searching her eyes for any molecule of remaining love. I found only pain.

"Yeah, it's supposed to be a lot of things," she murmured heading back inside the house and returning with a black and white invitation before slamming the door in my face.

Since I was avoiding Hope, the only place I had left to sulk was the Camerons. Kim answered the back door as if she knew I would be on my way and dressed in a fluffy robe she passed me a cup of coffee.

"I'm happy you came, Kai's still sleeping," she said patting my back and taking a seat at the kitchen table. I knew Amber was staying here before Kim mentioned Kai, her overwhelming vampire scent punched me in the face as soon as I stepped foot on the driveway but I still had a hard time understanding it.

Amber had made the change after the birth of her second child, Juliana with her husband Will. I didn't expect them to come, it made everything with Maddox that much worse because she had forgiven Amber enough to invite her to but she still found fault in me, as if losing her had not been punishment enough.

I had hoped but didn't truly expect Maddox to take me back, so when it was apparent she was choosing Javier I thought she would at least reach out. I didn't want an apology or even an explanation but closure would have been nice, and also some sort of sign that she was happy. I didn't expect to be faced with anger.

"I can go if you think that will be better," I whispered taking a giant chug of the black coffee she had given me.

"Don't, you shouldn't be alone today," Amber said gliding into the room from the nearest stairway. She sparkled lightly in the sun filtering through the window and when my eyes connected with hers, I shivered. I had not seen her since her change and the shocking loss of her cinnamon brown eyes shook me to the core. The wolf in me blanched; my ex-wife, the woman who always seemed to have boundless love for me, was now cast in this cold, frigid statue of my natural enemy.

"You're really going to her wedding," I commented looking down at her lacey black cocktail dress.

"Yes, I was invited," she sounded as surprised as I felt. "Besides… Claire wanted me to try to talk to her."

"About what?" I asked before I could stop myself. It wasn't any of my business but I was desperate for any sort of insight into Maddox's life, especially her wedding which for me marked the end of any hope for us as a couple.

"You actually," Amber sighed.

"Don't. She… she's got a really good thing going for her and she made her choice."

"Solace, I know you're trying to be cool about this but it isn't just about you, you know? How about that poor guy? She may love him and they may have an okay life, but you can't tell me that she loves him even a fraction of how much she loved and could love you again. And what happens when she has a kid with him and realizes she fucked up? You know why she proposed to him, right?" Amber asked frozen solid in the doorway.

"No, but I expect it has something to do with them dating for years and being in love," I answered.

"She had a pregnancy scare, Solace. She freaked out and decided to marry him, that's desperation not love. That's not the pure kind of love you should have before you get married… believe me, I've made enough mistakes to be an expert at this kind of stuff."

"How's Will?" I asked conversationally, allowing the words 'pregnancy scare' to sink into my brain. I no longer dreamed of a family and white picket fence but the idea of Maddox impregnated by another man, no matter how nice and worthy he was, made my fists shake.

I could hear Kai stir and in my minds eye I pictured him in Taylor's old room. Embry had sent me pictures and blurbs about him for years, and when he felt generous Kai would call me himself but I was still far from close to my son. He'd phased a few months after his fifteenth birthday and I imagined him having grown so tall the end of his feet hung off the side of the bed.

"He's good, he's staying at the Cullen house with the rest of the envoy… your brother mentioned he would, um, come by and see you later," she said casually though I could tell she felt awkward calling Embry my brother.

"So who else made the journey?" I asked conversationally.

"Hmm Will, Lana and Giselle, Embry, Leticia, Randy and Soli, and their kids," she listed but I couldn't focus; Kai was coming. I listened to his light footsteps as they traveled from Taylor's old bedroom to the bathroom and finally down the hall to his sister, who I could hear laughing joyfully as they came down together.

"Morning, babies," Amber cooed when Kai entered the room with his sister attached at his hip. He smiled but dodged her kiss on the way to the table. Kai was a baby in the wolf world, he was still growing and yet he looked so uncannily like me.

"Hi," I waved lamely. He looked more like me now than he ever did as a child. His boyish face had defined and his body had been sculpted. He was only 15 and yet he was still about an inch taller than me. He was a few shades darker than myself but it was like looking in a mirror into the past, before any of my long list of lovers or subsequent heartbreaks and self loathing.

"Hey," he say between big bites of a danish.

"I'm so proud of Kai, he's been doing really well in school. He speak three languages fluently and he's a favorite of all his teachers, aren't you?" Amber said stiffly, trying to break the tension that grew in the room with our continued silence.

"I'm doing alright."

He was being modest, I could see by the small flare of red in the apple of his high cheekbones, but he was also proud. There was the simple joy in his eyes that resonated from his heart, like it would for most any child receiving praise from his mother.

"And he only missed a week of school after he phased, he's very even-tempered… gets that from Taylor and Ethan, I guess, because it certainly didn't come from us." With a peace making smile Amber stood, opening the door before Soli knocked.

"You ready for this craziness Amb?" Soli asked looking stern and business like.

"Yeah, lets go," Amber sighed, wrapping an arm around Soli's shoulders and leading the way out.

Kim took Juliana to get dressed as soon as she was done with breakfast leaving Kai and I to sit awkwardly across from each other.

"Heard you've been stunt driving now?" He said softly. I wondered if Embry had volunteered that information or if he had asked.

"Yeah, mostly car commercials and stuff, nothing too big," I said modestly.

Harley had helped me finally fulfill my childhood aspiration and it was better than I ever imagined. It was the only thing that kept my mind off of Maddox. I stayed in La Push, stubbornly dreaming that Maddox would show up on my doorstep again but I had been debating making the move down after the wedding.

"I'm—I'm going to run with the pack while I'm here… Jake thinks it'll be good for me to tap into the other guys' minds, maybe pick up some ancient secrets," Kai announced.

"It'll probably help," I breathed. I was afraid to speak any louder, frightened of cracking the fragile glass we were walking on.

"Do you still run with them?" He asked conversationally, though his eyes watched me with deeper interest.

"Naw, I retired from the pack. I run alone, the guys here have nothing left for me to teach them… and no one wants to share a mind with me anyways," I joked. He broke our eye contact, suddenly intrigued by the chipped skin around his nails.

"Uncle Jasper says…" he paused catching my eyes again. His were eerie, like looking into a picture of my own, before the surface of mine had frozen over. "He says you're the best at hand to hand combat… that you prefer to fight in your human form. You must be really brave."

"Naw, just really stupid. Your teeth are your most powerful weapon against them. I wouldn't recommend it if you could avoid it." His answering smile was reminiscent of Jared, of the days when I first joined the pack and he was so in love with Kim that he glided through life with a toothy grin.

"Then why do you do it?"

"Because I've always like been reckless and I guess it could come in handy if you're somewhere that you can't phase… like an airplane," I said with the most jovial smile I could muster.

"Then let's go," he said motioning for me to follow. I didn't ask questions just watched as he walked through the house, shoulders wide and self-assured.

I stood at the top of the stairs, overlooking the now barren lawn where Jared and his boys used to wrestle. I turned to speak, to tell him this fact but all the air was knocked out of me when Kau kicked me square in the chest. I fell down the stairs gracelessly and I immediately contracted my stomach muscles, rocking myself to get the full momentum needed to get up off the ground without using my arms.

"Jasper says I'll be better than you soon," Kai said coolly before he jumped off the banisher landing in the middle of the lawn. I crouched low to the ground watching as he shifted his weight preparing to attack. I kicked my good leg out, turning in a three hundred and sixty-degree circle and kicking the feet out from under him.

"You're not there yet." I stood above him looking down at my doppelganger with only slight shock. If I had been able to challenge my father at any point after I phased, I probably would have. He was more like me than I realized.

He rolled over, standing before I could throw him down again, "I've been training since you left."

"Waiting for your moment to take me down I'm sure, but you're not even close to ready yet," I taunted him. I had the advantage not only of my age and experience but also my temper which had long been under control, while his was still elevated from the first phase. He shook and to piss him off more I laughed, the most derisive laugh I could produce. I could have let him beat me, he had the right, but he would learn nothing in return. I never got to train him like I would have loved too. This was my only chance to teach him anything and I was going to take advantage of it.

He came at me with his right fist and I underestimated it, dodging to the left where he kicked me solidly in the ear, which rang painfully. My smile grew exponentially.

"Jasper's a good teacher."

He shrugged but I could see the same proud glint in his eyes he had when his mother talked about his academic achievements. I threw myself to the grass as he dove at me, using his speed to throw him back and over me, he fell in a defensive stance waiting for me to attack. If I wanted I could have taken him down with two simple hits but this was a lesson in defensive techniques, Jasper and hatred for me had already readied him for the offensive.

"Come on," he barked and I faked a lurch forward only to fall back as he came to counter. I grabbed his shoulder as he lunged, pushing him face first in the grass.

"You're better than Jasper," he marvelled. Spitting and making a circle around me before he crouched to attack.

"What the hell, Solace!' Kim screamed from the porch. "He's a teenager, are you crazy?"

"We were just training Gram. Thank you Solace, for the lesson," Kai said smoothly, passing Kim to re-enter the house.

"You're welcome, we'll have to have a rematch before you leave," I called after him but Kim gave me a look that stopped me from following.

"You've got a call," she said passing me an old off-white cordless, looking at me wearily.

"Hello?" I answered confused, it was Hope.

"Solace?" She cried, she was sniffing so much it sounded like static.

"Hope, are you okay? Do you need something?" I asked.

"I need to see you, Solace, please," she begged.

"Where are you?" I could hear wind and cars passing in the background.

"I'm on my ways to Kim's from home," she announced firmly and hung up.

"What's that about?" Kim asked worriedly.

I sighed and passed her the cordless before I limped down the road. I didn't want Kai or any of them to hear this. I didn't want to face Hope at all but I had been avoiding her for over a month and was prepared for a full out teenage girl explosion. I walked down the path to Phil's place and met her halfway.

"Solace," Hope cried as soon as I was in her line of sight. She ran at full speed and launched herself into my arms, I caught her on instinct.

"Hope, let's take a walk, okay?" I extracted myself from her arms putting distance between us.

"No, wait," she shouted, pulling me to a halt a few houses down. "I know what you're going to do and I want to say this first." She fished out a piece of paper from her back pocket, it looked as if it had been folded and unfolded a million times.

"Hope, I can't do this," I breathed but she ignored me.

"Solace, I know you think I'm being a silly little girl and I don't understand this situation or you, but I do." She started reading the paper word for word without looking up at me or even taking a breath. "Other people may know about the old you, but no one seems to knows the new you like I do. You can try to brush off our connection but deep down you know that there is something between us and its real," she paused taking a moment to lock her piercing green eyes with mine. "I can wait, I'm young, you might not feel it as strongly yet but— Solace… can you just say something already," she sighed bunching the paper into a ball in her little hand.

"Hope, if I had—" I was going to say if I had met you 35 years ago I would have been the luckiest guy in the world, but she stopped me by crashing her lips against mine.

She nibbled lightly on my bottom lip pulling my mouth open so that she could sneak her tongue inside. I pushed her back and took two large steps to part us, then when I saw the smoldering want in her eyes I took another for good measure.

A flash of our future together appeared in the far corners of my brain but that desperate part of me no longer dictated my actions. My life wasn't perfect, no man's really is, but I learned how to be content with what I had and how to live alone with the mistakes I have made.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling at her hair nervously. I pulled her down the path further, not trusting my voice until we reached her doorstep.

"Hope, I'm sorry but we can never happen. I can't and won't ever love you in the way you want," I said clearly, and she tried to argue it but I brushed her off.

Her sobs reverberated and soaked through my skin, but I didn't turn back. I planned to go back to my house and get dressed for the big day but as I passed Kim's place again Amber stopped me.

"Maddox is hurting!" Amber must have known it was the only thing that would make me stop. "She's miserable and confused."

"Because you went and—and meddled, Amber. She can't truly forgive me, this thing with us will always be there, so poking and prodding her isn't going to help," I screamed.

"There is no _thing_ with us, Solace we all know that, she's just being stubborn. You're letting that girl make a mistake I wish someone would have stopped me from doing!" She howled.

"Mom, just let it go, please," Kai screamed coming out the front door and lovingly pulling her back in the house. He turned back to me, appraised me thoughtfully and then motioned for me to follow them to the living room.

"Are you hungry?" Kim asked pulling herself off of the couch. Her long salt and peppered hair, now mostly salt, swung behind her back as she she turned back to me, she smiled and the deep smile lines around her eye crinkled like a discarded brown paper bag.

"Yeah, sure." I busied myself with her in the kitchen, making an assembly line of sandwiches. Kai sat to his Gran's right, eating extra slices of ham and salami whenever she turned away.

"So what happened?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. Soledad who sat near the window rolled her eyes in my general direction and when I cocked my eyebrow at her, she smiled in response. It was the kind of glowing white smile that brightened her whole face mischievously.

"We went to talk, just talk but there was a cat fight. Me and Amber against Maddie, Lee and Chloe." That was probably one of the last things I'd expect two mothers to do but then it was Soli so I didn't question it.

"Is Maddox okay?" I asked Amber who was leaning against the back door.

"We're okay, thanks for asking," Soli shot back. She reached for Kai who sat next to her and ruffled his hair playfully; he blushed crimson.

"Sorry, I didn't worry about a full blooded vampire and a well trained half-breed facing a trio of twenty-something humans," I said dryly, Kai chuckled and shifted in his seat putting distance between himself and Soli, who made his heart race.

"Yeah, yeah! Can I say something honestly, I know she's pissed but your imprint's being a bitch," Soli said as if she were discussing the stock market. I growled at her.

"What's the crisis?" Jared asked coming in as Soli and I stared at each other with stiffly, everyone laughed. She was really getting married. I had tried not to think about it, I kept myself in denial even after I seen her made up and almost ready to walk down the aisle. I laughed harder and then the reality of it turned my chuckle into a sob. I didn't move to hide it, I sobbed into my hands, tears filling my cupped palms quickly.

"You've got to stop it, Dad." Everyone in the room turned to Kai, but I couldn't bear to see the face of my son disappointed in me.

"I can't."

"Why?" Jared and Kai asked in unison but before I could answer the doorbell rang. Harley and Chloe came in without knocking and Chloe's eyes flashed when they fell on Soli.

Soli stood, her arms crossed, "What do you two want?" She spat and without a word they turned to leave again.

"Shut up Soli! Are you guys okay?" Kim asked as they retreated back down the hall.

"Yeah, we're fine but this was a mistake," Harley said with a stiff smile.

"Look, I'm sorry," Soli called after her.

"Yeah me too," Harley responded halting on her progress toward the door.

"I'm not sorry, I have to have my friend's back," Chloe breathed before she turned on me. "And Hope called me, she's hysterical. Solace, I love you, I want everything to work out for you, but you need to stay the fuck away from my baby sister. Got it?"

"Oh, Solace, please tell me you ain't boning Phil's teenager daughter," Jared begged.

"No, no, no! I'm not boning anyone… I haven't _boned_ since October 2051," I laughed painfully.

"That's gotta be some kind of record for you," Kim said with her hand rested high on her hip.

Chloe didn't find that funny. She gave me one last very serious look and walked out but Harley didn't budge, she stood on dangerously high heels watching me nervously.

"Sit, eat," Kim instructed and everyone followed her ordered, including Harley who hopped onto the counter like she did as a child.

Kim passed her a sandwich and she took it gratefully, still not taking her eyes off of me. I saw them water as she took her first bite but she didn't speak until she was half done.

"I'm sorry Solace… I know I promised to support her choice but I can't. I don't know if I can stand by and watch this," Harley sniffled. I crossed the room in three big strides lifting tiny Harley off the counter and hugging her with everything I had. She had been a good friend for me for the last few years and she rare tears were touching.

"Thanks for caring, Lee," I whispered.

"I really wanted you to be my brother-in-law," she said ruefully, punching my arm.

Three firm knocks rung out from the living room and before I could react Kai was swinging the door open.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38: The World Still Turned

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October 2053

Three loud knocks.

I knew it was her from the three firm knocks and the magnetic draw that bound us together but Kai ran to the door before I could even inhale.

"Um, hi," Maddox's voice was soft and unsure. When I rounded the corner, the pure beauty of her in her wedding dress stopped me dead in my tracks. Kai moved aside, and she nervously watched him, as if she were afraid to look up at me.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked when I grew too anxious to stand still anymore.

"Can I talk to you?" When our eyes connected I felt sick from the power of it. In one single glance, she could invoke every emotion that lay deep inside me. I walked past Kai being pulled in by my connection to her until we were alone, face to face on Jared's old wooden porch.

"Is something wrong?" My stomach hurt just asking. Wild scenarios flew through my head, while I waited for her to say something, anything.

"I love you."

I never thought she would say that to me again. I dreamt of ways that she might have an opportunity or desire to say it to me again, but my deathbed seemed the only viable option anymore. This fact and only this rendered me unable to reply fast enough to sidestep her speech, which she launched into immediately.

"I let myself stay away from you—no, I forced myself to stay away from you out of stubbornness. I saw you with Hope and I got scared and then I had nowhere to go so I ran back to Javi and I got so lost. Everything snowballed so fast and I couldn't figure out how to unwrap myself and get back to you. Then I thought I was pregnant and things just got out of hand that I wasn't sure you would want me back. I kept begging for you to come, to feel my pain and come save me from myself but that wasn't your responsibility. I fucked up so bad, so many times and I need to make it right. If you love me, if you think you can still love me like that, I don't care about anything else, I will close the door to every mistake we've ever made and start fresh. I just… I just wanna be with you, okay?"

Kai nudged me forward from the doorway where everyone stood watching and I stumbled into her, wrapping my arms around her ample curves and pulling her in for a kiss. I didn't have words to answer, besides the fact that my eyes were already watering and I didn't trust my voice. The crowd erupted, Kim howling like a wolf above the cheers.

Her lips were soft and yielding against mine, but as I weaved my fingers through her hair they became manic, the soft moaning pant against my mouth made me want to eliminate every millimeter between us without regard for who watched us.

"I love you. I love you more than anything or anyone on this earth," I told her, moving to drink in the sweet scent of her skin at nape of her neck.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she sighed, gripping my hair and keeping me locked at her throat where I left hot wet kisses.

"I'm sorry too, for everything, truly," I sighed.

"I hope that's Maddox," Kai said in a sort of exasperated voice. We broke apart like teenage lovers being caught by a teacher necking at a school dance.

"Kai, this is Maddox… Madd, this is Kai," I introduced them awkwardly. Maddox pushed her hand out for him to shake and they limply shook before stepping back apart again.

"It's nice to meet you," Maddox said sweetly. She looked fragile and nervous standing between me and my son who even at his age hulked over her.

Harley pushed past the onlookers and grabbed her sister with more love than I ever seen them express before. Soli and Amber held hands, beaming at each other brightly and Jared with his arm around his wife patted me on the back repeatedly.

"Oh Maddie, I'm so happy you've come to your senses," Harley joked, pulling me in for a threeway hug.

"Bout damn time," Soli tutted but her eyes were bright and her red-stained lips were stretched widely in a welcoming smile.

"You look beautiful," Jared said kindly, Kim nodded in agreement next to him.

"Thank you, I'm sorry to burst in here when you're catching up with your grandson..." she trailed off, stepping back farther onto the porch.

"Oh quit it, get your ass in here and get some hot chocolate, it's cold out there," Kim demanded, letting go of Jared so she could come outside and pull Maddox in by the hand.

"WAIT DID THEY MAKE UP?!" Sammy Uley's voice boomed from a car parked out front.

"Yes, now come in and get some cocoa!" Kim called back and Sammy's answering whoop made us all laugh.

Maddox didn't fight it, she allowed herself to be pulled inside gripping my hand tightly with her free one. At the doorway to the kitchen, I kissed her again because I could and she melted into me causing a pile-up from the people still waiting to enter.

"oh geez guys," Sammy complained.

"Oh, save it for your wedding night," Harley howled pushing through us with a huff. We parted looking at each other from opposite sides of the door frame as Amber, Soli and Kai entered.

"Their wedding night?" Kai breathed to his mom in a question.

"You do know you have to get married now, right? If this were a movie that would be how it's supposed to end. Girl leaves guy at altar and with her entire town watching marries her first love," Harley continued, looking around for back-up.

"Agreed… look, you've got the dress, the caterer, your family and your true love, that's how this movie is supposed to end, with a big ass wedding," Soli agreed.

Maddox and I stood still, both glued to the opposite sides of the doors like gargoyles. There was never a question for me, I have always wanted Maddox as my wife, but I watched as the idea lit up her eyes first with shock and disbelief then joy.

"Soli, stop pressuring people, they just got back together, don't rush them into things," Kim chided her, though she turned her attention on us as if waiting for either of us gargoyles to agree with her.

Maddox's eyes were wide and bright and perfectly clear, because they mirrored my own—both our eyes were now open to a world of possibilities. After several long seconds of staring at each other, she cocked her eyebrow in a 'so what do you think?' kind of expression and I nodded emphatically, setting the kitchen alive with another round of applause.

I bridged the gap between us kissing her again with passion that she gave back tenfold.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" Harley sang hopping on her heels and pulling Soli in for a dance.

"Soledad, call Annie, and Amber, go get Rachel. She's great with clothes, I don't think it's very lucky to get hitched in a dress you were supposed to wear to marry another man. Solace, find yourself something to wear and get that girl her ring, I know you still have it. Maddox, go home with Sammy and Lee, tell everyone what's going on. Rachel and I will be their soon, this wedding is going to happen before the sun goes down. Kai, run to the Cullen mansion, tell them about the change in plans." Everyone stood watching Kim, waiting for more orders but it became clear she was done when she howled, "Hurry up, we've got a wedding to plan here!"

Maddox and I kissed one last time long and hard, repeating sweet 'I love yous' until Jared and Kim pulled us apart. I showered in ice cold water, my body heat creating a sauna around me and when I stepped out, towel around my waist Phil stood in my doorway smiling wide and looking younger than I'd seen him look in years.

"I'm assuming I'm your best man," Phil said casually taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

I pulled on a pair of black boxer briefs, the kind Maddox liked so much and I had stopped wearing years ago then I pulled him into a hug. "Thanks."

"So I got a call from Kim and Rachel. The dress code is semi-casual," he said using air quotes for the last two words.

"What does that mean exactly?" I asked him standing still in only a pair of briefs.

"Um, I think that means jeans are okay but you have to wear a nice shirt and shoes?" We were hopeless but then I also knew with pure conviction that Maddox wouldn't care. That this wedding was a symbolic release of all our past demons and lies and betrayals, it was just the beginning of the life we were supposed to have together and the clothes didn't matter. The only thing that mattered now was that she loved me and that I loved her more than life itself. That we had finally chosen to forgive and forget the past and that we would be promising in front of our friends and family to be together forever, no matter what.

Phil picked out the outfit while I searched through my things for the engagement ring and wedding bands I had bought in preparation for Brazil so many years ago. I handed them to Phil who tucked the small box into his jacket pocket. I tried to smooth my hair down but it was unwilling to lie flat, I didn't fight it, I sat patiently waiting.

Kai came twenty minutes after I finished dressing, dressed himself in a suit and tie, with a wide smile.

"Are you ready?" I didn't answer my throat was too tight; I just nodded and followed him out the front door.

We were on the Ateara doorstep in less than five minutes, my hands sweating profusely. I didn't know what to expect or who would even be there. Quil met me at the door with open arms and Addison slapped my back happily but Maddox was nowhere in sight. There was a large white tent set up out back, like the kinds Tara rented for her children's birthdays but I couldn't see what was under them from this angle.

"You look good," Quil whispered. He hadn't let go of me, he just slung his hand over my shoulder and guided me to the living room where some of the other guys were sitting around. Kai went to sit with Taylor, who was chatting animatedly with Mark and Jordan all clad in suits. Collin, Brady and Randy sat next to them chatting animatedly to Harley's boyfriend Jett, who waved when he caught sight of me.

"Thanks… this is quite the turn out," I marvelled eyeing lines and lines of pack members new and old.

"Yeah, you need to pick two more groomsmen," Quil said simply pointing out into the crowd, all the guys looked up at him momentarily, smiled and went back to their conversations.

"Two?"

"Yup, I have been ordered by Kim to tell you need to find replacement for Javi's friends." Quil handed me a list, which was apparently a new guest list, which included wolves and vamps I hadn't seen in years.

"Addison, would you?" I asked turning to Maddie's brother, a married man in his own right.

"I'd be honored."

Before I could finish reading the list his name popped in my head and like magic Embry appeared in the door Leticia at his heel. His smile was just about the only thing about us we shared, but it was more than enough to make me feel at home.

"Hey!" I hadn't seen Embry in awhile but I hugged him regardless and he squeezed me back.

"Will you be one of my groomsmen thingies?" I asked

He nodded deeply, "Yes, that'd be awesome."

Rachel whirled through the room, pulling Addison, Phil and Embry away with her after I informed her of my choices. She had three shiny red silk ties in her hand and a manic expression.

Annabelle walked through the front door in a form fitting red dress, high heeled boots and a baby papoose with her four-month old, Ace, securely in place. He was a calm, quiet baby with intelligent eyes that watched the world around him with interest. Annabelle was talking on a hands-free headset, holding a checklist that was handwritten with little handmade boxes along the side.

"Well, we need someone, so tell him we will double his fee," she paused, stopping to kiss me on the cheek.

"Oh come on, this isn't a discussion on religious morals, we just need a priest," she said roughly though she was smiling lovingly down at her son. "We'll triple the fee but that's my final offer… great, the name of the groom has changed, so make sure he knows the name is Solace Avery… yes, Solace like to give someone solace, S-O-L-A-C-E… yeah, she's marrying someone else and you just forced me to triple my donation to the church so don't get all high-and-mighty with me… And, sister, could you tell the Father to step on it, we've got a wedding to do here."

When she clicked off the small black headset in her ear she congratulated me and ran to the back of the house where I could hear the girls fluttering around Maddox who was talking to the girls in the room about me.

"I just told him I loved him and after I like rambled for a little bit he kissed me and he said he loved me too. Then Harle y and Soli said we should get married and Solace nodded and yeah, that's it, here we are," I could hear the smile in her voice.

Kim emerged from the kitchen a little while later with a self-satisfied sort of look, ushering everyone but me to the backyard through the kitchen. The last people to enter were Tara and Hope, who was being dragged by her mother with bloodshot eyes. I wanted to talk to her, to apologize or say anything to her but she was pulled past me and into the yard so quickly, it was almost vampiric.

When everyone was settled, Kim came back for me, taking me out to the back around the side so that I wouldn't see Maddox. I could hear Maddox's heartbeat fast in the kitchen. The tent was filled with dozen and dozens of flowers in different shades or red and maroon, and every row was filled. I tried to take in all the faces, faces I didn't expect to see like Will and Jasper, others I had not seen in a long time like Leah and Jake.

Part of me always thought that the moment I stood at the end of the altar, waiting for my imprint to come marry me I would be excited or nervous, maybe even scared but I felt nothing but complete calm. For the last few years I felt as though I was being dragged along the tide but finally I had purpose again. Music played but I couldn't hear it over the growing peace in my heart.

Phil and Harley walked together first standing on either side of the altar. Chloe and Embry came next, followed by Ava and Addison who both smiled at me with complete joy. When the music changed, I could finally hear it clearly, the wedding march that was familiar and yet foreign at the same time. My hands shook from desire, if I could have I would have run to her, but I gave Quil his last moments with his daughter before she became my bride.

My bride.

The full weight of that had still not fallen on me and I felt disturbingly jovial.

She wore a silver dress with and short jacket to cover her arms in the cold. We didn't wait for the expensive priest to give us permission, we kissed the moment we were standing in front of each other.

When it came time to exchange personal vows I panicked. I hadn't prepared anything but Maddox didn't falter.

"Solace, every beautiful and magical event in my life centered around you. All my happiest memories and my greatest joys feature your face. I took some time away out of stubborness and spite but what I learned in that time was that I cannot live without you. You are my soulmate, my better half, my equal and I don't want to be away from you ever again. I don't know where we will go or who we will become but I am more certain now than ever before that we will do it together. Thank you for waiting," she said accepting a tissue passed to her from Harley.

I was never a man of many words but when it was my time to speak the words flowed naturally.

"For years I watched my brothers around me find their soulmates, and with each passing match I felt more anxious. Some nights in my head I would create the perfect woman, this femme-fatale who would roll into town and save me from my deep loneliness and uncertainty. This perfect woman was strong, smart, passionate and of course beautiful. I gave my heart freely and when the failed relationships began to pile up, many women failing to compare to this imaginary soulmate, I ran away not knowing that in the years I was gone you would arrive. As if you were made just for me, you are everything I dreamed of and more. I will follow you to the ends of the earth."

The crowd erupted in howls when I finished with a few tears. When the priest pronounced us man and wife, the crowd continued with more clapping and even a loud 'hell yeah!' from Soli but we didn't part, our lips melded and battled. We had no honeymoon planned, no idea what we were doing next but I knew at least we would be doing it together.

When we finally pulled back for breath and to thank the crowd for their support one face stuck out from the rest, my son Kai. His face was so like mine, with one distinct difference. He stood staring across the aisles, his eyes wide, his jaw slacked, the look of a brand new imprint.

I laughed loud and hard for the first time it seems in years when my eyes followed his to Hope, who stared back with equal awe.

My movie, our love story, was at its' "happily-ever-after" but the world still turned and, at that moment, a new one began.

FIN

.X*X.X*X.

A/N: So this was the original end to this story but I will post the epilogue in a few weeks probably. This chapter is about 10 years in the making, it's the end to this universe that I put so much time and effort into, and it's proving to be very difficult to execute. I have so much I want to fit in but I don't want it to be like 10k words...


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: First of all there was some weird uploading issue when I published the chapter before last so please make sure you read chapter 37. Second, I was half way through the chapter and already 8k words in so I'm going to cut this into parts so you don't have to wait so long. I'm trying to include updates on all the important characters in my universe so it's taking a long time to plan and get right.

* * *

Epilogue: House of Memories

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September 2063

"You're wearing at least twenty-five thousand dollars worth of Givenchy and Balmain couture! This isn't a mall photobooth give me some fucking face!" I screamed at the teenage model, who in turn rolled her lifeless eyes before she hunched her lanky body and attempted to work her face into something more animated.

She looked constipated.

I took a few more shots, all lackluster and howled in frustration. We were an hour behind schedule, with two more girls to finish before we could wrap up the shoot. The other models, older and more experienced, watched from the makeup station with bemused expressions, both dripping in opulent jewel and flowy fabrics. I had worked with them both before and knew I didn't have to worry about but I was working against time, fighting the natural light that filtered in through a wall of windows. It didn't help that I was desperate for a moment alone and couldn't concentrate with my breasts so painfully full of milk I didn't have time to pump.

Everything in the fashion world is done far in advance. We had to get these shots to the editing team tonight in order for them to be on schedule for the Spring '64 Issue of Vogue. This issue would be released in January, featuring clothes that were not appropriate to wear until May or June but we were on a strict deadline.

"Go, go just get out of here," I sighed, motioning for one of the other models to come forward.

"Hello Maddox," The tall slender Asian model greeted me politely. I smiled in return though my left breast burned in agony. I was nearly 36 and this girl was barely half my age but she was a consummate professional, who knew her body well. Barring any emergencies I would be done with her quickly.

"Hey Sun, it's good to see you again," I said directing her to lie across the chaise lounge. A stylist's rushed behind her, artistically fanning her flowy Elie Saab dress out for optimal display.

The shoot was pretty standard, in a studio staged to look like a French courtesan's powder room in shades of beige and baby blue. The soft vintage decor contrasted beautifully with their ultra modern outfits in rich shades of red and burnt orange with heavy beading that was set to be all the rage come spring.

"Beautiful. Perfect," I cooed as Sun draped herself gracefully into another position, her eyes filled with fire.

Every crouch and stretch I made caused my camera strap to brush against my sensitive breasts but I ignored it. Solace and I knew that breastfeeding would be difficult with my fast paced job but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for my babies. I heard my phone ring repeatedly from my bag, Solace's ringtone and the mother in me wanted to dive across the room for it but at a shoot of this caliber all eyes were on me.

I had worked in nature photography for several years before my wedding and the transition to fashion photography had been difficult. If it were not for my connection to Chloe a model-turned-actress, I would not be here now shooting a spread for one of the only remaining fashion magazines.

The world of printed publications declined rapidly in the mid-2040s but Vogue remained. Year round the rest of my photography work revolved around blogs, vlogs, catalogues, fashion shows and the occasional private shoot for the fashionista that could afford me, which forced me to ping-pong between LA and New York, my beloved husband and two small children in tow, but Vogue was the big leagues.

Sun's shoot went smoothly and as a makeup artist touched up the next model, I ran to my phone, tripping over cords as I went. Solace knew better than to call me until I gave him the all clear and a heavy knot had formed in my stomach as I fiddled with the touch screen to return his missed calls.

"Are they okay," I hissed tears of worry already forming in my eyes.

"Carina and Ezra are okay, but we need to get back to La Push." Solace's voice was all wrong. I could hear the strain there and it made the knots in my gut multiply.

"What happened?" I cried, dragging myself further away from the team of makeup artists and stylists.

"It's Kim, babe we have to leave soon or we won't make it in time to say goodbye," he choked on the word goodbye and my tears doubled, streaming down my face.

Kim had gotten sick at the end of last year. I had heard she was diagnosed with lung cancer but being far away from something gives you the distinct ability to numb it's sharp edges and tuck it away. We had not been back to Washington since Christmas when her diagnosis was fresh and she was still her old straight shooting self. She looked older of course, but that was many of the pack I grew up with. Those who were frozen in time had all left long ago to avoid suspicion, leaving only those like my parents who started to go gray a few years back.

After I ditched my college sweetheart at the altar, we made a new life. We started fresh by moving to L.A following Solace's gigs as a stunt driver which kept us going until I transitioned slowly from nature photography to the world of fashion and celebrity. After I built my name in the industry it became harder and harder to return to my scenic my hometown and my tribe.

My husband Solace and I rented two large apartments on each coast, never truly putting down roots in either. This nomadic lifestyle led to two beautifully bohemian children aged 6 and 1, a spontaneous and wildly happy marriage, and a huge wedge between my nuclear family and the wolf pack that raised me.

"Babe I have one girl left to shoot. Do you have our emergency bags packed?" I sniffled, turning to find a room of primarily gay fashionistas waiting impatiently for me.

"Yes, we're all set to fly," he said seriously. Solace had taken less and less stunt work as our children and my career grew. He became the perfect father, managed the household and took care of the logistics, allowing me to be the emotional and scatter-brained artist I always dreamed of being.

"When's the next flight?" I asked watching as a tall frail-looking stylist played with his long silky mane in annoyed boredom.

"6:45, I've already booked."

It was 1:50pm. The traffic from this beautiful studio in Glendale to LAX would be brutal, giving me less than an hour to finish this. My breast still felt on the verge of bursting and Kim the long time matriarch of our world was dying. I knew this on an intellectual level for a while but I had not been ready to face the brutality of that fact before it came falling down on me like a pile of bricks.

"If we don't finish this last girl soon, we'll need to change the lights and put up some soft boxes," Christopher my curmudgeonly second camera and lighting tech, called over the blood rushing in my ears.

"I'll meet you there, babe." I hung up and rushed back to my camera, hissing with each bounce of my breasts.

"Ready?!" I shouted over the growing chatter. The third and final model, a blond clad in a merlot mini dress, stood poised on an ottoman in 5 inch gold heels. She smirked at me cockily as if she had been born for this. It was my favorite shot of the day. I shot several dozen others, in many different poses but I knew without a doubt I had my cover shot within the first five frames.

"Lydia can you please book me a car to LAX?" I called over my shoulder to a production assistant and the blond model, now sprawled across the floor, smiled from the very depth of her soul. The triumph was evident on every millimeter of her face. I caught that shot as well before I let her go.

I tossed my memory card to Lydia, packing my things and watching as they connected it to a nearby laptop. I'm a known perfectionist. I would generally spend hours pouring over every shot but the last triumphant frame, taken in the hazy mid afternoon sun, gave me the confidence to excuse myself early.

My designated ride-sharing vehicle was parked at the side entrance of the studio by the time I made it down the steep stairs and ignoring the pain, I ran for it.

"LAX," I confirmed pulling my camera bag and large insulated breastfeeding bag in behind me.

The driver, a young slim black man with close cropped hair looked back at me through the rear-view mirror, nodding and giving me the once over before averting his eyes.

"Ma'am you've got something on your shirt," he said evenly, pulling out of the lot. I had leaked through both sides, leaving two large wet marks on my mustard yellow top. Without a second thought I got out my baby bag and the 'click-click-whoosh' of my breast pump served as the soundtrack for our drive to airport.

To his credit, the driver only looked back once; confirming that there was in fact a chubby brown lady pumping milk from her tits in his back seat, before keeping his eyes glued to the road. I filled two bottles in silence, before I was throwing a tip at him in a rush to get to the correct gate. There were still 2 hours before take-off but with ever increasing national security, deeply tanned skin and a bag full of white liquid, I was in for quite an ordeal.

I felt Solace before I saw him, a head taller than the crowd, carrying our precious Carina in a papoose. At 13 months she was all smiles, waving as she caught sight of me in the chaos. Her brother Ezra let go of Solace's leg and ran for me, arms extended.

"I've got an extra t-shirt in my backpack," Solace motioned, bending down to kiss the cheek not pressed to Ezra's. I changed in the family bathroom, stripping out of my casually chic designer clothes for an old band t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants. While I switched, Solace changed Carina's diaper and I listen as Ezra listed the days events from breakfast and finger painting to petting zoo yoga.

Solace and I often debated the merits of Los Angeles versus New York. We had yet to pick a permanent residence and while Solace fit better with the carb-free, goat-yoga loving California crowd, I leaned towards the fast-moving, razor-tongued New York set. In truth, neither felt place like home but of the two, the bustling urban city of New York (where my sister Harley and her husband Jett now lived with their baby girl Starr), always put me more at ease. While Solace, still phasing, enjoyed the proximity to nature that L.A provided.

After several rounds of screening, my breast milk being tested twice with PH and then drug strips, we reached the waiting area with 20 minutes until boarding. My Solace sat across from me, eyes glazed as he watched the planes lined just outside of the window. We hadn't had a moment alone, we might not for several more hours but I could read the pain there as clearly as my own. He bounced Carina absentmindedly on his knee, kissing the baby soft hairs on her head before meeting my gaze.

"We should have gone home for Easter," I whispered so low only Ezra in my lap and Solace could hear. Solace wanted to, he had campaigned for us to take an extended spring break when my mother told us about Kim's deteriorating health but last minute I booked a shoot for Kenzo on Jeju Island in the new United Republic of Korea.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see my family but every corner of La Push seemed to be saturated in overwhelming emotion for me and photography was my calm. I lived a beautiful life. I was more fortunate and happy now than I could ever imagined was possible but every road in La Push seemed to lead to memories that cut a path through my heart like a scalpel. Every doorstep dragged me back in time to mistakes and heartaches I'd rather forget. Each beach and sandy shore washed me with guilt and regret that weighed on my chest like anchors.

I grew up viewing Kim as a constant like First Beach and River's Edge Restaurant, she was part of La Push. With each update on her health it was hard to imagine this woman, so filled with life, could ever cease to exist. So I pushed it back and away until it was too late.

"They've brought her home. She's doing home hospice care," he whispered to me once we were settled in our row, Carina in my lap and Ezra happily taking the window seat. I grabbed his big warm hand, not trusting my own voice to answer.

"Embry and Letty are in Brazil with Jake and Nessie, they don't know if they'll make it in time." He choked on the last three words. I kissed him, pulling back to press my forehead to his. I counted silently, inhaling him and listening as his breathing normalized after 40 counts.

"I love you," I started.

"More than life itself," he finished.

It was our mantra and it meant more today than ever before.

We rented a car at an airport kiosk, taking the only family friendly vehicle they had available and driving to La Push in silence. After a quick feeding and changing, both our children passed out in their car seats without a fuss.

Solace never sold his old house on the South west edge of La Push near Second Beach trail but with each visit it seemed to be in a farther state of disrepair. The dated furniture was faded by the sun through the large windows that now leaked, leaving the house smelling stale and moldy. The floors creaked loudly and some planks had warped. It was fascinating how quickly a house would deteriorate without inhabitants and part of me wished I had time to shoot the space.

It was nearly midnight but without discussion we dropped our bags in the doorway and rushed back out, driving the familiar road to my family home. The door was unlocked, lights and deep voices sounded from the kitchen. We tip-toed inside, careful not to wake our children as we followed the sounds inside.

At the head of the large kitchen table my baby brother Addison, fully grown and sporting a thick lumberjack beard, was the first to hear us approach. He spun around bringing Solace, still holding our sleeping Ezra, in for a hug. They stood together silently, my son as Solace released the tears he'd been holding back since the moment we boarded the plane.

"You came," my mother sighed in relief, pulling Carina out of my arms as soon as I was close enough. Carina stirred, whining momentarily before my mother nuzzled her, humming an old Makah tune that instantly took my breath away. I hadn't heard it since my grandmother babysat us, rocking Addison in her lap while we ran around her home in Neah Bay.

I flopped down on the nearest chair next to my sister-in-law Sammy who instantly grabbed my hand and squeezed it. She watched Solace and Addison stoically, as they muttered to each other still deep in a brotherly embrace.

"Is Harley coming?" I asked searching the room. I hadn't thought to text her, knowing she was soon to start filming on her newest project. Sammy shook her head, her short cropped hair swinging across her face.

"I don't think so. She's leaving to film some fantasy movie in New Zealand in 2 days," Sammy whispered. She was still dressed in her police uniform, her dark blue shirt unbuttoned and her holstered gun at her side, which emphasized her look of disapproval with my sister.

After Miramax entrusted Harley with her first summer blockbuster she had been catapulted into the public sphere. In the last 3 years she had helmed a wildly successful rom-com, an oscar nominated rags-to-riches tale and a globe trotting heist film, so despite owning a beautiful loft in Tribeca very close to our tiny place in Chinatown, our times in New York rarely overlapped.

"Where's Dad?" "Where's Quil?" Solace and I asked in unison. No one answered.

My mother continued to hum and kiss every inch of Carina's face, and Addison pulled his wife to his side. Addison whispered to Sammy soothingly, but her shoulders continued to shake until finally she huffed, reholstered her gun and moved to leave.

"What? What's wrong?" I demanded, the shrillness of my voice causing Carina to cry.

"He's with Jared. Where the hell do you think he is? He's been at Jared's side for the last month and you'd know that if you thought to check in just once since Christmas. You act like you're allergic to this place! At least Harley donates and knows the struggles we are facing here in the pack and on the reservation. You can't even pretend to give a fuck until it's too late," Sammy spat, her hard shell cracking momentarily allowing one fat tear to fall out of her left eye.

Solace pulled me to his chest, shielding me from the anger palpitating off of Sammy but I just felt nauseous. I'd never once sat to think about what happened to a wolf when their imprint died and now my horror multiplied thinking of warm, jolly Jared who was a constant fixture of my childhood. Sam, Jared, Paul, Collin and my father were the town's old guard wolves, they had retired long ago and acted as advisors to the very small remaining pack of five, soon to be three with Sammy and Freddie's upcoming retirements. Above all else though they were best friends, the five of them growing even closer since so many of their pack had moved on.

"Oh God Jared," I half gasped, half sobbed and Solace held me tighter.

"We don't know what will happen to him… once she goes. He's barely holding it together now so we'll probably lose them both," Addison said, lovingly stroking Sammy's hair as she sniffled into his shoulder.

They were not generally this physically affectionate in public, in fact of the imprinted couples they were always the most understated. I could count the number of times I've seen them kiss on one hand, including their wedding, but their relationship had gone particularly smoothly as far as imprints go. They had been best friends growing up and my brother had always had a crush on Sammy before she phased and imprinted on him, so it was only natural that their relationship was almost instantaneous.

Sammy followed Addison to New York for school without a second thought and attended Ithaca College while he received a bachelors in Architecture from Cornell. After graduation they returned to La Push for a small beachside wedding before moving to Spain so he completed the apprenticeship he needed to become a fully licensed architect. Much to everyone's surprise when all his hard work had been completed, they moved back to La Push to settle down. She became a cop for the reservation and he worked for the state, commuting ridiculous distances so she could be in the town she loved so much.

"When can we go see them?" Solace asked.

"Everyone's just coming and going. She's hopped up on so much medication she's in and out of consciousness," my mother finally spoke. I could see the horror in her eyes. I had not seen such fear there since her own father passed when I was in college.

"All of her kids are here though, including Amber," Sammy warned, looking at me with meaningful eyes.

I had not seen Amber in the ten years since our wedding and if I were honest with myself I hadn't thought of her since then either. I saw Kai relatively often but like a silent agreement he kept news of his maternal family to himself. I built a comfortable and healthy relationship with my step-son and his imprint Hope over time and they were now my closest connection to La Push. Solace and I invited them to come down to L.A often, and they accepted our invites more now that he was working on getting his commercial pilots license. To become a pilot a lot of airtime practice was required and private planes were a lot more common in jet-set crowds of Los Angeles than La Push.

"As I expected they would be," I said dismissively, grabbing Solace's hand and heading out the door. The majority of the Cameron children lived in Europe now (all immortal save for Annabelle), and the brothers had become part of Jake's ever growing international pack along with Ethan's son Emmett, Taylor's wife Melody, Seth Clearwater and Soli's son Tristan.

"Just don't start any shit, that's the last thing they need right now," Sammy pressed.

I didn't have the desire or the energy to defend myself against Sammy, La Push's biggest cheerleader, so I left without another word. It was mid-September and still very warm despite the late hour. Hand-in-hand we walked through the dark reservation, the salty ocean breeze from the west calming me as we approached.

"Kai's here," Solace announced, letting go of my hand and sprinting toward the old Cameron house.

His son must have smelled us as well because before he reached the door, Kai launched himself over the rail and collided with Solace with deafening force. They hugged fiercely, so similar in age, size and appearance they could have passed for brothers. Hope appeared on the porch just as Kai's sobs broke the silence of the dark road, she watched on with pained eyes and I joined her, pulling the petite beauty into a warm hug.

"Hey Maddz," a weak voice sounded from behind me. I turned to see Melody hidden in the shadows on the old porch swing that Harley and I used to fight over as children.

"Hey, Mel you okay?" I answered awkwardly.

"Yeah, I just needed to get some air," she sighed. I always liked Melody despite her being part of a generation of wolf pack girls that were just a few years too much older for me to click with. Physically, I now surpassed her (complete with age-lines), while Melody remained frozen at the height of her perfection. We had not discussed it but if we wanted to age at a similar rate Solace would have to stop phasing again soon and that thought weighed more heavily on my heart now.

I had grown up so used to the big, ageless men of the pack but seeing Melody so unchanged was like a kick to the gut. I wasn't jealous of her smooth face or perpetually perky breasts, I viewed my body so much differently after having children but after having wasted so many years without Solace I would have given anything for her immortality. Melody had become a tech mogul a few years back, creating an online banking and lending platform, but I didn't covet her money just her immortality and the opportunity to bask in his perfection for the rest of forever.

Despite medical testing from Carlisle and our newest pack doctor Hazel Uley-Varn, we never narrowed down the genetic anomaly that triggered four female wolves. The theory that it had to do with reproduction was disproved twice, first with Melody's mother Anna and then with my own sister-in-law Sammy, who gave birth to my nephew Caleb a few months after my wedding.

"Ready?" Solace asked hugging me from behind.

I nodded against his chest, pulling open the old rickety screen door, the same door that slammed loudly at least three dozens times at every pack event, with children running back and forth as their parents mingled inside. Every inch of this house brought back memories. The faded worn wallpaper brought me back to games of the floor is on fire with Jessy, Chloe and Harley. The old couches punched me with memories of Annabelle's outlandish themed birthday parties, where we sat around as she opened piles of presents from Brady.

Standing in the doorway to the kitchen, where Solace and I decided to get married ten years ago, stood Ethan and Taylor both still youthful but darkened with grief. Taylor motioned for us to go upstairs but Solace stopped to hug them both. At the kitchen table Annabelle sat in Brady's lap, her face hidden in the crook of his neck. Ace, the oldest of her three sons, sat on the floor behind them looking off into space, his head rested on his forearms. Ethan's wife Elena and her oldest Emmett, sat across from them, both welcoming us warmly if not a bit distractedly. Will Black stood stoically at the back door, barely registering our entrance.

"Any updates?" I asked my voice shakier than I felt I had the right to. I stood in a room surrounded by her children and grandchildren, her son and daughter-in-laws, and I felt like a fraud. As if any moment they would lash out at me, and ask me why I was only just now darkening their doorstep.

"She's not completely lucid. She doesn't always remember what year it is or who everyone is but she's awake now so just go along with whatever she says, keep her calm and say your goodbyes," Brady answered with swollen red eyes.

Solace pulled me up the creaking stairs, lined with years of pictures of the Cameron children, grandchildren and the pack. I fingered a picture near the top of 4 or 5 year old me and Harley sitting in Jared's lap as Paul passed out Christmas gifts.

"You looked so damn cute in that picture," Amber sighed, startling me.

She stood tall and statuesque in the middle of the hall, her chocolate brown hair pulled back into bun, her clothes uncharacteristically casual and disheveled. Her supernaturally perfected face was scrunched painfully as if, if she could still cry she would be pouring like a faucet. Without a second thought, letting go of everything but that moment, I ran to her

Years of pain, regret and anger seeped out of every pore. This place and these people were my home.


	40. Chapter 40

Author's Note:

To be perfectly frank I have the tendency to start writing then letting myself get way out of hand. I wanted the epilogue of this to be the ribbon tied bow on my entire universe and I had so much in the back of my mind already mapped out but with so much to include and so many new ideas popping up it is quickly becoming more than that. I've written 10k and even with me trying to edit it down it's not anywhere near finished.

I tried to give each story a new genre: Jared and the Sociopath was like an after school special, Pathetic Ramblings was a three act play, 100 Years was a demented fairytale and this story was meant to emulate a dramatic Spanish soap opera, but this epilogue is quickly becoming a coming home story a la Garden State and Manchester by the Sea which doesn't seem to fit the flow of the rest of the story.

I am starting to think that this piece might be best served as it's own 6 chapter mini-fic but then we come with the problem that the epilogue I already posted isn't really complete as a stand alone epilogue for this story. So I have edited it a bit and if you have no interest in reading anymore from the universe than that should be a fine ending.

If you are interested in following me a bit further into this ridiculously long universe, I will be posting my new mini-fic titled, "Endings and Beginnings" slowly so be patient with me.

Sorry.


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